I know it's been 3 months since my last update...I've been extremely distracted lately. I've tried to make it up by making this chapter quite a bit longer than usual. Hopefully you'll enjoy it.


NOA had never understood his elder brother's necessity to blame himself for Mokuba's abduction. He, like Darren McKinley, believed that the blame belonged solely on the shoulders of Enoch Franks and Spencer Kaine, the perpetrators of the crime. As a matter of fact, Yugi believed the same thing.

And just as Noa hadn't been able to convince Seto, Yugi hadn't thus far been able to convince Joey or Tristan to believe in the sentiment. They took on the mindset of Kaiba. Not to say they blamed Seto for the crime, obviously, but rather themselves.

...Because unlike Seto's self-imposed guilt, Tristan's and, especially, Joey's, were founded in concrete fact.

So they believed.

Of course, Tristan had the easier time looking on the bright side of things. Mokuba had been found, he was alive, and most importantly, he was okay. Kaiba had sent them a message stating that the black-haired boy was awake, on the mend, and would most likely want to see his friends again.

Tristan hadn't had a direct hand in the incident. His guilt, while there, was not so poignant as to cause depression. He acknowledged that he'd fucked up. 'Course he had. But he focused on the fact that Mokuba was okay, and he wouldn't screw things up again.

But Joey...

Joey had been the one to coerce Mokuba into the situation. Joey had been the one to come up with the idea. The very event that had allowed Franks to get his hands on Mokuba had been solely because of Joey.

And as a big brother himself, Joey sympathized and, more to the point, empathized with Kaiba's view of the matter. Now that it was over, and the worry of whether or not the poor kid was even alive was abated, he had spent the past few days looking back on his actions.

And hating himself for them.

He couldn't believe his initial indignant anger toward Kaiba for breaking his nose. He'd deserved it. He'd deserved worse. What the hell sort of friend was he? How could he possibly look Mokuba in the eye now? How could he live with himself? He was older than Mokuba, stronger than Mokuba, and while he might not have been smarter (kid was a little genius, no doubt), he still should've thought better than to do what he'd done. It was the job of an older sibling (and an older friend) to look out for the younger. To protect them when they couldn't protect themselves.

He'd done the exact goddamn opposite.

"Joey?"

He didn't turn. "Hey, Yug..." he whispered.

"What's up? You look down. I'd thought you'd be excited, what with Kaiba's email. Don't you wanna see Mokuba?"

"...Tch. Y'know...funny thing. You'd 'a asked me that a year back...I'd prob'ly a' laughed in yer face. Mokuba? Frickin' spoiled little rich boy? Punk-ass private-school prick? Fuck no, I don' wanna see 'im. But...now look. I oughtta realize 'at whoever I don't like when I meet 'im's gonna end up important t' me some point 'r another. Seems like every friend I got started out a target."

Yugi chuckled. "Yeah, well...I don't think any of us counted on Mokuba being a friend. I first saw him with a stun-gun in my face. He...surprised us all, I think."

"I'm a fuckin' moron, Yug. Grade-A, first-class, ribbon-wearin' idiot."

"I don't know about that," Yugi said somewhat crossly. "I think Yami has you beat right about now."

"Tch. Yami didn' make no pretense o' likin' the kid."

"Exactly."

That earned a slight chuckle. "A'ight. Yer right. Pretty damn stupid makin' a enemy o' Kaiba. Any of 'em. Don't I know it now...butcha know what I mean, Yugi. I started this shit. Kaiba gave me, me of all frickin' people, a chance...'n I blew it. 'F I'd been doin' what I shoulda done, damn kidnappin' fuck'd been knocked clear out. I could've taken the bastard easy. Weren't no fighter, the sneaky prick. Me 'n Tris'd had him beggin' for a cop to arrest him not two minutes after findin' him. But what'd I do? Handed Moku to 'im. Right fuckin' to 'im."

"You shouldn't bl—"

"Yeah, Yug. I should. Don't try."

"Joey, you didn't hurt him!"

"No? Maybe not. Sure's fuck double-crossed 'im, though. Hell kinda friend am I, anyway? Makin' the poor kid steal some damn prop outta a carnival? He didn' wanna do it. 'D I listen? No."

"Joey, that's wrong. We all know that. But you didn't know. You couldn't have known what would happen."

"Didn't need to. Point is, I did somethin' stupid, 'n it led to Mokuba bein'..."

He didn't finish the sentence. He couldn't.

"Joey..."

"Poor kid...his fuckin' birthday...s'posed to be his day...'n I up 'n ruined it..."

"You didn't ruin anything. They did. And they died for it."

"Look...you guys can keep sayin' all this. Keep up the preachin'. It don't make a difference. Even if yer right, I ain't gonna listen 'cuz I don't think you are. So just drop it, huh? I know, I know, gettin' depressed over this ain't gonna solve nuttin', either...but I ain't lookin' to solve anything."

Yugi frowned.

Then he shrugged, turned around, and walked back into the shop.

Joey turned his eyes back in the general direction of the Kaiba Estate, and wondered for the fifteen-hundredth time what he'd say to Mokuba when he saw him again.


Sasha sat on the edge of the couch, her son lying next to her, still unconscious. She kept staring at Noa as if she were sure he would disappear. She looked up at Seto, back down at Noa, then back up at Seto. Every few seconds her eyes would flicker to one or the other, and it was clear that she had no idea what to do.

As Seto had figured, Sasha couldn't handle the idea that he had been telling the truth. She had been so certain that he'd been lying, had convinced herself of that just as much as she convinced herself every morning that the sun was outside, and to have that belief shattered so completely was sending her reeling.

For a few minutes, she tried to deny the truth of it. Tried to say that it wasn't really Noa. That it was someone else. Some other boy who just happened to look like him, some sick joke that had been taken way too far. But after a while, she stopped trying.

It was Noa.

She could feel it.

And even though Seto knew that she knew, he decided to convince her further. He said, "When I finally found out where you were, and what name you went by, I recognized it. I did a bit of research. Apparently Doctor Neil Roderick is related to you?"

Sasha nodded dumbly.

"My cousin," Henry said.

"He was a member of the team I assembled to assist me in Noa's revival. I'm surprised he didn't mention this to you. I asked that he keep the case secret, but given that you, Sasha, are Noa's mother, I would have thought he would tell you."

Sasha, still barely coherent, said, "He...he did...but I...I didn't...didn't...think he had any idea what he was talking about. I thought it was just some stupid coincidence. He didn't mention any details...not like you did...he just said that...that my son was alive. He was in a hurry at the time, and I...I just thought I must have misheard him."

"Well, it seems Noa was a bit...overwhelmed at seeing you again. I suppose we should just let him alone. Sasha, I'd like to show you something."

"Huh? What...what is it?"

Seto crooked a finger at her. "Just come with me. You need to see this."


As she followed Seto through the palatial building, Sasha couldn't help but marvel at the man. So much like her husband, and yet...so vastly different. She had seen, mostly by random chance, articles regarding the shocking success of Kaiba-Corp as a game developer, of Seto's cutthroat demeanor and unrelenting control over every aspect of the company, and had simply resigned herself to the fact that, while it was true that electronic games were a much less dangerous pursuit than military technology, Gozaburo had ensnared the perfect heir to his tyranny.

But that wasn't all...she, like so many other people who thought ill of the man, had made that mistake. The mistake of thinking that the persona Seto projected to the masses was his entire self.

It was a front.

No...not quite. Not a front. It was a part of his personality, not a façade. But that was it: a part. There was much more to the man than stoic misanthropy.

The man she had seen on television so many times would never have put so much time and effort into such a seemingly pointless and hopeless task as bringing someone back to life. It was a blatant impossibility, one that many if not most people only fantasized about. And surely such a scientific mind as Seto Kaiba's obviously was closed to the idea of such a thing actually happening...right?

In greatest irony, two of the men that Sasha would have thought the least willing to accept the idea of saving someone whose death had already occurred, such extreme realists as her former husband and stepson, were the only two men to have actually carried it out.

As she mulled this over, a sudden realization hit her, and hit her hard.

"Oh, God..."

Seto stopped walking and raised an eyebrow as he turned to look at her. "What is it?"

"Those letters...those messages that I've been receiving ever since...since..."

"They were real," Seto murmured. "Yes. Noa sent them. He was trying to reach you."

Sudden shame washed over her, and Sasha lowered her head. "Noa...my Noa...he...he was trying...trying to...oh, God...my baby...he needed me, and I...I..."

There was a long silence as she struggled to speak.

And then, Seto surprised her again.

"...So long as our children continue to love us...they will continue to forgive us."

Sasha looked up at him, eyes wide.

Seto turned his head back to face the hall, and slipped his hands into his pockets. "Gozaburo was a tyrant. You know that. Abusive, manipulative, cruel...the sort of man that everyone respected, but no one liked."

By the look in Seto's eyes, Sasha knew that he was downplaying Gozaburo's personality by a radical degree, that even she had not even come close to seeing just how bad he had been.

"But when I first came into contact with Noa, in the virtual prison that Gozaburo crafted after you left him, Noa defended him with a passion. Noa still loved his father deeply, and would hear no argument as to why he should not. He still loved Gozaburo, and so forgave his every fault."

Sighing, Seto shook his head. "Sorry. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. But...the fact is, much of what you thought of me upon meeting me was true. Gozaburo molded me into himself. And I, convicted as I thought I was to protecting my little brother, struck out the same way he did. I treated Mokuba like a pet, taking him with me to every public appearance only because it made me look better. I was almost as bad as Gozaburo was."

"Almost?" Sasha asked, raising an eyebrow. "From what you said, you sound just like him."

Smirking humorlessly, Seto shook his head. "I never beat him."

"Gozaburo never beat Noa, either."

A flash of anger that was gone in an instant passed Seto's face. "...I guess I was just lucky, then."

Flinching, realizing too late the mistake in that statement, and berating herself for the defensiveness in her voice as she'd said it (what point was there in defending Gozaburo, of all people?) Sasha lowered her eyes. "I'm...sorry. I should have realized...never mind. I'm sorry."

Seto shrugged and turned again, continuing down the hall. "It's in the past. I deserved it, anyway, regardless of the fact that the transgressions that cause me to believe that happened after the fact."

"I'd venture to think the abuse had a hand in those transgressions."

"You're likely right. It doesn't matter anymore."

She let the subject drop. Seto clearly wasn't pleased with the conversation and, truth be told, neither was she.

"My point in all this is," Seto continued after a moment of silence, "that Mokuba too, forgave me those faults. Just as Noa did for his father. And the reason for that was because he loves me, just as Noa loved Gozaburo. And until I cross the line, as Gozaburo did, Mokuba will continue to love me, and thus continue to forgive me.

"Noa will forgive your leaving him, not only because he loves you, but because you had every reason for leaving. Nobody, not even he, thought that you would believe that Gozaburo's experiment had been a success, and nobody, not even he, holds that against you."

Sasha still pressed the matter. "I still abandoned him. Like you said before, if anyone could have done it, Gozaburo could have. You're right. He was years ahead of his time. A modern Einstein, maybe. And I should have held out hope that he would succeed. But I didn't. And Noa suffered because of that."

"And there is no reason to let him suffer more on your account. Do not let him see your guilt. It will only make him feel worse. The least you can do in penance for what you perceive to be a wrong. Don't let him feel guilty on account of your guilt."

She noted that Seto seemed surprised after he said this. He looked up, as if just realizing something, and let out a slight, humorless chuckle. He came up to a door, opened it, and turned again to face her.

"Come. This is what I wanted to show you."

She wondered what epiphany Seto had come to, but decided to let it pass.

She followed Seto into the room, which turned out to be a stairwell leading down into the basement.


The computer flared to life, and the huge monitor blinked.

Sasha had never seen a larger screen outside of a movie theater in her life.

"Please state your name," a mechanical, female, voice commanded.

"Seto Kaiba," Seto replied slowly.

The monitor blinked again, and the screen was washed in a deep blue that was decidedly easy on the eyes.

"It's been a while," the voice said, causing Sasha to jump.

"I've been busy," Seto replied. "Family matters."

"The little one?"

"Yes."

"Is he well?"

"Now, yes."

"Good. And who is that?"

Sasha blinked, mouth opening.

Seto glanced over his shoulder at her, smirked at her, and gestured to a corner of the room. She looked where he pointed and saw a small camera.

"What's your name?" the voice asked, and Sasha could almost feel the computer's nonexistent eyes on her.

"Uh...uh...Sasha. Sasha Roderick."

"I see. Well, anyway. What is it you want of me, Master Kaiba?"

"I wish to show Sasha the program crafted by my stepfather to house his son's mind."

"I'm surprised you didn't wipe that program from the system."

"I used it as a basis for my own project. I kept it as a reference."

The computer didn't respond. On the monitor, a window popped up, which quickly expanded to encompass the entire screen. Sasha found that she recognized the scene instantly.

It was her old home.

Gozaburo's old home.

...Noa's old home.

Fingers flying, Seto zoomed in and entered the house. The familiar halls flew by, ending on a room that Sasha recognized as being Noa's. The door opened.

It looked exactly as Sasha remembered.

"This was where he woke up," Seto said, "after the accident. It's where he spent most of his time. This program is a virtual representation of the entire earth's surface, updated constantly with new information. Its current version is around 1998, give or take a year, but was heavily altered to suit Noa's mood. He quickly discerned how to manipulate his virtual existence to his liking, and by now it's likely completely different in every aspect of reality except for this room. For some reason, he left the mansion to its original state."

"This is...incredible."

"Quite. I didn't believe it myself when I first saw it."

"So...this is where Noa spent...eleven years of his life...?"

"Yes."

"And that's why...why he's still a boy?"

"Yes. His body didn't grow along with his mind. I didn't bother to attempt to bridge that gap. The procedure as I planned it was complicated enough. Besides, the years he spent in this prison weren't a fair alternative to what he'll have now. Although...I can't guarantee just how long he'll live. He may live out a normal human's lifespan, he may not. I can't even venture a guess."

"He might...die prematurely?"

"He did die prematurely. I can't say for sure how much longer he has. Although, I'm certain he would rather spend however many years he has left here, in reality, than an eternity in this hollow façade. Wouldn't you agree?"

Sasha nodded numbly.

"Don't mind me. I'm a pessimist. By all accounts, he should live a good long time. He's perfectly healthy...except, perhaps, a minor concussion. He hit the side of the couch rather hard."

Sasha laughed despite herself.

"I guess I should have given him a bit of warning before showing up with you. But that would have taken away some of the surprise."

"...I...I can't believe this..."

Seto smirked.

He continued to manipulate the camera guiding them through the mansion, and quirked an eyebrow as he noted something. A door that was slightly ajar. Sasha frowned curiously.

"...My office...?" Seto murmured.

A few ticks of the keyboard, and they were inside said office.

Clearly, Seto saw something that Sasha didn't, because his brow furrowed and his fingers were flying again.

The camera focused on a note.

It was folded, held in place by a stapler.

Seto frowned. "That's...not right."

Sasha blinked. "Huh?"

"This wasn't here before."

"How...how can you...?"

He didn't respond, but set to work again.

A slight, translucent box appeared on one corner of the screen, with a blinking white line at its far left. As Seto again began to type, a string of seemingly random letters, numbers, spaces and symbols blazed across the screen with such speed that Sasha gave up trying to pay attention to it after the first three seconds.

She instead watched the desk, with its wrongly placed folded note and stapler.

As if someone had plucked it up, the stapler was lifted from its position and placed aside. Then, the note was unfolded and brought up to the camera. The writing was clearly Noa's. Even Sasha, not having seen her son's handwriting for over a decade, recognized it easily.


I wondered when, or even if, you would notice this. I say if because I wasn't sure if you'd even bother looking into this program again. I'm sure it holds some less than pleasant memories for you, eh, Seto? I know the feeling.

I say Seto because...let's face it. Since there's no way to actually enter this place physically (or mentally, as the case may be) anymore, the only way would be virtually (irony at its finest, I think). And as much as I acknowledge that Mokuba's far ahead of his age, I highly doubt he'd be able to find a way to remove this note and read it, much less even notice it. I left the door open, and the note on the desk, so that you'd see it. I knew you would, if you looked.

I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I guess it's because I'm not sure how to voice it properly, and even if I did, I really doubt I'd find the right time to do it, much less...well, I don't really know. Suffice it to say...this was easier.

I know that you initially saved me from this place for Mokuba's benefit, not my own. And maybe initially isn't even th right word. No...it isn't. That's why, and it's still the only reason. Right?

Well, regardless of that, I just want you to know how grateful I am that you have. I've been given a life again, and it's so much better than I would have envisioned. I used to tell myself that this place was better than the "real" world because it wasn't bound by any laws. Not when you knew how to alter them, anyway. This place is a utopia, a place where anything at all can happen. If I want to watch a movie, hey...why bother? I can make my own, and it'll be far better than any of those hacks at Hollywood can think of because if it isn't right, I can fix it. If I want food, I can make whatever I want, whenever I want, with no pesky health concerns to bother thinking about. If I want to read a book...well, why bother? My movies are perfect, right? Books are useless when you can alter reality to suit your mood.

But...I think that's just it. It isn't reality. It's fake.

Hopelessly fake.

And hollow.

So thank you, again, for saving me from that. Sure, all the cares and worries of real life are here again, and I have to consider them, but all the good things are back, too, and in this instance, the benefits far outweigh the consequences.

I used to think you were just like my father,

But that's not true in the slightest.

You're just like what I always wished my father to be.

I guess...what I'm trying to say in this longwinded diatribe that you might not ever read in the first place is...


After this was a line of Japanese that Sasha couldn't read.

One look at Seto's face told her that he could.

He smiled.

Let out a slight chuckle.

Fell back in his chair.

"W-What?" Sasha asked. "What does it say?"

Seto took a long time to answer.

"...Arigatou...Niisama."


"Arigatou, Niisama," translates to "Thank you, big brother."

Sort of. "Niisama" is a decidedly respectful way of saying it. A much more common way of saying it would be "Oniichan," which is cutesy and nice, or "Niisan," which I've always considered more...neutral than anything else. I don't know Japanese well enough to make that judgment call, but it's just how I see it.

I find it a little strange that I've never used "Niisama" in a YGO story before. It's a defining factor of Mokuba's character to use that term, after all, and also a defining factor in his relationship with Seto. One that's obviously lost in translation.

Oh, well. I felt it worked here. It's more poignant this way, I think.

Anyway, 'til next time, all.