Mai on... Mohawky!
"I've never attempted to hide my consternation over the kinds of pairings 'shippers' will come up with when they're bored, especially when it comes to children and animals. No doubt a great many people will be surprised to learn that some see a spark of romance between the Flying Lemur Momo and Sokka's messenger hawk, Hawky.
"So after roughly half a year of wandering around the Earth Kingdom without any purpose it occurred to the Avatar and his gang of miscreants that staying on the defensive in a whole different country may not be the best way to defeat the Fire Lord and his Fire Nation before the rather ambitious deadline of Summer's end. Of course it helped that they were failing in every way a group of 'heroes' can by not only letting the Earth Kingdom's capital to fall without a shot being fired WELL NOT THAT ANYONE COULD SEE ANYWAY SINCE THE ONLY BATTLE WAS UNDERGROUND but also allowing the Avatar to be killed once or twice and captured more times than I can count and I once determined that I have exactly two hundred and sixty-eight hidden knives in my clothes THE HIDDEN POUCHES I PLAN TO PUT ON MY UNDERWEAR WILL LET ME GET ANOTHER SEVENTEEN IN. So the group packed up their things and piled onto their odorous Sky Bison for a trip into and across the Fire Nation for summer vacation.
"Once they got here it didn't take those backwards savages very long to get used to the Fire Nation's way of dressing WELL IT LOOKS LIKE KATARA HAD A FEW ISSUES WITH HER OUTFIT THAT THING WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THREE MORE LAYERS UNDER IT and our spicy food EVEN OCEAN CUMQUATS ARE EDIBLE IF YOU SPRINKLE ENOUGH FIRE FLAKES OVER THEM and our indoor plumbing LIGHTNING REDIRECTION ISN'T OUR ONLY INVENTION THAT WAS INSPIRED BY WATERBENDERS and of course our unparalleled messaging service NO SUPER SLIDES INVOLVED that uses trained hawks to carry notes faster than any other delivery service known to anyone but an Airbender on a caffeine high. Being the smartest of the group NOT THAT IT'S REALLY SAYING ANYTHING AANG IS AN AIRHEAD TOPH HAS ROCKS FOR BRAINS AND KATARA'S INTELLIGENCE DRIPPED OUT HER EARS WHEN SHE WAS A BABY Sokka quickly became interested in the our messenger hawks and bought one for himself as soon as he had the spare money. Sokka named his new pet 'Hawky' UGH I LIKE THE UTILITARIAN NATURE OF THE NAME BUT THE EXTRA SYLLABLE MAKES IT SOUND WAY TOO CUTE THIS IS A BIRD OF PREY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD and brought it back to meet the rest of the group where it immediately struck up a rivalry with the Avatar's pet lemur Momo.
"Momo of course is this monkey-bat kitty-cat IT RHYMES THAT MEANS IT MUST BE TRUE thing and according to legend all four of the Air Nomad's temple complexes had a large infestation of the things and since a good pest extermination service is against their beliefs HOW IRONIC THAT'S WHAT THE FIRE NATION CALLED THEIR COMET-POWERED GENOCIDE the monks and nuns just took to training the things as pets in the hopes that they could eventually figure out the purpose behind a litter box. However the Air Nomads had been dead for about a million years so Momo was not one of the trained kitty-bats as evidenced by his preference for stolen food over slop in a plastic tray and he spent most of his life alone and feral before the Avatar found him and tied a BOW TIE leash around his neck so he probably ate his parents and siblings. Thus the only rule of cohabitation the thing understood was that bigger creatures got to tell smaller creatures what to do and so he fell into place as a subordinate of the Sky Bison Appa without any issue BECAUSE SKY BISON ARE VEGETARIANS AND LEMURS ARE ALL STRINGY AND CHEWY AND WERE ONLY EVER SERVED IN THE CHEAPEST FAST FOOD SHACKS but as soon as Hawky showed up we had a conflict because they were both the same size and hawks aren't bad eating from what I hear THEN AGAIN AZULA ALSO EATS BABIES SO MAYBE I SHOULDN'T PUT AS MUCH VALUE ON HER RESTAURANT RECOMMENDATIONS so it was going down as soon as Sokka introduced his new acquisition to the group.
"Momo and Hawky AGNI I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT SAYING THOSE NAMES IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A LITTLE MATURITY IN MY ENEMIES AND DENIED CRUSHES were constantly trying to scratch and peck each other to death but considering that the monkey-lemur's natural prey is the overly ripe peach Hawky obviously had to beholding back although to be fair Momo had more dogfighting experience from when he had that love and hurt relationship with that pirate lizard parrot AND HEY WASN'T THERE A BATTLE WITH ANOTHER HAWK AT SOME POINT I CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER I THINK MY MEMORY HAS BEEN TAMPERED WITH so Hawky's ironic advantage would be to keep things low altitude but he strikes me as a street brawler anyway. Their final confrontation was supposed to happen when the whole Avatar gang went off to fight a guy who could blow things up with his head HEY IN THE WATER TRIBE SURGEONS ACCIDENTALLY LEAVE SPONGES IN THEIR PATIENTS IN THE FIRE NATION THEY LEAVE PROTON-ACCELERATED SUPER LUMINAL CANNONS but Sokka told Appa to keep the peace while they were gone GENIUS AFTER MY OWN HEART so Momo and Hawky were forced to obey the law of Biggest Creature Wins and were left with nothing to do the whole time. If you're one of those crazy people who think animals can fall in love I guess it's possible Hawky and Momo PLEASE STOP MAKING ME SAY THAT could have used the time to talk out their differences and then make out HEY IT'S HOW ZUKO AND I SOLVED OUR PROBLEMS but regardless it was a love affair that wasn't meant to last because the Earthbender Toph got hungry one day and Hawky wasn't seen again afterward and in a fair universe Sokka would have retaliated by eating Momo but he probably was more interested in Sky Bison steaks anyway THEY GO NICELY WITH BEARNAISE SAUCE.
"People often ask me if I have any pets. I tell them about my little brother."
