Chapter 44

February 18, 1999

A drunk, haggard-appearing John Winchester stood in front of Dr. Morgan's front door. The doctor knew immediately by the man's expression that something was different. John's eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, his face sported at least a week worth of growth.

Wordlessly, Dr. Morgan stepped aside and gestured for John to enter. John gave him a quick nod and staggered down the hallway to the office. Once John was safely on the couch Dr. Morgan pulled up his chair next to him.

"What brings you here-?"

"I'm such a fool…" John suddenly blurted out, fresh tears welling up in his eyes as he shook his head. "It's my fault…"

Dr. Morgan started, not prepared for this new side to John.

"What's your fault, John?"

John shook his head and struggled to speak.

"Mary," he finally choked out. "It's all my fault she's gone. My fault she's dead. I should have known the truth… I should have made her tell me the truth…"

The doctor took a deep breath. They had been meeting for some time now, sporadically of course, but never had John been willing to discuss his late wife and the circumstances of her death. The attempts at such discussions had always been met with deflection, changes in subject, or a very pissed off hunter storming out the door. Dr. Morgan knew that he was going to have to tread delicately if he wanted to make any progress.

"John... what exactly do you mean? I don't understand."

John wiped his eyes and pulled out a small silver flask. Dr. Morgan said nothing while the hunter took a long swig from it. Any other time he would never allow his patient to drink alcohol during a session, but then, John Winchester was no ordinary patient, nor was this any ordinary session.

John remained silent, suddenly focused on the flask in his hand, as if he could see the truth in its reflective surface. Dr. Morgan took a deep breath and decided to press the man further.

"John… why don't we go back a bit… back to when you first met Mary… how about we start there?"

A faint smile touched John's lips as he roughly wiped away the tears. He took another drink and sadly shook his head.

"Mary… she was so beautiful when I first saw her…"

"How old were you?"

"Seventeen… it was a week before my eighteenth birthday… I had finished boot camp… was getting ready to be shipped over to 'Nam… one of my buddies was having a party… figured I'd have one last hurrah before I left…

"And… there she was… I had never seen such a beautiful girl in my whole life… and confident… damn… used every line on her… everything that made all the other girls fall all over me… but not Mary… didn't even phase her…"

He paused as he took another drink, his eyes staring unseeingly at the flask in his hand. Dr. Morgan remained silent, listening intently.

"But I finally convinced her to go on a date with me… and before I went overseas she promised to write me… and… and she did… almost every damn day… and she waited for me… as soon as I got back home we got together… and I knew then… I knew she was the one…"

His voice faded and he lowered his head. His faint smile turned into a look of grief.

"But… there was something wrong… her father…"

John fell silent, staring blankly at a spot on the floor. Dr. Morgan took a deep breath.

"John, what about Mary's father?"

"He hated me," John said quietly, shaking his head. "I thought… I thought it was because I was a military guy… that I wasn't good enough for her… I just… if I had only know the truth…"

"And what was the truth?"

John let out a tired sigh and reached into his coat. He pulled out a worn leather journal and tossed it onto the table next to the doctor.

"She was a hunter," John said with a bitter laugh. "Mary… her father… her mother… all hunters."

There was little that could surprise Dr. Morgan. He had thought that he had heard almost everything. But this was a new twist entirely on the John Winchester Saga and he knew that it was going to have a profound effect on the hunter.

"A hunter…? You mean… is that…?"

"Her journal," John said sadly. "She wrote about all the monsters she hunted… everything she learned… and… and the night her father died…"

Fresh tears welled up in his eyes and he took another long swig from the flask.

"What happened the night he died, John?"

John shook his head, obviously lost in thought.

"She told me… she said he died of a heart attack… but… but that's not what happened… God… her father had been possessed by a demon… and he… he killed me… I don't remember any of it… but he killed me… and killed her father's body… and… my God… God, Doc… she actually made a deal with that demon bastard… and brought me back…"

His voice broke and he buried his face into his hand, sobs shaking his body.

"Oh God…! Don't you see, Doc…? This is my fault! She made a deal with that monster! For me! To save me!"

"But, John, I don't understand… I thought your wife died in a fire?"

John looked up and grabbed the journal. After opening it and flipping through the pages he pointed to an entry.

"November 2, 1973. Dad's dead. Mom's dead. I only have John left. The Yellow-Eyed Demon murdered them. He had murdered John too, but… oh my God, I had to make a deal. I made a deal to save John. He didn't want my soul, but God only knows if that will change. But he wants to come to my home in ten years. He wouldn't tell me for what, just that no one would get hurt.

"I don't care. I don't care anymore. I can't think about it. I have John. He's OK. He doesn't know and he never will know. I can fix this myself. I have ten years to fix this. But now I will put of this behind me. No more hunting. My children will never know anything about it. John will never know. Everything is going to be OK."

John dropped the journal back onto the table and looked up at the doctor.

"This demon… he murdered my wife… and it was because of me… he used me to gain leverage with her…"

Dr. Morgan frowned. "But… what did he want?"

John shook his head sadly. "It has something to do with Sammy… I haven't been able to figure out what that is yet… but from what I've found he's involved somehow."

"How do you know that?"

"Other nursery fires. The babies were all the same age. Most of the mothers were killed in the fires."

John stood up and began pacing the room drunkenly.

"This thing is gonna come after my boy, Doc. I don't know when or why, but I know it's just a matter of time. And I gotta protect him. I have to keep him safe."

Present Day

Dr. Morgan sighed wearily and rubbed his eyes. He flipped the old chart closed and looked at the leather-bound journal that lay nearby.

John had been right. The demons wanted Sam and even though the Yellow-Eyed Demon had been killed, from Ruby's actions the doctor strongly suspected that the demons weren't quite done with the young man just yet.

Of course, John had refused to share this information with his sons. He had insisted on leaving the journal and swore he would stop all this before anything happened.

Yeah, that worked out well.

With Dean dealing with his own demons it looked like the good doctor was going to have to tackle Sam Winchester's problems on his own.

Author's Note

Yes! I finished a chapter! I'm so sorry it's been so long since I worked on this story. As it is, I'm finishing this with a 10 month old screaming bloody murder in the background! *sigh*

I had a bit of writer's block, which was part of the reason why it took me so long to come up with another chapter. But I have an idea where to go with this so hopefully more chapters will be on the way soon! Plus, I figured since we just ended Season 6 and I started this in Season 4 that I needed to get my hind end in gear and move this story towards being wrapped up! : )