Chapter 52 Revenge of the Skunk Butt (rug)

Written by Foxstang


"We have a 10-31 at Banyan and 26th, robbery in progress, suspect on foot. Officers Hopps and Wilde in pursuit!" Judy yelled into her radio as she and Nick sprinted after a mammal who had just been oblivious enough to snatch an elderly mink's purse right across the street from the ZPD's two most famous officers.

Judy remained ahead of Nick even as she fumbled to get the radio back into its pouch, violet eyes ablaze with determination as they locked onto the animal ahead. Its pitch-black tail was nearly as voluminous as Nick's, and bore two white stripes along the top. He was maintaining a full sprint in spite of the oversized T-shirt and baggy cargo pants he was wearing.

"Stop, in the name of the law!" Judy shouted after the skunk, who turned his head momentarily and nearly collided with a lion cub as a result. The fleeing animal overcorrected, shoving a deer on his other side to maintain his balance and continue running.

"I'd do what she says if I were you, pal," Nick called, "Trust me, you don't want to get her hopping mad!" Nick smirked at his partner.

"Not the time, Nick!"

Ahead, a traffic signal changed and suddenly the skunk found his way forward obstructed by moving cars. He skidded to a stop, looking wildly around for a split second before turning to his left and dashing down a cross street. It was almost enough time for the fox and rabbit to close the distance, but the perp remained just slightly ahead.

"Nick!" Judy yelled over her shoulder, pointing to something on the street corner. He understood immediately, nodding behind his mirrored sunglasses as he quickened his pace.

The bunny diverted away from her partner, leaping on top of a bus bench and propelling herself up at the street sign high upon its metal post. She twisted into position in midair and used all the strength in her entire body to drive her feet into the 'B' in 'Banyan Street', launching herself at a 90-degree angle towards the skunk.

Nick rounded the corner gracefully, maintaining his speed as he drew closer to the thief. He reached out a paw to grab the black-furred animal right as Judy sailed by above his ears and rebounded off the back of the skunk's head, driving the hapless criminal into the sidewalk as she expertly somersaulted backwards to land just beside the fox.

This had an unintended side effect, however; as Nick's paw continued its arc, he managed to grab a long chain attached to the mammal's pants right as Judy planted her heels into the suspect's cranium. This combined with the skunk's fall and the already loose fit of the garment caused Nick to pull the pants right off.

"Oh, sweet cheese and crackers..." Nick and Judy swore in unison as they realized what they were on the business end of. But it was too late; natural defensive instinct took over the panicked and adrenaline-charged skunk, and suddenly the two cops wished that neither of them had a nose.


Inside the lobby of the ZPD, Clawhauser was munching away on a bowl of his favorite Lucky Chomps cereal, even happier than usual since Gazelle was on the box as part of a promotion. His mood further brightened when he saw his friends, Officers Wilde and Hopps, walk in the front door with the sun at their backs and a cuffed captive in tow.

"Hey there you two! One for booking?" he smiled.

They didn't respond, and as they got out of the sun's glare Clawhauser noticed they were both holding paws over their noses.

"Uh, everything okay?" he said, a frown overtaking his visage. Then the smell hit him. "OH. EM. GOODNESS. Wow. that's... Yikes." The cheetah raised a paw over his own nose, while making a futile effort to remove his cereal from the affected area.

"Yeah Spots, one for booking. Say, you wouldn't happen to have a can of Musk Mask behind there, would you? Our friend here is a little ripe," Nick quipped.

The cheetah was beginning to have trouble keeping his eyes open as the intense odor of skunk spray caused him to tear up. "Uh, nope. Sorry," he said, trying to open his mouth as little as possible as he reached for the intercom. "Chief, Hopps and Wilde are back, and we're gonna need someone in a hazmat suit for an escort to booking."

Chief Bogo arrived in the lobby less than a minute later, followed by Officer Wolford who was wearing an impermeable yellow suit and respirator. The wolf officer led the skunk away, and Bogo was trying his level best to retain his composure as he was assailed by the waves of stench radiating from his two newest officers.

"Dare I ask what happened to you two?" the Chief asked.

"Sir, we witnessed that skunk stealing a purse and attempted an arrest, but the suspect attempted to elude us." Judy's voice faltered slightly, she looked as though she might pass out from the smell. She couldn't imagine what Nick was going through as his sense of smell was much better than her own.

"So we pursued," Nick continued for her, "and eventually Carrots saw an opportunity for a takedown, which she took. The way he fell just happened to be the worst one, and we couldn't get out of the way in time."

Bogo snorted as he turned to walk away. "I'll expect a full report on my desk tomorrow morning. Now, get yourselves cleaned up."

"Yessir, we'll hit the showers." Judy said with a salute.

The chief's eyes widened, and he spun around to face the pair once more. "Oh no you don't, not here. You'll gas out the entire precinct."

"Oh I don't know about the whole precinct, maybe just the one fancy office that happens to be above the locker rooms..." Nick prodded.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, WILDE!" The buffalo roared, before relenting with a sigh. "Go ahead and take the rest of the day off. I expect the two of you to smell like a rose when you come back."


"This is just cruel and unusual," Nick groaned as he walked with Judy along a crowded Savanna Central street outside the precinct building. Everywhere they walked, crowds of mammals held their noses in disgust and quickly found the quickest path away from the reeking rabbit and fragrant fox. "I mean, really. We foxes have a very strong sense of smell, this is killing me right now. Even if I go soak in a bath all night, I'll probably still be able to smell this stuff for weeks."

"What, you don't have any Dr. Hoggle's shampoo?" Judy asked.

Nick gave her a questioning look. "No, what's that?"

"It's a special formula made to eliminate extreme odors. I always keep some around, just in case. How do you of all mammals not know about it, mister skunk-butt rug?"

The fox just shrugged. "I should've had Finnick make a new rug out of that skunk's butt... Anyway, I'm glad you have that shampoo, because you could really use it. You smell like a rotten carrot."

Judy stopped and glared at the fox, who was wearing a wide grin despite his olfactory discomfort. "I smell? Well you..." Suddenly the anger left her face, and she returned Nick's half-lidded smirk. "Actually, you don't smell any different than usual."

"Well then, I guess that means you wouldn't mind giving me a kiss?" Nick said as he leaned closer and puckered his lips at the bunny. "Come on, I'll give you a freebie."

"Oh, I can't take a handout like that. I'm already winning, that wouldn't be good sportsmanship."

Nick held a paw over his chest, feigning devastation. "I can't even get a kiss from my sly bunny? That hurts, Carrots. You know, I bet Jessica would kiss me no matter how bad I smell..."

Judy landed a swift punch to the fox's ribs. "OW!" he cried. "Okay, I deserved that."

"Dumb fox. You want a kiss? Fine." Judy grabbed Nick's tie, yanking his head down to her level. She leaned in, her quivering, tormented nose nearly touching the russet fur on her partner's left cheek...

But she couldn't do it. As bad as the smell was in the air around them, it was ten times worse coming directly from his coat. Judy's eyes burned anew and she recoiled away from the putrescent vulpine as if by physical force, her lunch threatening to violently reappear.

"Wow, I guess there's one way I can win this bet!" Nick laughed as he attempted to place his lips on Judy's forehead, only to find out for himself why she hadn't been able to connect. "WHEEW," he wheezed, waving a paw in front of his nose to try to clear the worst of the smell, "I take it back. This must be what getting hit with Fox Repellent feels like."

Judy carefully wiped the stinging tears from her eyes, and grabbed onto Nick's paw. "Alright, come on Slick. Mammals are starting to stare." It was true, several other animals on the street were stopping to watch the couple, careful to remain upwind. Two young panther siblings were giggling. "Let's head to my place, you can use my shampoo."


"I swear Carrots, every time I come back here this place looks smaller and smaller," Nick said as Judy pulled the door to her apartment shut behind them.

"Yeah, well maybe..."

"Oh come on dude, a little warning would be nice!" interrupted a voice through the wall.

"What are you talking about? I didn't... OH DUDE! Nasty! Open the window!"replied a second voice.

Judy rolled her eyes. Of course Bucky and Pronk were home.

"It wasn't me man, seriously!"

"Yeah, well, whoever smelt it, dealt it!"

"Shut up!"

"No, YOU shut up!"

"Wait, shut up for a second... *sniff* IT'S COMING THROUGH THE WALL!"

"UGH! Not cool, rabbit! What do you even have over there? That's like chemical warfare or something!"

"Yeah, this is police brutality!"

"NO, brutality is only if you get hit!"

"No it isn't, shut up!"

"YOU SHUT UP!"

The door opened and then slammed shut on the other side of the wall, and the continuing arguing of Judy's favorite neighbors faded as the Oryx-Antlersons retreated from the intense smell.

"You were saying, Carrots?" Nick said, stifling laughter.

"Never mind," she said, opening the door to the bathroom. From a cupboard under the sink, she retrieved a large, red bottle labeled 'Dr. Hoggle's Miracle Shampoo' and passed it to Nick. "Here you go, try not to use it all."

"I wouldn't dream of it, Fluff, I can't be the only one in this relationship who's kissably fresh, now can I?"

"Oh, you're fresh all right," she winked at the fox as he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. "Hand me your uniform, I'll throw it in the wash for you. And don't forget to open the window in there!" She was just about to look for a trashbag to put their clothes into when she turned and yelled through the door. "And leave your shorts on in case I need to go in there to grab something!"

"Aye, aye, Captain Rabbit," she heard Nick yell back through the door.

Nick cast off the navy garments, leaving only a pair of bright green boxers printed with pictures of carrots, and passed the contaminated clothing out to Judy. As instructed he pulled open the window, then turned on the water and stepped into the tub.


Judy accepted Nick's uniform through the partially opened door, shoving the blues into a plastic bag and tossing them aside before going to remove her own clothes. As her fur was once again allowed to breathe, she felt a small degree of relief from the overbearing stench; she dumped her ZPD threads into the same bag as Nick's, right as she heard the water start flowing in the next room.

Then an idea popped into Judy's head, one that was just too good to pass up. She walked back to her dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer, digging through it until she found what she was looking for. A devious smile crept across the bunny's face as she put on a white two-piece bathing suit adorned with a blueberry pattern and snuck towards the bathroom door.


To be continued...

AN: :) Oh...you're going to all have to wait for that kiss, aren't 'cha now. Part II is coming...