"I Couldn't Love You More Than I Do"

Hotaru closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh, feeling him turn to look at her again. "Gaara...we've talked about this so many times...it's a dead subject." She looked at him with tired eyes, but he only stared right back at her, as if he didn't accept the answer. "Gaara, even if I did agree to live with you, I wouldn't leave Konoha. The Sand Village isn't somewhere for me. I couldn't handle it when I was there visiting, much less live in it. Plus..." She trailed off, not wanting to say it again. She HATED this conversation.

"I cannot move here. I'll be KazeKage soon, I cannot abandon my village." She nodded her head in understanding.

"I know. That's what I'm saying. Even if I COULD leave with you, it just wouldn't work out." She gave him a look that said it was the most obvious answer in the world and she was stunned he hadn't come to the conclusion before.

"You don't belong here." She arched a brow as he mumbled this, looking back at his glass again.

"I'm going to take it you meant the girou. And no, I don't belong here. I belong on the field." He looked back up at her now.

"You belong at my side." She sighed again, closing her eyes and putting her forehead in her hand. "Don't do that." She looked up at him with upset eyes, forgetting her fear of him. Suddenly it was almost like they had never separated.

"What am I SUPPOSED to do, Gaara? We've been through this COUNTLESS times. I. LOVE. SASUKE. I'M. WAITING. ON. HIM." She moved her hand along the table, as if setting up columns every time she made a statement with annoyed eyes. "I'm not going home with you. I don't know how long it's going to take you to realize that I don't LOVE YOU LIKE THAT." She looked back up at him to see if anything had sunk in this time. She always hoped that if she just said it enough he would one day get the picture and understand. He only glared at her, his lips pressing into a thin, tight line.

"You STILL love him?" He arched a thin brow at her, an almost sarcastic glint in his eye.

"Yes. Still. Always have, always will." She nodded affirmatively as she said this.

"He LEFT YOU, Hotaru. You fought for him. You DEFENDED him. You tried to DIE for him." She felt her face falling with every sentence he spoke in that glaring monotone of his. "And he repays you by LEAVING you. By trying to kill your "brother" for stopping him, and leaving you. As if you meant NOTHING to him." He sat up a little more as he said this, looking like he was about to move closer to her, but she remained very still and very silent. Not like she hadn't thought this every night since he had left.

"And you still love him. You DEGRADE yourself for him, in effort to get his attention and bring him back." He gestured at her, moving his hand up and down, as if she hadn't looked at herself in a mirror lately. "You tear apart your honor and reputation for him. You lie in the DIRT for him. And he doesn't even realize you EXIST anymore. Do you not SEE this yet?" She bit her lip, furrowing her brow and clenching her fist on the table as she strained not to cry. "All you have to do is say my name and I throw the world at your feet."

Her eyes shut tightly and she turned her head, tears rolling down her cheeks as he paused to watch her reaction to his speech. "He knows I exist. He knows I'm here. He's just...teaching me a lesson...for trying to teach him one. He'll come back." She murmured softly, sniffling as she drew her lips in again and shook her head. Gaara frowned again, obviously upset his words hadn't registered.

"HE'S NOT COMING BACK TO YOU!" He slammed his fist down on the table, rattling the glasses and making her jump. She turned and glared at him.

"EVEN IF HE DOESN'T, I DON'T LOVE YOU!" He grabbed his glass and threw it at her. She ducked, listening to it shatter on the wall across the room, the hot liquid spilling every where as it did.

"You're just doing it to piss me off now!" She slowly looked back at him, his eyes large and enraged as he sat quivering beside her, his fist opening and closing on the table as she sulked angrily.

"I've told you till I'm blue in the face, Gaara. I love you. You're part of my family. I'll DIE for you. But, I don't LOVE you." He bore his teeth at her, sucking in a breath and snarling at her final statement.

"Why won't you even give me a CHANCE?" He stood up and grabbed the table, lifting it up and throwing it into the wall, sending cups and wood crashing to the floor. She fell back when the table was ripped away from her, covering her face and watching in horror as it split in two. She looked back to see him reaching out for her, grabbing her by the hair and throwing her towards the table, letting her land on her side with a screech.

"I've done EVERYTHING for you! I've tried EVERYTHING to make you just LOOK at me!" She lifted herself up, coughing softly before he snatched her by her hair again, lifting her towards his face, breathing through his teeth at her. She moaned in pain, closing her eyes against the violence glowering her down. "YOU'D FUCK STRANGERS BEFORE YOU'D GIVE ME A GODDAMNED HUG!"

He threw her across the room, causing her to cry out again. She forced herself up one more time, her arms shaking beneath her weight, before she looked up at him with tears rolling out of her eyes once more. "I'm sorry! Gaara, I wasn't trying to upset you!" She shook her head, hitting the floor lightly before dropping her head towards it again. "I can't love you if I just don't. You mean so much to me, but I just don't-" He wrapped his hand around her throat, halting her before she could finish. He had come up on her without her even realizing.

She gasped, grabbing onto his wrist as his lifted her to her knees. "DON'T say it. Not again." She nodded her head quickly, but he continued to slowly tighten his grip. "I could give you everything, Hotaru. I could protect you. I could love you. Anything your heart desired I could give it to you." He let her go and she collapsed at his feet, putting her own hand where his had been, forcing air into her lungs again. He looked down at her sadly, looking every bit as heartbroken as he suddenly sounded. "You give everyone else a chance...Why do you hold onto him?"

She drug herself up, touching his leg with a light hand as she continued to pant for a moment. "Be-because...he and I need each other...And because...he loves me." She dropped her forehead against his pant leg, holding onto her necklace with white knuckles as she closed her eyes and waited for his response. He lifted her head up, kneeling in front of her and brushing his hand over her cheek as he studied her with softened, but detached eyes she had rarely seen.

His thumb ran through the streaks of salt water on the round of her flesh, brushing over her ruby lips before he pulled his hand back and slapped her. She felt her head snap sideways and her mouth part in horror as he continued to hold her by the shoulder with his second hand, like he was simply telling her he missed seeing her. Slowly she looked back at him, her eyes searching his face for anything that gave a hint as to why he did it. He pulled his hand back and did it one more time, listening to her screech as he did it this time.

"You're coming home with me. I'm not letting you do this to yourself any longer." He stood up and turned his back on her, starting to walk away, but she slowly looked up at him, shaking her head. She was holding her cheek, the skin whelping beneath her fingers as it was.

"N-no! I hate you! I hate what you do to me! I hate how you treat me!" He glared at her over his shoulder, slowly turning around like he couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. She had never said that to him. Not even when he tried to destroy Konoha.

"You don't even have an excuse anymore!" She got to her feet, glaring right back at him. "It's not even that fucking BEAST inside of you anymore! It's just YOU! You're so use to getting your fucking way that you can't STAND IT that someone's not giving into your every fucking whim!" She jammed a finger in the air at him, more upset than he had seen her before. "I've only ever LOVED you, Gaara! I've watched you kill and maim! I've watched you try to DESTROY my home and my boyfriend and my best friend! And I've only ever FORGIVEN YOU AND LOVED YOU FOR IT! Because I KNEW it wasn't you! It was that MONSTER inside of you!" She took a step forward, her chest rising and falling quickly with the vehemence of her rage. "Now? Now it's just YOU! You don't have a fucking excuse anymore! I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT ANY LONGER! I HATE YOU!" She stomped a foot, gasping for air as she drew her speech to a close and he simply stared her down.

After a moment, he lunged at her, hands outstretched and grasping as she tried to fall backwards out of reach. "YOU CAN'T HATE ME!" He snatched at her, clawing at her throat as she fell back just in time, crashing to the floor and landing painfully on her backside. She reached up, feeling blood beading on the side of her throat from the scratch marks, looking up to see sand whirling out of his gourd and wrapping around the right half of his body in a way she knew all too well. "YOU'RE MINE! I'LL -DEVOUR- YOU BEFORE YOU CAN HATE ME!" She screamed as he fell on her again, ripping at her hair and throwing her into the wall.

"Stop it! I was just angry, I didn't mean it!" She sobbed, covering her face as he threw her to the floor on her back, tearing at her obi and kimono. "Gaara, stop! I'm sorry! PLEASE!" She was kicking and pushing at his hands, the sand striking her face like a thousand tiny whips as it whirled around them and over her, straining to pin her to the floor. He laughed, rearing his head back and baring fangs at her, his right eye solid yellow now.

"I'll show you EXACTLY what kind of monster I can be." His voice came out in a hiss, something she almost couldn't hear over the sand. She shook her head, losing one of her arms to the restricting coils of sand, but still fighting to keep her legs and other arm free. She kicked him in the chest, mud running down her cheeks as she cried and the dirt stuck to the tears.

"You're not a monster! Stop it! You're Gaara! You're the KazeKage! ACT LIKE IT GODDAMMIT!" She managed to scratch his cheek with her nails as he ripped apart her obi and tore open her kimono, her second hand finally being caught and strapped down. He was growling now, sniffing loudly and running his tongue over her throat, his right side becoming more and more that veined creature's side...He wasn't even talking anymore. "Gaara, STOP!"