AWoC ch51

A/n: Remember the hand holding and group huddle from last chapter? Well, let's just resume that position for this one.

We all agree, it seems, that Edward has a lot further to go in his recovery so this chapter should help on that front. BUT, it's a tad bit painful, jsyk.

HUGS TO YOU ALL for sticking with me.

A few weeks later …

EPOV

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, having woke up drenched in sweat, my heart pounding and memories of the night of the crash flooding through my overworked mind.

Garrett had been forcing me to open up and actually talk about all the things I was now remembering from that day.

"Edward Cullen's a loser!" Mike Newton teased.

"Yeah, he's a momma's boy," Tyler chimed in as they circled around me on the far corner of the playground.

I was boxed in, no adult in sight and they'd been picking at me for a few minutes, teasing me about my mom and how she's always doting on me.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed and tried to break through the circle but they cut me off again.

"Whatcha gonna do about it, sissy boy?" Eric taunted me and laughed.

So, I hit him and ran as fast as I could to the teacher. But, all she heard was me crying and Eric yelling and screaming about me breaking his glasses.

I tried to tell her what they'd done, but she just asked me if I'd hit him. When I nodded yes, she grabbed my arm and yanked me to the door where she led me straight to the principal's office.

No one stopped to ask me what happened, no one listened to my tears or how upset I was about the situation.

All they cared about was that I'd screwed up yet again.

When I woke up, all I could feel was the anxiety over having been boxed in that circle by those rotten kids. They'd always teased and bullied me like that, knowing they could push me far enough to make me explode and then I'd be the one in trouble.

It sucked but that was how life had been for me. And in true form, my mother, my beloved Esme, would swoop in, pick me up and make me feel like I was the best little boy in the whole world.

Back then my mother would always hold me, hug me, console me; she offered me the safe place I craved in the chaos surrounding me.

I hadn't even realized I was crying until I felt the wetness pool on my neck.

It killed me that my mother hated me and blamed me for the twins' death.

It hurt my heart as I sobbed over the thoughts of her never realizing what it meant to have her ripped from my life so completely in a matter of minutes.

"Edward, were those boys picking on you again," Esme asked as she helped me into the back seat, her hand on my chin as I looked up with a nod.

"Did you yell for help?" Again, I nodded and cried some more. I had screamed for the teacher, but my plea had fallen on deaf ears, as usual.

"Did they give you a chance to explain?" I shook my head no as her eyes lit up in anger.

"Well, your dad and I will just go talk to the principal tomorrow after we drop you and Alice off for school. This is going too far." My fierce, protective mother hugged me and kissed my cheek before reminding Alice to buckle up and closing the car door.

I dried my tears and watched her walk around the front of the car to get in and drive us home.

My protector and my safe place; mommy and our home.

I sat up and held my face in my hands as the tears wouldn't stop flowing; the hurt wouldn't stop raging through me.

I think I heard the door to my room open and I knew for sure I had when I heard Garrett's voice, "What is it, Edward? Did you have a nightmare?"

He slowly sat beside me and I fought to catch my breath.

"Nobody ever heard me," I managed to get out through a sob.

"What do you mean?" I felt him pushing me and it caused the anger to build and build.

"NO ONE EVER HEARD ME!" I screamed as I jumped up and started to pace the floor.

"I screamed for help. I begged for mercy. I pleaded for someone to pay attention. But ..." I caught my breath and staggered a little until I hit the wall behind me.

"They never once listened to me, they never heard my truths … they never cared about me." I sobbed and slid down the wall, tucking my head between my knees.

"Edward Cullen lost his temper again or Edward Cullen started another fight," I yelled through a heavy sigh.

"They never once asked if I'd been kicked or punched or even if I'd been bullied," I cried and tried to crawl inside myself to stop these feelings of utter despair and loneliness.

I felt Garrett's hands on my wrists as he tried to pull my hands from my face.

"Edward, someone once listened didn't they? That one special person?" His voice was quiet and strong.

"Yes," I whispered. "But she left me. She hates me for being the bad little boy everyone else said I was." I felt my throat choke back another sob and it was like I couldn't breathe.

"Who, Edward? Who did that to you?" Garrett asked.

I shook my head. I didn't want to say her name. I didn't want to feel her abandonment.

I didn't want to feel anything.

"Fuck you, Garrett," I said with spit flying from my mouth as I swiped the tears from my face heavily.

"Tell me what she meant to you, Edward," Garrett's voice firm and loud as I shook my head again and struggled to get up from the floor with my bad leg.

"NO! NO! NO!" I screamed and kept trying to get up. I saw Garrett put out his hand to help me and I swatted it away.

"LEAVE ME ALONE," I yelled and the tears leaked from my eyes again.

"Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" I begged and drug myself the two feet to my bed where I managed to pull myself up.

Pain radiated all over my body, in my chest, in my head and my leg was throbbing.

"You deserve to have someone to care about you, Edward," I heard his voice in front of me but I kept my eyes shut.

"She left me. She hated me. I'm a bad boy, always a bad boy," I began to hit my head with my closed fists, trying to knock away the memories of the words she screamed at me, the look of rage in her eyes as she saw right through me and the ultimate betrayal of her love for me.

"She's gone. She told me she never loved me. She always hated me," I cried and screamed and hit some more.

"No, Edward. She hated herself more. She never stopped loving you." Garrett's hands closed around my fists and forced me to stop hitting myself.

"Say her name, Edward."

I shook my head again.

"Say it, release it, tell that little boy she didn't mean it. Tell the eleven year old Edward he wasn't a bad boy." He pushed my arms out and drew me closer to him.

"I wasn't a bad boy." I cried.

"No, you weren't, Edward," his soft voice surrounded me.

"She turned against me, just like everyone else," I whispered.

"Who did, Edward?" he whispered in return.

"My mom," I said as a single tear ran down my cheek and I rubbed my chest to soothe the ache at her memory in my mind.

He pulled me into his arms, holding me tight against him as I sobbed.

I loved my mother more than anyone else in this world until the accident. She was the only person who loved me unconditionally and never cited my flaws.

"Your mother was very ill, Edward." Garrett spoke softly as he released me and I sat further back on my bed.

I nodded but didn't really understand what that meant.

"We'll discuss it tomorrow. I think you've been through enough tonight." He said as he withdrew a syringe from his pocket.

I sighed, finally something to take it all away. I needed to be numb. I didn't like dealing with all of this hurt.

"What is that?" I had the sense enough to ask just as he began to administer the shot.

"Ativan, it'll help you relax and sleep. Hopefully without any further memories," he gave me a small smile and withdrew the needle.

He patted my shoulder and mumbled something before I closed my eyes, letting the drug work its way through my system.

I let the memory of me and Caterpillar sitting in the meadow on a sunny day floods my mind.

I know my CP, she'd never hurt me.

A/N: So, does this help you understand him a little better? I know that I shed a few tears and held him tight while writing this chapter. But, then again, I hold and snuggle with him as often as he'll allow me to. I love him so dearly.

Much love to my team: A Jasper for Me, my precious beta; Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong. Ya'll have no idea how many minutes and hours these girls work with me on getting this just right and true to the characters. I appreciate them more than they'll ever know.

Now, Garrett was truly introduced good and proper in this chapter. As most of my FB lovelies know, I have a HUGE thing for Garrett. So, if you wanna see what I picture him as, visit my group "theonlykyla fanfiction" on fb for a glimpse.

THANK YOU, all of you, for the support you all give me and this story. Words can't express what it means to me and I'm sorry that I am unable to reply to reviews. I simply don't have the hours in the day. BUT, please know that I read them, share them w/ my team and adore all of you so much.

Now, leave me some love?

See ya Wednesday.

Kyla