Beginning Again...

Memories

Once again Chopper was alone in the barracks. Kev had moved back with Sergeant Zeer's squad; with Marker and Kru. But Kev joined him at mess occasionally; usually followed – reluctantly – by Marker. The first time Kev had walked up to Chopper's table, mess tray in hand with Marker and Kru in tow, Kru had stopped abruptly as he noticed where Kev was headed and glanced around. He had his pick of empty tables, but he was looking for a reason – for someone to sit with – to avoid sitting with Chopper. He chose a table by the wall; between Chopper's table and the drink station where he might intercept Kev or Marker on the way for caf.

Chopper wasn't very social but, recognizing that Kev had plans of friendship, he set aside the data pad and joined the conversation. Though he mostly listened, he was attentive to the conversation. Kev had been telling Marker about the sabacc game with Ash, about getting hugged, about chocolates and a room so ornate the foot stool was more pillow than a trooper's bed issue. Marker had looked unbelieving at Chopper for confirmation of the story – a reaction rather than a thought out move. He'd frozen, staring at Chopper even as the words escaped his lips.

"That's a Corellian story, Kev…" Marker's words died.

Chopper had lifted the caf to his lips and taken a swallow before answering. "Yes, Marker. The furnishings were ornate; Fives claimed the pillow footstool and we all had chocolates. Kev got a hug." He had shrugged. "But I think it's only because he cheated."

"Chopper," exclaimed Kev, surprised and shocked.

Marker's face got tense and he put his hand on Kev's shoulder; letting Kev know he'd back him for one-on-one. Sergeant Zeer had told them to put challenge out of their minds, to think rather than react to mere words and gestures, but to accuse a brother of cheating … even the sergeant would have to agree this required one-on-one.

"How'd you know?" Kev continued with astonishment on his face.

Marker turned his face in shock toward his brother. Accusing a brother of cheating was definitely cause for challenge; admitting to cheating…. Marker had never heard of such a thing, though there were some guys you just didn't play against.

"Seemed she won every hand you dealt." Chopper finished his caf in a long swallow.

Kev blushed softly with an abashed grin and scratched the back of his head. "Well, I did get a hug out of it." He turned back to Marker. "In the body glove, no armor. And she was beautiful, Marker. Green eyes. Green like..." Kev was at a loss for words for a moment then he shrugged. "Beautiful green." He grinned again. "And soft in all the right places."

Chopper excused himself then, as Kev continued speaking of that night answering Marker's questions. He felt Kru's eyes on him until the door shut behind him; knowing that as soon as he was quit of the mess, Kru would join Kev and Marker.

As much as he might miss Echo and Fives, even Kev at times; Chopper liked being alone again in the barracks. It gave him the freedom to turn off the lights, transfer Senator Chuchi's image from his helmet to the holocomm. It gave him the freedom to move to the bunk closest to the terminal and fall asleep with her image smiling at him.

Kev joined Chopper occasionally, Marker usually accompanying him. Once, when the mess had been crowded, Marker had asked if he could sit with Chopper. He'd stood, waiting for an answer rather than immediately sitting down as was more common in crowded circumstances.

Chopper nodded. "But I won't be in a talkative mood. I've got some new thoughts on IG-100s that I'm researching."

"Magnas?" Marker's eyes widened with interest as he sat down his tray. It was known that Chopper presented the droid research for the command group and from there it went to the entire army.

Chopper nodded. "Duranium plated, heuristically programmed, humanoid anatomy. They work together, usually in pairs." Absently, he flipped the datapad so Marker could see the vid image. He'd done so often enough with Fives and Echo; they didn't know droids like he did, but they had questions that often led him into unexplored pathways. Even Kev, once or twice, had made interesting comments.

"Kriff, Chopper," Marker jerked and his eyes moved to the helmet settings in the lower corner for the archiving information: trooper's designation, time verification, magnetic direction, planetary codes, latitude, longitude, filters – polarizing. "What's the magnification on that?" He gulped as he saw the null zoom.

"No magnification," said Chopper absently; it had been when Jedi General Hal… no, he had permission to call her Kalinda… if not in public military settings, then certainly in his mind. it had been when Kalinda had put up some invisibility shield through the Force . Was the ocular-metal interface a possible weakness? What had her shield hidden - visible light? Did it go into infrared and unltraviolet wavelengths? The magnas' vision certainly did. Why had the magnaguards not seen them? Perhaps the joint mechanics - with that fluid movement? He came back to being invisible to the IG-100 droids and wondered if he could ask Commander Tano about this invisibility considering it was a use of the Force. Could she or General Skywalker make such a shield? It had seemed like waves of heat and he could see the magnas but they hadn't been able to see him or the general. Maybe it was like the Force push except … formed or manipulated into a shape. Maybe he could ask the next time Shadow Squad came in for supplies. If Skywalker or Tano could learn this….

Chopper's mind whirled in a variety of directions. He missed Marker's look of awe as the trooper bent his face to his tray of food and silently ate.


Chopper was stretched out on the bunk, in half armor, with the harmonica in his hand. He didn't think he was good at it, but he was getting better. It was soothing to play and made some interesting noises. He liked experimenting; trying to make the music sound like something he'd heard. He thought he'd made an acceptable song of a trooper dying on the field; he could hear with both his memory and his ears the lonely call of a man who knew he was he was the last of his brothers.

A momentarily wave of sadness came over him and he set the harmonica aside to touch the hollow by his bed.

He missed his brothers from Kamino, but he had new brothers now. Fives and Echo, Kev, Coric, Caber, Tank, Crest and the rest of Shadow Squad. After a thoughtful moment, he counted Captain Rex as well. Chopper touched his fingers, as though counting them. Then he switched hands. Commander Tano, Ash, General Halcyon and Senator Chuchi - his lady. Slowly he added Senator Amidala. He had met her and she had acknowledged his presence each time with a friendly smile.

Chopper thought of his lady often, seeing her image nightly. He hadn't had a nightmare since he'd set up the terminal with her image. He thought often of Fives and Echo. They were doing well in ARC training; if they had failed any part they would have returned to the 501st. Not in shame either; there was no shame in failing ARC training.

Sometimes he remembered words Fives had spoken to him one night. "She meant it, Chopper."

He'd been relaxing in his bunk, thinking of that kiss and how he'd never do anything more wonderful in the rest of his life than that kiss. After all, she was a senator and he only a clone. But she had kissed him, had welcomed his flirtations – as cautious and hesitant as they'd been. Even more, she had said she loved him, had offered her home to him. Not that he'd ever see her again except maybe by accident, but she had flirted. She had hugged him. She had kissed him. She had declared her love and offered her home.

She couldn't have meant it; he was just a clone. One of two million; and a damaged one at that.

He'd been kissed before, Ash had kissed him twice at the sabacc game and General Kalinda Halcyon had, Jedi-quick, pressed a kiss against the scars on his cheek. He wondered if he should count the Shili woman on Zygerria even though it had been on his helmet and decided to count her kiss as well. But Riyo Chuchi had kissed him on his lips. Far more importantly, he had kissed her back.

Chopper remembered the shape and tilt of her eyes, the smile as she flirted. Her hair was a dusky lilac color and long; she hadn't been wearing her headdress the last time he'd seen her on the Resilient and her hair had been long and flowing down her shoulders. She hadn't been wearing the warm winter gear either. He wished he hadn't been wearing armor; he would have liked to feel her warmth against his body.

Chopper became aware of Fives studying him closely, watching him. He turned his head slightly to catch Fives eyes.

Fives sighed softly. "She meant it, you know. Everything she said."

Chopper frowned. "She may have meant it when she said it; but most civilians aren't known for promises." Chopper turned to his side, his head against his hand, social for once and willing to talk. "I don't think there are too many clones who have been offered half as much. I'm honored. What she gave – both the kiss and her words - are gifts that I will always remember."

"Then what will you do the next time you're on Coruscant?" Fives asked.

"There's no battle on Coruscant; not my place." Chopper answered absently, his mind on blue skin and golden eyes.

"The general goes often enough and usually takes Rex and a squad." Fives continued. "Once they're on Coruscant, Skywalker heads off to the Jedi Temple or the Senate building and the squad gets hosted by the Guards or lodged in the Senate building like we were before."

Trust Fives to know something like that. Chopper was silent. Just the thought of seeing her again made his breath catch in his throat.

"You could visit her, Chopper." Fives' voice was almost a whisper in the darkness. "And what would you do, Chopper?" Fives voice was sad. "I had to tell you to kiss her back, Chopper, what would you do if you and she were alone?"

"Nothing. Nothing beyond flirt. I… I'm …"

"I know, Chopper." Fives spoke kindly. "You have scars."

"Women don't like scars, Fives." Chopper repeated words he'd been told so frequently. "And I've got scars all over my body, Fives. Everywhere. So there can be nothing more than flirting between me and the senator." He paused. "Scars don't scare all women, but..."

"Chopper, I don't think Senator Chuchi would see your scars." He gave a gentle laugh as he moved to sit on the foot of Chopper's bunk. "I don't, not anymore. Captain Rex doesn't and neither does Echo. Coric only sees them when he's in medic mode of assess and diagnose. The commander doesn't see them, neither does the general. Even some of the men who don't particularly like you don't see your scars. Kix, for one, Sergeant Kano for another." He paused and touched Chopper on his foot, on unblemished skin. "Ash didn't see them either."

Chopper was silent then he sighed. "Her fingers would feel them." He turned his back, his hand touching the solid wall beside his bunk, his fingers running lightly over the hollow space.

"Touch is a delight, Chopper." Fives said as he moved back to his bunk. "Echo and I are leaving soon. Talk to me before then."

Chopper recognized the offer for the gift it was intended, but he only made a grunt. There couldn't be anything between him and his lady; between him and anyone.

It was sometime later when Chopper's voice came softly in the darkness. "Fives?" He didn't think Fives would laugh or make any comment for his questions. He often wondered what Fives had learned on Zeltros and would be willing to teach him.

"Yes, Chopper?" It was dark enough, the lights off, and Fives' voice so much like his own that it seemed like he was speaking to himself.

"Please tell me. In case…" He couldn't say anything more, but the disembodied voice began speaking.

"Yes, Chopper, you have scars but they're just part of you. They aren't in command of you. Your lady Riyo will touch them; she will memorize them, Chopper. She will memorize them the same way you will memorize her. The same way that Ziaresth of Zeltros memorized me. Everyone has a different taste, a different smell, a different touch and texture. My Dearest told me she could shut her eyes and remember each and every lover she'd ever had. She told me she would remember me – the way I felt and laughed and kissed – until the day she died. That's a fitting memorial for anyone."

Chopper listened to some of Fives' Zeltros stories; stories he realized Fives hadn't shared with anyone except Echo.

Chopper set the harmonica aside and pulled out the datapad. He was studying the vids he'd made of the IG-100s; their oculars staring at him, when he sat straight.

He needed to talk to two people. First the captain, so he couldn't change his mind, then the commander because that would take the longer.

He was out the door and three quarters the way to Rex's office when he suddenly realized that it was the captain's off hours. Chopper sighed; there was a downside to working the night shift. He returned to his barracks and left a comm message for the captain.

"Captain Rex, sir, Chopper. The next time General Skywalker goes to Coruscant and you need a trooper, I'd like to volunteer."

He reached into his locker for his harmonica when his fingers found another bit of metal. Slowly he withdrew the droid fingers he had collected on Christophsis. He observed them, holding them. They clacked together. They were just droid fingers, nothing special. He set them down and moved back to the computer console. He thought a moment, tilting his head. Sometimes Coric, as second in command, ran through the captain's messages – taking some of the work if Rex was busy. Coric probably knew about the droid fingers; but Captain Rex had been adamant. You don't show it to anyone… Chopper hadn't and he wouldn't start now by even referring to the necklace. His words in his head he flicked on the message comm. "Captain Rex, Chopper again. I also have something I no longer need. I will be returning them to you as ordered."

He sent a message to Commander Tano. He had chosen his words with far more care. He didn't wish to see her as commander, nor as Jedi. "Vodal'ika, little sister." Chopper nodded to himself. She'd know vod, 'brother' and 'ika, 'little or younger', from being around the troopers. She'd easily guess dalyc for female. "I have something which I would like to discuss with you." He paused. "It's about male and female relationships and I need your input on this."

There was no turning back now. He'd set up the possibility of seeing Senator Riyo Chuchi again.

She won't like your scars, Chopper old boy. Slick's voice echoed in his head. Chopper couldn't disagree. If he was lucky she'd refuse to see him, refuse to acknowledge they'd ever met. If he was lucky she'd pretend not to remember him and he could come back to the barracks and dream of what might have been if he hadn't been who and what he was.

He was only a scarred clone after all.


General Kalinda Halcyon and Chopper's harmonica are courtesy of Laloga's story "Better" and if you haven't read it yet... what are you waiting for?