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Chapter 44: Family
EPOV
It had been seven years since my change. Seven excruciatingly long years. Nothing changed, and yet everything changed.
I had been wrong when I thought that anything could take my mind off the blood. I'd been with Bella only three times. That time we had arrived at the house in Alaska, once when we were hunting and once on a stormy night when we were alone.
I had thrown myself into playing the piano. Carlisle had gone as far as to buy my own piano so I wouldn't disturb Rosalie or whoever wanted to amuse themselves. I had my own room. Just me and the piano, along with a growing stack of staves. Soon after running out of pieces to play, I started composing. That had made me feel better. I was doing something productive.
Everything went well; I was going the right way. I was becoming closer to the other vampires. I was spending more time with Bella. Until one night, when I decided to go hunting alone.
I was calculating the best angle to attack an elk when a whiff of the most powerful blood I had smelled hit my nostrils. Before I knew it, I was flying toward the new smell. I was curious of what it belonged to.
Some white furred animal I hadn't encountered yet?
Some animal that only lived in Alaska?
I stopped mere feet away from my prey. I was in shock – frozen. There was a human. A young man that looked lost. I could feel his increasing fear, his heartbeats loud in my ears. I watched him worried. The monster within me coaxed me to step closer, to taste him. I didn't want to disappoint Bella, or Carlisle, or anyone else for that matter.
Then I saw a lynx. He was approaching the human, and I couldn't waste that blood. No way. I hissed loudly making them both turn toward me.
The human sighed in relief, while the lynx hissed back but backed a few steps. It was dark so I didn't fear approaching the human – he couldn't see my eyes. After a growl toward the feline, I was alone with my new prey. He started rambling, happy to see me.
Oh, I'm happy to see you too, I thought amused.
Then I sent him into the nearest tree, lifting his chin so I could see his neck better, his vein. I was salivating. He realized the danger and tried to escape earning an evil laugh from me. I had no idea I had it in me. For a second, I was sure I wouldn't be able to do it, but then I realized if I allowed him to leave, he'd talk. I had to kill him. My end of the bargain sounded delicious.
Sinking my teeth in his neck was so easy and then his blood washed over me. I felt so alive, like never before. That's when I realized I had been denied to eat what was best.
Also, that was the last night I saw Bella and the other Cullens.
After a long fight when I returned to the house, I just left. I couldn't stay around Carlisle or Esme who were disappointed. I couldn't stay around Jasper's compassion or around Bella's worried and agonized looks. I simply took off after telling them I needed some air.
That had been six years ago. Living like this was making my conscience run wild. I kept telling myself to try doing it like the Cullens again, but animals held no interest to me. Not when I could have any human I wanted. Drinking only from homeless people didn't make me feel any better. They were still innocent people – more than the usual suspects were, so I tried finding bad people. It wasn't easy but the first time I saw a man hitting a woman, I knew he was going to end up dried in my arms. After waiting for a few hours, the lady left his side and he was all mine.
Keeping a low profile was easy. I wasn't killing more than one person in one city so that seemed to work.
Until my feet carried me back to the Olympic Peninsula – to Forks. Time seemed relative. If it weren't for the occasional paper, I wouldn't have known what year we were in.
With the hood covering my face, I walked through the drizzle. I stopped in front of Dad's office only to find there a new bakery. What had happened to the advocacy office?
Going down the street I grew up on, approaching the house brought new feelings up – remorse, fear, despair, some happiness and great sadness.
There were so many questions running through my mind.
Were they still alive?
Did they know what I had done?
How would they react upon my sudden arrival?
How would I react when I smelled them?
I was determined to return to Bella, to go back to drinking from animals. Killing people wasn't for me; though six years of doing so would make someone think otherwise.
Lost in my thoughts, I arrived in front of my house. Remembering their scents, I knew they were there. They were alone.
Mom was busy in the kitchen, worried about the food in the oven. So mundane. So human. So normal.
Dad was in the living room, muttering to himself about Mom making him set up the table.
Was there a holiday?
Looking around at the snow filled ground, I realized it was Christmas. Or New Year. I had no idea.
Now, that I focused on other smells, I could smells gingerbreads, pine tree, and were there raspberry muffins? For the first time in seven years, I wanted to eat human food.
I knocked.
Oh, no! It is too early. It can't be them, Mom thought worried. "Ed, get that, honey!"
Ah, of course. The kids promised to be here to help, he thought, grumbling some more.
What kids? I wondered, surprised. What did I miss?
The door opened and my eyes widened. Seven years meant a lot for a human. He was grey, wearing glasses and his face was wrinkled.
"No carols," he said, shaking his head. "The Johnsons would love some, though," he whispered conspiratorially, pointing to a house down the street.
I laughed. I couldn't help myself. He hadn't changed. "I know you hate carols, Dad," I said softly.
"Edward!" he shouted then looked around worried as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Come in." He ushered me inside. "Liz! You won't believe who dropped by!"
Mom came out of the kitchen wondering who could be so important to take her away from the turkey. The dishcloth fell from her hands when she saw me.
"Edward, sweetheart!" She flung herself at my neck.
"No!" I yelled, moving away quickly. "No. No."
"Oh, goodness. I'm so sorry. I've just missed you so much."
Her once long hair was shoulder length and was mostly grey like Dad's. I looked between them, worried. I wanted more than anything to hug them. If I wanted to go back to the Cullens, I had to get over my bloodlust, so I opened my arms and nodded. Mom walked tentatively toward me and nestled in my arms. We hugged until she shivered.
"Sorry," I apologized, stepping aside. "I'm cold."
"Oh, I missed you so much. Where's Bella?"
No one had told them what I had done. Why did I have to be the one to give them such news?
"I haven't seen her in some time," I admitted to my worn out boots.
As if pointing to my clothing, Dad took in what I was wearing. "You look like a homeless person, kid."
I ran both hands through my hair, fisting my hands in my locks making the hood fall. They simultaneously gasped.
He looks just like the last time.
He's just as young as seven years ago.
"I don't age," I reminded them.
It took them a minute to remember I could read their minds. They rolled their eyes at me.
"You haven't answered," Mom said. I picked the dishcloth in a flash when I read her mind – she had thought about retrieving it. She narrowed her eyes at me, but smiled. "So? Where's lovely Bella? Is she visiting that relative of hers?"
"Does that relative really exist?" Dad added.
"He's just a good friend. She had to lie," I answered, dodging the main question.
Did something happen? Are you two fighting? Mom asked silently.
"No, Mom. Nothing like that. It's all me."
"What did you do?" Dad asked, upset.
"I might frighten you. It's best if I don't tell you."
They let it slide, still skeptic about what I had done. Mom kept wishing Bella would miraculously appear. I went to help Dad set the table, and kept hinting at who was visiting.
"Oh, you'll see."
How was it possible for a human to keep his thoughts hidden? He started singing carols – of all things – in his head. I abandoned him, going to the kitchen.
The muffins seemed to call for me. My old love was luring me closer.
"Is it wise?" Mom asked when she saw my destination.
"I don't care. I want to see what happens."
They didn't smell as appealing as they once had, but I still bit onto one. I munched on it before swallowing. It tasted horrid. The dirt I had eaten on Emmett's dare had been a thousand times tastier. And the piece of muffin seemed to press heavily to my stomach. I had to get it out.
"I think I'm sick," I muttered.
"It's not your customary diet," Mom said, laughing.
"I'm going to throw up." I rushed out of the house, to the side where I heaved until the entire muffin was out.
My scalp prickled when I felt someone behind me. They smelled really good. They were probably the guests.
"Awe you okay, mistew?" a child's voice asked.
I whirled around, frowning at the small girl. She was probably three years old.
"Yeah. Yes, I'm okay. Are you lost?" I asked.
"Nope! We came to visit our famiwy fends," she told me proudly.
"Oh, then go inside. You don't want to get a cold," I urged her.
"Youw wude! I'm Antonewa."
"It's nice to meet you, Antonella." What freak of parents gave you that name? Poor girl. Was it a good idea to tell her my name? "I'm Ed…ehh leaving."
Before I could turn to leave, ready to wait until the guests had left to say goodbye to my parents, someone called the little girl.
"Ella!"
Her head snapped up. "I haf to go." She rushed to a man, jumping in his arms. I knew him from somewhere. After a moment of analyzing his profile, I was shocked to realize that I had Seth in front of me.
I thought him smarter than that; naming his poor daughter with such an atrocious name. I was happy to have Anthony for my middle name.
I turned around, ready to try hunting some animal to prove myself I was worthy to return to Bella, when someone got my attention.
"Who do you think you are talking to my daughter?"
I was about to meet Seth's wife. Crap. Luckily, we were still out of the porch's light and she couldn't see my eyes. They were black, anyway.
I jumped back, involuntarily, when I turned and saw the person in front of me. She did the same thing.
"Edward?" she shouted.
"Leah?" I asked in disbelief. "You smell good." I slapped my forehead.
She giggled. "It wore off since you left town so long ago. Jake's the only one still feeling…under the weather."
"I see."
"Is it really you?" she asked.
"Yeah. So…your daughter?"
She blushed, looking away. "I thought you were some creepy stalker. She has a tendency to talk to strangers."
"I'm glad you took my advice and found someone for you."
That was the wrong thing to say, apparently. I wrapped my arms around her when she swayed. Soon, Leah was crying in my dirty sweater.
"Is he a soldier?" I attempted the light the mood. It made her cry harder.
"After you left…I was ready to go to collage, you know?" she whispered. I nodded. "Well…the guys threw me a party at Paul's place."
"Paul?" I asked, surprised.
"Shh. It's sort of taboo. Seth is ready to kill him every time they pass each other on the street."
"What happened? Did he try something?"
"No. I guess I've sort of liked him, and well, one thing led to another…and we slept together after everyone left. I had felt guilty for the mess and wanted to stay back and help him clean. We did clean, but only the next day around afternoon time."
"And you got pregnant."
"Stop jumping to conclusions! Ella is almost four years old! We were together and happy for a long time. A very long time. He was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant. Then…about four months later…" she sobbed, clutching to my shirt. "Rebecca, one of Jake's sisters, visited. The elders said it was imprinting. I didn't care. All I cared was that I was left alone with a baby and a broken heart."
"Oh, Leah," I murmured. "I can't believe… Are you still alone?"
"No, Edward. Men line up at my door wanting to play house!"
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, kissing her forehead.
"I kept thinking if it woul-" I pressed my finger over her lips.
"I don't want to hear 'what if', I'm sick of it as it is."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. If it makes you feel any better…I haven't been well either."
She frowned, realizing many things at the same time. No Bella around, my hollow eyes, the dark shadows under them, and my clothes. What happened to him?
"Where to start?" I laughed humorlessly. "It wasn't going very well…you know…I was so into blood despite what everyone was telling me. Nothing held my interest but blood. Not even Bella," I admitted. "One time I was hunting alone, I happened across a lost guy…"
"No!" she gasped, watching me horrified.
"It's getting worse."
Her hands went to her mouth. "What have you done, Edward?"
"Everything Carlisle taught me not to do. But I'm going back. I can't live like this anymore. It's not me. I can't kill people – bad or not."
How long…? She wondered.
"About six years."
She frowned a little, and then remembered that I could read minds. I would lie if I said I didn't like answering unasked things.
"MOOOM! UNCLE ED SAYS DINNER'S WEADY!"
"Damn, she has lungs," I chuckled.
"Don't remind me." She turned toward the house then back to me, abruptly. "Your parents!"
"They know. Relax."
"Seth doesn't!" she hissed.
"I'd love to spend the holiday with you," I said, guiding her to the front door with my hand on her back.
"Edward, seriously."
"I'm serious. Seth can take it. He's a big boy."
"I'm not allowing your thirsty ass around my daughter!"
"If I go hunting…would you allow me around her?"
Fifteen minutes and two deer later, I knocked on the door again.
It was Seth who opened it. "Holy fuck!" he shouted.
After explaining everything, I was sitting on the couch, holding my breath to avoid smelling the atrocious food. Antonella took residence close to me, her plate in my lap. She kept talking as I fed her, every time Leah glared toward me. I tended to miss bites being captivated by her little stories.
I almost felt human having them around. And having my close friends and my parents around made me miss Bella even more. Living without her had been excruciating, like ripping toenails off a human, but I knew I couldn't go back to her. I was sure she wouldn't take me back if I was doing everything Carlisle had told me not to do. Even though, she would have probably been the only one to understand what was going on with me – she had drank from humans for decades. I hadn't thought less of her when she told me that, when she was drinking from me. I had really screwed up our relationship.
I had left.
What decent person does that kind of thing?
Fuck, I was a scumbag.
"Awe you okay?" Antonella asked worried.
I hadn't realized I groaned loudly. "Yeah, great."
"Awe you going to visit?"
"Ella!" Leah hissed. I'm so sorry, she can be annoying when she wants something.
"It's okay," I whispered. I turned to the kid. "Well, I don't know if I can visit, but you'll be the first to know that when I do."
She grinned, nodding happily. "You can meet Nessie!"
"Oh, how is she?"
"She's twelve now and starting to feel things, you know…Jake's ecstatic," Seth told me. "You should see him before you leave."
"I plan on leaving really soon. Do tell him I miss him. I will come back in a few years. Does he still want me to be best man?" I asked, chuckling.
"He what?" Seth thundered. "No way! That fucker!"
Two sets of arms hit Seth at the same time – Mom and Leah. Antonella sprung up and rushed to him, hand extended.
"Fuck," he muttered under his breath.
"Five!" she told him loudly.
They were giving her money for each bad word. Well, that girl was going to be rich by the time she hit ten years old. Living around Seth and Jake… she could have anything she wanted on her own money.
"Make it ten," I told him.
That earned me a dirty look from him, and more scolding from Leah to him.
I had to admit that seeing them – all of them – had made me melancholically. I needed my family. My wife.
When the affair was finally over, gifts were exchanged – I had snuck up to my room, grabbed a worn out teddy bear and gave it to Leah's daughter – they decided to leave. Antonella was fast asleep on the couch, hugging the toy from me. I was glad for the presence of mind to leave my toys home when I left all those years ago.
Saying goodbye to my parents was easy because this time I was sure I'd return. Seth coaxed me into going with them to La Push. I was wary of going anywhere near La Push. He promised no one would hurt me.
"Didn't you say that Jake was still a werewolf?"
"We'll tell him who you are if he doesn't realize. But first, you're going to change out of those dirty clothes."
Half an hour later, I was cleaner than I had been in some good years, wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from Seth. He had gone to get Jake despite the late hour in night, and I remained alone with the girls.
I was staying in the doorway of the little girl's room while Leah was putting her to bed.
"Can I ask what happened with your parents?" I whispered when she came to me, leaving the door open.
"They moved in with Billy."
"And Jake?"
"He's living with us, or he should be…but he's always at Renesmee's house."
"One more question."
"You're worse than Ella." She rolled her eyes. "Ask me."
We sat on the couch in the living room.
"Why the horrid name, Leah?"
She gasped. "Edward! I like that name!"
"Don't I know? I still remember when you went through that phase…calling me Anthony." I shuddered.
"That's why I named her Antonella. After you. I had to cling to some good memories…"
"Does she know the situation?"
"Not yet, but I will tell her when she's older. And Paul is visiting and paying for stuff."
"God, he smells worse," I groaned when I smelled Seth and Jake outside the front door.
Leah laughed, shaking her head at me. I didn't have time to answer.
Do they even realize that a leech is here? Jake was thinking.
He barged inside and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. His eyes wide and boring into mine.
"Masen! Damn, you stink."
"Merry Christmas, ya' filthy animal!" I chuckled.
"Quoting from movies?" he teased.
I shrugged, smiling. "It's good to see you, Jacob."
"Yeah, good to see you too."
After a few more hours, I said goodbye and took the shortest route to Denali. Being around them made me realize I was incomplete without Bella. I had been so focused on my bloodlust that only when I wasn't hunting or thinking of it, I was thinking of Bella. That had been the trick – think of blood and not of Bella.
But I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted her back in my life. If she wanted me back. I needed her. I craved her touch.
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