Chapter 54.

A few days later and Gerard was still having ups and downs feeling about everything. It's not mood swings, more like slow progressive changing thought patterns that alter his mood a few hours. He was finding it easier to talk to his mother again he always felt super safe with her before the incident so it was nice to be able to open up to her a little more although opening up to people was not something he did much off he'd opened up to Frank more in a week then he had with his mother in two years. He sat on the counter legs crossed taking sips of his coffee while he sketched away at a picture he'd been inspired to do from a book he'd read. So far he was feeling rather proud of himself he'd been finding that sitting on the counter help his brain work in a new way. The magic would wear off soon but at least he could make the most off it before having to find a new place, he was thinking of the small corner on top of the cupboard he just needed to get up there. Gerard was not aware that his day was about to be completely put off balance.

His mother walked up the drive way slowly slightly nervous at how things were going to go. Slightly behind her was a man he was taller than Gerard and looked like a lot of middle aged men do. He wore a blue sweater and black pants. He was slightly chubby and the reason for this, as he had said himself "If I don't slow down soon I won't live much longer" his face was slightly rounded and he had a pair of glasses that where sitting on top of his head He had a beard and looked like a male librarian had a baby with a sitcom dad that baby would have been grown in a pot before it got to big before living in a shed. This man was called Henry and he did not work at the library but as a history teacher at the local collage. Henry was nervous he'd been told about the two boys, especially Gerard and his history with parents and dads. He wasn't sure what to expect from Mikey apart from he'd been told that he would probably receive a blank expression and not much else. He, much like Gerard's mother, was worried about how Gerard was going to take it more than anything. He'd been told all about Gerard's real dad and his thing for teenage boys especially his own son so he knew that Gerard wasn't going to like him. He followed the boy's mother into the house and down a hall way and into a kitchen. He could automatically tell which boy was which. Gerard had black hair and was pale but he had a feeling around him of fear and hostility. Mikey on the other hand had a more pointy face with models cheek bones with no expression on his face and a more unreadable atmosphere around him. Neither of them looked up until their mother coughed making them look towards her. Mikey had a blank expression while Gerard's eyes widened and he backed up into the corner; he was smart enough to know what was going on.

"Come on Gerard its fine." His mother tried to reassure but he wasn't having any of it he was still mad at her for not doing anything about his dad and it was just resurfacing. He was going to cause a fuss so the stupid nerd guy could go home and use his hand instead of his mom. He decided to move forward a little so his plan could start to work. He started by acting shy and worried moving so he was a little closer to them.

"Boys I know that the divorce isn't final and I haven't be apart from your father for very long but I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Henry." Gerard had guessed right and now he was going to have a tantrum. It was selfish and childish but he wanted some control of his life he didn't want to end in the same position as last time. He began to force tears to his eyes although it wasn't very difficult he'd been so confused lately that he would just start feeling overwhelmed by everything. His mother seeing the tears rushed over to him and pulled him into a hug.

"What's wrong honey?" he sniffed and looked at Mikey who had a look in his eyes which told him that he knew what he was doing but he didn't care meaning he didn't like this guy. Gerard didn't answer the question in the end up instead just gripped on tighter not wanting the man to go home he seemed to get the message.

"Should I go?" He seemed awkward and worried. Gerard was hoping he'd go and never come back.

"No he needs to get used to you don't worry. Why don't you make him a cup of coffee?" Gerard might be able to allow this man to stay a little longer, but only if he made good coffee.

He handed Gerard the drink and he watched the tears disappear and change into a curious look as he took the coffee from him. He sniffed it much like an animal would before drinking it in one go. He then went back to hiding and crying in his mothers shoulder. It was impossible to cry while drinking coffee and his mother knew that.

"Why don't you try and talk to Henry?" He shook his head "I'm going to have to move so I can't have you cuddled up to me forever" This was supposed to be encouraging but instead he just got up and wandered over to Mikey and cuddled up to him. Mikey wasn't that bothered he just went with it as he was cold and Gerard was warm and his clothing was soft so it was like a pillow. Henry walked over to Gerard who had now gotten Mikey to snuggle up as well and said.

"I understand that you feel unsafe and that's okay it's understandable after what's happened to you, but I want you to know that I care about your mother and that she loves you and I want to get to know you and I want to love you and Mikey as much as she does." It had now become clear that this man was not going to be put off by crying, so Gerard decided a different approach. He jumped off of Mikey and onto his mother's new boyfriend and hugged him tightly and wouldn't let go. He then decided to cry in his shoulder instead. He looked up at henrys face and saw complete surprise that covered his face. He looked at Mikey who was trying hard not to smile.

"See Gerard it wasn't that bad" his mother said and he gripped onto the man's neck tighter making breathing harder. Gerard was hoping that he would scare the man away. He wasn't ready for his mom to start bringing home new boyfriends he needed her to look after him because right now he didn't feel safe.

"Right now what I think what you need is a father figure." He was of cores wrong right now Gerard needed a cup of coffee and something sugary and cherry flavoured. Mikey knew, just as Gerard did, that this man was trying to replace their own dad because apparently this man seemed to think that they had a hot mom.

"You can't replace our dad" Mikey said making that man look up from being strangled.

"I'm not trying-" he was interrupted.

"I miss dad" it was true Gerard did miss him, wasn't that disgusting? He missed his molester.

"Why?" Henry had been told all about Gerard and Mikey so he was very surprise to hear that Gerard missed his dad.

"Cos he's my dad" He didn't miss the hatred towards him, he didn't miss the attempted raping and he didn't miss being told how to be a "man" by being showed girls in what looked like underwear but was apparently swimwear, or that he thought should put more clothing on so that they didn't appear as sex symbols or burn up in the sun, because they could still be attractive without showing too much. He remembered his dad being very unhappy and his mother reassuring him it was that he wasn't at "that" stage. He still loved his dad just not what he did to him, he understood that it was all the anger that had built up inside over the years from not having the child he wanted, Mikey was better but still not what he wanted. He'd always wanted a football player with a tan and a cheerleader girlfriend who couldn't even spell his own name, as long as he could play sports and was attractive to the female population. Gerard was more artistic, pale, intelligent and happened to rather prefer all the charms of the male body instead of the female… vaginas scared him, he'd seen one in sex ED, and was instantly shaken although all the other boys couldn't take their eyes off it. He felt as if he'd walked into a porno by mistake. He could understand why his dad was disappointed he was exactly not what he wanted. Like when a little kid wants a toy for Christmas and the parents get the wrong one and although it's just as good it's not what they wanted apart from Gerard wasn't as good he was the person no one wanted. He resented that part of himself more than how much he hated how fast he was or how socially awkward he could get. The thing that really made him want to just end it all was that he was never good enough, he wasn't good enough on valentines' day, at Easter, on Halloween, thanks giving, or Christmas, he wasn't even good enough on his own birthday. Thinking about this made him really want to cry he didn't want to be a waste of space anymore. He crawled off Henry and onto the floor. Where he sat staring into space and he began to feel horrible for trying to put off his moms new boyfriend. He was horrible she was starting over and he was stopping her because he was a selfish bitch who wanted her to himself. He really did burst into tears at that he was ruining everything. His mom would still be happily married to his dad, his dad would be sleeping at home right now, Nancy and Frank would still be together and everyone at school would be ten times better off. He sat on the floor crying His mom hurried over to him but he pushed her away before going back to her. He didn't know what he wanted.

"Ssh it's okay" She rubbed his back as he leant against her shoulder right now he just wanted to die. He didn't deserve to have his mother care that he was crying on the floor. Everyone would be better off without him. He didn't remember falling asleep in his mother's arms but he realised him must off when he woke up on the couch with a cover over him. He looked up to see his mother sitting on one of the couches with Henry next to her and Mikey sitting on the edge of the sofa. He felt sick, he wished it had been a story written by a child because all children use the ending and they woke up and it was all a dream. How he wished it had been a dream.

His mother looked over and saw him sit up, at first she thought that the crying was just a way of getting rid of Henry but now as she looked at his face it seemed to be deeper than that. She had to admit that she felt guilty for just bringing him out of the blue especially while Gerard was still recovering mentally although all his bruises where now gone. It was sad seeing him like this.