Part II: The Dark Side of the Moon

Chapter 54 I Shall Meet You on the Other Side

Maria's pov

I fell to my knees out in a vast snow covered field far into the distance of the De Noir lands. I was surrounded by headstones dating back for hundreds of years. I only knew because I spent a great deal of time dwelling out here. But I was only dwelling over one headstone. My heart was pained, the ache radiated throughout my chest and down into my arms. It weakened me. It hollowed me. Left me empty.

William George De Noir
Stillborn to Robin & Maria De Noir
22nd, March 1844

Trembling from the cold and from my suffering I reached a shaking finger out and traced the black letters embossed into the cold marble. My fingers swirled along with the intricate looping and dips of the script. Tears fell silently, streaming in fast succession down my face. They dripped from my chin and soaked my dress at the tops of my thighs.

I don't know how long I sat there. And I wasn't sure if my legs had grown numb from the frigid temperature, the icy snow beneath me, or because of the way I was sat with my legs folded under myself. Or perhaps I was numbed all over, an attempt to protect myself from the shattering pain that plagued my heart.

I had lost my child. My body had failed me and my baby was never even given a chance. Was never to look upon my face, nor I his. Did he have his father's curls? My pale blue eyes? What would it have been like to hold him in my arms? Nourish him at my breast? Oh, how I longed to hear his cries, his laughter, his tiny, precious voice. Why was that taken from me? Why was my baby taken from me?

In my exhaustion, my head fell defeatedly, forcing me to gaze upon my lap. I stared at my hands rested there. Stared long and hard, seemingly in incomprehension. My breathing was slow and laboured. And every now and then that dreadful ache pained my heart, once again radiating throughout my entire chest and down into my empty arms.

Robin and I had become so damaged by the pain of our loss that it strained our relationship. Although he appeared at my bedside every night. He'd take my hand in his, kneeling on the cold floor. But I'd turn away, onto my side facing the wall opposite him. Seeing him caused a throbbing ache in my chest-the scars invoked upon my heart unhealing.

"Maria...come to bed with me." Robin pleaded at my back. I didn't answer. I knew that if I spoke I would cry. My silence was a dam that held back a river of tears and pain and wails-suffering. I choked back a lump of a sob in my throat at the sound of Robin's fading footfalls as he left my private chambers.

"Maria, please..." Robin breathed once again at my turned back the following night and the nights thereafter. "Please don't do this." I felt his hand hesitate at my shoulder, "Please know that I love you."

I hadn't left my chambers at all during the first week after I had lost out child. But as soon as Mrs. Abbott gained confidence in my healing and I had regained my strength after I had lost so much blood and nearly my life, I immediately escaped to the place of rest far out into the outskirts of the De Noir lands. And I did so every day.

I let out a sob. Slumping forward, my face falling into my icy palms. I cared not that I was nearly blue. I needed to feel something other than the immense suffering of my loss. And I welcomed instead, the pain of the chill, the snow melting against my dress and saturating my skin. The wind howled and kicked up a soft layer of newly fallen snow. Icy bits blasted against the exposed skin of my face and stung as if I had been struck across my cheek. My cloaked billowed out by the force of the wind and sent an icy shiver up my back. My teeth chattered. And I reached out and touched the letters that made up my son's name on the smooth, cold marble once more.

His name left my lips, a whisper carried away by the wind. Visions, dreams, desires- played in my mind of what could have been. Flashing as an illustration in a story book. Me chasing a giggling boy through the castle. Robin proudly presenting a handsome young boy with his first dagger. Me calling his name at the edge of the forest, begging him to return home before dark.

I sobbed again and smeared the back of my hand under my nose and wiped at the tears and pushed my hair that was plastered to my face aside. I clutched at the snow, digging my hands into it until they throbbed. The pain mimicked what I felt in my heart and I concentrated on the burning in my hands, trying to relieve myself of the hurt that resided within me.

I took me a while to notice that two boot covered feet had been stood before me. So close I could touch them merely by extending a nearly blue finger. Or perhaps the two boot covered just arrived. I hadn't noticed either way as I was too consumed, wallowing in my own despair. I finally looked up at who they belonged to, squinting against the glare of the sun as I did so.

Catcher.

Catcher crouches down before me and whispers, "Maria, you will die from chill out here...Please, let me escort you back to the castle."

I stare back into the depths of his vibrant blue eyes and in my brokenness, allow him to pull me up with him. He gently wraps a hand around my frail arm, just below my shoulder and he snakes his arm around my waist, hoisting me up and against his warm frame. I watch emotionlessly as he removes his cloak and wraps it about my shoulders. His warmth is so intense in comparison to my near death of a chill I have allowed of myself, that I collapse against his chest and let him envelope me into an embrace. I breath in his scent which is unfamiliar to me, not a comfort as Robin's would be. He smells of burning embers and peppermint tea. And I let him hold me whilst I come undone and cry into the crook of his neck.

"I am sorry for your pain, for the loss of your child, Maria. I truly am."

I gaze up at him guardedly, untrusting and am surprised to see that Catcher is indeed sincere. And I recall that in all his threats and torment he has never actually caused me any harm. It appears that he wishes the opposite.

But I don't let myself believe that. Feeling sick to my stomach for my weakness, for falling into his arms so easily, I shake my head and take a step back from him. Pressing my hands against his chest as I do so, enforcing a distance between us that shan't be crossed.

Catcher gazes down at me intensely and the warmth and kindness he had showed begins to fade away. Replaced instead by his usual sinister sneer.

I scold myself again for my weakness. For becoming ensnared yet again into one of Catcher's traps. One of his sociopathic games.

"Catcher, why are you here? What is it you want from me? I am tired of this. Just get it over with then!"

"I have been quite patient in waiting for you to be of fair game once more. That child was such a hindrance. For who could desire a woman whilst she is carrying another man's child in her womb?" He hissed, his hand sliding around my arm and squeezing tightly with each word he spoke.

" 'Fair game'? Dare you! I am no one's 'fair game', Catcher. Are you mad? I belong to Robin. I am his wife. I could never be yours. I am his. I always have been and I always will be. Stop this-this sadistic, foolish game of yours. I have grown tired of it-of you!"

Catcher merely laughed at my words. A loud, menacing laugh. One that sent a chill through me. I knew then that I had greatly underestimated him. He stepped in closer to me and I slipped in the snow as I struggled to step back from him. He gripped my arm tighter and jerked me against him. Then he leant in and whispered against my ear, "Now you will tell me...has he been inside you since your loss?"

I froze, my breath catching in my throat and I attempted to pull from his grasp. I glanced toward the castle but it was so far off into the distance. I could barely make out the towers that barely loomed over the snow covered hill from which I came. I lunged to the right, knocking his arms from me. I scrambled for footing, my boot sunk past my ankle into the snow. I felt as if I were moving through molases. My hands clawed fiercely into the small, snow covered hill as I attempted to climb it. I had to get away. I had to outrun Catcher.

I knew my attempt was feeble. Pathetic. But the honour of my dignity had to be upheld and that is why I tried. That or merely the result of the rush of adrelaline that coursed through me by the shere will of survival surpassing my emotionally weakened state. The instinct to survive. Kill or be killed. I lashed out violently as Catcher drew near. His shadowed frame hovering over me. I struck at his face, the force of the impact knocked me to my knees.

Catcher caught my wrist as I fell. He gave it a harsh pull and I cried out in pain. He yanked me to my feet before him. I spat at him in disgust. An action that shocked me. Something I had never been provoked to do so before. An action that I instantly regretted when I felt the harsh sting and heard the loud crack as Catcher's hand met my cheek. The blow forced my head to the right. I hung my head there, frozen in pain and shock. I was afraid to breath. I have never been struck by a man before. It was degrading. It made me feel weak and inferior. I swallowed, staring down at my boots and gritted my teeth. How dare he? I thought first. Then I panicked for my life again. What did he want with me? What was he planning to do to me?

Catcher grabbed my face and turned me back to him, forcing me to look at him. I kept my eyes narrowed-couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes after what he'd done.

"Answer me. Have you and Robin been intimate since you lost the child?" He spat angrily through gritted teeth. I watched as his chest rose and fell with heavy breaths at our struggle. I hated him. I hated myself for falling into this trap with him.

Again I took a step back recoiling away from him. But I paused, eyes wide at the feel of his nails pressing painfully into my flesh. I refused to answer. Fearing his intentions. Why would he desire to know such a thing? What was the right answer? And what would he do to me when he received it? His grip tightened even more so and he shook me. I cried out at he pain of the force. And struggled to break free from his grasp but failed. He shot me a warning look and I knew right then, that it'd be best to answer him lest I suffer the consequences.

No. I wanted to shout. I thought of the dagger tied at my ankle. Could I reach it?

No, Robin and I had not been intimate since the stillbirth. We hadn't yet even spoken to one another. Weeks have gone by and I only ever left the confines of my own private chambers to sneak out here, where I sat before our son's headstone for hours on end. And physically I wasn't fully healed yet. I was still bleeding, slightly, more as a monthly bleed than the harrowing hemorrhaging that nearly claimed my life.

"No." My reply left my lips as a whisper of defeat. They hung in the air. And I watched as Catcher comprehended my one word answer to his strange, intrusive inquiry. Then I knew straightaway it was the answer he had so desired. The possibility of me not being yet again with child made me into the pawn he needed for his game. 'That child was such a hindrance'. Catcher's cruel words replayed in my mind.

He loosened his painful grasp only slightly so and a smile crept over his lips, "Good."

"Now don't be frightened...but I want to show you something of which I have learnt. It's rather impressive." He released his grip on me fully and smirked when I admitted my defeat by not attempting to run from him.

When he felt confident that I would not defy him he pulled something from the pocket of his trousers. A large amulet of sorts connected to a long silver chain lay in Catcher's palm. He held the amulet up for me to see. I stared at the intricate piece of jewelry In his hands.

Enclosed in glass and set in silver, two pearls lie. Two very distinct pearls. The Moon Pearls. How Catcher had come to possess them I did not know nor did I want to know. The fact, no longer was of concern. What was of concern, was what Catcher had intended to do with them.

And with me.

My heart hammered against my chest and my stomach roiled. I felt sick. I remembered Catcher's promise to me months ago...

...'Having any luck in your endeavour, Catcher?', 'I can promise you one thing, Maria. You will be the first to know.'...

"I can make your pain as if it had never come to pass..." Quickly Catcher clasped my hand around the amulet beneath his, lacing our fingers around it togther. And he leant forward, his lips a hairsbreadth from mine and he whispered something in a unfamiliar tongue, an incantation, before pressing his lips in a kiss to mine and saying, "I shall find you on the other side."