Thanks for the reviews. It's encouraging to read them. I'm away for a week and not sure about my internet access, so maybe the next chapter takes a little longer than the last ones.
Chapter 52 – Lorelai's Birthday I
„Lorelai, do you think you could join us next Friday for dinner? To celebrate your birthday? Or Thursday when that's more convenient for you, however I thought maybe you do already have plans for Thursday. But I'd like to celebrate your birthday with you this year," I admit, looking at my daughter, who's standing outside the inn, greeting Rory and me.
"Sure, Mom. I'll take Friday though. You know, I do plan to give a little party here on Thursday and I even thought about inviting you guys, but…, " she trails off, looking uncertain.
"It's okay," I say, touched that she at least thought about us, especially after our little fight two weeks ago.
„No, it's just it's not the kind of party you're used to, Mom. I just don't think you'd enjoy it," she explains.
"As I said, that's okay. Celebrate here, as long as I'm seeing you the next day," I reply. I need her to be in a good mood, when coming to me. I thought as well about coming here on her actual birthday, but then I don't know how her reaction to our present will be and I think it's better there aren't too many people around us.
"So that's really okay with you?" Lorelai asks me surprised.
"It was my idea, wasn't it?" I smile, winking at Rory, who's beaming at both of us. It is as if our little fight hasn't happened. But that's Lorelai and me. We always fought and then at some point it was over – without talking about the problem. An uneasy feeling is creeping up inside of me. Are we returning to our old ways? But then, that's rubbish. I can't talk about it, without giving away her present. And I'm not going to do that.
"… sure, you're ok?" Lorelai asks, looking questioningly at me.
"Excuse me?" I reply.
"You seemed to be miles away," Lorelai says, looking concerned by now.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Don't worry. Everything is fine. We'll celebrate your birthday," I reply, hugging Rory goodbye and giving my daughter a quick hug as well. "See you next Friday," I say, before driving away.
"Emily?" Lilly asks me, as I'm going into the house. It seems as if she'd just waited for me to come in.
"Yes?" I reply.
„Would it be okay, if…" she starts, before looking down, playing nervously with the hem of her blouse.
"Would what be okay?" I prod. „You know you can ask me anything," I add.
"Would it be okay, if Jane comes over tomorrow? We have this school project and she wanted me to be her partner and she suggested coming here so I wouldn't need to leave Becky and she wouldn't have to get used to another surrounding, thus getting uneasy and whiny and then we wouldn't get done anything, anyway, and I know it's short-notice -"
"Lilly," I interrupt her, going towards her and taking her hands in mine. "Of course Jane can come over. This is your home now. Your friends are welcome here anytime. School project or not," I say, looking directly into her eyes. She can't stand my gaze and looks down. "There is no need to ask my permission," I finish, forcing her to look at me again.
"Thanks," she says.
"Anytime," I reply, smiling encouragingly at her. I'm about to go into the living-room when she calls after me.
"So does that mean I can just bring ten people over, without you having any prior knowledge of this?" she asks, grinning at me.
"I think if you really brought ten people over, I'd be so happy you'd have made some friends I wouldn't mind. A heads-up however is very much appreciated," I say, smiling at her. She's coming towards me to kiss my cheek.
"I love you," she says, before quickly turning away and heading upstairs. I'm staying there, dumbfounded. It's the first time she said those words to me.
Lilly's words are still on my mind. The way she so quickly disappeared – I think she was afraid of my reaction – or more my lack of reaction. I'm not the person to just walk over to say "I love you". She has to know that I do – not as I love Lorelai, but in a different way. And yes it feels more and more like she's my daughter, but also not as in replacing Lorelai, but more as in her becoming Lorelai's little sister. Suddenly I notice that I'm standing in front of her door. Doesn't she know this is her home? We've told her so several times, but she still doesn't act like it. Doesn't she know that asking for her friends to come over isn't a problem at all? Doesn't she know what I feel for her? Given her terrible relationship with her parents I can't just let her go to sleep without at least talking to her again. I knock at her door and hope that I'll find the right words. "Lilly?" I ask, peeking into her room. She's already lying in bed, going over some school notes, Becky sleeping next to her.
"Emily," she says, sounding a little surprised. "Come in," she adds smiling.
"I just wanted to check, if you have everything you need," I start.
"I'm fine, thanks," she replies.
"All right. I don't want to disturb you," I say, nodding at her school notes, cursing myself for not finding any better words to express my feelings.
"Oh, you're not disturbing me," she says. "I'm just thinking about our project, what we'll have to do tomorrow."
"So what's your project about?" I ask.
"History. Compensation for the Native Americans. You know about how they were treated in the past, how are they treated now, do they deserve more compensation for the land and everything else that happened," she explains.
"Interesting," I say, only half-listening. "Becky looks so peacefully," I say, still lost in my own thoughts, when I catch how she looks at me. As if she knows exactly that I wasn't really listening and maybe even why I came here in the first place. "I'm sorry," I say. "Native Americans?"
"Emily, it's okay. You don't have to say anything," she says. Oh yes, she knows. I'm sitting down on her bed, taking her hand in mine.
"You know, it's not easy for me to talk about these things –"
"I know. As I said, you don't need to say anything. You're doing so much for me – "
"But you know it, right? You do know that this is your home, you do know how I feel about you, do you? That you're more than a maid, or a houseguest or the mother of my goddaughter to me…"
"I know. Thanks for coming here and checking on me," she says. I bend forwards to kiss her cheek. That's also a first.
"Good night, dear," I say and before leaving her room I see tears glistening in her eyes.
"Happy Birthday, dear Lorelai, happy birthday to you," we all sing, sitting around our dining room table. Lorelai actually seems excited as does Rory. I even didn't notice any hints of jealousy towards Lilly, who's also sitting with us.
"And now the candles, Mom," Rory says. "Don't forget to make a wish."
"I would never forget to make a wish," she replies, pretending to be shocked, but Rory just giggles. So does Lorelai when blowing them out, which nearly made her miss some, but with her last strength she gets them all. We applaud.
"What did you wish for?" Rory asks and while I'd like to know that as well I also know the answer which is surely to come.
"You're not allowed to say that, otherwise it won't happen, Rory. You do know that," she smiles at her daughter.
"Yes, I do," Rory sighs and we all begin to laugh. Rory is looking confused at us.
"Thank you, Mom. That was a great birthday dinner. All my favourites," she smiles at me.
"You're welcome," I reply, returning her smile. So far everything went so well, I'm really a little afraid to give her our present. She doesn't seem to expect anything and I'm tempted to just forget about it, but looking at my darling granddaughter I can't let that happen. She needs a better place to grow up in. More than just a one-room shed. "Why don't we go all to the living-room?" I ask, looking at Richard to lead the way. He gets up, helps me with my chair and we head for the living-room.
"Are you sure, Emily?" he whispers to me. And while I'm not certain about this at all, I still manage to fake an encouraging smile at him.
"She's in a good mood. I won't get a better chance," I whisper back. Looking behind me I see something that surprises me. Lilly is handing Lorelai an envelope. Lorelai seems to be surprised, too.
"For me? You didn't need to give me anything," I hear her saying.
"I know. And please, read it later," she answers. While Lorelai (and I guess me too) is still eyeing the letter curiously she is putting it into her purse.
"Thanks," she says, before joining us.
"You know Lorelai, we have something for you as well," I say, plucking up all my courage.
"Oh, Mom, you know that's not necessary," she replies. Am I imagining this or is she looking pleased despite her words? Of course she didn't expect us not to have anything for her. She is our only daughter. And it's the first time in a long time we're celebrating her birthday together.
"Well, this is a special occasion, one I'm happy to celebrate with you. It's just one thing," I say, handing her my letter. Not even Richard read it. It took me lots of tries and I'm still not completely satisfied with the result, but it's the best I could manage. "I love you, Lorelai," I say, looking into her eyes. She's looking at me, stunned to hear me saying these words in front of others. She's getting teary-eyed and I have to admit I'm the same.
"Thanks, Mom," she says, before opening the envelope. I'm holding my breath, going over the words in my mind. The words she's reading now. The words I know by heart.
Dear Lorelai,
Happy birthday! For weeks I was thinking about the perfect gift for you and I came up empty. We don't have the same taste in clothes and this time I didn't have a little helper pointing something out to me. But I do want to give you something, something you really like and want to have. I'm so happy we're at the point where we are right now and I pray that won't change – at least not for the worse. Please try to view our gift from my point of view. You mentioned that you were saving for a house in Stars Hollow. I think I found the perfect one for you. And with that I really mean for you – certainly not for me. It is where you want to have it and it really seems to be to your taste. Your father and I bought it in your name. It's yours. Please continue reading. I know you think it's too much and I also know that you want to buy it on your own. And you can. You can pay us back every cent if you really want to do that. But please be reasonable. Rory and you deserve more than just one room. If you wait until you can afford it, Rory will have probably almost finished school. You need it now – not in some years. Please think about it. The contract and pictures of the house are also in this envelope. Please do consider it.
Love,
Mom and Dad
She's taking a long time to read it. She has to be finished by now. Richard and I are exchanging nervous looks. At last I can't keep sitting any longer and get up, pretending to get myself a drink. My eyes aren't leaving Lorelai though.
"What is it , Mom? What did Grandma get you?" Rory asks and for once I wish she would stay quiet. Finally after what seems like an eternity she puts the letter down. She's looking at me and my heart sinks. She's not even looking at the pictures.
"No," she quietly says.
"Lorelai, please," I beg, leaving the ice alone and going towards her.
"I can't accept that," she says, still very quietly, but it's also a dangerous quietness.
"Lorelai, your mother and I just want you – "
"I know, Dad. That doesn't change my answer. And Mom knew that," she says, giving me a piercing look. I swallow.
"Lorelai, please," I start again.
„Mom do you want to R-U-I-N this day? Then go on," she challenges me, giving a side glance to Rory, who is looking nervously at us.
"Of course I don't want that," I say, looking down.
"Then let's just forget about it," Lorelai offers. And we could. No, that's wrong. Maybe she could. I can't.
„Please, why don't you -" I begin.
"Mom, you know what? Why don't the two of us take this to the kitchen," she says, and I'm glad. Rory shouldn't witness this.
"We'll be right back," I say smiling at my granddaughter and giving her head a kiss.
"You ok?" Richard mouths to me and I nod, pointing at Rory, motioning for him and Lilly to occupy her. Then I'm following my daughter.
