**A/N: I will be away next week on vacation, so I'm not anticipating posting a chapter. BUT the next update will be the week I see Civil War so that's kind amazing/weird/exciting. Feel free to contact me if you want someone to talk to about the movie, but for obvious reasons, I'll be MIA next week as I scream on rollercoasters and bake in the sun.
Oh, and I also just finished my last assignment for class, so that's exciting.
Chapter 46- Mend Your Broken Heart
"I want to stand right by your side when the goin' gets tough. I want to mend your broken heart till you say the hurt is gone. I want to stay with you always so you won't be alone. I want to do everything for you."
~I Want To Do (Everything For You), Nazareth
Jamie wasn't all too pleased with being in his exersaucer, making it clear with his whining, but he wasn't crying. Whenever Bethany would look at him, however, his face showed just how displeased he was with the situation. He didn't want to be confined when he now had the ability to roam freely on his own two little legs. But Steve was busy training the team, Jackson had taken Jen and Theo to the museum as an 'educational field trip' and Bethany had promised she'd help Maria with some paperwork. She gave Jamie another half hour before she would have to let him out of the exersaucer to stretch his legs. Even in his sleep, he would kick his legs and his arms would swing from side to side. Steve kept telling her that he just needed to get used to the surge of energy and the compulsive need to move. It was something he dealt with after his transformation and Jamie was probably dealing with similar things.
Most nights, Steve didn't move too much when Bethany was next to him. But when he had been banished to the couch on the odd nights during her pregnancy or slept alone while Bethany was away on missions, Steve noticed that he moved a lot more. Sometimes he'd wake up in the middle of the night on the floor or on the bed sideways. But never when Bethany was with him. It was like he was self-consciously aware that his movements would be disruptive to her.
"There's a lot going on in a little neighborhood called Hell's Kitchen," Maria reported, handing Bethany a file, drawing her attention back to the topic at hand. "Enough to raise the suspicions about evolved humans living there. Or it's just really prone to bad things happening."
"Nothing in the past has brought it on our radar?" Bethany asked, flipping it open to a series of newspaper articles that had been printed from the web.
"Not in particular," Maria said with a shake of her head. "It was relatively untouched during the Battle of New York, but it seemed like a lot of criminal activity struck up in the last year or so. You may remember the Wilson Fisk scandal?"
"Briefly," Bethany said, reading the reports on a man in a mask who was dubbed as 'Daredevil'. "I've been here before, actually. More than once. SHIELD had me go there for some dealings. It's a sketchy neighbourhood, which could explain the criminal activity."
"Agreed," Maria allowed. "But people are actually doing things now." Maria reached forward and flipped one of the tabs in the folder, showing her multiple twitter feeds and text messages that had been pulled from individuals' phones. "These people either live in Hell's Kitchen, or were in the area at the time of their messages. All regarding people possessing unnatural abilities."
"Well, they aren't the only ones," Bethany said with a sigh. "People all over the world are rising up to be superheroes lately. Even some with no extraordinary abilities to keep them safe. Paper copies?" Bethany added with a curve of her brow.
"Ultron has made me precautious," Maria answered with her smug smile. "But this is all in our databanks if you want to study it at your place."
Bethany rubbed the side of her face, letting out a heavy breath of air while looking at the profiles of some of the so-called 'superheroes' that were in Hell's Kitchen. Many of them were ordinary people, no name or costume to hide their faces, but the Daredevil in particular was a confusing one. "No lead on who this man is?"
"We could look into it," Maria began. "But he's solving more problems than causing. I don't think we need him on our radar. He doesn't seem like the type to cause problems."
"Maybe not, but are we not recruiting candidates to become the New Avengers? To have a bigger team?"
"You know Steve believes that if this gets too big, it'll be hard to control people," Maria pointed out.
"We're not controlling anyone. They're free to leave whenever they please. But yes, I do agree that it can be dangerous. Good people do bad things all the time, you never know what could happen. I don't know, I just feel like we either let everyone, all the people in this folder, do what they want, or we dig dirt up on all of them. There's no in the middle. There's no gray area. It's black and white."
Maria was quiet before letting out a soft breath of air and nodding. "What's your expert opinion?"
Bethany opened her mouth to speak, but it was a few long seconds before anything came out. "I feel like if someone wanted to join us, they'd march right up to our front door and show us what they've got. But people aren't so willing to do that. A lot of people are happy with Bruce Banner being the weirdest thing in this world."
"And the crazy thing is that he's not," Maria added softly.
"No, he's not," Bethany agreed. "There might come a day when we'll need their help, but we can't be selfish. These people are protecting their towns, cities, remote areas and fighting crime that is way above our focus. They're keeping the smaller population safe and that's just as important."
"Meaning, you'll talk to Steve about it," Maria said with a chuckle, earning her a smile from Bethany.
"As much as people believe that I'm in charge of all this," she said, gesturing to all the files and information packets on the table. "I'm not. It's a group decision, not just mine. Not just Steve's either."
"Which causes a lot of debate, issues, and slower processes," Maria added.
"It's like the Senate in Star Wars," Bethany began, only for Maria to interrupt.
"Not just in general?"
Bethany shook her head. "That's the whole point of the fall, though, right? In the movies, the power is given to the Chancellor because it takes so long for the Senate to agree on anything. It's their very downfall in the end, but at least when one person was making the decisions, they could actually get things done."
"Yeah, war," Maria reminded her.
"All I'm trying to say is that this way takes a long time, but one person making quick decisions doesn't always work either," Bethany finished before Jamie decided that he was ready to get some freedom, letting a loud wail and swinging his legs back and forth wildly.
Bethany was making dinner when Steve came home, Sam following him and declaring that it smelled amazing in the apartment, basically inviting himself over for dinner. Bethany didn't mind at all. She always made more than enough food, knowing that someone would eat the leftovers if Steve didn't just decide to eat it all that night. Her day had been pretty slow and she had to force herself not to help out around the Facility. It wasn't that motherhood was boring her, it was that Jamie was a pretty well-behaved baby on most days. He wasn't too fond of being confined to a small space, but he could keep himself busy for up to an hour, something Bethany knew was rare.
"How's Jen holding up?" Steve asked as the men took a seat at the island. It wasn't as big or glamourous as the one at the Tower, or the one that would soon be installed in their house, but it would do in the meantime.
"I'm more worried about Kiley than Jen, to be honest," Bethany stressed, continuing her preparation of the Caesar salad.
"Aren't they running tests on Jen this week though?" Sam asked, a little confused.
"Basic things, really," Bethany explained. "Most of it she already knows and the rest is just a bunch of 'what-ifs'. Although one scientist apparently thought that if Jen could freeze her own body, it would be a good thing. Then I pointed out that breaking ice is a whole lot easier than breaking bone, and she'd break into a million little pieces. Jen called me today saying that this guy, Kevin Ruel, thought of a new brilliant, but really not that brilliant idea. If she breaks while she's ice, she can melt and maneuver as water."
She watched as Steve's eyes popped open in shock. "But… what if she just… dies?"
Bethany pointed the knife she was using to herself. "That's what I'm saying. The thing about some of these scientists is that they forget that these are real people, with real lives. It would be a cool experiment if it didn't have such deadly consequences."
"Has she decided if she wants to keep them or forget about them yet?" Sam asked, before looking down at his legs. Bethany had been keeping a watchful eye on Jamie as he played with some of his toys, but he had apparently decided that Steve and Sam were more important than his toys. "Hey little dude."
Bethany smiled as Sam picked the baby up and sat him on his lap, the boy reaching out eagerly for one of the vegetables on the cutting board, but it being just out of his reach. "I don't think she'll ever make a decision," Steve admitted, helping his son out and giving him a cucumber.
"I don't necessarily agree, but she's not making a decision anytime soon. The tests make her feel safe," Bethany said with a shrug. "We're not in any position to take that from her."
"And what's going on with Kiley?" Steve asked, changing the subject.
Bethany sighed, placing the knife in the sink and leaning against the countertop. "She's very distant. She seems lonely, but every time I try to talk to her, she's not at all there. If I was acting like that, I know I'd want to be left alone, so I've been trying to give her space, but I don't know. She's always been very vocal about what's going on in her life. This entire PTSD, anxiety, drug and alcohol addiction thing… I need to stop expecting to see her as she used to be and start to accept her as she is now."
"It's not that easy, is it?" Steve spoke lightly. It was meant to tease Bethany from all the times she insisted that him going after Bucky wouldn't do anyone any good since Steve was still expecting his best friend and not necessarily the man he had become as of late. But despite trying to be humorous, he failed because of how serious the topic was to both of them.
"I can give it a shot," Sam suggested. "I'm pretty good at that sort of thing."
"You are," Bethany said with a nod, knowing that the one person she'd want with her while going through a panic attack would be Sam. "Could you?"
"Well, I mean if you're gonna feed me more than once a week, I might as well repay you, right?" He joked, earning a soft chuckle from Bethany. "But I'm more than happy to. She's a nice girl. Also, your food is better than that crap they serve in the cafeteria."
"There's a reason why the apartments have kitchens," Bethany pointed out.
"But that would mean going grocery shopping," Sam retorted.
Bethany laughed, shaking her head. "Would you like me to go grocery shopping for you Sam?"
"Then I'd really owe you," Sam announced, making them all laugh, including Jamie, but it was clear that he was only laughing so he wouldn't be left out.
"Oh! I forgot to tell you Steve. They were able to get another team of construction workers out, so the house will be having twice as many people. Now, that doesn't mean that it'll get built quicker since certain things need setting time, but at least they can focus on more than one area of the house at any given time."
Bethany was counting on the house to be ready for her birthday so she could throw a party and invite everyone she knew that was still on her good side. But she still had Jamie and Steve's birthday's to plan before she could think about hers. "What are we supposed to do for Jamie's birthday?"
"It's his first birthday, he won't remember it," Sam pointed out.
"I still want it to be special," Bethany pouted slightly. "I wanted a nice barbeque with the family and some friends, but-"
"Then let's do that," Steve said with a shrug. "No buts. We can find a secluded space, set up some picnic tables, some music. What's wrong with that?"
"It'd have to be at the Facility," Bethany explained. "I'm just being picky, forget I said anything-"
"We could do it at the Tower if you want," Steve suggested lightly. "Tony would be more than happy."
"No, no," Bethany replied, shaking her head. "We can do it here. Sorry, I was just complaining and feeling sorry for myself. Here is fine. I can be happy with here."
"You sure?" Steve stressed, raising his brows for emphasis.
"I am," Bethany promised. "Like you said, Sam. It's his first birthday. The only thing he'll remember is going to be from the photos we take." She shook her head as she looked over at her son. "Ugh, how are you turning one, Munchkin?"
Jamie just looked up at his mother, his lips wet with drool and gave her that adorable gapped-tooth smile she loved where his eyes scrunched up excitedly. A year ago, he had been inside of her. A year ago, they had been one. She had been excited for the pregnancy to end, but also afraid of what the future would hold. She continued to worry about the future, Jamie's in particular, but there was something very exciting about Jamie's first birthday. It was less of an accomplishment for Jamie and more for Steve and Bethany. They had succeeded the first year of having a baby, something she had been nervous about time and time again. Something she knew Steve had struggled with too. But another year had passed. And their baby boy was turning one.
Bethany was busy organizing the food table when Tony and Pepper arrived, Pepper carrying the cake Bethany had ordered from a bakery in the city. "Anything I can help with?" Pepper asked with a smile after they exchanged their pleasantries.
Bethany looked around the area she and Kiley had set up. "You can ask Kiley if she needs any help with the streamers and balloons, but I think she already got things under control."
The redhead looked at Kiley who was currently obsessing over balloon placement and decided to help her out anyways. "So, uh, where's Steve?" Tony asked, leaning against the table.
Bethany picked a strawberry up from the arrangement and handed it to Jamie, who was in his playpen, walking around in circles. He took a second from his wandering to eat the fruit before continuing. She sighed, tossing the top of the strawberry in the trash, looking to her nephew. "He's on a mission," she told him, trying to hide her emotion.
They were quiet for a minute before Tony laughed, but there was no humour in his tone. "Wow. He's just like dad."
"Tony, that's not fair," Bethany breathed for a moment. "The call was sent out. People were in trouble. What did you expect him to do? Me to say? 'No Steve, you can't, it's your son's first birthday? Just let all those people down?'"
"Don't act like you're not disappointed."
"Of course I am!" Bethany stressed, lowering her voice. "But I'm not heartless. It's not like he's off at a strip club, Tony. He's saving people. He's being a hero. A good man. As much as I want Steve to be here with us I also fell in love him because he was a good man. I married him full well knowing that it's important for him to save lives. I'd be a hypocrite to expect him to be all of that with his family and not with anyone else."
"I'm not trying to get you worked up," Tony promised. "I'm just worried about you."
"I'm fine," She insisted, rearranging some flowers while she gathered her breath. "No one is ever one-hundred percent happy with their lives. Everyone has to deal with stuff they don't like or want. Do I worry? Of course. And obviously I'm upset that he's missing this, but I don't appreciate you coming here and accusing him of being a bad father."
"I wasn't doing that-"
Bethany's hands clenched in frustration. "Kinda seems like it, kid. Please… Please, just respect the life Steve and I have chosen for ourselves. And trust that I'll know when I'm not happy and Jamie's not happy and things need to change. As much as I want to be with Steve, if Jamie or I are suffering, I expect Steve to understand and make a difference. Now, can you please just help me focus on Jamie and not on his father or godparents not being here? Please?"
Tony looked at his feet for a moment, but his sunglasses covered whether it was out of contemplation or embarrassment. "Do you need any help with anything?" He finally offered.
"Can you watch Jamie while I pick some things up from the apartment?" Bethany asked softly.
"Yeah," Tony nodded.
Bethany leaned down to kiss Jamie's forehead softly before moving to leave, but her pride stopped her and she turned back around. "He won't be gone all day. Yeah, he left before Jamie was awake, but he said he'd be back tonight. He'll make a memory with Jamie on his first birthday. That's all that's really important, right?"
"What if, in ten years from now, the kid looks at pictures of his first birthday and wonders where his dad is?" Tony asked. "And let's say Steve isn't around anymore. Those will mean something to him."
Bethany let out an exasperated breath, raising her hands out, trying to find answers. "I'll photoshop him in or say he was the one taking the photos. Just-just don't, okay, Tony? Please, just support me today. I need it. I'm pretending I'm strong, but when Steve isn't around, it's really hard. I feel like there's only half of me, so please-"
Tony walked towards her, pulling her in for a hug. "I won't say another word," he promised.
"I appreciate you being worried about me and Jamie," she whispered. "But you don't need to worry about us. I do enough of that already."
"I just don't want you to feel like you're alone," Tony replied honestly.
"I don't," Bethany said, pulling apart so she could smile. "Right now, in fact, I feel like I never get a moment alone. Between Jamie, Steve and everyone at the Facility, I never feel alone. I'm good, kid. Now, please just watch him while I get some stuff from the loft?"
"Sure," Tony nodded as Bethany scattered off. She had a box filled with gifts for Jamie. It was an absolutely beautiful day. Bethany was worried that the rain they were expecting tomorrow would come early and they'd have to have the party inside. Steve was supposed to barbeque burgers for all the people helping them celebrate Jamie's first birthday, but it looked like she would have to take the reins on that one. Since the Avengers made up the most of the party guests, they were going to be a small crowd so it shouldn't be too many people to cook for, but Bethany was really hoping that Steve would end up returning home earlier.
Steve had told Bethany that he'd text her on their way back to the Facility, but he wasn't planning on keeping that promise. He had even asked the team not to text her. He wanted it to be a surprise that their mission went off without a hitch and he'd be back in time for dinner. He didn't intentionally want to lie to her, but he wanted to see the look on her face when he surprised her. He knew she would be ecstatic, and not at all upset that he hadn't said anything.
Steve hated that he almost missed Jamie's birthday. It really was a huge achievement, not necessarily for the baby, but for the entire family. A year ago, Bethany had been in the hospital, trying to birth him into the world and Steve had felt helpless, unable to do anything but watch. In a lot of ways, Steve still felt this way when it came to Jamie, but the baby was starting to accept him dressing and feeding him opposed to only Bethany, which made him feel very fulfilled. Looking back at the past year, Steve knew that he and Bethany were ready to have another baby. They could do it again, easily. Jamie hadn't been such a difficult baby and raising a child was less work than saving the world on a weekly basis. But that was the entire reason why they would wait—he was busy saving the world on a weekly basis.
"Twenty minutes," Natasha informed Steve, sitting beside him.
"Good, it'll give me time to shower before I have to cook the burgers," Steve smiled softly. He had been looking forward to that. Sam had showed Steve some tips and he had practiced for hours the night before. "You're coming right?"
"You think I'd miss it?" Natasha asked, but by looking into her eyes, Steve was glad that he did.
"You've been sitting out on a lot of social things lately," Steve explained. "I get it. I do. I know what it's like to open yourself up to someone and have them betray you because they think what they're doing is what's best for everyone, even if it isn't."
"I've already talked to Bethany-"
"She's worried about you," Steve interrupted. "Okay? We both are. We don't expect you to go back to normal overnight. You're allowed to be sad, we just want you to know that you have us, whether it's to talk or just to have a few drinks."
"I know I have people to talk to," Natasha replied. "But I don't want to. Mostly because I can't put my emotions into words. But it's not just that, I just don't feel like reliving it. I'm just trying to move on the only way I know how to."
"Did you love him?" Steve asked suddenly.
"I think I could have," Natasha answered honestly. "I loved him, but I don't think I was in love with him. Not yet anyways. Not now. I do miss him though. And miss-"
"What could have been?" Steve questioned, giving her a small smile when Natasha nodded. "Yeah, I know what that's like."
"Yeah, but everything worked out perfectly for you."
Steve laughed. "'Perfectly'? Not even close. And yes, things worked out, but it took time. A lot of time. And whose to say it won't work out for you? I really didn't think things would work out between Beth and I, but our son turned one today. A son who was born in wedlock, of all things."
"We couldn't have that though. Kids," Natasha explained shyly. "It was never really something I thought I'd need after I graduated from the Red Room, but now… things are different. My life is different from what they told me it was going to be. Don't get me wrong, it's better. But I guess seeing Clint with his family and now you and Bethany with Jamie and planning your future… Things don't seem so clear anymore."
"Well, you're always welcome in our family," Steve assured her. "We made you Jamie's godmother for a variety of reasons. And by default, that makes you part of our family. And anything you want to do with your life, you know Beth and I will support you. We'll help you do whatever you want to do since we know you'd do the same for us."
"Thanks Rogers," Natasha replied softly, smiling kindly. It was a smile that screamed that Natasha trusted Steve. He knew that she did, but she often wore a mask that made understanding what she was thinking or feeling really hard, and nothing bugged Steve quite like not knowing what someone was thinking.
Bethany chuckled, taking a sip of her wine as she and Pepper watched Tony and Jamie play. The baby kept squeezing her nephew's nose and laughing at the funny faces he was making in response. "I didn't think I'd ever see him with a baby in his hands," Bethany admitted to Pepper.
The redhead chuckled, nodding. "Jamie sure has Tony wrapped around his little finger."
"Yeah, he seems to have done that to a lot of people," Bethany replied. "Any talk about you two settling down?"
Pepper put her empty wine glass down, pouring herself some more booze before taking a hefty sip. "That's not exactly a conversation that Tony approaches lightly. I always figured one day I'd get married and maybe have kids. But when I fell in love with Tony, things changed, you know? Being with him is enough for me right now."
"You know, I thought the same thing about Steve," Bethany said with a laugh. "But I was more like Tony and Steve was adamant on marriage and children. To him, it's a vital part of life. I'm grateful he convinced me of that. The past year has been amazing. Scary, for sure. But I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"That's reassuring to hear," a voice whispered in her ear, followed by two strong arms wrapping around her waist.
"Steve!" Bethany exclaimed excitedly, turning in Steve's arms and giving him a tight hug. "You're back!"
"Sorry I didn't say anything, I wanted to surprise you," Steve replied, kissing her softly. "Hi, Pepper. How you doing?"
"I'm doing great," Pepper smiled. "I'll give you two a moment."
"Thanks, Pep," Bethany grinned, hugging Steve closer to her. "Oh, I'm so happy you're here! I was afraid I'd have to grill the burgers."
Steve held her close, lifting her so her feet hovered over the ground for a moment before placing her back down. "I wouldn't miss the chance to try my new frilling skills. I would like to shower and change however. That's what the rest of the team is doing."
"That's fine with me, but maybe you should spend some time with the birthday boy before that?" Bethany teased, looking over to where Tony and Jamie were still playing. Steve eagerly moved to the boys, scooping his son into his arms and tossing him in the air lightly, Jamie's laugh capturing everyone's attention.
Bethany clasped her hands together, resting them against her chin as she felt pride swell up inside her. The rest of the night was Bethany's definition of perfect. She only felt her happiness swell up even more when Steve had changed out of his outfit and while she wouldn't admit that to anyone, it really concerned her. It was confusing. She could not put her pride of Steve and him being Captain America into words. It might not always seem like she was proud of him, but she helped make him that way and she was immensely proud of what he had become and accomplished. But seeing him dressed in a pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt, holding his son as he cooked food for their friends, it made her even more proud. Steve seemed to only identify himself as Captain America some days, but Bethany was proud to identify him as a family man first.
Theo blew out the candles on Jamie's cake since the baby just kept laughing whenever Bethany would try to show him what to do and he eat precisely two bites before he decided he'd rather wear the cake than eat it. Which, unfortunately for Jamie, meant that after gifts, pleasantries and goodbyes, it was bath time. Despite filling the tub with bubbles and a bunch of floating toys, as soon as Jamie saw or heard the running water, he began to cry as usual.
"The tub isn't big enough for me," Steve reminded Bethany, knowing that in order to get all the icing staining off of Jamie, he'd need a deep scrub.
"This is outrageous," Bethany said, shaking her head lightly, trying to keep Jamie's squirming body in her arms. "He's one and still freaks out over a bath but is fine with swimming pools and oceans. We shouldn't have to get in the bath with him every time we need to wash him."
"Any brilliant ideas to condition him?" Steve asked, turning the running water off when the tub was filled.
Bethany breathed in deeply before exhaling and nodding. "I have an idea. Go get the tablet."
Steve followed her instructions as she took the still squirming Jamie's clothes and diaper off. The bathrooms in the Facility were almost half the size of the bathroom they had at the Tower, but Bethany kept reminding herself that it was temporary. The dorm-like rooms in the Facility weren't exactly meant for a family of three at bath time. Bethany instructed Steve to sit the tablet up on the toilet seat which was way too close to the tub for Bethany's liking. After searching up some videos on YouTube and making a playlist, Bethany let Jamie watch some of his favourite Disney movie songs until he was distracted enough so that plopping him in the tub was effortless. Steve and Bethany backed away for a few seconds, watching carefully to gauge how he'd react and high-fiving each other in success.
"You, my darling Doll Face, are a genius," Steve congratulated her, pulling her into his arms and kissing the crown of her head.
"Well, why thank you Captain," Bethany replied, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him close to her. "I'm really happy you made it back this afternoon," she whispered.
"I am too," Steve whispered back. "I'd say I wouldn't have missed it for the world, but the world really dictates whether or not I miss anything."
"Tony was upset," Bethany confined as the song changed from Under the Sea to I Just Can't Wait to be King. "I defended you. He doesn't see things in the perspective of Iron Man when it comes to this. He sees it as the little boy whose father missed his birthdays because he was working. Babe, I'm really proud of you though, you know that right? I know how much we mean to you and that the last thing you wanted to do today was go out on a mission, but that it's your duty and you knew people needed your help. I'm not upset. I'm immensely proud."
Steve tilted Bethany's head up so he could look into those beautiful green eyes of hers. "I can't tell you how good it feels to hear you say that."
Jamie's laughter caught their attention and they both smiled as he splashed around in time with the music. "Our little boy is one, Steve," Bethany said softly. "Our beautiful, baby boy. Soon he'll be a toddler. Then a kid. Then a teenager-"
"But for now, he's our baby boy," Steve interrupted, kissing her one more time before breaking apart to start ridding Jamie of the blue and green icing stains all over his body.
**A/N: See ya all in two weeks :D
anonymouscsifan: There will be small time hops for sure. I'm not planning on writing every single day. The thing with doing the Civil War plot is that I need the script/movie in front of me while I write, and Marvel takes forever to release their movies on DVD. So whenever they do that, I'll start on actually writing out the revised script. I made the Facility Bethany's property specifically because I wasn't sure what would happen in Civil War with the Facility but I knew that I would be PISSED if Tony was all "we'll it's technically mine" so I made sure it was hers so I can avoid that.
