I'd like to thank Raion-chan for the idea of the medicine, which i stole from her XD

THANK YOU TO REVIEWERS CHAPTER ELEVEN

95Elizabeth, babyC.jelly.beany.bug, BandGeek99, kouga's older woman, Lily Lorelei, LilyRedHead, nami4027, Princess-goth, raion, Rinny87, rockangel160, Sagesther, thiefkingbakura4eva

CHAPTER TWELVE : MEDICAL ASSISTANCE

Haru leaned against the window of the shinkansen, glad that he had purchased two seats so that he could show his emotion, his bag sat next to him. Why was it all so difficult? All of it...he didn't know how to describe it but there was a difference between him not wanting something and Rin not wanting something. If he had told her the truth, that he wanted them to break up she would have protested and stopped it from happening, if she wanted them to break up however, they could. That was alright in the eyes of Sohma, Isuzu.

He felt those words against his lips again, "I don't how to love you anymore," had those finally pushed her away? He shivered, curling himself into a ball and letting the tears run down, he hated having to say that to her, to have to pretend that he didn't care this much about her. He wanted her but he didn't deserve her.

"You're just hurting the girl Haru," his mother spoke whilst staring at the ryokan, "Haru, you know that I'm right, you need to be somewhere where there are doctors who can take care of you, I'll help you pay for it, I will but, admit it please?"

Haru stiffly nodded, "I know you have a right to feel that way but what about Isuzu? Mum I know you don't like her but I do, she said that she'd take care of me. I know that's selfish but I trust Rin with my life,don't worry about me alright?"

"You just don't understand the severity of your illness," Kairi pushed as Haru felt the sweat increase and run down his neck, "When you're in one of these episodes Haru, it sickens her, it upsets her so much, I don't think that she could handle that. You have to break it off wi--"

"How the hell am I meant to break it off with her!?" the ox snapped, "I'm gonna be the father to her kid, Rinoa's your granddaughter, you don't want her to be raised without a father right? Sure I'm sick! I'm mentally ill! I'm nuts but I'm trying to make this work, I'm trying to--"

"You'll break her," Kairi commented, "You know I'm right," Haru looked back at her as he remembered how much Rin had cried, he had held her captive with his mental illness, that wasn't right or fair to her at all! Rin deserved someone who offered so much more. He didn't deserve to be with her and he shouldn't love her, he would only cause her pain if they stayed together.

"Mama! Mama!" a small boy yelled as he came rushing towards the seat Haru was in and tripped over his shoelace, his mother was trying to handle a small baby and the ox took out a bandage and cotton ball and came towards the child. "Owwie! Mama,"

"Hey," Haru smiled towards the boy, "Your mother's right there but here," he handed the kid the bandage and cotton ball as he managed to put it on the scrape. "Hopefully this will make it all better, my name's Hatsuharu by the way, have you got this all sorted?"

"Yeah mister Hatsuharu" the kid smiled as he jumped up and ran to his mummy, "Mister Hatsuharu my name is Sasuke! It's nice to meet you mister Hatsuharu,"

"It's nice to meet you as well," he whispered getting back to his seat and looking out the window, he had to get through with this trip, the cat demon needed a sacrifice and he needed to die, a win-win on both sides right? He took another breath in, it was so difficult to leave Rin but for her own good it needed to be done. She would suffer much less if she wasn't cooped up with a mentally insane lunatic.

Maybe Arisa Uotani was right, perhaps the people around him would be better off without him there.

He really did pity Rin but that could stop, she wouldn't have to take care of him anymore, it was over, all the pain and stress, everything was over. Life would be over soon but at least he had left that note.

Rin,

I know what I've done, how I've acted it must have upset you but things will be okay now, I don't need you in my life anymore and so I need to leave you. Because of how sick I feel when I'm around you I won't be coming back. You deserve someone who loves you, someone who isn't me.

So don't come to my funeral, don't miss me after I've gone

I'm not worthy of the love I will forever hold for you

Haru

Meanwhile

Rin stared at the letter in front of her, what did this mean? She curled herself up into another ball, she wanted to call his cellphone and find out where he was but he didn't want her did he? She had ruined him, broken him and without Haru it was a much sadder world but the last line, it made it seem that he did love her. What had happened to him?

"Is it alright to need you in MY life baby?" she whispered as she looked to see that he had taken the nappies, he was sick and she understood that but he needed someone, she wanted to be his special person. She felt her eyes close and the dreams come and for once she didn't want to think about Haru, anything but Haru.

Momiji walked over and pulled the letter out, Haru, what had happened to him? He stroked Rin's hair back as he sat next to her, maybe Tohru would understand if he was to stay here with Rin. "He'll come back," he whispered hoping that that was true, there was no way that Haru could hate her so much that he wouldn't come back.

"Does he think that I hate him?" she asked looking up, she couldn't sleep anymore, not when Haru was all that was on her mind. "Momiji," she tried weakly, "Please don't leave me, I can't...I can't be pregnant alone," she sniffed as she stood up and got to Haru's bag, there were still things inside. She opened it to find a notebook, he had written in it. Most of it was just physics notes that she couldn't understand and had scattered question marks all around but every so often there was a scribble and a quick little drawing of her. Did guys really do that?

Shuffling through the files she noticed that there was a print out receipt and took a deep breath in, her eyes widening in surprise, it was for a mental hospital just outside of Tokyo and had his mother's signature on it. His mother had paid for Haru to go here so this was what was making him feel so down, "Bitch," she sniffed as Momiji stood beside her, "His mother wants him to go to the hospital. I can take care of him, I thought--I thought he trusted me. He's not this sick right?"

"I don't like the looks of this," the blonde frowned, he looked up to see that the request had been filled in the day his mother had come to see him out of the hospital, was this the reason for everything? Did he think that he was burdening them, he watched as Rin pulled out another notebook and this was filled with sayings such as "I hate myself" "Wouldn't the world be better without me" "She hates me, she hates me."

He was so depressed but why couldn't she help him, she wanted to help him so badly, but was it her fault. She had often thought of herself as twisted and that her desire would crush him she hadn't imagined him leaving her. Who had hurt him like this, it must have been more than his mother, she just wished that somehow she knew. Without a second thought she grabbed her cell phone, turned caller ID off and called him.

It was answered in a moment by a very unhappy. "Moshi Moshi, Sohma, Hatsuharu spe-speaking."

"Haru!" Rin yelled, "Is this about your condition?" she stared at her phone thinking that he was going to be hung up and their connection broken once again but he didn't, he remained on the line.

"Ye-Yes," he admitted quietly,

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I should've...I should've seen it, Haru I'm so so sorry. Please, please come home, please?"

"I ca-can't..." he choked, his voice shaking again before there came his characteristic giggle, "I'm going to break you, I'll hurt you, I don't want to hurt you."

"Idiot," Rin laughed softly, "You won't break me Haru because I love you, I..."

"I still don't want to be with you..." Rin froze hearing him hang up on her once she said that, what was wrong with him. She stared at the floor starting to break, she had been so genuine and then hearing that giggle made her want to run out, find him and comfort him until he had calmed down.

"So you think you've found the problem?" Momiji asked, tilting his head to the side as Rin shook hers.

"No," she breathed before sniffing, "But I've started to uncover it and once I find the root I'll heal him and make him happy again. That idiot."

Meanwhile:

Yuki looked at the huge bottle that was attached to the wall with a straw in it, he felt himself drawn towards the water, he wanted it and so tried to break the thing but it was held on tightly. Moving closer he took the straw and started to suck whilst on his hands and knees, falling onto his back with his arms and legs in the air he allowed the liquid to drop into his mouth and roll down his throat. Disturbing but not the most unpleasant thing ever and a welcome change from rat pellets.

Someone had come to see him and his eyes widened, he rushed to the window praying that it wasn't Tohru and managed to stare out, the light was really hurting his eyes, "Wh-Who?" he coughed as his lungs fell weak, "Who?"

"It is I little brother," Aya whispered as he came close to the bars, "Now where is that fiendish Akito, I need to discuss these matters with he--"

"Don't!" Yuki protested quickly, "I mean, don't go to him nii-san," he whispered in a strained voice before noticing that Aya was holding, "Cake? You have cake?" he stared dreamily at the piece in front of his eyes before glaring at his brother, "You're thinking of eating cake in front of me?" he questioned pretty annoyed.

"Of course not my little prince," he grinned before tilting it to the side so that Yuki could get it, "Can you reach it?" he asked, eyes widening, "Baby brother how could you have gotten into this predicament?" he inquired seeing Yuki wolfing down the cake in only a matter of minutes. He pushed the plastic container back through to Aya, "Was it good?"

"Thanks nii-san," he whispered before slumping down with his back towards the window, "Please don't leave right now but don't be your usual loud self either..." he ducked his head again, he was feeling so mentally exhausted at the moment, he took another deep breath and then remembered that Aya and Kakeru really did know each other. "If Manabe comes to you, can you lie to him nii-san?" he coughed again, his asthma effecting him, "Tell him that I changed schools at my family's request."

"I intend to get you out of this dungeon before he even has a chance to worry about such worldy matters, you are of course my brother and the little prince." Ayame stretched his arms as he said this, tossing his long hair behind his back again, "So you're choosing to remain in this prison for what wrongdoing?"

"I'm choosing it to help out a friend and a cousin," he took a deep breath in before feeling that someone was coming, standing up he looked at his brother, his eyes widening, "Nii-san you have to go now!" he hissed at him in a quiet voice, "There's someone here so you NEED to go, for both of us to be safe."

Aya looked at him once again as Yuki seemed to plead to him to leave, that was enough for him to scamper off as Yuki quickly blocked the window as Akito came in with...a needle? The prince's eyes widened as he stared at the towel that the needle was resting on, "Akito?" he choked, "What is that?"

"Oh well...I want to see what it does," she smiled as she pressed down on the needle and it squirted, the liquid made a damp mark on the towel and Yuki's eyes widened, "So I've decided to do rat testing."

Yuki flinched, what was Akito planning to do? He couldn't be planning on sinking that needle into his skin right? "Akito, that's illegal you know that right?" he whispered as his god cornered him into a wall and then sunk the needle into his arm, he felt so weak afterwards and dropped down onto the ground, he felt incredibly cold but he looked up at the older man. "What..." he started to ask, "What was that Akito? What did you put into my body!?"

"Temper Temper," the girl warned with a cold smile, "You sure look white Yuki-kun but that's what comes from asking questions, see Hatsuharu never asked me questions, I suppose that's why I liked him so much but now I have a rat to play with instead of a cow."

Yuki stared up at him, something was seriously wrong with this god! "Did you poison me!?" he choked, it was affecting his lungs and his asthma. He wanted to curl up in a ball and wake up in Shigure's house with Tohru beside him but that wasn't going to work.

"You'll have to wake up and see...if you wake up," she laughed before looking at the rat pellets, "Aww Yuki, I'm offended that you didn't eat more of your food and I will get someone to install a wheel in this room." She turned back as Yuki transformed into an unconscious rat, "Sleep well then and if I catch anyone coming to see you, I'll kill them."