AN: Silly meta shenanigans ahead. In-jokes abound. You have been warned. Pure goofiness, as a collective celebration for not only reaching 50, but finishing another story as well. :)

50.

It was a simple clearing, nothing special about it, just a swathe of grass in the midst of a forest. The trees encircling it were all well aged, with branches that reached out and entwined with one another like the arms of old friends, their leaves sleek and shiny. The grass was nothing much to look at, about shin-height and yellow-green, waving like an ocean at the slightest breeze. Apples were scattered around the ground, for whatever reason, perhaps simply because apples are incredibly delicious and fun to think about.

No, there was nothing special about the clearing at all, and that was why it was so strange to see so many cats gathered together in one place. There were hundreds and hundreds of them, all cramming in as tightly as they could, struggling to fit into the clearing but failing. Dozens spilled beyond the grassy flatland, scattered amongst the trees. Some perched in branches, some lazed around on the green, and some weaved their way through the crowd with youthful glee, cackling and snapping at one another as if they had not a care in the world – and they didn't, for the moment.

Some of them were very similar – Fern and Blackheart were tucked together, whispering and laughing quietly about how you had to keep a firm eye on leaders, especially when they were toms, because they thought they knew everything; Ruin and Blight were sneering at each other from across the clearing, both clearly thinking the other had no class at all when it came to handling she-cats; Batflight and Shimmerfrost were comparing notes on how pig-headed the apprentices of their Clan were; Lionstorm and Fireblaze eyed one another as if trying to figure out which would triumph over the other in battle; Darkstorm and Corse were on edge, practically surrounded by their worst fears (kits and dead cats, respectively) – and some were very different – Fernstep greeted Frozenstar with a bright smile as she sat down next to the cranky leader, planning on discussing the weather; Fear cocked her head to the side, listening to Silvermist describe the joys of motherhood; Shackle watched with faint bemusement as Strawberrypaw prattled on about just how jolly it was to be alive. Some had stories that were still being read and discussed – Tigerstripe and Tigerstar sat together, chitchatting about Fate's cruel twists; Silverstar and Snowhawk discussed the merits of following one's duties; Sootsky and Spiderstrike sat next to one another, silently enjoying the feeling of family – whereas some had already been forgotten – Duskclaw and Mudstripe scowled about the "expendable deputy" trope; Gingerstep loudly lamented whether or not her fate would ever be revealed; Batter and Sentinel grumbled together about being used as dumb muscle and being rather quickly discarded; Adder huffed about villainy unexplored. Some were old and some were new, some were friends and some were enemies, some were lost and some were found. There were all sorts gathered in this little clearing, every color of the cat-fur-rainbow, and there seemed to be nothing they all had in common.

Nothing, that is, except for the girl perched on the stump in the very center of the clearing, with a laptop gleaming on her pale knees and an apple in one hand. She crunched on the fruit, watching the ongoing proceedings with an expression of amusement, before finally tossing the core aside as she prepared to get started.

"Alright," she said, and when the din did not die down, she insisted more loudly, "Alright! Come to order, or whatever. You guys know the drill. It's time to start…brainstorming."

A groan rippled through the crowd, and the girl moaned along with them. "I know, I know. Always such a tedious thing. But there's nothing that can be done about it! Yes, we've reached the halfway point, but there's still much, much, much more to do, and I'm not taking another three years to do it! Who has time for those shenanigans, honestly? Not I. So we're going to get some stuff done, and we're going to get it done quick, so you can all go home and relax and do whatever it is you guys do."

"Don't we even get to celebrate just a little?" Spiderstrike protested. "I mean, come on. We did just finally finish our story. Took over two years for you to get your butt in gear, but it's finally over and we can all stop worrying about the death-cloud hanging over our heads. Or, almost all of us can." He shot Maggot a sneer, and the white tom let out a low, threatening growl.

"Right, right," the girl said, scratching her head. "I guess we can take a moment to be glad we're rid of Chilled, finally. Round of applause for everyone." She clapped a moment, before realizing she was the only one with the capability to do so. "Oh, cheer or something, come on."

A chorus of yowls was graciously had, with a few cats getting a little too into the celebration – Ivykit bounced around like a little frog, Rabbitleap's kits were tumbling around like dust devils, and Tubs seemed to have gotten into a few fermented apples, as he swayed unsteadily on his paws with a blissful expression – and finally the girl held up her hands.

"Okay, okay, fun time's over. Down to business. We've gotten halfway through all this one-shot rubbish, and—"

To her displeasure, the celebratory yowls started up again at getting through the half-way point, as the cats did whatever they could to stave off the coming brainstorming session. The girl waited them out with an irritated expression, before finally banging on the keys of the computer on her lap.

That certainly got their attention: the clacking of keys could either mean incredible fortune or gruesome deaths awaited them, depending on her mood, and her expression was anything but pleasant. Almost immediately, the last gleeful noises quieted, and she cleared her throat again.

"Much better. Now, as I was saying, we're halfway through, and while that's all well and good, there's still a lot to do! Entire plots untapped, characters unexplored, deaths unwritten, loves undiscovered…you know, the usual stuff. So, let's get some of that out. Let me see." She frowned down at her laptop's bright screen. "Next one is 'Useless.' Any volunteers?"

The rather unbecoming title left the group silent, and she frowned again. "Come on, come on, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It could be about…I don't know, overcoming uselessness. That sounds perfect for you, Tubs, don't you think?"

Even in his apple-induced stupor, the heavyset tom seemed to recognize the insult. He frowned and grumbled something under his breath, only to be comforted by Darkstorm, who had been the butt of many a useless joke himself.

Another large tom cleared his throat hesitantly, but the girl immediately shook her head.

"Absolutely not, Shackle. As much as I would love to give you some sort of horrible, angsty chapter that will doubtlessly reduce my heart to rubble, you've had like five chapters or something already. You're all over the place, and I'm pretty sure our illustrious readers are tired of your shenanigans too. No, no, we need something fresh, something new…." She stroked her chin, trying to think. "I have a ton of useless characters, I just know it. I could name a dozen characters more useful in death than in life. Rainwind, you're one, and Oakstripe, you're two…Slaughter makes three, and—oh, don't glare at me like that, you ugly thing. You know it's true. Your only purpose was to be squashed flat by that maniac." She gave Lion a nod. The golden tom only rolled his eyes, pressing his pelt more closely against Clover's. "But I really don't want to write about Slaughter…I'd consider Reuben, but he's never ever going to be a real character…hmm, hmm…."

"A-hem," came a voice in the back. Yellowbelly was standing as tall as she could, struggling to make herself seen. "I do apologize for interrupting, but I believe it is Useful, not Useless. I would hate to see you embarrass yourself in front of everyone."

The group was hushed, marveling at the medicine cat daring to speak out against her Almighty Creator. The girl frowned, before glancing down to her computer, and then slapping her forehead.

"For once in your life, you're right on the dot," she said. "Silly me. Useful, then. Let's see—"

"I think I could be of service," Yellowbelly went on, but the girl ignored her.

"I think I have just the pair," she said, and smirked. "Two newbies, ones that no one has seen before! They'll do nicely, oh yes."

The cruel mistress tapped a few keys, making note of the decision, and nodding to herself. CenterClan's medicine cat looked disappointed, but was at least wise enough not to disagree.

"Alright. 'Treasure' is next, but we've already got everything squared away with that: Pea is going to be our darling star."

The small golden tabby seemed embarrassed by the attention, and she drew herself inwards, trying to be unnoticed. Castion, eyes gleaming as he spotted his mate, attempted to weave through the crowd to get to her, only to find a rather threatening Lightningstar in his way.

"You'll not be hurting the lady," the leader grumbled.

"I'd never dream of it," the city boss declared, but Lightningstar was unmoved. His bulk seemed more than a match for the Sun King, and so although Castion rolled his eyes with his usual royal scorn, he did sit back down.

"Lightningstar, my boy," the girl practically purred. "I know you were so looking forward to the 'Lightning,' chapter, but I'm afraid there's been a bit of a hiccup. See, I found these other two characters I want to try out for that one, and—"

"I understand," SnowClan's leader said, doing his best to sound melancholy, although rather privately he was relieved; Shackle was a very good example of why having many one-shots written about you was not necessarily a good thing at all.

"Oh, lighten up," the girl said, before chuckling to herself. "Get it? Lightning, lighten…ah, I kill myself." She wiped an imaginary tear from one eye, before continuing.

"Now, I know who we're using for 'Ceremony,' but I didn't invite him, since he gives me the heebies," the girl went on. "So, let's—"

"Hold on!" came a shout from the back. "Why does Pea get to be in Treasure? The readers don't even know who she is. She was only mentioned once or twice in a stupid one-shot that no one cared about."

The girl knew that voice all too well; she could already feel a headache coming on. "Dapplefern—"

"If anyone's a treasure, it's me," the dappled she-cat huffed. "A diamond in the rough, that's what I was. Full of untapped potential, and possibilities, and—"

"What makes you so great?" snapped Streamstar, unable to contain herself any longer. "If I recall, she forgot all about your death. You weren't even a footnote in your own story!"

"Well at least I died!" Dapplefern huffed. "She didn't even care enough about you to make sure you were dead! You were over the moment you hit the water! And, hey, at least I didn't ally with any filthy rogues, except for—"

"Who are you calling filthy?" Lune demanded from half-way across the clearing, pelt bristling, and he was quickly joined by Savage, Twist, and Sin, while Corse sat in the corner and hoped no one noticed him.

"She wasn't saying that all rogues were filthy," Snowhawk meowed, trying to play the peacekeeper as usual, only to flinch as Griffin let out a hiss.

"You're saying some of us are?" he growled, looking as though he was about to spring.

The girl tapped on a few more keys, trying to quiet them down again, but the characters all seemed rather intent on starting a brawl the likes of which had never been seen before. Inwardly, she sighed to herself – this was how these things always seemed to go, for whatever reason; her characters certainly did that from her, no sir – and gave Northstar a beseeching look. With a roll of his eyes, the white deputy rose to his paws, letting out a yowl that threatened to deafen the others – or in Snowhawk's case, re-deafen – before giving them all disparaging stares.

"Why don't we collect ourselves and not act like fools," he growled, tossing the last word in Dapplefern's face. Her jaw dropped, and her eyes burned with anger, but he silenced her with another look, and she finally sat back down.

"Thanks, love," the girl said, and Northstar dipped his head before resettling himself, allowing Rosedapple to lean on him again.

"Now, before you all start going for each other's throats again, need I remind you that we are all in this little shindig together?" the girl asked. "Being in these one-shots probably isn't always fun for you all, but I think they're quite interesting, not to mention helpful; they let us see parts of you that we would otherwise never uncover, let us ferret out secrets and backstories and yes, even deaths, that would otherwise remain unseen. Dapplefern, I've already apologized to you for forgetting about your death initially – in my defense, I had a lot on my plate at the time, what with writing the super-huge-crazy-death-battle and all – and you got a chapter all to yourself with 'Just Say It,' did you not?"

Dapplefern gave a begrudging grin, and the girl smiled. "See? You don't need another chapter, now do you? And Streamstar…."

The ex-RiverClan leader perked up expectantly.

"No one likes you," the girl said with a grin, "not even me. And no one cares about what happened to you after you tumbled into the water. So just forget about it, because I'm never writing about you again!"

Streamstar let out a furious huff, stalking out of the clearing and grumbling to herself. And, true to her word, the girl did not ever ever ever mention Streamstar ever again (except just one teeny tiny time in a later chapter) because Streamstar was terrible and boring and a jerk.

"Alright," the girl said, "Next up is 'Protection.' Please, no contraception jokes."

She was met with blank stares, and sighed. "Never mind. Let's just continue."

On and on it went, chapter after chapter, with ideas being continually suggested and thrown out in a mess that rather boggled the cruel mistress's mind after a short while. A great many suggestions were given, and an almost equally great number of suggestions were tossed aside. Dozens of chapters were skipped, ideas were revised several times over, and finally both the girl and the four-hundred-plus characters had had enough.

"Okay," the girl said, massaging her forehead with one hand. "Let's see. We've got some strong ideas for specific chapters down…and then a bunch of random ones, too. We're definitely going to address the whole Tigerstar/Gingerstep/Splash afterlife situation at some point…Tigerstripe, you need to have a chat with your daughter, or something needs to be done with her, poor neglected thing…Snowhawk, I want you to do something adorable with your daughter at some point…Silverstar, your kits are going to be in heaps of trouble, I'm sure…Sootsky, you and Rook have a few adventures planned. Blackheart and Darkstar, you've got a chapter reserved waaaay near the back – been reserved since I started this darn challenge in the first place, don't know why I put it so far back other than I'm an idiot – and Sweetheart, I might just have to use you for 'Delicious,' if only because it's such a dumb topic I don't know who else would fit. Oh, and something with Bullet and Brightflash, and that whole debacle with Clay and the new guy, too…and, of course, we'll have the grand finale in 'Blue Sky,' but I'm not even going to tell you guys what that's about yet."

She winked, and the group began to stir, sensing that the meeting was over. Before they could all flee and do whatever characters did when they weren't working, the girl held up her hands one last time.

"Hang on, hang on. One last little speech." She waited until they had obediently settled themselves before speaking again. "Like I said at the beginning, we've just finished one big story – the biggest thus far, in fact, in terms of both words and writing-time – and we're halfway through these one-shots. And that's really an incredible thing. I can't stress that enough. Not many people manage to write all this stuff, and while I know the quality is all over the place, I'm still proud to have done it. And I'm proud to have had you guys along for the ride.

"Some people describe their characters as their children. I'll be honest, if my babies looked like most of you guys, I'd be hella worried. Other people call their characters tools, and while some of you are definitely complete tools—" she paused to give Slaughter a meaningful look, "—most of you aren't half bad. I do some terrible stuff to my characters, but I'm honestly quite fond of almost all of you…even the ones that don't deserve it." Castion received a head-nod, which he graciously accepted.

"Exploring you guys – your faults and strengths and hopes and dreams and fates and flaws and delicious imperfections – has been one of the greatest things I've had the pleasure of doing, trumped only by being able to share all of that stuff with my dear ducklings." This time it was the sky who earned a fourth-wall-breaking stare. "It's been an incredible ride, and I have all of you to thank, for sticking with me through thick and thin – or, at least leaving and coming back when you remembered who I was. Shout out to all my TacoClan homies, too – love you guys.

"It's going to be a long, hard road, getting to one hundred, but a fun one, and I can't wait to see what we find along the way. So thank you, ducklings, for taking the time to read my babble – even this –, and thank you, characters, for cooperating with me most of the time – even though your other choice is a horrible, grisly death. There's no telling what will come after this challenge is over, if that ever happens, but I'm always excited to see what the future holds."

She paused a moment longer, drawing out the silence, before clapping her hands in one last round of applause. "Okay! You guys can all go home now."

The gathered cats hastily complied, filtering out of the clearing as one big mass. They all melded together, the cats that were alike and different, the remembered and the forgotten, the old and the new, the friends and the enemies, the lost and the found, all different threads of an immense tapestry that didn't quite form a coherent picture when it all came together, but belonged tightly bound all the same. The girl watched them go, and she smiled to herself as she closed her notebook. She sat very still for a long moment, trying to think of the perfect little quote or flowery sentence to describe the twisted tapestry that had become her fanfiction account, but finally gave up and shrugged to herself, standing up. There were cheese sticks to be eaten, after all – and fifty more one-shots to write.

AN: This is what happens when it's too late at night for me to take myself seriously

It's a really good thing the Vulpine crew wasn't invited to this party, that's all I have to say.