Authors note: no one even reads these things so idk why I keep writing them but if you are reading this cause idk you're crazy or bored or something then I have a question for you did you see Taylor Lautner on SNL? If so what did you think? Tell me in your reviews, ok? Ok!!!! Love you all bye, bye (=

"If we were a movie then you'd be the right guy and Id be the best friend that you'd fall in love with in the end we'd be laughing watching the sunset, day to day, shoulders beamed, play that happy song!!!!" Emmett sang.

"Are you quite finished?" Edward asked annoyed….he was in the middle of saying something…though no one really cared.

"Sorry….I got bored." Emmett muttered.

"Well, I was in the middle of giving a speech!!!"

"Exactly….no ones even listening!!!" Emmett exclaimed. "Now come on, let's get back to the game…what were we doing? Oh yeah, bands….uh let's make it a little more interesting….truth is so boring...unless your at a sleepover…that's it, let's have a sleepover!!!!" Emmett said as he clapped and jumped up and down.

"Emmett stop, you look like London Tipton!!!" Rose yelled pulling him down to the ground. "Fine…." He sighed. Sitting down…Alice raised her hand.

"Yes Alice?" Emmett asked.

"Is this sleepover going to require any shopping?" Alice asked.

"Um…I guess."

"YAAAYYY!!!! Come on Bella, let's go shopping buddy!!!" Alice yelled, pulling Bella along.

"Oh crap…EDWARD!!! NO!!!!!" Bella yelled as she got pulled out the door.

"Should we go help?" Jake asked.

"Hell no, she'll make us go too." Jasper answered.

"Edward don't you think that- Jake started.

"I would go…but….I can't….I'm married." He answered.

"What the hell kind of excuse is that?"

"I don't know."

"You guys do know that if you don't go with Alice then your going to have to help me." Emmett smiled.

"On second thought maybe I will go to the mall…."

"Yah…."

"Get some fresh air….."

"Yah….eat at the food court." Jasper answered.

'You're a vampire…you can't eat at the food court." Jake answered.

"Shut up!!! Do you want to be stuck here with Emmett when he's singing Hannah Montana?" Jasper asked.

"Well no…but I don't want to get tazed again." Jake added.

"Don't worry about Mike." Edward said as he pulled Jake out the door, Emmett had left the room for his toy box and this was there only chance to escape


(Later in the Porsche)

"Did you hear something?" Bella asked….there was a strange noise coming from the back of their vehicle.

"Yeah….I did." Edward said, turning his head to find none other then Mike hanging on to the back for dear life.

"I'm going to get you Cullen!!!" He yelled.

"Something is definitely wrong with that boy." Edward said turning back around.

"Oh my god!! What should we do?" Bella asked…a little worried about Mike.

"Just keep going, maybe he'll fall off and get run over." Jake laughed.

Everyone seemed to be in agreement…well except Alice. "He's gonna break it!!!" She cried…rubbing her car like a baby.

"Alice!! Watch the road!!!!!" Bella yelled as they almost hit into an old lady.

"Oh it's alright Bella, she's old anyway." Alice muttered.

"Um Alice…she's younger then you." Bella mumbled.

"Are you making fun of my age?" Alice asked….pulling over the car in the dead middle of the highway.

"Uhhh Alice, you're a hundred, get over it." Edward sighed, trying to make her start the car up again….half just because he was afraid Mike might catch up to them.

"Uhhhh!!! Edward, just for that comment I'm putting you on extra shopping duty mister!!!!" Alice yelled….very pissed off.

"Crap." He muttered, Jake and Jazz just laughed.

"Can we please speed the car back up now?" Edward asked changing the subject.

"What? You want to go to the mall or something?" Jake asked….

"No…."

"Then why do you want her to get the car started again?" Jazz questioned.

"Because" Before Edward could finish Mike Newton was on top of the Porsche, screaming like Tarzan, trying to pry the sun roof open.

"That's why." Edward muttered, quivering in his seat.

Jake on the other hand was hiding behind Bella. "Jacob what the hell?" Bella asked, very confused by his insane behavior.

"I'm sorry Bells but I can not be tazed again…I already had to cut my hair once." He shock.

"Sooo…you care more about your hair then me?" Bella questioned.

"Of course not….ok maybe…no...well yes….um…I can't answer that." Jake muttered.

"What should we do if he gets in?" Edward asked his brother.

"I'll handle this!!!" Alice said stopping the chaos once and for all.

***************

(Twenty minutes later)

"I cant believe you beat Mike with a heel." Bella laughed.

"That dude is sure never going to have kids after today." Jake laughed.

"I feel kind of bad about it." Alice sighed…though she had to do it….for the love of the car at least…well that and the sake of her brother and husband's dignity.

"Don't worry Alice….he was going to never have kids anyway…we just helped him out…well maybe not him…for him we just speeded up the prosses….but what about the poor girl he was probably going to rape….at least she can't get pregnant now." Edward answered.

"Your one to talk hundred year old virgin." Jake laughed.

"Shut up Jake….at least I don't touch myself."

"….We don't really know that." Jasper said taking out Edward's man journal.

"Hey give me that back!!!" Edward yelled. Jazz proceeded to throw it out the window.

"NOOOOOO!!! TANYA!!!!!!!!!!" Edward yelled.

"Um…excuse me but why is ever inanimate object you have named Tanya?" Bella asked, concerned.

"No reason." Edward replied….looking away, he didn't want to see Bella's sneer.

"Edward is sooo un original." Emmett sighed…wait Emmett? When did he get here?

"Emmett…when did you get here?" Edward asked…desperate for subject change.

"A couple of seconds ago…my Edward dropped his man journal senses were tingling." He answered as he took the other "Tanya" out of his pocket.

"By the way, it says here on page 105 that little Eddie wishes he has one of those dolls of Bella like Jake does so he can jack off to something that wasn't tapes of Bella sleeping that he secretly tapes." Emmett laughed.

"Uhhh!!! Edward!!!!" Bella sneered, yet again.

"Ha…told you." Jake laughed.

***************

(some more time later)

"Are we there yet?" Emmett asked

"Yah Alice…we've been driving for almost an hour." Bella sighed.

"Well I'm sorry we live in the middle of no where." Alice sighed, now keeping her eyes on the road unlike before.

"Alice…we past 4 malls on the way up here."

"Well….yah but I want to go to a nicer one." Alice answered.

"Where would this nicer mall be?" Jasper asked.

"…..New York."

"Alice do you know how far away that is?" Edward asked.

"Yah…..like a couple of hours…or days"

"Uhhh this is going to take forever…why did we offer to go to the mall anyway?"
Jake asked…forgetting their reason.

"Well we were trying to get away from Emmett." Edward answered….Emmett gave him a dirty look, but kept reading his diary.

"This is sooo stupid." Jake sighed.

"No…your just bored…let's play a game to kill time." Alice answered.

"I've got a better one…why don't we just kill Alice." Edward answered.

"Hey!!!!"

"Well….we could win…I mean it's like 3 against one." Emmett answered.

"There are for of us." Bella pointed out.

"Yeah…but you don't really count cause you cant fight." Jasper answered.

"Hey!!!" Bella yelled kicking him.

"Fine…three and a quarter against one…happy?"

"No…."

"Well oh well." Jasper answered. "Come on guys…we need a plan to get rid of her."

"You do know I can hear you….I'm sitting right next to you." Alice yelled.

"I could have been talking about any Alice…god you act like you're the only one in this car."

"I am the only one in this car!!!"

"Guys stop arguing!!!" Edward yelled as Emmett started to sing why cant we be friends.

"Alice….we have an bad singer, fully loaded with stupid songs and if we don't stop at the next mall we pass we will use him." Edward answered.

"Uhhh fine."

******************

"Uhhh thank god were finally at the mall!!!" Bella sighed happily…..well she was happy…until Alice started to pull a wig over her head.

"What the hell?" Bella ask/yelled.

"Um…well….i kind of got us banned from this mall so we have to go in disguise." Alice answered.

"But…they don't know me….why do I have to put this on?" Bella asked.

"Um…let's just say I may have told them I was Isabella Swan last time I was here and I was kinda dressed up as you." Alice answered.

"Again…what the hell?"

"Well…I couldn't use my name….I'm already banned from 4 malls in the country and just about every Wal-Mart in the world." She answered.

"So….you used mine?"

"Yah…oh by the way, Isabella Swan is also banned from Target, ToysRus, and the subway station."

"Im not even going to ask." Bella muttered as she put on her wig and sunglasses.

"You don't think we'll look stupid wearing sunglasses inside, in the middle of winter?" Bella asked.

"Um….well just say were blind." Alice answered.

"But-

"No buts…besides…we have a seeing eye dog." Alice answered.

"Hey….I am not a dog." Jake sighed.

"Sure, sure." Bella laughed.

"Hey!!!! That's my saying!!!"

"God Jake…now you sound like Rose." Bella laughed, Jake so did not think that was funny.

"What are we even shopping for?" Edward asked as they walked further and further into the death trap Alice called paradise.

"Well….we need PJ's, pillows, refreshments, popcorn, movies, chips, other snacks, sleeping bags, board games, trivia cards, makeup, other makeover materials-

"How long does this list go on for?" Bella asked.

"Don't worry…only 2000 more things."

"Were gonna be here forever!!!!!!!!!!!"

******************

Authors note: And so the crazy sleepover begins…what do you guys want 2c happen?