A/N: We're on Chapter 50 guys! deanstwistedsoul is my tumblr. (I didn't realise until now it completely shut that part out) I'm updating early cause I'm working all of Tuesday and will just want to sleep when I get in. Enjoy!
The preview for my endverse fic, "Childish Hope" is still up. Once I get the first chapter written to a point I'm happy with, it's at about 1000 words now, I will post it. I'm hoping it will be up before the end of the month, hopefully within the next two weeks at least. For the time being I will update it once every two weeks. It's going to be harder to write then "The Kids Aren't Alright" simply because it's completely AU and there is nothing canon, besides a few vague points, that happens. I am working on it and I'll let you know once it's up and running.
Mini Competition: The challenge: Think up a ship name for Charlotte and Dean.
The reward: I will write you a short piece, on any characters from the SPN universe with whatever prompt you want.
GO!
Anyway, enjoy chapter 50.
2009 – June
Part 3
South Dakota – Sioux Falls
Charlotte tapped her finger against the book as she slowly flicked through the pages. She was sure it was this book that she wanted. She frowned deeply as she read each spell, what it did and flicked the page with a sigh. It felt like a losing battle, but doing something was better than doing nothing. She read what felt like the fiftieth spell before she groaned and tilted her head back, running a hand over her face. This was why she didn't do research. It sucked.
"What are you complaining at?" Bobby grumbled and Charlotte lifted her head to see Bobby wheel into the room.
It still threw her to see Bobby in a wheelchair and she sat up in the chair with a shake of her head. "Just looking, seeing if anything here points at any kind of way to put the devil back in his cage, or kill him." It made her nauseous to think about how easy it was for the lie to roll off her tongue and she made a note to work up the courage to tell Bobby the same thing she'd told Dean.
She just didn't know how. The man was already running on nothing but bad news, she didn't want to add to it if she could help it.
Bobby snorted and shook his head as he started around the desk. "Yeah, I doubt I've got anything like this."
"One can always hope," Charlotte muttered and she folded the corner of the page she was on before she closed the book. She stretched in her seat and stood up. "I'll make a supply run. You need anything?"
"Beer," Bobby answered and Charlotte gave him a look. "What? Man needs to drink."
"Uh huh," she muttered before she grabbed her keys and moved into the kitchen. She started to open the cupboards and the fridge, raising a brow at the almost empty spaces and she sighed. "Bobby, what would you do without me?"
"Manage?"
Charlotte rolled her eyes with a grin and grabbed her jacket. "I'll be back in thirty."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Charlotte took a deep breath of fresh air and couldn't help the slight sigh that made her entire body sag. It didn't take a genius to know that Bobby was down and that nothing was helping him. She didn't have any good news herself and didn't want to share what was on her mind at the moment.
She was going to become a demon. Dean had mentioned that she had died to save Cas, but that didn't change the fact that she turned, or will turn. She didn't want to think about it but she couldn't stop. Was that still going to happen to her? Was what she saw of hell actually her soul being tortured? It didn't make sense and she groaned in frustration as she slammed the door to her car shut behind her.
And Sam was going to say 'Yes'. That little bit of information wouldn't stop nagging at her. Sam. The Devil. Lucifer. That was something she really couldn't stop thinking about, something she never wanted to see possibly happen. But why? The only reason Charlotte could think up as to why Sam would say 'Yes' was because he released Lucifer in the first place.
She started the engine on her car and pulled out of the salvage yard, the music a little too loud. She wanted to drown out her thoughts about death, Lucifer, the apocalypse, demons, everything and she tapped her finger against her steering wheel, trying to hum along to the song on the radio.
It did nothing to distract her and she started to wring her hands on the steering wheel. Sam. Lucifer. Demon. She scoffed and shook her head. Sam could not say 'Yes' to Lucifer. It would destroy Dean. It would destroy her. Sam deserved better.
She pulled over after several minutes and turned the engine off, her eyes staring at the quiet road in front of her. She'd promised Dean that Sam wouldn't say 'Yes', that Bobby and Natalie wouldn't die, that Cas wouldn't become a hippy and they he wouldn't become a dick. How? How could she stop all of that and stop herself from becoming a demon?
"Cas," she whispered before it even registered in her mind what she was doing. It shocked her that his name had fallen from her lips and she sat back in her seat and stared at the roof of her car. "Castiel, please, could you, I know. Okay? I know you don't like me. I'm wrong, but Cas-" she worked her mouth silently for several minutes before she frowned and stared down at her lap.
Then there was a rustle of fabric and her eyes widened before she slowly looked up at Cas. He was sat in the passenger seat, a slight frown on his face as he stared out of the window before he slowly turned to look at her. "Charlotte," he mumbled.
A part of her mind couldn't help but to notice how low and gravelly his voice was and she shook her head away from those thoughts. She opened her mouth for a moment before she sighed and just stared at him with a pleading look. "What's wrong with me?"
He squinted at her and tilted his head, his eyes looking over her before he turned his head. "I'm not sure."
"Really?" she blurted, scaredness creeping into her voice. "Please, give me something. I'm- I got nothing. I'm scared, I'm terrified and I've got nothing. So please, give me something more than 'I'm not sure.'" She knew she was begging, she could feel the flush of embarrassment work its way into her cheeks. But she was desperate.
Cas pursed his lips as he stared intently at Charlotte before he looked away again. "You look different," he finally muttered. "I can't put my finger on it, but every humans soul burns bright. We, Angels, can see it just looking at someone." He looked back at her and let out a small sigh. "We can spot a demon from a human because their soul is twisted, dark, corrupt, and we see it in their face."
Charlotte stared back at Cas as he spoke and swallowed nervously. She cleared her throat and quietly asked, "And what do you see when you look at me?"
He studied her again, his eyes slow as they worked over her body before he seemed to falter in talking before he finally said, "Something broken." Her mouth dropped and she felt hope slither away inside of her gut. Cas shook his head gently before he looked away with a grim expression. "Your soul, it's, the only way I can describe it, it's damaged. How or how badly? I don't know. I won't know unless I touch upon your soul with my hand."
The words slowly worked their way through her mind before she closed her mouth with a small frown. "Touch my soul?"
Cas nodded his head slowly. "Yes. Angels can touch upon a humans soul for many reasons. I touched Dean's soul to save him from Hell and I can touch upon yours to see what has happened."
She pulled a face and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Something in the back of her mind wanted to send Cas packing and run in the opposite direction. Something cold settled over her and she shuffled slightly with a mumble of, "Buy me dinner first."
Charlotte could feel Cas' eyes back on her as he said, "What does dinner have to do with this?" She rolled her eyes but couldn't help the tiny flicker of a smile to her face. He was so naive it was kind of cute. Then it hit her what it was that she was feeling.
Fear.
Something inside of her was deeply terrified of whatever it was that Cas was suggesting. It numbed her to her seat and she couldn't move as she clung to that feeling. There was a fuzzy memory attached to that feeling and it took her a moment to figure out why.
"Azrael," she whispered.
She could feel Cas straighten up in his seat as he said, "What do you know about him?"
She slowly looked up at Cas and couldn't stop the mournful expression on her face. "He's a dick? He-" she took a breath and closed her eyes before she carried on, the memories resurfacing and only making her insides twist as she spoke, "he tortured me, my soul or something, when I was four. Can Angels remove souls?"
"Yes."
"Well he did that then," she muttered bitterly, looking away again.
There was silence for a minute before Cas, almost hesitantly, said, "Charlotte?" She glanced back up at him and raised her brows as an answer. "I know that this was an unpleasant experience for you, but if you let me touch your soul, I can tell you what is wrong."
Her mouth failed to say anything and she felt her heart begin to race. Suddenly there wasn't enough air and Cas was too close and her heart was going to explode any second and when did the air conditioning stop working in her car and her palms were sweating and she couldn't breath and she couldn't think and she wanted to run and Cas was too close and it would hurt and she needed to move and she needed to stretch her legs and she just needed to get away and she couldn't breath oh god why couldn't she breathe and she could feel her skin heat up and she could feel her heart hurt as it beat against her chest and everything hurt and everything was tight and she-
Charlotte took a deep breath, a deep wave of calm washing over her and she felt Cas pull his hand away from her chest. She stared at him with wide eyes and he looked sadly at her as he said, "You were, I believe having a panic attack?"
"Right," she said slowly and she took deep breaths, her body calm and relaxed.
"You didn't answer my question."
That shook her a little and she nodded her head quickly, swallowing nervously. "Yeah, okay, erm, do it. Let's- just," she closed her eyes and took another deep breath to try to calm herself. It wasn't working. "Just do it."
There was a moment of silence before Cas slowly said, "You are aware that it will hurt."
"I've had it once, give it to me again. Just do it before I change my mind, Cas."
"Okay," he whispered and Charlotte gripped the steering wheel tightly as Cas' arm moved over hers and into her field of vision. She could feel Cas twist next to her and- her head snapped back with a yell as pain flared through her body, spiking every single nerve in her body at once and she could feel nothing but pain. A ringing started in her ears and she tried to count the seconds that passed before it was suddenly over and she sagged against the wheel, her head pressed to it as she tried to breathe deeply. In, out, in out, in out.
Cas pressed his cool hand to her head and Charlotte closed her eyes with a happy hum as the pain washed away. "Don't leave us," she muttered before she cracked an eye open as he pulled his hand away. "Seriously Cas, you're not a dick. Don't leave us."
Cas looked at her for a second, a tiny smile on his face before he looked away, his expression sobering. "Your soul," he started and Charlotte felt dread climb up her throat. That was not a happy tone, "it's, broken." Cas sounded confused as he said this and Charlotte frowned.
"And what does that mean?"
He eyed her up again before he shook his head with a deep frown, "It's-" he squinted at her as he thought and she could tell that even he couldn't make sense of this, "It's impossible."
"Well," she started, disbelief in her tone, "so's an angel banging a human but, look, I'm here. So why? Why is it impossible?"
Cas sighed and tilted his head as he said, "If a human soul is broken, it usually means that they're personality, they're person, their being changes. Usually they become a demon. But you're still...you."
Charlotte scoffed. "You've gotta have more than that."
"Again, it's impossible, but it feels like you're missing something."
Charlotte frowned, "But I'm still me? I don't feel like I'm missing something."
Cas shook his head, "I don't know."
"Can you fix me?"
"No."
Charlotte chewed on her bottom lip and nodded. She ran a hand over her face and looked away to glare out of the window. "Bottom line it for me, Cas. Don't sugar coat it, don't dress it up. Just, tell me, worst case scenario, what's happened to me?"
There was a pause before Cas slowly said, "You've been to hell and have been tortured and come back, just before you turned into a demon."
Charlotte couldn't stop the sad smile, "Is that all?"
"That's not something-"
"It's a saying, Cas!" She felt her bottom lip tremble and she couldn't stop wringing her hands on the steering wheel. "Look, thanks. Keep, keep looking for God. Maybe he can fix this shit we're all in."
"Okay. We will try to fix this."
She looked back at him with a tight smile and nodded her head. "Thanks Cas."
He smiled at her before he disappeared and she let her head hit the steering wheel with a shaky breath. She was fucked. She was so fucked.
Answers:
bjq: Thank you!
JayWinchester: "Deanlotte" I kinda like it. I've never really thought about it and I think somebody mentioned it in "Kiddy Corral" but I can't remember it. I think it was really similar tbh. "The French Mistake" The moment you said that I started thinking and my God I think I will.
Lexi: Part 1 was before the endverse! mini series. Natalie is 29. She was born 22nd August 1980. And as to War's ring, Charlotte is still wearing that. Dean's maybe forgotten about it... (spoilers)
TheImpalaLover: Thank you for catching up so quickly with this story. I'm happy you're planning to stick around for the rest of the story and hope you enjoy it.
Elle: Thank you. I hope this clears up some of the soul thing. But that's all I have to say. Yes, Dean and Sam are still her best friends and she understands that Sam is Dean's best friend too. The interaction with Ash can't happen because he died. Chapter 58 of Kiddy Corral explains that. How do I see the marriage of Dean and Charlotte? I see it as Dean showing that he wants to commit, something that he wants to hold onto, maybe after hunting, maybe after they can finally stop hunting it's something he wants to be able to fall back onto. It's also a huge trust for Dean, because Charlotte knows about hunting, knows about Dean's flaws, about his brother and everything that is Dean. To me, I see it as a sign that Dean's found somebody who knows and understands him.
