Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just using the names she created for her wonderful story.

As always, a special thanks to X-NessieCullen-X for all that you do for me :)

Chapter 54

Half Past the Point of Oblivion

"Ask me," Edward commanded, aware that it came out as a challenge. "I'll tell you what you want to know."

Dr. Reiner seemed caught off guard and glanced over to the door. "My concern is what made you decide you needed to tell me. It seems as if you feel you don't have a choice in the matter."

"I don't...I don't want to talk about that."

"You just said you'd tell me what I want to know."

"Not about what's happening now," Edward bit out. "I'll answer questions about my past."

The doctor set his pen down and crossed his arms. It was a relief for Edward to not have the guy writing down his life story. "How old were you, Edward?"

Edward's hands were clamped on the seat of his chair as he looked down at his knees. There were certain things that were difficult to talk about while keeping eye contact with someone. Telling someone how your father basically rented you out for cash was one of them. "I can't exactly remember when it started. Young. I was very young."

"Were you abused by your parents?" the doctor asked, as if they were playing some sort of twisted, fucked up game of twenty questions.

"Yes. Mentally and physically. My dad...he...it was sexual too."

"Was it an isolated incident?"

Edward's words caught before he could get them out. It was harder to do this than he had imagined-and it had always been the cause for nightmares. "No," he finally managed, breathing out loudly. His fingers felt numb. Suddenly, fear from when he was a child forced him to close his eyes. He knew he wasn't supposed to tell.

"Tell me about your mother. What was she like."

"She drank all the time. I didn't realize it until I was older. I just thought she was mean."

"I know physical abuse is awful but I'm curious about the mental part. Usually if someone's under the influence, they aren't able to gather their thoughts enough to harm anyone in a manner that makes sense. Not that it was the case in your situation but I'm just trying to get a grasp on this. I researched a case study once where someone's spouse would come up with lies and tell them to this poor woman's family. It was a very intricate form of emotional abuse."

"I guess it was more...just not having a mom like I knew I should have one. Bella asked me once for a picture of myself as a child, she threw the idea around of putting a collage together for our wedding shower...which is now a baby shower as well, by the way. Anyway, I didn't have one to give her. I've only seen one picture of myself besides school pictures when I was a kid. We never bought the school ones and that other picture got lost in the shuffle when Lanie and I moved up a floor after they died."

"Why did you move?"

"There were reasons."

"So, tell me about your father. Did your mother know what he was doing to you?"

"We moved because my father overdosed in their bedroom and that same night my mother killed herself with his gun. I found them. We couldn't live in that apartment..."

"Tell me about your father, Edward," Reiner prompted again, his tone softening.

"He was a bastard. Not in the way of him not knowing who his own father was but in the way of he was an asshole who deserves to rot in hell," Edward said bluntly. He wanted it to come out in a calm manner but his mind and his mouth seemed to be disconnected. "My mom knew but she didn't say anything. It wasn't that she really cared, though, one way or the other."

"Who was your father, Edward? What did he do for a living? Was he home often?"

"I...I guess," he replied, feeling like his throat was a solid lump. His arms were ramrod straight as he gripped the chair and every sound he tried to make was shaky and strained.

"Alright. Let's stop there for today. I need you to breathe, Edward. Come on, relax your arms. Let go of the chair."

After what was probably fifteen minutes, Edward finally brought himself to look up at the doctor. "I'm pathetic."

"No. You aren't. Edward, I know we haven't even scratched the surface of what happened to you but this was a huge step today. Is there anyone you've ever felt comfortable enough to say this to?"

"Bella knows everything I've said to you. She knows more than I've told you and she knows other parts that I never talk about but she suspects from things I've said before. Bella's it."

"You're going in the right direction. I want you to be honest with Bella when you go home. Just come out and tell her that you don't have any photos. Then, I want you to rest."

Edward looked down at himself and realized how sweaty he was. He also realized that his muscles ached. "I feel pretty shitty," he agreed, standing up and walking towards the door.

"Edward, it'll get easier. Just give yourself some time."

Letting himself out, he walked to his car and saw there was a text from Bella's phone. It was Lanie, asking him when he'd be home because they made him steak for dinner. He very much doubted that the doctor was right in it getting easier but he didn't feel that he had a choice. He had to do this for Lanie, so he'd have the ability to help her if it was necessary. Then, of course, there was Bella, who didn't deserve to have his aggression thrown at her when he had an episode. The baby was a completely different story all together. He could do this for all of them, even if it made him hurt to breathe. Of everything he'd been through in his younger life, none of that pain could touch how he'd feel if he ended up hurting one of them.

Stepping into the apartment, he could already smell the steak and fries in the kitchen. Lanie rounded the doorway from the kitchen and smiled at him before really seeing his face. Her lips turned down in a hard frown and she looked at him in concern. "Eddie?" she asked, obviously wanting to know what he was so shaken about.

Leave it to Bella to hear the concern in Lanie's voice and come running. She nearly slammed into the girl as she stumbled out of the kitchen looking for them. He exchanged a look with her and she blinked a few times before snapping out of it and taking charge. "Lanie, why don't you go set the table? We'll be in soon."

It was clear that Alana was a little annoyed with Bella, knowing that Bella was basically kicking her out of a conversation involving her big brother, who she was worried about. "It's alright, Lanie Mae," Edward smiled, hoping it was convincing. "I''ll be in soon. It's just been a long day."

As soon as Lanie was back in the kitchen, Bella strode towards him and took his face in her hands. "You okay?"

He pulled her close, breathing her in then. He didn't have the heart to tell her about the pictures. He was sick of his past and sick of it hurting her. He'd die for her and maybe now he was realizing that it was his past that he had to let die to keep her safe. "Yeah. I, um, it was..."

"Shh," Bella gave a sad smile. "We made you the best steak...that we could afford. Lanie needed poster board for a project at school so we stopped at the store on our way home. Come eat and then I'll help Lanie with her project while you try to unwind. I love you but you look awful."

"I love you, too. You look gorgeous, though. How's baby Cullen?" Edward asked after kissing her softly on the lips before sliding his own lips over to whisper it into her ear.

"Good. The baby let mommy actually eat...and keep down some oatmeal this morning. It's a good day when I can actually stand to be in the same room as someone eating something," Bella smirked.

"I hate that you're so sick all the time, angel."

"I know. After what poor Alice has had to go through, though, this little one can make me as sick as they want as long as it keeps them healthy."

A steak dinner and two hours later, Edward was playing on his long-forgotten gaming system when Bella came into the room. There was glitter up her arms and in her hair, bringing him back to a year or so ago when she'd purchased a body powder that had glitter in it. It was only bought for a Halloween costume, Bella had planned to shower before getting it everywhere in his bedroom, but he'd had to wash his sheets twice to get it all out after he couldn't keep himself together around her long enough to let it all stay on her body when she stopped by before the actual party. Emmett had made a joke when Edward showed up with it on his own arms at the bar where they were meeting Bella and Rosalie. Edward just smirked and when Bella showed up with it as part of her costume, Emmett had let out a knowing laugh.

"Lanie's going to shower and head to bed early. She has a headache."

"She alright?" Edward asked, setting the controller down and turning towards her.

"Yeah," Bella replied, a strange look on her face.

"You know you don't have to do this with her..."

"You know I don't mind," Bella retorted, sitting beside him and crossing her glittered arms. "What happened tonight at therapy? You two talk about...Emmett and Tanya?"

"No. I, um, never mentioned it. I have other things to worry about right now."

"Like a baby?" she asked softly, casting her eyes down to where her hand rested on her stomach.

"Dammit, Bells, this isn't something I regret. Look, I'm tired and I'm angry and I'm...done. I'm done with all the bullshit."

"Well, then, you're not going to like this. I spoke with Alice earlier. Jasper wants you two to get together and talk to Emmett..."

"Jesus..."

"Edward, I told her you needed some time. We can't pretend it didn't happen, though. Rosalie is my best friend. That little boy is a huge part of my world. Family life is a shitty topic for you guys, I get it, but Emmett does consider you family and..."

"I want you to let this go," Edward said slowly. Too much shit had gone through his head since he'd gotten off work and he could feel the anger boiling below the surface. Refusing to let Bella feel the effects of it, he stood up and headed back towards his room. "I need sleep."

"Let it go?" Bella gasped, standing up in shock to follow him.

"Bella, I love you. I need some space..."

"Space? You need space?" she asked dryly, shaking her head. "I asked you if Emmett McCarty would hurt my best fucking friend and you couldn't give me answers. You said you didn't know. I don't know what you got from the little exchange we had with him but my questions sure as hell weren't answered. He has a baby boy that I love desperately and if something happens..."

"He's not going to hurt them. I wouldn't sit back if that were the case. Still, if it weren't for you, I would have cut ties and been over this shit."

"That's bullshit and you know it!" Bella whispered angrily, trying to keep her voice down because Lanie was in the bathroom, right beside where they were standing.

"I have enough going on right now..."

"And Emmett didn't? He didn't have a lot going on when he pulled you off of me...even when he didn't actually need to? That man has been there for you...and he was there when my dad got sick."

Taking her by the hand, trying to be calm, Edward pulled her into his bedroom and closed the door. "He is a drug dealer, Bella. I spent most of my life protecting my baby sister from just that. I don't want that to be a part of my life anymore. I'm. Done."

"He is not your father," Bella gritted out. "There I said it. He's not the man who fucking hurt you. Stop with the high-horse, elitist bullshit. Us girls talk, Edward. I know about a lot of the shit you've all done for each other in the past. You have Lanie and that brings a lot of responsibility and those guys have helped you so many times..."

"What's this about? Why are you so pissed off at the world? Your friend is fine."

"She might not be if yours isn't! Don't you get it? You were depressed and you drank. You made a stupid decision because you were upset. Emmett did something stupid, is possibly going through a divorce, and is probably afraid his kid is going to be taken from him. You hold onto your past so tightly that you don't fucking see the future anymore. Ours is good. What the hell do you have to be done with? Emmett's not on them, he's not trying to deal them to your ex fuck buddy anymore, and now he needs support...not isolation. If he goes off the deep end, he could become your father. At least he could in the sense of starting to use. So, while you sit back and watch it happen, I'll be damned if I do."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What does it matter? You said it yourself, if it wasn't for me, you'd cut ties completely with him...and in turn with Rosalie and Jackson as well. I'm not going to stop you but don't stand in my way of trying to be there for her. I'll see you tomorrow after work. Good night, Edward."

"Stop. You're not getting behind the wheel when you're this upset..."

"I'm not upset. I'm pissed."

"You really think that I have my shit together right now, don't you? The past is the past, right?"

"We'll finish this tomorrow. I'm fine to drive."

"You're not leaving," Edward stated, shaking his head.

"Bullshit I'm not. I don't live with you, yet. You would have no right to say what I can and can't do even if I was living here. I'm an adult and I can see that this conversation is getting us nowhere. I'm trying to be here and help you with things but when I have valid fears and you tell me to just fucking let it go, how is that supposed to make me feel? I maybe be carrying your baby so you suddenly feel this concern for me but I can handle myself."

"Bella, wait..." he called out, exasperrated.

"I'm not leaving you. This isn't me walking out on us. This is me telling you I need some space. You wanted space, have it."

Bella let herself out of Edward's apartment, fighting the need to go back in and fall asleep with him. With a heavy heart, and a guilty mind, she pulled her phone from her pocket and scrolled through her contacts. Praying Rosalie wouldn't see it, Bella found Emmett's name and sent him a text. I need you to meet me after work tomorrow. Just us. Edward's going through something bad right now but there are some things I need to ask you. I don't want Rosalie there because I need you to be honest with me. This isn't about Tanya. Edward's not the only one who's completely done with that shit.

Reading her perfectly typed text, Bella dropped her phone into the Jeep's cup holder and headed home. When she pulled into the driveway, she saw that he had replied. Ur puting me n a shitty position. If he finds out he'll b pissed at us both.

Will you meet me or not?

Bella didn't get to see his reply right away because when she pulled up, she saw that there was another text from Edward. At least let me no when u get home.

As frustrated as she felt, though, she knew he had a right to know that she was not in a ditch somewhere. His use of 'no' instead of 'know' drove her insane and she couldn't help but smile. I'm home. Dropping her purse on the top step of her porch, she joined it and read Emmett's text affirming that he'd meet her at the cafe on Forbes at four thirty. Bella would be able to pick up Lanie, drop her off at Edward's and leave as soon as Edward walked in the door to go meet with Emmett. She'd just say she was having dinner with her mom.

When she was just about to head inside, another message popped up from Edward. It had been a good fifteen minutes after she'd told him she was home. I wish u were here. Told the doc bout daddy dearest 2day. Ur not a dog. I didnt mean 2 kick u.

Breath rushed from her lungs as she stared at her phone. She knew for a fact that Reiner had been trying to get Edward to open up since Edward started seeing him. She remembered his pained face when he'd come through the door, the exhaustion on his face when he told her he was tired, and the agitation he showed when he told her to let what had happened with Emmett go. Suddenly, she was no longer tired herself. Quietly letting herself into her parent's house, she pet Luca while scribbling a note to her mom saying that she was staying at Edward's. Her dad wasn't stupid so she didn't bother hiding it from him anymore.

Twenty minutes later she was walking down the hallway to Edward's bedroom, expecting to find him asleep. Instead, he was out on the fire escape, His head on his knees with both hands in his hair. He didn't see her, so she stood and watched him. His shoulders were moving in a way that confirmed he was crying. Unable to just watch him any longer, Bella lowered herself out of the window and ended up losing her footing before she could get both feet down on the metal landing.

The thud got his attention, his heading whipping up as he wiped at tears on his face. "What...what are you doing here?"

That stopped her short of going to him, making her wonder what she was doing. It wasn't like she knew how to help him feel better. He was tired and obviously needed a moment by himself. Still, here she was. There was nothing she could say, no way she could fix anything for either of them, so she walked over and straddled his legs. Despite the situation Edward smiled up at her and gently kissed her cheek. "Apology, accepted. It's getting late. Why don't we head in and get ready for bed?"

"You're staying?" he asked, his eyes lighting up like a kid's.

"Yeah. If that's okay..."

"It's always, okay. I never wanted you to leave. I just needed space from the situations that are going on. I didn't want space from you."

Reaching up, she took his face in her hands and kissed him again. His cheeks were still damp from the tears and she couldn't help but kiss him harder. Lifting her off of his lap, he broke the kiss and helped her inside. Bella's hands went under his shirt, sliding it up and over his head. The kisses weren't hurried but they were hard and she wondered if he needed something she was more than willing to give. Lifting her own shirt over her head, she pushed him back on the bed and kissed his naked stomach, going for his fly. "Bells, hey..."

She froze, her eyes fixed on his abs. Edward had never told her to stop like that before and she knew that Lanie was in the next room but it wasn't like they couldn't be quiet about it. Soon, they'd have Lanie and their own child living with them under the same roof. He seemed to realize she was upset because he lifted her chin with two fingers and made her look at him. "I can't. Not tonight."

There was an odd tone in his voice, something that sounded like fear and made her blood run cold. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

"This isn't fair to you," he said, mostly to himself, looking away from her.

"Stop. As long as you promise it isn't because your scared about me being pregnant when we have sex or you find me disgusting..."

"Disgusting? Mrs. Cullen, you have no idea some of the thoughts that go through my mind during the day when you're not with me and...if you saw the ones that go through my mind when you are... Wow," he mused, a playful smirk on his face even as he still looked a little vulnerable. "Soon, Bella, I'll snap out of this but not tonight."

"Mind I get out of the rest of these clothes, slide on your shirt, and climb into bed, then? Your kid is exhausting me already," she smiled, stripping down to her panties and grabbing his t-shirt off the floor.

"I'm sorry for everything that went down tonight..."

"I know. I just wish you would have come right out and said what happened with Reiner. I wouldn't have even brought up Emmett and Rosalie."

"I just don't want to bring us down. You're right, Bells. We have a lot of great things happening and I don't want to seem ungrateful. I don't. It's just...I can't even describe how tired I felt after I left Reiner's tonight. It's extremely difficult for me..."

"Shh. I know. You don't have to think about it anymore tonight. I'm right here, your baby is letting me not feel nauseous, and you talking about it this is a huge thing to be happy about. It might not seem like it right now but it really is a good thing. Get some rest."

A step in the right direction! It's a slow process but he's getting there. Tune in next week to see the exchange between Bella and Emmett...and eavesdrop with Bella on a conversation between Lanie and Edward.

PS I'm grateful for the support all of you have given but will reiterate one little detail yet again. This story is one big ball of dark themed angst. I knew going into it that it would be possibly the angstiest (if that's a word) story that I've ever done and possibly ever will do but that's the way it is. I'm pretty sure I put that out there from the beginning so I won't apologize for the situations or drama that is transpiring between any of the characters. If you want to know if it will be a HEA, then please private message me or at least review when you are logged in so I can respond back. Seriously, though, thank you for sticking it out!