Where the Hell Are We Now!
By Kaori

The landscape scrolled by rapidly but still not fast enough as Kabuto tried to put distance between himself and Konoha. He knew he was being pursued. It would be folly to think otherwise. Stopping to set traps would only further retard his progress and time was something he could not afford to waste.

Five minutes behind him and closing in, Yuuhi Kurenai, Sarutobi Asuma, and Maito Gai were hot on the trail of the kidnapped heiress unaware of who they were chasing. The only information they had to go on was that he had kidnapped Kurama Yakumo and was heading for the border between Hi no Kuni and Kusa no Kuni.

Kurenai wasn't certain whether her two companions were aware of the dire consequences that could potentially befall the village, and possibly the world, should the kidnapper manage to escape with Yakumo; especially in the girl's present state. With that unhappy thought, she willed herself to move faster.

As one chase was beginning another was coming to its end as Jirairya and Bradley arrived at the place where Sasuke was being held. Bradley was back his semi-human form panting heavily. Jiraiya may have been more than three times his age, but he was still a ninja in every respect. After seeing the Hokage, and her punching Jiraiya through two walls, they made haste to the facility where Sasuke was being kept.

"You all right kid?" the with haired man asked. Bradley waved a hand at him, not certain he could speak without wheezing.

After the teenager had caught his breath, the two of them entered the building where two ANBU (after verifying Jiraiya's identity and the older sannin insisting the wild card accompany him) escorted them both to Sasuke's cell.

Surprisingly, Sasuke seemed almost relieved to see Bradley and Jiraiya; standing up quickly when he met their eyes outside the room. The toad sennin wasted no time checking over Sasuke's curse mark, and quickly escorting the boy to another room.

"Why are we in here?" Bradley asked, as Jiraiya told Sasuke sit down in the middle of the room.

"The cell he was being kept in has a large suppression seal etched into the walls and reinforced by chakra. Even I can't seal anything properly in there." Jiraiya replied, preparing the ink and brush. As he drew the seals on he said, "Now Sasuke, I'm going to be using a different seal than last time and this is going to be very painful."

"If it will get me out of here I don't care." Grunted Sasuke.

"All right. Bradley-kun I'll need you to anchor him." Said the sennin. Bradley nodded, sitting behind Sasuke and wrapping his arms around the younger boy's chest.

"Ready." Said the dog-boy.

Sasuke tensed as Jiraiya did a series of handsigns, several of which he did not recognize and was certain he wouldn't be able to remember anyway. Then the white-haired man placed two fingers on his curse mark and then all the world was pain.

Back in Kotorra's room, the newly dubbed hyper-sapien listened to the tale of how the world came to be as it is now.

Two hundred years had passed since the Swarm Mother first threatened and been turned away from the world. Two hundred years since the Wild Card named Mai merged with the Mother, creating something new. The being that was once nothing more than a hungry beast, knowing nothing but the need to feed and spawn more of her kind, became something different. She had thoughts, she knew of consequences, and she knew what life really was. Everyone had thought that would be the end of it and they were right. However, everything that has life eventually dies. The Swarm Mother's lifespan was long but not infinite and she eventually passed on.

A new Mother took her place. This one also had a mind, but was a selfish, vain thing caring only for herself and her Swarmlings. When this one arrived at Earth there was no Mai to force a change so the humans tried to fight back through other means.

Days turned into months, months turned into years, years turned into decades and there seemed to be no end in sight as the Mother and her Swarmlings attacked. Beings who knew of Earth refused to lend aid, fearing that the Mother's sights would be set on them next. Only the Network was willing to lend assistance; hating the Swarm Mother above all other things.

Everything seemed hopeless until, one day two Jokers were discovered with a power similar to Mai's during a battle against a large group of Swarmlings. While they could not merge with the Mother like Mai did, they could change her genetic structure. With the assistance of the Network, who would serve as a distraction, they geared up for a last ditch attack on the Swarm Mother.

Their plan worked to a degree. The Swarm Mother was transformed into pure energy and contained inside a statue. Unfortunately none of the Network agents survived.

For a thousand years she remained contained, but slowly, the energy began to escape. This signaled the birth of the first of the beings to be called by the name biju.

"I see…" murmured Kotorra. "Since energy can't be destroyed only transformed, they couldn't kill the biju so they had to reseal them. My question is, why not just seal them back into the statue?"

"So much time had passed since the biju started appearing I suppose there was no one who remembered where that statue is anymore." Rillarian said. "By now I would imagine the statue has been destroyed."

"Hmm…I wonder…"

Downstairs…

"Tote that barge! Lift that bale! Slackers will not be fed!" Gina was standing on the staircase chanting and barking orders. Faust was perched on her shoulder looking for all the world like he belonged there. "Oi! Jebus! Quit lying on the floor! The couch isn't that heavy! I dragged it in the living room to make it easier for you guys to get it out not so you could show me how wimpy you are!" Neji groaned in response. "Sakura! Even strokes with that brush! I don't want to see any air pockets or lumps under that wallpaper!" Sakura glared and threw a roll of wallpaper at her. "Don't you sass me I'm paying and feeding you!"

"Is it just me, or is Gina-san on an ego trip?" Kiba whispered to Hinata. The bluenette nodded.

"Is that dissent I hear?" Gina suddenly appeared behind Kiba. Kiba eyes widened and he shook his head furiously. "Then get back to work! The sooner you all get done the sooner we can all eat! Kotorra promised she'd make lasagna if we finish everything today! Do any of you realize how long it's been since I've had lasagna?" she was starting to look a little crazed now.

"What's a lasagna?" wondered TenTen.

"Whatever it is I bet it's delicious." Chouji giggled disturbingly. "I want to taste it…" he got a mad gleam in his eyes that Shikamaru and Ino groaned at.

"Great. Now he's "motivated"." Said Ino.

"COME ON EVERYBODY LET'S HURRY! THE SOONER WE FINISH THE SOONER WE CAN HAVE LASAGNA!"

"YOSH! MY YOUTHFUL FLAMES HAVE BEEN REIGNITED!" Lee cried, jumping up from where he had been lying on the floor.

"Oh great, not him too…." Muttered TenTen.

"COME MY COMRADES! LET US COMPLETE THIS TASK SO THAT WE MAY PARTAKE OF THIS NEW, FABULOUS CUISINE!"

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!" Gina cheered.

They were starting to catch up. There were three people pursuing him now. With four miles between himself and the border (where his fellow Oto-nin were waiting), it looked like he would have to stand and fight. Resigning himself, Kabuto started slowing his pace in preparation for the fight to come.

This did not go unnoticed by the Konoha-nin and they were on the alert.

"He's noticed that we've caught up." Gai commented.

"I doubt he's given up though." Asuma said.

"Whether he's given up or not is irrelevant. Our mission is the same." Kurenai's expression brooked no argument. Not like her two companions were going to make one anyway.

The trail stopped in a thick outcropping of trees.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are…" murmured Asuma. He dodged to the right, narrowly missing getting a nasty shave from a kunai. "Wiseass…"

"I'll flush him out." Kurenai said, but before she could form any handseals kunai rained out of the foliage.

"An ambush?" yelled Asuma.

"No, I only sense two people. The kidnapper must have set this up before we got here." Growled the kunoichi. "Show yourself you coward!"

"Yare-yare, name-calling isn't very nice. Where are your manners, kunoichi-san?" a voice sang from the trees.

"Why don't you come out here and I'll show them to you."

"I would but then you'd take my little playmate away and all of my hard work will be for nothing."

"I can't figure out where he's hiding." Asuma whispered. "We'll have to split up. First one to find him give a shout." Gai and Kurenai nodded and the trio vanished into the trees.

Bradley suppressed a moan as he awoke in complete darkness. "Oooww…I don't think I was supposed to feel that…" he grumbled as he stood up. "And I get the feeling I'm not in Konoha anymore."

"Funny, I was expecting Interloper to be here but instead it's her lapdog."

"Ah, you must be Nemesis. Koto told me a lot about you." He sniffed the air, and was unsurprised when he couldn't smell anything. "So if you're here then I must be inside Sasuke's mind. Where is he?"

"Around, but I'm afraid I can't have you looking for him."

And as if it wasn't dark enough in the room already, sinister shadows of an even darker hue pulled themselves free of the darkness and surrounded the lone wild card.

"And the day started out so well too…" mumbled Bradley, shifting into the form of an English Mastiff and bracing himself.

Sasuke was having problems of his own. He awoke not knowing where he was at first, but after spotting Nemesis leering at him from a corner, he had a pretty damn good idea of what was happening. He tried to move, but discovered he was being restrained, by snakes no less.

"Let me go!" he demanded.

"I think not." Said Nemesis, walking over to him. "I grow tired of your weakness. It seems you have forgotten what you are meant to do. Have you forgotten what Itachi did? I think you have. Perhaps you need a reminder…" The darkness in the room receded, and once again, Sasuke was at the Uchiha mansion, reliving that day.

Jiraiya was worried when the seal pulsed, but when both boys slumped forward he knew something had gone wrong. Unsure of what was happening, he did the only thing he could do: picked up both boys and rushed them to Tsunade. The Hokage's reaction…

"Not this shit again…" She ordered Jiraiya to lay the boys down on the couches and then get her a bottle of sake while they waited. "If we're lucky, nothing will get destroyed." At Jiraiya's quizzical look she said. "I'll explain everything once you bring the sake. Trust me, we're going to need it."

Gina knocked on the door to Kotorra's room. They hadn't heard one peep from the tall girl all day and she wanted to make sure that the developing ace hadn't snuck out the window out of boredom.

"It's open." Kotorra said from inside the room. Gina opened the door.

"Hey girly girl, just checking up on you." She cocked her head to the side. "What's going on? You look like you've something on your mind." Kotorra gave her friend a wan smile.

"At 1,016 years old I think I have the right to have a lot on my mind."

"Say what?"

Okay this chapter is getting long in the tooth. We shall adjourn for now and continue at the next update. Make sure to study up because there will be a test at the end of the lecture…Er, wait, that's not right…