"I'm not paying you to think, jackass! I'm paying you to do whatever the hell I say!" - Commissioner Walker

CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRACTION

Bard came awake suddenly, his unnaturally pale skin covered in a sheen of cold sweat. He was breathing hard and his dark blue eyes were haunted. Slowly, as to avoid waking Amber, he sat up and swung his feet to the floor. Then, he planted his elbows into his knees and lowered his head into his hands, causing long strands of brown hair to swoop down into his face. He heard the bed creak softly in protest as Amber shifted her weight behind him.

"Jonny?" She asked him groggily, her voice clouded with sleep. "What's the matter?"

"I've got everything I've ever wanted." His answer came out as a barely audible whisper.

"Wouldn't that be a good thing?" Amber replied quizzically, and Bard could tell from her tone that he had his love's full, undivided attention. "What's wrong with having all your dreams come true?"

"Well, for most people, I reckon there's not a thing in the world wrong with it." Bard told her. "But for me . . . " His voice trailed off.

"Why would it be wrong for you?" Amber wanted to know. She had crawled over to hug him from behind.

"Because . . . " He sighed bitterly. "Because I'm not that lucky."

"Jonny?" He voice was filled with concern. "What are you talking about?"

"This!" Bard disentangled himself from her, stood up and vaguely waved his arms at everything around him as he turned to face her. "This isn't the way it's supposed to be! Tim should be in an insane asylum somewhere, Raven should be a cold atheist, I don't even know who that Terra girl is and you . . . " He paused. "I'm not even sure where you're supposed to be. But if I had to guess-" He stopped himself. There were some things he refused to even think about, much less put into voice.

"..."

Bard's body flickered briefly as if he were a hologram on the fritz.

"Jonny?" Amber gasped. "What-"

"I have to leave now." He told her quietly, remorsefully. "It's time form me-" He stopped to swallow down the lump in this throat. "It's time for me . . . to go back home."

"What?" Unshed tears had turned Amber's eyes to molten silver and the expression on her flawless face was a mixture of confusion, fear and hurt. "But you can't leave . . . You promised! You said there wouldn't be any-"

"Amber," Bard interrupted her softly. His voice was hoarse and it actually seemed like it was weeping. "In this place . . . The sun never even rose."

"Jonny! No!"

But it was too late.

ZHKRRIIITT!

When Bard opened his eyes, they were assaulted by an ocean-like void of white. With a mechanical hiss, that whiteness slid away . . .

"Dude, are you all right?"

"Yes, are you undamaged, friend?"

"We thought your brain was toasted for a while there, dawg."

"We shouldn't dwell on what might have been, Cyborg. The important thing is that Bard's okay." Robin paused and looked down at the cowboy. "You are okay . . . right?"

Bards groaned and slowly sat up, his reeling mind barely registering the fact the fact that he was clad in only jeans and black cowboy boots.

"What happened?" He asked, tiredly leaning his head forward onto his palms.

"I finally finished the T-Trainer." Cyborg explained to him. "We wanted to test it out, so this morning we brought you in here while you were still asleep and logged you in."

"What?" He asked, his voice low and dangerous. But apparently, Cyborg didn't catch the warning tone in his voice.

"I just told you," Cyborg repeated, completely oblivious to the fact that Bard's eyes had become two narrow slits behind his prescription shades. "We wanted to test out the T-Trainer and-"

Bard's functioning hand shot out and grabbed the big titan by his metal collar. He tried to pull him forward, but the cowboy had forgotten just how big and heavy the titanium hybrid truly was. They ended up face to face as he had intended, but it was because he had pulled himself toward Cyborg and not the other way around. But Bard was unfazed.

"You call ripping my heart out a damn test?!" He demanded with uncharacteristic harshness.

"Hey, chill out, man." Superboy said from somewhere behind him.

"Yes," Starfire agreed immediately. "Please moderate your temperature. I do not like it when friends yell at friends."

Bard barely glanced at them.

"Let him go, Bard." Robin said it firmly.

Reluctantly, Bard released his grip on him.

"C'mon, man!" Cyborg objected, rubbing his neck absently.

"Yeah, what's your deal?" Beast Boy added.

"What did you see in there?" Raven asked him quietly.

The found a bit of solace in his sister's eyes and took in a deep breath.

"In there," he started. "In that...world...I had everything I ever wanted. Every single dream of mine came true. But, in the end, that's how I knew it wasn't real."

"But how..." Suddenly, a light bulb seemed to appear over Cyborg's head. "That's it! Incredible..."

"What is it?" Raven asked irritably. "Don't be vague."

"Tell me what happened."

Cyborg looked over at him.

"Like I said," The robot started to explain again. "When you were still asleep, we brought you in here and hooked you up to the T-Trainer. I made a program where you could fight a few baddies. But as soon as we hooked you in, Overload-"

"It had an overload?"

"No, I'm talking about the villain."

Bard looked at him blankly.

"Dude!" Beast Boy waved his skinny arms through the air. "You don't know who Overload is? He's the big...the big...uh, dude! What is Overload, anyway?"

"He looked like a giant computer virus to me." Superboy shrugged.

"That's as good an description as any." Robin agreed. "He's a villain made of energy. But every once in a while, he has to come out of wherever he hides to suck up more energy...usually from electronics."

"Right," Cyborg continued. "But this time, he decided to attack Titans Tower...and the T-Trainer. The program you were in crashed, so we had to take you out before you crashed with it. But we didn't have another program to stick you in, so we had to put you into the mainframe."

"How does that explain why...what happened to me happened?" Bard wanted to know.

"Simple," Cyborg replied logically, holding a titanium finger up. "You weren't in a program, so the mainframe created one using the information in your brain."

"As well as his desires." Raven said quietly.

Everyone blinked.

"But...that can't be right. T-There was a girl there, and I'd never seen her before." Bard unconsciously glanced at Beast Boy.

Robin pondered that, rubbing his chin.

"So not only did the mainframe use your brain to make a program, but it also used its own information banks..."

"I'll take your word for it." Bard murmured.

Raven was looking at him compassionately.

"It hurt, didn't it?" She asked him. "Giving all that up that way?"

"..."

Wordlessly, Raven stepped up and hugged him.

"Uh..." Beast Boy sweat dropped as everyone else stared.

Meanwhile, Cyborg was already at the main computer station.

"I have to study this program it made." He was saying over his shoulder at them. "Could you imagine the type of video game...er, training program I could make from the information here?"

"Wait!" Bard stepped forward and raised up his hand, but he had said it a lot more sharply than he had meant to. Everyone stared. "Uh..there's, um, some things on there you shouldn't see..."

Beast Boy snickered.

"Hey," Superboy told them magnanimously. "He's a man, and he got everything he wanted..."

Bard blushed to the roots of his hair.

"Well..." Cyborg rubbed his metal scalp. "I can always skip over the more...uh, explicit parts..."

"It's not just that." Bard told him, trying to get the red out of his face. "I still want you to delete it."

Robin peered closer at him, his eye slits curious.

"Why do you want it deleted so badly?"

"..."

"Don't worry about it, dawg." Cyborg said to the cowboy. "As soon as I'm finished studying it, I'll delete it. No one else will see it. We cool?"

". . .Yeah, we're, uh, chilled."

"Frosty," the robot corrected him.

"Huh?"

"Nevermind,"

A stylized beat from Robin's communicator filled the room. Robin looked down at it and then back up to the other Titans.

"Trouble..."

"What are you doing just sitting there with you thumb up you ass, Slick?" Commissioner Walker yelled at his subordinate. "Put up some damn barricades!"

"B-barricades?"

"You know what the hell barricades are, don'tcha?"

"Well, y-yes, sir." The officer replied. "B-b-but-"

"Spit it out!"

"I thought you didn't like barricades, sir."

Walker squinted at him.

"What the hell gave you that idea?"

"Well, sir, at the incident yesterday at Titans Tower, you didn't want us to put it up barricades. As well as the high speed chase not too long ago... So I just thought-"

"I'm not paying you to think, jackass!" The Commissioner's face was red. "I'm paying you to do whatever the hell I say! And right now, I'm telling your ass to put up some barricades! So do it!"

"Y-yes, sir!"

Walker watched as the young man ran off.

"Heh, I think I like that guy..."

"Your surly reputation would be ruined if someone heard you say that."

Walker swivled around to see...

"Wonder Boy!" He exclaimed brusquely. "We have more important things going on right now than protecting my rep!" He paused. "Though I would appreciate you keeping your damn mouth closed..."

"..."

"..."

"...What's the problem?"

Commissioner Walker's face turned disgusted.

"Commissioner Gordan is the damn problem!" He exploded sourly. "He can't keep his freaks on a leash! Arkham Asylum has always been too close to this city for my comfort..."

Robin's eye slits had narrowed in intensity.

"Who?" He demanded. "Who escaped?"

BOOM!

The earth shook.

BOOM!

Again.

BOOM!

And again.

"What is it?" Superboy asked, hovering above them. "Earthquake?"

"No," Robin said grimly. "It's footsteps..."

Beast Boy looked down the street nervously.

"Ya know, dude..." He said. "If this guy's from Gotham, shouldn't he be, ya know...Batman's problem?"

The huge monstrosity came into view. Had Bard been asked to describe him, he would have said that he was a pro wrestler on steroids. The man was humongous, at least as big as Tim, and he walked with an absolute implacableness. Wires danced into his neck and a mask covered his head and face, revealing only his eyes and mouth.

"No," Robin answered Beast Boy, even as he stared at the villain with steely determination. "He's in my city, so he's my problem."

"Um..." Bard scratched at the hair behind his cowboy hat. "Don't you mean 'our' problem?"

But the Boy Wonder hadn't heard him.

"Yauuuuuugh!"

Robin ran forward, twirling his metal staff in a silver blur above his head. He leapt up, pivoted his hips and...

"!"

Bane reached out with more speed than a man that big had a right to and wrapped his huge hand around Robin's torso in midair, pinning his staff and arms to his side.

"The birdie.." He mused with a growl, staring maliciously at his helpless victim. "Just who Bane was looking for..."

"W-why?" Robin struggled futilely to escape his grasp.

"Your mentor has disrupted Bane too many times!" Bane roared, his eyes narrowing. "Bane cannot break Batman's body...So Bane crush Batman's heart instead!"

He squeezed.

"Arrrrrghhhh!"

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

The laser shots from Bard's pistol bounced harmlessly off the villain's body, and Bane looked slightly annoyed as if the beams of energy were nothing but bothersome mosquitoes. He locked eyes with the cowboy and started stomping towards him...

# My little Tex-mmmph!#

Bard's song was cut short when Bane grabbed him up, his fleshy hand covering his mouth.

"Bane does not like music..." He glared at his two victims.

WHAM!

Superboy zoomed up as a blur of red, blue and black and drove his left fist into Bane's unprotected face. The big man stumbled back and dropped Bard to the street.

WHAM!

Superboy hit him with his right fist. Bane stumbled back another step and reluctantly released Robin. The Boy of Steel reared back for a devastating uppercut...

Bane snatched him up with both hands, leapt up high in the air, spun and drove Superboy headfirst into the concrete street. Superboy was lost from sight in the huge crater.

"Yo! Eat this, big man!"

WHUUUUUR!

Cyborg descended from the sky in the talons of a green pterydactyl and lashed out with the blue beam of his sonic cannon. Bane covered himself up like a boxer to hold the beam at bay. Then, with a muffled grunt, he pushed the beam right back at them.

RUUUUUUHW!

The blast reversed its course and knocked Cyborg and Beast Boy out of the air.

"Digest this, as well!"

ZAF! ZAF! ZAF!

Starfire hovered about Bane's head and peppered him with star bolt after green star bolt. Bane covered up again and smoke begin to arise around his figure. Finally, Starfire stopped her torrential downpour of fiery green energy and panted for breath. Everyone cautiously stared at the cloud of smoke that hidden Bane from view.

"..."

"Haargh!" Bane's arm shot out of the smoke and grasped the Tamaraian.

"Eek!"

"Starfire!" Robin ran forward, leapt and planted a metal enlaced boot into Bane's chest. He bounced off, twirled around and jammed the butt of his staff deep into his stomach...and Bane simply stared at him with amusement, completely unfazed. He nonchalantly tossed Starfire into the side of a car and grabbed the Boy Wonder by his cape. His arm flexed and, with a sickening splat, slung Robin face first into the concrete. Robin groaned once, shuddered and then lay motionless.

"Children are no match for a weapon of mass destruction!" Bane lifted a giant boot to squash Robin like a bug...

CRASH! SMACK!

Superboy erupted from beneath the street, caught Bane's uplifted foot and flung him hard into the back of a pickup truck parked along the street.

"We're not kids!" He smirked. "We're teenagers!"

Bane growled and charged him.

#My little Texas tornado, blowing me away again!#

Bane's charge was halted when he suddenly found himself in a funnel of wind. He crashed through a lamp post and landed out of sight onto another street.

"Speak for yourself." Bard winked at Superboy from behind his dark glasses. "I'm eighteen, so I'm legally an adult."

"Wanna cookie?"

Meanwhile, Starfire had rushed over to Robin, who was still lying in the street.

"Robin, are you damaged?" She knelled down beside him, easily flipped him over and gently cradle his head.

"Ugh...I have to-" He coughed and a bit of blood came out of his mouth. Robin quickly wiped it away with the back of his glove. "I have to...stop Bane." He weakly started to make it to his feet.

"You stay where you are." Bard called over to the Boy Wonder with surprising authority. "We'll stop...Bane?"

Bane was back in sight, but it wasn't because he was charging them. No, it was because we was being catapulted through the air before he landed with crash into a store front.

"What the...?"

Another figure came into view, a famliar figure that was every bit as huge as Bane. He had shaggy brown hair, green eyes and a short red beard.

"Tim?" Bard stared in disbelief.

"Dude, this can't be good..."

"Jonny!" Tim roared, pointing at him. "You...are next!"

WHAM!

Everyone's eyes were on the scene between Bard and Tim, so no one noticed Bane get back to his feet. He came in charging like a bull and walloped Tim in the face with both hands. Bard's old friend went flying back from the blow and smashed through the side of a car. Bard ran forward to help, but Tim stopped him.

"No!" He yelled, holding up his hand after he made it back up. "Tim...owes you...owes Jonny. But then...your blood!"

Tim ran forward and grappled in a test of strength with Bane. The earth shook as their heavy footfalls as they struggled for position. Bane pushed Tim into a wall, making a crater and sending brick shrapnel and dust every where, but Tim refused to let go. Tim struck back with a knee below the belt.

"Well," Cyborg said as he and the rest of the Titans stood and watched the fight. "We all know where he learned that, don't we?"

Bane let out a below of rage, released his grip on Tim's shoulders and bent over. Tim grabbed him by the waist, lifted him up, flipped him and drove him back first into the middle of the road.

CRACK!

The impact was so intense that a large cracked wormed it's away though the road and all the way up an adjoining street. When his opponent made it back up to his feet, Tim through bear like swipe at him. But Bane ducked under and, from behind, wrapped his humongous arms around Tim's throat in a choke hold. Tim fought to free himself, but Bane was just too strong. His face turned red and his lungs screamed desperately for air.

Robin ran forward weakly, the tip of his staff dragging along the pavement...

SW-SW-SW-SW-SW-CHINK!

A black batarang came out of absolutely nowhere and imbedded itself into the electronic device on Bane's back. Electricity arced through Bane's body and into Tim's.

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!"

"Yauuuuuuurgh!"

Both men fell to the ground, smoking and unconscious.

"..." The Titans stared.

"No!" Robin shouted, roving his eyes over the rooftops. "I don't need your help! Do you hear me! I don't need you!"

Bard blinked and looked up at the rooftops, but no one was there.

"Robin..." Starfire said hesitantly. "Please restrain your distress. You are injured and-"

"No!" He barked harshly, coldly knocking away the hand she had reached out to touch him with. He determinedly staggered over to the R-Cycle, straddled the vehicle, clomped the helmet over his spiky hair and zoomed off.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Hey! Where's Raven?"

Author's Notes:

First and foremost, I have to apologize for how long it took this chapter to come out. I could come up with all kinds of valid excuses, but I won't bore you with them. Thanks to those who are sticking with me!

Also, the song Bard sang in the last chapter is not mine, (I forgot to put in the disclaimer).

Last but not least, review! Help me make Titan's Song as good as possible!

Strive For Righteousness,

Lord Belgarion