Disclaimer: I take no claim for any of Meyer's characters, only for the characters and ideas belonging to me. Amara, the glowing, the scent thing, Raina, etc.
Raina
I stared at her blankly. "Say what?" I asked, confused. "You're sorry?"
Raina bit her lip and nodded roughly. "Yes, that's what I said. You aren't deaf, are you?"
"No," I deadpanned. "I'm just confused. What are you apologizing for, exactly?"
Raina ran a hand through her onyx locks and sighed, biting her lip again. She seemed to mull over her choice of words once again, then sat down on a nearby tree stump. She gestured for me to sit down as well, which I did on a smooth rock several feet away.
"I…I am sorry for the way I acted the other day," she replied at last, her voice strained. I furrowed my brow at her words, but held my tongue. "I am sorry for being so rash and rude to you and the…Cullens. I had a lot on my mind and a lot of strain that just fueled the fire when I had to deal with remembering my mother's death."
"You tried to kill her."
"Can you blame me?" Raina asked. "Put yourself in my shoes and see how you would feel if someone you loved dearly was killed just like that, by your own enemy no less."
My lips twitched. I thought on it for a moment, trying to see Raina's point of view. How would I have felt if I lost Esme? I cringed and felt like my heart had been torn at the very thought of losing the most loving woman on the planet. It was painful.
"I can see what you mean," I choked out, pushing the thoughts away. "But Alice didn't do it on purpose. She's not that type of person, you have to believe me. She would never willingly hurt anyone unless they were a danger to her family. I'm sorry for your loss, but I swear to you that it was an accident, Raina…"
Raina leaned back and stared up at the trees for a moment before responding. "I know it was."
"Then why…?"
"Do you honestly think that I can just forgive and forget?" she asked. "I would if I could, but I can't. I can't forget it no matter how hard I try, because every time I do it just gets brought up again by my father or one of the other council members. They're always using that as an example, among other things, as to why we can't trust the bloodsuckers and why we need to eliminate them so that we can live in peace."
"What?" I shouted, standing up. "That's bullshit! My family hasn't done anything to you for fuck's sake! All they want to do is live in peace too!"
"I know they do," she murmured.
"Not to mention that…that…" I paused and stared at her again, surprised by her response. "Wait, what'd you say?"
"I said that I know the Cullens want to live in peace. I'm not stupid. I can plainly see for myself that they don't want to cause trouble and they actually like living the way they do," she replied.
I gaped at her and absorbed her words, feeling both confused and a little irritated.
"Then why the hell did you act the way you did the other day?" I demanded, glaring at her. "First you insult my family and say that Alice and I can't be together, not to mention calling me an idiot and now you're suddenly taking it all back? Fuck that! What the hell kind of game are you playing here, Raina? I don't understand."
For once, Raina looked to be at a loss for words. Her face was pained as she stared down at the ground, not meeting my eyes. I didn't feel guilty calling her out on her choice of words, especially because of how she'd acted the day before. Losing her mother, I could understand, but after all the shit she'd said to me and to my family, she couldn't just apologize for it out of the blue and expect me to think better of her.
"You're right," Raina murmured sheepishly. "It was wrong of me to say those things and act that way to you and to the Cullens, even if they are vampires. I shouldn't have blown up, but I was so damn stressed and angry, I couldn't control myself."
I took a few steps forward and sat down a bit closer to her. I could smell her rank odor, which caused me to whimper and cover my nose until the scent dissipated. That was definitely going to be a problem if I wanted to keep my change under-wraps. Raina didn't seem to notice, though, and continued to stare at the ground with a somber expression on her face.
I could tell that Raina was sincere about what she was saying. Her eyes smoldered with pain and sincerity at her own words, which caused the growing anger I'd felt to dissipate some. I still wasn't satisfied with her answer, though. She needed to make more sense.
Why had she been so upset that day? Surely my family hadn't done anything to upset her, right?
As if knowing what I was about to ask, Raina shook her head. "No, they did nothing to upset me or agitate me that day. My anger came from…elsewhere."
I frowned, still confused. "Oh. Well, uh, what happened?"
Raina grimaced. "I never asked for this life. I never asked to become a werewolf or to be born into the Black family. If I hadn't, things would have been much easier. Hell, I wouldn't care about being a wolf if I wasn't in the same damn family." She paused and noticed the confusion on my face, laughing quietly to herself. "Sorry. Sometimes I ramble when I'm by myself. It…helps for me to get my thoughts together."
"You don't like being a wolf," I stated, mildly surprised.
"Not really, no," she admitted. "I like being in the Black family even less, though."
"But…"
She rolled her eyes. "Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate my father or Jacob. It's just that…being the firstborn daughter of the chieftain isn't exactly a good thing."
"You're still not making sense, Raina," I pointed out. "What are you talking about?"
Raina ran a hand through her hair and shook her head, sighing.
"Okay, I get that you're confused. Nothing I'm saying makes sense enough to explain why I'm apologizing to you. So let me start at the beginning so that you can get a better idea of where my head is at, otherwise I'll keep rambling and we'll never get anywhere."
"That sounds fine to me," I muttered, shifting my position slightly.
Raina took in a deep breath, then started. "First and foremost, like I've said before, I apologize for acting like an ass the other day. I had a lot on my mind, most of which had to deal with our high and mighty council," she spat the last phrase out rather sarcastically. There was definitely a bit of bitterness behind them. "Being who I am is…stressful for me. It's stressful for Sam too, I'd imagine, but things are much worse for someone in my predicament."
"What predicament are you talking about?" I asked in a softer tone.
She appraised me with serious eyes. "You know that my family has always held the position of power among the Quileutes, right?" I nodded. "Good. Did you also know that, in our traditions, that the firstborn is typically always a male who will often end up inheriting the rank of chieftain when the previous chieftain passes away?"
"I figured as much," I replied. "Why?"
"Here's the thing. I'm the firstborn in the Black family, which means that not only am I entitled to be the chieftain, but I am also the rightful Alpha of the our pack, not Sam."
That surprised me. "So wait, you should be the one giving the orders?"
"Yes, I should be. But I'm not. I'm not the Alpha and I'm not going to be the chief when my father either relieves himself of his duties or passes away. Sam is the Alpha wolf for now, but in the end that right, as well as the title of chief, will go to my brother Jacob."
"Why, though?"
"Because the councilmen are a bunch of close-minded pricks that like to stuff their stinking traditions and views down our throats and force us to bend to their will all the damn time," she growled, shaking her head disdainfully.
"You're telling me that they didn't want you to be the Alpha?" I asked, wondering why they would do such a thing.
"Yes," she muttered darkly. "When I first phased into a wolf, they were caught off guard. It was rare for there to be female wolves in our pack since most of the time the Quileutes had been males, though there had been a few females here and there. The thing that bothered them was that they didn't like the idea of a woman leading the wolves because it "went against tradition" or some lame shit like that. I don't know, that was the excuse they gave me when they tried to talk me out of being the Alpha. At first I said no, but they persuaded me to change my mind."
"That stinks," I grumbled, feeling a bit sympathetic towards her. I also felt appalled that the council would act in such a way to prevent her from being the Alpha. They did it for what, some stupid traditions? That was garbage.
"Tell me about it," Raina groaned. "And it isn't just the fact that they don't want me to be Alpha or the fact that they don't want me to be the chief that pisses me off the most. Had I been told more about it and given the time to think, I might have made the same choices. Instead, though, they didn't give me that chance because they like to be in charge of everything that goes on. I think the worst part was how differently they treated me compared to how they treated Jacob."
"They treated you guys differently?"
"Much," she sighed. "You want to know why Jacob is such a pompous ass? It's because the council and practically everyone else has always treated him like a king. They spoiled him rotten as he got older, always told him that he would do great things and catered to his ego in practically every way imaginable. Yeah, I'll be honest that I was jealous of the attention he was getting compared to how little attention I ever got from people, even our own father."
Her face softened. "There was only one person who ever treated us as equals. That was my mother, Sarah. She always showed us equal amounts of love and kindness, even where others, including our own father, wasn't. She even tried to push the idea of me being allowed the right of chief when I came of age, since she felt that I was the rightful heir to the title. But…"
"Then she died. I remember that she had died shortly after I had phased. She found out about the wolves at that point in time and she had been okay with it. She had apparently met a few of the Cullens in the past and didn't think that we should treat them the way we did. Then the accident happened and things just went to hell. I was so angry that I had lost her, so bitter, that I willingly gave in to the council's desires. I thought that I could find some form of peace by getting revenge for her, but that didn't work out the way I wanted it to."
"It's funny, I remember the day I fought your, uh, mate. I saw the heartbreak in her eyes, the actual resentment for what she'd done. She pleaded with me that she didn't mean for it to happen, and though I still tried to kill her, I actually found myself believing her. After the fight, I found myself regretting what I'd tried to do. The problem is that the council found out and they got involved with my own business. Some of them liked what I'd tried to do and intended to use what had happened as an excuse to break the treaty. I tried to tell them not to, since what happened was an accident and that my mother wouldn't want that."
Raina stopped, a mixture of different emotions flickering in her eyes. Anger, pain, sorrow, regret.
"Raina…" I murmured, moving closer to the taller girl. I reached my hand out, feeling the need to try to comfort her, but she turned away from my hand.
"Don't, Bella," she choked out. "I don't deserve your sympathy. Besides, we're still enemies, remember? Though I guess that's pretty moot at this point, since if the council found out that I was telling you this, they'd be pissed off at me."
"Who cares what they want?" I asked, scowling. "They're a bunch of close-minded old fools if you ask me."
Raina let out a brief chuckle. "Ah, if only it were that simple. I wish I could just tell them to fuck off without there being any negative consequences, but alas, there's not. I must do what they order me to do, or else I'll be punished for disobeying orders or questioning them. It's happened before and I'm damn sure it'd happen again."
"W-wait, punished?" I stammered, my eyes widening.
Raina nodded. "They're incredibly strict and if you break certain rules, then they make an example of you. That's just how they are, or at least, how they used to be." She stood up then and lifted her shirt up a bit so reveal a long narrow scar running down the upper right side of her back, from her shoulder to about the length of her elbow.
I gasped. "Oh my God…was that…?"
"For consistently questioning the council and for trying to fight against them," she stated, pulling her shirt back down. Wait, did I see more scars on the other side? "This was how they punished me, what I earned for trying to do what my mother would have wanted. The council is too blinded by their fear and morals to care about anything other then what they want."
"But…even Billy?"
"I had to learn my place," she deadpanned. "Or so he said. He acted like he regretted it, yet he had the power to stop it from happening. But then again, my father is the shell of the man he used to be and he fears the reactions of the others more than anything else. He has to "live up to his father's standards" or some bull like that. I don't know, I stopped caring years ago."
"Didn't Sue at least try to help?" I inquired.
She shook her head. "Sue wasn't on the council at that point in time. Her husband Harry was. He actually did speak up against it, as did Randolph, the man you heard earlier that actually sounded sincere in attempting to help. You should have seen the look on the other's faces when Sue joined the council after Harry passed away. That certainly shook things up for them, since she was the first woman to ever hold a position on the council."
"You know, something that confuses me is that way back when, we didn't have this type of problem, especially when my great grandfather was chief. Our elders were respected for their knowledge and their intuition, not hated for their scrutiny and bias," Raina scoffed.
I furrowed my brow. "What happened to make them act the way they do now?"
Raina sighed and rubbed her neck. "I don't know, honestly. Time changes people, I suppose. I never really bothered to pay much attention to our legends when we were learning them in school, nor do I ever really pay attention to when the council gives us lectures. All I know is that I hate how they are now."
I soaked in her words in silence, finding myself forming a different opinion of Raina then what I had had not too long ago. I saw that she wasn't as close-minded and biased as I had thought, but rather that she was as much a victim in this situation as my family and I were. And I grew to hate the council members—most of them, anyways—even more.
"So when you said you were angrier about the council that day, what did you mean?" I asked.
She clasped her hands together and frowned. "When they found out that there was a human living with the Cullens, they were livid. They berated Sam and I for not finding out sooner and for letting you onto our lands and blah, blah, blah. It was all really stupid and the strain was heavy on both Sam and I. Then they went and reminded me of my mother's death, which pissed me off, and when I saw your mate again, I just exploded."
I sighed and bit my lip. "Do you think that the council will let this go? I mean, I really do love Alice and I love the others. They're a much better family then my old one was, that much I can say without a doubt. I don't care if Billy is friends with Charlie, Charlie was never there for me and it's much too late for that to change now, even if Charlie is sincere."
"I saw that," she noted. "I saw the way she protected you. As strange as it is to see and admit, I can tell that you two actually love each other. It's odd, but…well, I may have said a lot of crap about it before, but I can sort of understand it now."
"To answer your question, though, no, I don't think they ever will. They might agree to it for a while, but I don't think the council will ever fully understand your point of view. They hate vampires far too much to ever let them live in peace, even though the Cullens have never caused any harm and all problems in the past have either been other vampires or our own fault."
"But they still blame my family," I growled.
"They don't have anyone else to blame for their troubles," Raina explained. "They refuse to blame themselves, which is typical of them. I guess I shouldn't say a lot of bad about all of them, since Sue and Randolph are both trying to make the council better. There's just the two of them, though, against the six others, including the chief."
"How can you guys stand them?" I asked.
"We don't have a choice in the matter. We're forced to obey them whenever they give us certain commands and there's practically no way we can disobey them when that happens," she grumbled under her breath.
"Wait, why?" I urged.
She bit her lip. "It's hard to explain. Sam, he has what's called an "Alpha voice", where he can force someone to follow his orders. He doesn't like to use it because he dislikes taking someone's will away from them. The council, or rather my father, has a similar type of thing because he is the chieftain. He can make Sam and I do what he orders us and in turn, we give the orders to the other wolves and go from there."
"So can you use the Alpha voice, since you're supposed to be the actual Alpha?"
"I have a lesser variation of it, though it doesn't work on Sam and it doesn't have the same level of strength. It would were I to take control of the pack, but I don't want to because I know if I do there will be hell to pay. I just can't take that risk," she murmured.
"So…" I trailed off and stood up, dusting myself off. "There isn't any hope for there to be peace between our sides? What about for us to be friends again, like we were when we were kids?"
Raina looked at me sadly. "I wish there were, Bella, but I'm not so sure there ever will be. In time there may be a chance, but as of now, I'm not seeing it. As long as your family lives here in Forks and as long as the council remains the way they are, we will always be enemies." She too stood up, her eyes still locked on mine. "I wish we could still be friends, Bella. I remember when we were kids, playing with each other. You were the only real friend I had back then."
"I remember when you used to come over, I saw how your parents treated you. I saw the neglect and disinterest from your mother and how your father never seemed to care. I thought to myself that you and I would be great friends because I knew what that was like from the way everyone but my mother treated me. Then your parents divorced and you disappeared and now here you are all these years later. Now, though, we can't be friends, much as I'd like otherwise."
"And you'll never stop being my enemy until the council gets it through their heads that my family isn't evil," I grunted. She nodded sharply. "So what do we do, then? Continue to fight over stupid shit for years to come when there are much bigger things to deal with?"
Raina seemed to ponder that for a moment, weighing down whatever options we had.
"I think that you should get your family to move," Raina suggested. "If anything, it would throw the council off their rocker and it would mix things up a bit. They'd be foolish to try and chase down your family and they'd be forced to put their hate and bias elsewhere. All in all, though, it would be safer for you and the Cullens if you left and went somewhere else."
I thought about that for a moment and recalled that my family had moved countless times in the past and I doubted they would like the idea of moving once again. And if we did move, then we'd have to pack everything up and we'd all have to readjust to moving. I'd just gotten used to being here in Forks; I'd even made a few friends that didn't outright suck.
Then I thought about James, Sarah and Victoria. It didn't matter where we went, they would still follow us in order to get to me. I knew that my family could take them, but what if they got ideas and started making more newborns like Sarah? Then what? Having the wolves around, even if they hated us, would probably help since they would be more interested in killing the evil vampires and not my family, though it probably wouldn't last long.
Truthfully, I didn't think they would move. Carlisle might try to get the others to see the dangers of staying, but knowing how stubborn Alice, Rosalie, Amara and Emmett were, it wouldn't do much good in the end.
"I don't think so," I stated, shaking my head. "I don't think most of them would want to move, even with the fact that the wolves wouldn't always be on their side."
Raina furrowed her brow, but she seemed to understand. "Yeah, I figured as much. I'm not sure what to tell you about it, honestly. It's not looking good for a long time. I guess all either of us can do is wait and hope for the best."
We remained silent for a few minutes. I wondered how far out from the others we were and worried about how things were going with the others. Were they okay, I hope? I thought on and figured that if something were wrong, I'd likely feel it. All I felt right now was disdain towards the council and concern with what to do regarding them.
"Do you hate my family?" I inquired, appraising her.
Raina's lips twitched. "I have no love for the Cullens, but I don't despise them the way that the council does," she replied.
"What about the other wolves?"
"Most hate the Cullens because of how they were brought up. Sam feels similarly to me, though he's a bit more understanding about the whole situation. If you're looking for a wolf to be on friendly terms with, your best bets are Brandon and Serena. Seth too, I suppose, though he's just a kid compared to the rest of us."
I lifted an eyebrow. "What about Leah?"
Raina's eyes darkened intensely at the name. "Ha. You'd be better off staying clear of her. She's too much of a wild card to be friend-worthy."
"You guys don't like each other much, do you?"
She sneered. "If I had to choose one wolf that hated me as much as I hated, Leah would be the one without a doubt. We used to be best friends, but things changed once we phased and they were never the same afterwards. We have fought many times over the last few years and both of us came out of our fights with some scars." She gestured towards her back again for reference.
"Those other scars I saw?" I gaped.
"It's nothing to concern yourself with," Raina grunted. "Don't worry about it."
"Sorry," I murmured sheepishly. "I, uh, I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries."
She waved it off and shrugged. "Don't sweat it, kid."
"So, was there anything else that you wanted to tell me Raina? I mean, aside from the heads up about the council and apologizing for what happened before."
"Do you accept my apology?" she asked sincerely. "I know it might not seem like it later on, but I really am sorry for how I acted."
I considered it. "You should be apologizing more to Alice than to me, since she was the one you insulted most. Plus, you did try to kill her too. I know you were hurt by the accident, I would be too, but that was years ago and she did apologize for what happened. I know it hurts her, too, but she really didn't mean for it to happen," I reasoned.
Raina nodded and sighed quietly. "I…I suppose I should say…something to her, yes."
"Thank you, Raina," I murmured appreciatively, bowing my head to her. "I know that she might not react the right way, but really, it would mean a lot to her to hear that you don't blame her for what happened anymore, that you know it was an accident."
"Don't thank me, Bella," Raina replied softly. "Like I said, we can't really be friends until the council get their heads out of their asses. Sue and Randolph are trying, but Randolph isn't as young as he used to be and Sue is just one woman. Unless hell freezes over, things likely won't clear up for a good many years. I don't know how long we can persuade them to keep the peace with your family, even though your family has proven that they are trustworthy."
"I see," I mumbled. "So I take it if I was changed into a vampire, things wouldn't turn out well for us, would they?"
"Probably not," she deadpanned. "You would likely want to reconsider moving away before you allowed them to change you, Bella. We would be forced to kill you if you killed a human, purposeful or not. Not only that, but we know how dangerous and crazed newborn vampires are, so we would likely be ordered to kill you even if you didn't kill a human. It's dangerous for you to be changed here in Forks, I'll warn you now."
"I'll keep that in mind," I replied. Too bad I'm already changing into a vampire and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it, I felt like saying. But I didn't, because I was afraid of what might happen should I do so.
The fear of the wolves' reaction to me changing did loom in the back of my head as I thought more on it. If there was going to be a battle between our groups eventually, I hoped that I would at least be able to defend myself from harm rather than always being forced to rely on the others for protection, even if I didn't like the idea of fighting the wolves to begin with. Stinky and close-minded as they were, I couldn't blame them for being brainwashed by the council.
"We should head back," Raina stated, stretching her arms out. "If we remain gone for too long, I'm certain your mate will get suspicious and concerned and come running over here, likely ready to attack me. I know Sam trusts me enough to not worry, so there's no fear of that, but considering how protective vampires are, it would be best if we head back."
She started to trudge back in the direction we came in once she'd finished, so I followed closely in step with her, though not too close to avoid her smell. It was strange, now that I'd been near her for so long she didn't stink as much. And even then, the stench was brief and it didn't last for very long, maybe a few seconds at most.
"What will you tell the council?" I asked, curious.
Raina shrugged. "The truth. I see no point in not allowing you to stay with the Cullens since you truly seem to love them and they obviously care for you. My opinion might not amount to much, but I know that Sam will agree with me, which will give the council a bit more incentive to agree with what we say, though not a whole lot."
I sighed. "I hope this works out. I know the others don't want to have to deal with any more fighting after what we've been through in the past week."
She frowned as she appraised me. "What do you mean? Is this regarding those other vampires that I heard about from Serena?"
"Yeah," I replied.
"I can't believe there were other bloodsuckers here and we didn't know about it. Damn it, that stinks! We're usually always good on keeping tabs of Forks, even if it isn't our territory. How the hell did they get here without us knowing…" she grumbled, more to herself than to me.
"They weren't here for very long," I replied quietly, watching the ground as I walked behind her, avoiding tree roots and rocks. "One of them is a skilled tracker, so he would have known to avoid your area. The second one has a gift that lets her know how to survive things, so she would have likely been aware of your area too, hence why they would have avoided it at all costs."
Raina didn't respond, scowling to herself as we made our way back to where the others were. As we neared the area, I could make out voices, some loud, others quiet. I instantly heard a voice shout and both Raina and I picked our speed up to hurry over there.
Once we'd gotten through the forest and into the clearing, I caught sight of most of the wolves shaking violently, glaring scathingly at my family. Most of my family members looked relatively calm, but all of them were tense and ready for a fight, especially Emmett and Amara.
"YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HER!" Jacob roared, springing forward. Alice stepped forward and snarled back at him, her lips curled back to expose her gleaming, razor sharp teeth. They looked like they were about to rip each other into pieces. Then both Alice and Jacob lunged for another, and I wouldn't be there fast enough to help her.
Shit.
A/N: Yes, I know, damn me and my cliffhangers, blah, blah, blah. I can't help it, I happen to enjoy writing cliffhangers, okay? And no, I don't just do it to annoy you. Okay, that's half the reason why I write them in. The other reason? I'm evil. :P
Anyways, maybe this chapter has changed your perception of Raina a bit? I kind of hope so, since there is more to her than just anger and vampire resentment. That was one of the reasons for it, aside from giving readers an idea of what's going on behind the scenes involving the council (who really should be blamed for the tension between the wolves and the vampires), why Raina isn't the Alpha of the pack and what Jacob's deal is. Oh, and teasing a bit between the Leah/Raina rivalry, too.
More of a random note, I wanted to let everyone know that the soundtrack for this story is nearly complete. Just in case you were curious about it. It will likely be posted within the next week, since there are a few more songs to add in. But when it's finished, the link and the list will be posted on my profile for all to see.
Oh, and one more thing. To all of you who are waiting for Bella and Alice to "get it on", you must remember what I've said on the subject in the past. I don't think that there will be any of that happening in this story. That doesn't mean I'm not above teasing you incessantly about it, though. :D
Last but not least, thank you for all the health wishes. It's getting better, which is good. But thank you.
