Wait if I'm on fire
How am I so deep in love?
-Shaed, "Trampoline"
Her eyes reopened to the not quite so roaring fire as it had been before with a wince. It was in time with a hand, first one then the other, that went to her back, right below her ribs. Pressing deeply with each kneading pass, she tried to work the muscles that were tense from her sitting for so long. Added pressure was needed for it even to be felt beneath her clothes and much to her dismay, it simply didn't do anything to help.
She heaved out a sigh. Funny, she used to be able to do this for hours, days even. Here she was though, unable to maintain form, much less meditation, for … how long had it been?
The light outside was slipping away; sunset had been not too long ago. The fire before her, small as it was, provided most of the light of the room.
It was late then, given that she had started at dawn.
It wasn't much of a comfort that, giving up on her back to rub her eyes for a moment before a knock at her door drew her attention away from the wisps of the visions that remained within the flames. Pushing up to her feet she felt her joints pop and crack in relief. At least something was she thought glumily, going to the door to pull it open. At the sight of who was on the other side made her want to shut it anew but she fought back that sigh that desired to escape, looking at Makoto.
They hadn't really come to terms with one another, despite everything. It had been weeks since the video with the Terrans, and the Jovian was still riding her ass for how she acted to Minako. Deserving of it or not, it was another thing that wore on her nerves. Thoughts were short lived though as the taller woman looked at her, then behind her into her room, before settling on her anew.
"Have ya seen Minako? Food's ready but she ain't to be found."
She hadn't, shaking her head to say as much. It was the truth, ever since the call the Venusian had been scare for being present. The few glimpses she caught here and there of her said the same thing she had known for seemingly ages. The blonde was tired, running herself thin, and seemed preoccupied with something. Their time of spending hours on guard duty with the Princess had ceased right after Luna revealed the secretive communication existing. What exactly she was doing she really didn't know, and more of her was missing her presence.
A sigh. Whether it was from either one didn't matter when they both did it. Maybe all that mattered was who was first.
"Well. Dinner's ready then. Oh, 'fore I forget. I finished makin' somethin' for yer two ravens. It's out on the table." Not one for lengthy conversation, at least not with her, the Jovian left to walk back down the hall. A raised voice said that Minako wasn't with Rei, and she thought she heard something in response from Ami but it was too faint to be made out.
Her gaze went across the hall where the Venusian's room essentially was. The door was still shut; not that she could tell if it had so much as moved within it's frame, but something told her that it hadn't. The blonde had been rather vague with what they should do next, once they left the video call. For that matter, really all that had been said was that she was going to get some air.
A frown.
Ami spent, she assumed, a lot of time piecing together parts for a new computer that could read the technology that had been secreted to her. It meant daily the Mercurian was at the postal building, but more often than not she came back empty handed. She did see her and the Jovian at the training grounds though, going through a more serious workout along with running the obstacle course.
Sometimes she even sparred with them, mostly Ami as one too many blows levied at her from Makoto were not in training but rather, intent. Training weapons or not, a blow to her skull by way of a staff could kill her and she wasn't in the mood for a broken limb.
Her gaze went out to the window, hardly aware of when she shut the door much less moved from it. The visions were hazy wisps of mostly shadows, reminding her of the ones she had on Mars. There was no voice though, no cryptic string of words to accompany the images. Really for that matter, they seemed almost tame, lackluster in comparison. They flowed freely without obstruction, from one moment to the next, yet still felt so vague she couldn't understand what they meant.
It didn't make sense, none of it really did. She could feel an evil like she could before on Mars, but it was the lingering remains of it, like it was so great at one point but now had left. All that remained were traces, faint wisps again, much like her visions had been. Equally as absently, her hand went to her back to rub while the light dimmed outside.
It was interrupted, two hands rubbing against her shoulders and along her spine with more pressure than what she could have managed on her own. Unbidden a groan passed her lips before she jolted with the startling realization that she wasn't alone. Trying to turn about all she was met with was a soft laugh, familiar, and hands that wouldn't let her turn.
"Who'd think that you could be snuck up on… I'm going to have to remember that." Minako declared with a giggle this time, her hands never ceasing the relief they brought. "Though this is a lot easier without clothes, I gotta say."
She felt embarrassed and pointedly made sure to look out the window. "Where have you been? No one's seen you since that shit with the Terrans. Makoto came looking for you and said dinner was ready."
All she received was a laugh. "Silly, that was an hour ago, maybe a bit longer. I brought you something to eat." There was a pause, hands sliding down her back to rest at her hips. Her body was pressed flush against her back, the Venusian's voice a lilting purr in her ear, "And I suppose dessert as well." A lick then a nip to her earlobe and she felt her face flush with heat, unable to stop Minako from turning her body to face her. "My my, red becomes you. Seriously though, you should eat. No one's seen you emerge today." With that she took a step back, allowing her space, allowing her air, a chance to breathe. "I also brought you something, but you don't get it 'till you eat, so be a good girl and eat your dinner before it gets cold."
A wink, another laugh, and the Venusian had left the room.
If it wasn't for the heat in her face, she would have sworn that it was just a mirage, that her mind envisioned it all. The covered plate though resting on top of a small, folding table also disputed the claim that an appraration had visited her.
Gods. Every time she thought she understood Minako to some degree the blonde seemed to easily pull the wool over her eyes anew. Dragging her hands over her face dispersed what heat of her blush remained, the staggered exhale doing the rest.
Her stomach resounded that food was a requirement now since she could smell it despite the covering. Sinking down to sit on the edge of the bed as the chair in the room had been long since claimed by Phobos and Deimos, she ate mostly absently. Her thoughts really were not on the present and it was obvious since keeping track of time wasn't high on the priority list. Consciousness at least was there to remind the rest of her that it was hot, filling, and tasted wonderful. Rather forlornly she looked at the now empty plate, utensils held still aloft like there was more to eat, before sighing again.
Damn.
Setting them down she found a roll that still hadn't been consumed, eating that as well, before the mug of water she had been brought was equally finished off. That Minako brought all of this in without her awareness, and likely, by herself, made her shake her head. It reminded her again of Mars, at the temple, before more of the madness started to happen at a quicker pace.
It felt hard to believe that she had been here this long when she knew it really wasn't that long. Not as long as some of the others, certainly not as long as the blonde. It got her to wonder for a moment more just how old the Venusian was in comparison.
It really didn't matter though, or rather, she couldn't give any more attention to it as her door opened again, a blonde head sticking in. "You planning on sitting there and brooding or are you going to come out to socialize?"
"Socialize with who." She had, to a point. Minako just wasn't there to witness it. That was something new, this need for validation.
She should have known better though as the blonde just smirked at her suggestively, eyebrows waggling, "My body certainly would quite enjoy your discourse."
It took her a moment though for her to realize what the other meant, the blonde laughing at her softly once she did. A hand remained on the door handle, the other on the frame, making no move to step further inside. She was glad for that, a reprieve to let the heat die down and the color drain from her face. It still took a while though, and likely never completely went away, especially when the blonde kept making suggestive faces at her.
Relenting though she gave the door a push to be open wider. "C'mon let's go, you can brood later."
"I wasn't brooding…" She hadn't been but rose all the same. Lost to visions and what they meant wasn't brooding. Brooding is what Minako did when she would sit and overthink something for hours with a far away look on her face. This was different, it wasn't the same. Something to believe in as she looked at the Venusian who seemed to be in a much better mood than she had been in before.
"Right." Her hand was taken and she was pulled from the room with no regard for anything more. She barely caught the door behind her as she was pulled across the hall to the other door she spent more than a few glances at, indicating that maybe Minako was serious about what she had said, prompting another blush. Pulled in she could at least keep her pride about her by the feat of keeping her footing, watching as the other let go of her hand to walk to her vanity instead. A rather bulky looking box sat on the chair. Outside of the shape, it was otherwise nondescript.
"This is for you." She began, opening the lid as she spoke. "I finally received what I asked for when we left Mars, and the armorer bitched about it the entire time of course. Captain Dharius helped though to make is as authentic as possible, given that well, it's a surprise." Reaching in she hoisted a piece of armor out, dark, near black in color. If it was by the forging or the material she didn't know, but the style she knew right away.
Made of lengths of metal held lengthwise to one another by almost rivets, each piece was backed by deep, red hued leather. Pauldrons made much of the same helped to give its distinctive shape. The piece would leave her arms exposed otherwise, and stop just at her ribs to allow her flexibility and mobility. Leather ties and buckles completed it, hued to not clash with it overall.
She knew that armor. Warlords she came across on Mars wore it, often signifying their status. Her gaze went from it to the blonde who held it, not yet saying a word or making a move to collect it. It was easier to stand there than it was to shift through the emotions she felt.
"They're finishing up your gauntlets to match, in addition to crafting a pair of sabatons to go with it." Minako finished, eyeing her as she held the piece. Silence still met her, the blonde beginning to fidget almost nervously. Was it nerves? She probably wasn't helping matters by refusing to be vocal at the moment. Her gaze was on the armor again, the implications bounding out of control. It meant a lot, the prospect of combat, of possible further injury, of harm and pain.
Of thoughtfulness.
The blonde was looking positively pensive at her before she finally moved, taking the piece at last from her. Almost cradling it in her arms her fingers ghosted over the craftsmanship, finding a raven that had been etched to the metal at either shoulder. Up her gaze went, noting that Minako's expression hadn't changed outside of a raised eyebrow in her direction. "Thank you," softly given her attention went back to the piece. Part of her wanted to try it on, other parts were not so interested in the notion. Finally though she snatched back enough of her wayward thoughts to now. More so when she noticed Minako had taken a perch on her bed to watch her. "Do … I have to go for fittings?" She tried to make it a question for the other's sake, perhaps as amends for being so silent.
A soft laugh as the blonde shook her head. "I told you before Priestess, I'm quite qualified to take your measurements."
Heat again. She remembered that time. Maybe it was time to stop being so considerate if the other was going to continually disarm her by way of suggestive words. "I'll try it on later then and see how accurate your words are."
"Oh no, no that simply won't do. You've slighted me, you simply must try it on now."
A glance to her attire; her robes were an inadequate choice. "I'm not dressed for it."
A smile, how dazzling it was. There came a hand, rising to gesture towards the wardrobe that held most of the blonde's clothing and beyond that, the closet. "Please."
Just that damn single word.
A staring match ensued before she finally huffed out a breath. The piece was set on the vanity carefully, opening the doors to the blonde's armoire. Yanking out a shirt she pointedly kept her back to the other, disrobing before she pulled the borrowed shirt on. At least she was wearing her own pants, a small comfort before retrieving a jacket to pull on as well.
It took but steps to be back at the vanity, pulling apart buckles with a show of irritation she really didn't feel. The location allowed her to steal glances in the mirror, catching sight of the blonde who watched with rapt attention to her movements.
This was all an act. The thoughtfulness presented meant more to her than much anything else. Picking the piece back up she slipped into it, pulling her hair free once she did. It held weight but didn't seem heavy all the same, settling well across her upper body. She found she could still breathe; always important, as her fingers refastened the buckles closed.
It felt… she turned to face the other.
A thoughtful look on her face, Minako rose to her feet, peering almost at the armor before her hands came up. Finding handholds that weren't really there she pulled this way and that, looking for any play or looseness that existed. Satisfied she let go, stepping back. It clashed so horrifically with the colors of the uniform, but the blonde gave her a small smile before undoing the fastenings. "The tailors will have your new uniform ready tomorrow. So, how was the fit?"
She had to admit it was spot on, and wouldn't all the same. "It's alright."
"Mm." A non-committal sound was her reply in return, helping to pull the piece off. It was held easily while being lowered back to the box.
It was too much. "Minako. Are … are you and I … alright?"
She wasn't sure if anything could have been more effective, short of perhaps being naked, to get the blonde to stop what she was doing and willingly offer her undivided attention. Outright pausing, then stopping what she was doing, blue eyes looked at her, making no motion to move beyond the way she was before interrupted. A soft sigh finally broke the trance as she turned to look at her fully. "I can't keep doing this." The confession made the blonde leaned against the chair. "This though … you probably want to know what it is."
It'd be a help.
Minako was fidgeting. She realized that now, the way that her fingers ran absently along the box's surface. It was then that she finally realized that the blonde wasn't in uniform, rather a skirt and blouse that she dimly recalled from Mars. Maybe this was Overwhelm the Martian Day, following her movements for a moment before capturing her gaze with her own. That was better to do, else they might stand here for hours.
"I like you, a lot. Goddess, I said it was beyond that. I love you … and…" She frowned and it bothered her. "If you're just going to be there … be here … when it suits you then … I don't want that. I can't keep doing this … this whatever it is, when you get pissy about whatever the fuck it is that matters, but not in the moment. We only have each other, and we have to make it work somehow while everything around us is pretty shit."
"The Princess had no right to speak of you like that."
"And the Princess is just a stupid, naive girl. Everyone in the Cosmos thinks that Venusians are whores, just as they think Jovians are brutes, or Mercurians unfeeling, or that Martians are mindless killing golems. Makoto has feelings and cares about not only beautiful things that grow and bloom, but also preparing meals that put my own home's chefs to shame. Ami can tactically figure out how to best keep a shuttle in the trees so we can escape it, and she likes the calmness that comes with swimming. You … until that mess that happened on Mars, had no desire to learn to fight. Phobos and Deimos told me as such, how they tried to show you even something basic and you refused. Even now you don't particularly care for it but you're damnably effective at it. I don't know of any warmonger who not only read a Venusian intimate novel, but also managed to get me to make sounds I hadn't in years." There was a blush with the last part that wasn't soon fading from the other's cheeks anytime soon. "You've seen all of this, you've experienced all this … why would you place so much stock into what a naive girl has to say?"
"She's the one that we're supposed to protect against whatever the fuck it is."
"Yeah, and I admit that I don't like the deception being presented by anyone either. We only have each other, that's it. If we're going to fight and die next to one another … then I need to know that despite the fact she's the Princess, that what she says doesn't mean anything."
Words failed her at the moment, an almost, but not quite frown present as she thought. It wasn't like she discounted what was being said; Minako had valid points aplenty, it was just that there was something more to it. Lies. Deception. Falsehoods. Countless words that all meant the same thing. She was here for far fetched notions that were being undermined at an alarming rate. There was still the overall goal that no one was yet able to discern, but were working on.
Did it really matter what a child had to say?
Did it really matter what the Cosmos had to say, for that matter?
Her gaze returned to focus, watching as the blonde remained standing where she was, a partial lean against the chair. "It doesn't mean anything." She finally offered, feeling like a weight had been whisked away from her shoulders. For her admittance she was given a cocked head and raised eyebrow. "What the Princess has to say and everyone else. It doesn't matter. We're not who they say we are."
Minako made way to say something, if the blooming smile that was taking to her features was any indication when her stomach rumbled loudly, instantly killing the mood. Embarrassed she held a hand against her side, willing no more sounds to follow. "I seem to recall something about being told to eat." The blonde waggled a finger at her, helping that mortification set in all the better. "Change and there's probably some leftovers. Otherwise we can raid the pantry for something to eat."
"I … wait." She couldn't switch the topics that quickly like Minako was known to do and just did. Something bothered her; well numerous things were, but this was something recent having been given life through words. Something had been said that she needed more on. "You said … fight and die … alongside."
The other turned, leaning against the vanity instead of the chair. Her gaze left her own; she felt chilled, going to the window instead and the night sky just beyond the light within the room. "We're going to die. It might not be today, it might not be for years. The Queen, blind as I was to this, has us all imprisoned here. It's ironic, in a way, that this stupid piece of rock controls the entire system. We can't go unless it's by her command. We're lucky that we can still receive correspondence from the outside, but that is just a matter of time." Those blue eyes turned to look at her. "I went to the docks, in that time since the shit with the Terrans and now. We're all forbidden from leaving; I tried to see if I could get you all out of here."
"What… but why? Why would you talk about sending us away when you just got done saying how we only have each other!" Her voice rose in hand with her temper, fixing a fiery glare as though it was going to do much of anything.
"Because I don't want you to die!" The answer probably should not have shocked her, and it didn't. It was how it was given, an equal shout. The rare display of the blonde having too much of whatever it was. Her hand, flung in the moment, slowly returned to her side as though it was reining in her outbursting flare. "Just take your things and go. I can't do this tonight." She pushed up from the vanity, crossing the room to give her attention to the window and what was beyond instead.
It was maybe a handful of minutes that she allowed to pass before she moved from the spot she had been rooted in. It was past the vanity though, around the bed until her arms wrapped around the other's waist. It didn't bother her too much; save that it did, when she felt the other stiffen from the contact but she also didn't relent in the embrace either.
What prompted her to speak she didn't know, just that her mere presence wasn't enough right now.
"The heavens themselves won't keep me from you, Minako. We're here, maybe for a carefully orchestrated ploy and power play… we're still here though, together. We might not get along with one another all the time, yet we're still here for you and each other."
Minako said nothing but all the same, she didn't try to pull away. That was worth something.
"I didn't want to fight. Phobos and Deimos were right about that. They offered, more than once. The sword, the spear, even archery. They tried to have me learn how to defend myself if all I had was a knife. I didn't want to, all I wanted to do was save my people from oppressive warlords who wanted what abilities I had for their own. I didn't know who my parents were, perhaps my Grandfather did but he never related it to me. Then you came along and you managed to do something that neither of them could do. You barely knew me for but a handful of days and there you were, trying to show me how to draw my sword without stabbing myself in the process."
Silence still reigned, but some of the stiffness was gone.
"I probably should have learned to fight though. I realized that all I was doing was scrying the future without any power to change it. I tried though, I gave advice towards settlements to move out of pathways of conquests, if just so they could live free another day or two. I wanted to be more active but to ask them to teach me then just … it just seemed wrong. I had declined their offers before; would they teach me if I changed my mind now? I think they would, I was thinking to ask, then you appeared."
Minako shifted in her arms, her forehead resting to the windowpane.
"The Fires have told me a lot of things, and there's boundless more than I can't even understand from them, no matter how many times that they show the images to me. I … I want so badly to understand them, to give us a chance, like I did before on Mars. They're so vague though, spectres and wisps of things that used to exist but just don't seem to anymore. They're guiding me to something though, like they always have. They told me about you, after all." Gods she was rambling but she had Minako's attention, so it was worth it. "The last thing the Fires told me, before you arrived, was that the next person I met would change the very nature of my soul."
"And that scouting party could have arrived first." A bland whisper reverberated against the window.
"They didn't though, you did."
"Yet you ordered Phobos and Deimos to kill me all the same."
The frown she felt had every right to exist and did so in an apt display on her features. Perhaps the blonde was trying to be extraordinarily stubborn, maybe she really should have just left for the night and tried to see what the next day would bring. Puzzles like this were not her forte at all, but neither would she run away again. A different approach was required if she wanted to make anything better, because this was the last thing she really wanted.
The decision was taken out of her control once she felt something wet land against her hands. The frown fell way to wide eyed concern the moment she realized what it was.
"She lied."
It was so brokenly given that she couldn't help but feel the anguish in the simple words. Her hands rose, that instinct to help before one of the blonde's waved her off. She paused, hesitating before allowing them to fall back to her sides.
"I wanted some degree of normalcy in all of this, something I could hold onto and know it was mine. Something that couldn't be taken away."
"Minako-"
"No, hear me out Rei. I grew up, perhaps a bit spoiled but with tragedy already in my life. I took up the sword with my mother's misgivings, flying to almost the furthest reaches of the system. I killed, I spilled blood, I got hurt all because of a lie. I can't even escape it now no matter how much I try to. Each and every one of you are here because I had to cajole you in some fashion to answer a demand that had been coated in something sweet to disguise the lack of truth it really was. And to what, to live among people that hate us, that talk about how stupid or uncaring or blood hungry we must be. It doesn't make me much better than her when the things I thought would be different, are not."
Where to start.
Was she even supposed to?
"It's not about me though, I'm a slightly better pawn in the game. Each of you has lost some degree of innocence, something you'll never get back again. I'm tired though of being the one to keep you all together, to even function as team. I know what happened the last time that you sparred with Makoto and how you no longer do. You both hold this grudge that makes it hard to believe the fantasy that, at the very least, we all get along. I asked you all before to work it out, without weapons or abilities we never had before, and it looks like now that no, I should have just let you all beat the shit out of each other to get it out of your system. I would go so far as to order it now save that I don't want to know what could happen in the time you all are recovering. And no, you're not being singled out; I had this talk with them before dinner."
She closed her mouth that had opened in rebuttal.
"I'm tired Rei. I've been doing this for too long. I just want some peace, some warmth, before this all falls apart around us."
It was hard to believe that the person who never lost sight of hope had just given up. On Mars she had endured language barriers, uncertainty, and constant battles. Even at the end, when she crumpled on the throne room floor, she hadn't given up. Or maybe she had, but she still tried up to the point she had been run through. She always bounced back with a sunny disposition and a flirtatious remark; fuck she had said things while leaning against her door frame and here she was now, silently crying at a window.
A frown.
Sometimes even the strong needed to be reminded of just what they were being strong for.
It made somewhat sense now, why Makoto had said what she had at her door earlier. A peace offering of sorts, a way to assure Minako that they had each other at least. Maybe she had been lucky, maybe everyone she had met she had gotten along with so she never had to really work on social skills like these that were being employed. She highly doubted though that the blonde had broken down in front of them; it was something reserved for her. Touching in its own way it spoke volumes of just how the other felt.
Maybe that was why it disturbed her so much to see that fire that burned in her snuffing itself out of existence.
"You really should go eat something, I can feel your stomach gnawing at my back." It had been minutes, probably in reality a lot longer, before the soft voice drew her away from her thoughts. At the words her stomach resounded again; it demanded food now.
Making a face she gave a curt retort, "Fine," upset as she couldn't solve the problem before her. The biting reply got the blonde to turn her head and look at her, rather bewildered. She had her attention now, so there was no reason to let it go. "So what, we're going to die. The Princess is a spoiled brat but you held her in enough regard to cater to her whims. We don't get along but we do if it's for your well-being. So really Minako, if you put all this blame on the Queen then it sounds like everything that happened after was absolute shit."
It worked, remarkably. The blonde turned to face her fully, a look that reminded her of a rare storm on Mars coming to her features. Playing with fire meant you'd get burned, but it was something she was willing to do all the same without a regard as it were. If the other didn't have a temper she probably would never have been able to rile her so, much less irritate her in turn. This was all just well justified payback for Mars, if she was ever put to question and actually felt like relating it.
The timing was perfect, delivering her final point with but a handful of soft, unshakable words. "You have me, after all. Is that so bad?"
The fire she saw burning within those eyes that were too easy to drown to flickered, flaring, before dying away as the Venusian laughed. It was therapeutic in a sense, refreshing and healing, worries and concerns falling to the wayside by way of the lyrical sounds that emanated in their wake instead.
She smiled in answer, at ease.
A/N: The next chapter is the last one of Hindsight. Due to its length, it may take a few months for it to be posted as so very much happens. Your patience is appreciated and hopefully, worth it to your mind.
