Chapter Fifty-Three
Over the next couple of days, Max tried to get Lauren to open up about the time she'd spent in Hawaii after the tsunami but she would just clam up whenever he broached the subject. He knew from conversations with Lucy that Lauren hadn't confided in her about it either. He wondered briefly if she'd spoken to the counsellor about it and he'd contemplated on more than one occasion to ask the counsellor but he knew the counsellor wouldn't divulge that information to him and Lauren certainly wasn't going to. No matter how hard he tried to get her to open up to him. She was a stubborn girl. Always had been. His mum used to tell him that Lauren had a stubborn streak running right through the centre of her. That was one of Lauren's flaws. Not that she had many. His mum once said that Lauren would cut her nose off to spite her face, Max hadn't exactly been sure what she'd meant by that comment but now he was beginning to understand.
He put his arm around Lauren's shoulders as they walked and she leant against him. 'So, we're going home in a few days' he said to her. 'Have you got any plans?' he asked her.
'No, not really' she replied with a sigh. 'I'm so tired all the time, I have no energy to do anything'
'Is seeing the counsellor helping you?' he asked her.
'Not really' Lauren shook her head 'she goes through the same things at every session, it's like she wants me to say something specific to her but I don't know what it is…' she frowned. The two of them stopped walking and sat down on a low wall 'when I started seeing her I thought I was going crazy because I was seeing him everywhere and he was dead…I thought I was seeing a ghost or something…or seeing him because I wanted to see him so badly' she glanced at her dad 'does that make sense?' Max nodded his head in understanding and Lauren licked her lips 'I wanted to see him so badly…to say that I was sorry that he died…to appease my guilt maybe, I don't know'
'Guilt?' Max frowned at her 'what did you have to feel guilty about?'
'Because I thought it was my fault that he died. If I hadn't stopped to talk to Marcus had gone straight back to the B&B he wouldn't have left' she told him 'But all that doesn't matter now though does it because he was alive the whole time'
'And how does that make you feel?' Max asked her.
'Angry' Lauren told him.
'With Joey?' he asked her.
'Him, me…' she shrugged.
'Why you?' Max asked her 'you haven't done anything wrong' Lauren turned to look at him, a strange expression on her face.
'You know you sound just like my counsellor' Lauren told him 'trying to get me to answer questions I don't know the answers to.' she whispered.
'I think you do know the answers' Max said to her softly. 'And I think you need to talk about things…you know, you used to tell me everything when you were little' he said to her with a smile 'when you'd done something naughty…when you were worried about something, when you were upset' he told her 'you talked to me about Joey when I caught you on the phone to him' he looked at her
'Yeah, well I don't want to talk about him now' she snapped at him with an angry frown and got up, walking a little distance away from her dad. Max left her be, letting her have the space she needed. It was only five minutes later when she returned to him, sitting down beside him again. 'I'm sorry' she said softly.
'It's okay, sweetheart' he replied with a smile.
Lauren seemed to think about what she was going to say and she sighed 'I know I've caused you, mum and Abi so much grief over the past year and I'm sorry…I never mean to fuck things up…'
'You haven't fucked anything up' Max told her, putting his arm around her shoulders and giving her a squeeze. 'Your mum and I just want you to be happy, that's all any parent wants for their children. We know you weren't happy with Stuart and yes, okay it took your mum a little while to understand that, but she did in the end. We love having you back at home, we love taking care of you. You're our little girl and we both love you very much' he told her, turning and pressing his lips against the side of her head. 'I know you've been through so much in the past year, too much for someone your age' he said with a soft sigh 'we just want you to get better, and we will do whatever it takes to help you get better. Your mum and I never once thought you were crazy. You thought Joey had died and you missed him. You regretted the way things ended, that you weren't able to explain what he thought he saw. You thought he'd died hating you or being angry with you. You thought he might have suffered or been scared. The grief you felt was real Lauren, you were grieving and losing him hit you hard and do you know why?' he asked her. Lauren shook her head, biting her bottom lip. 'Because you loved him' he said softly 'and I think, deep down inside, you still love him'
'I'm angry with him' she insisted shaking her head.
'You can be angry with someone and still love them' Max said 'You know Joey isn't my favourite person right now, but I think you might find you feel better once you talk to him. Let him explain, you can yell at him, slap him, do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better and then I think you'll find you'll have the closure you've wanted for the past 6 months and you'll be able to start to put him behind you… if that's what you want to do….' He trailed off. Lauren sighed, resting her head on her dad's shoulder, knowing he was right.
'I guess' she said softly 'will you come with me?'
Max smiled, shaking his head 'I think this is something you and Joey need to talk about in private' he told her softly 'besides I'm not sure I'll be able to stop myself from punching him in the face' he replied. 'Come on, let's get back to the hotel, it's getting chilly' he said and the two of them got up and headed towards their hotel. Lauren went up to her room and she curled up on the bed thinking about what her dad had said to her. She didn't know if she was going to see Joey…she wasn't even sure she wanted to talk to him. She didn't need to make a decision today she could think about it until they got home.
AN: Max seems to have talked a little bit of sense, may be all Lauren does need to do it so let Joey explain, yell at him, hit him and maybe then she will be able to move on with her life and put Joey behind her. Back tomorrow. Don't forget to leave me a review.
