Chapter 54: Middle Names

Sirius Black knew that Remus' middle name was "John".

Hell, Remus had introduced himself as "Remus John Lupin".

It didn't exactly stop him from introducing him as everything but "Remus John Lupin" though.

It was first year and the DADA professor, Professor Periwinkle, a petite young woman with stark white hair that was curved upward and penchant for wearing bright ice blue robes, was going through the role.

"Sirius Black."

"Here, sugar." Sirius winked. Professor Periwinkle was no older than nineteen and was way in his league.

She just looked at him and said, "Pleasure." Sarcasm was cascading though her voice but Sirius didn't care.

"Remus Lupin."

"Here, Professor." Remus said, raising his hand slightly.

"Professor, I'm afraid you got his name wrong," Sirius exclaimed. "His name is Remus Elizabeth Lupin."

Remus slapped Sirius upside the head.

And that was the beginning of this weird and wacky friendship.

"Back again, eh?" Madame Pomphrey asked the trio who were covered in boils from an… unfortunate accident in Potions class.

Long story short, Remus had been working with a Hufflepuff known as Alice Smith and well she kind of exploded the cauldron.

Because Sirius and James were working directly behind them, they were splashed by the incomplete antidote to cure boils, which unfortunately gave them boils.

Alice was protected by the shield charm necklace her mother had given to her for incidents like these. Remus swore that he would have to get one himself in case he ever worked for her again.

"I should just inscribe your names onto three of these beds. Heavens know that you'll be here again sooner or later." Madame Pomphrey sighed. "Sirius Black. James Potter. Remus Lupin. Whatever shall we do with you little troublemakers?"

"Madame Pomphrey, I'm afraid that you have Remus' name wrong. It's Remus Shirley Lupin."

"Oh-ho!" Professor Slughorn cried. "Remus, my boy, you really 'ought to pay more attention. That's the second cauldron today!"

Remus had somehow managed to blow up his cauldron.

He was, of course, protected by that magical shield charm necklace, a birthday present from Alice.

"Sorry Professor." Remus replied, sheepishly. "I guess I'm not myself today."

Considering tonight was the full moon, Remus was sort of distant. It would be his first full moon at Hogwarts, and while Madame Pomphrey had sworn that everything would go according to plan, he was a bit more skeptical and as such, wasn't able to exactly pay attention in class.

"It's all right. Be sure to be paying attention during the next class though!" Professor Slughorn said, "Otherwise, Remus Lupin, I'll have to take points and assign a detention."

"Professor, surely you know that Remus' full name is Remus Caroline Lupin!" cried Sirius.

"Oh? I thought you introduced him as Remus Patricia Lupin on your first day in my class…" Professor Slughorn replied.

"Well… uh… He has two middle names!" Sirius said, dropping a herb into his cauldron, turning it the same ice blue of Professor Periwinkle's robes. "Remus Patricia Caroline Lupin!"

"Madame Pomphrey once told me that his middle was Shirley."

"That's right. That's right." Sirius said, trying to keep track of all the names that he had introduced Remus as. "Remus Patricia Caroline Shirley Lupin."

Off to the side, Peter and James were nearly in tears and Remus was shaking his head.

"And what about Professor Periwinkle? She could have sworn that Elizabeth was his middle name.

"Remus Patricia Caroline Shirley Elizabeth Lupin." Sirius said. "That's his name alright."

"For Pete's sake, stop!"

"Who's Pete?" Sirius asked Remus confused.

The first order meeting had come around and once Sirius had been explained that no he did not betray the Potters and no he wasn't their Secret Keeper and heaven's no! He wasn't a Death Eater (I mean, who would want to eat Death? Rather unpleasant if you ask the author), Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore started to introduce everyone.

Dumbledore took a deep breath before stating, "And this is Remus Patricia Caroline Shirley Elizabeth Pippa Justine Christiana Annalise Serena Yoda Kathleen Betty Bertha Jennifer Beatrice Danielle Lupin."

Sirius grinned before stating, "Dumbledore, you forgot Mary."

"Ah yes. You did introduce him like that roughly two weeks ago, didn't you?" Dumbledore said. "Remus Patricia Caroline Shirley Elizabeth Pippa Justine Christiana Annalise Serena Yoda Kathleen Betty Bertha Jennifer Beatrice Danielle Mary Lupin."

"…when did you introduce me as Yoda, Sirius?"