A/N: I know, I know, fast update. But this is for Neneko, our amazing yaoi-goddess and writer of "Phobia". If you haven't read Phobia, for the love of all things, GO. NOW. ((www(DOT)lairofthedevil(DOT)com)) This takes place in that nice gap between chapters 17 and 18. But if you haven't read the doujin, it should be able to mostly stand alone. Short and sweet, this time.
So I'm thinking of doing something special for 500 reviews, along with my usual request. What do you guys think? XD
Summary: For the moment, simply laying here was enough.
Desire
"My Lord…"
It was a strange thing, as a demon, to be able to want something so much and yet not be able to have it. Especially when the thing that you wanted was currently sleeping peacefully under the drape of your arm.
Sebastian stared at Ciel's sleeping face for a moment before laying his head back on the youth's shoulder. The seventeen-year-old was incredibly brave, not only for returning after what had happened in the hallway earlier, but also allowing Sebastian into his bed, knowing what might happen. And now with a clearer head, Sebastian was experiencing another strange emotion: Regret.
He had almost raped Ciel. The one human that he cared for most in this entire world had almost been harmed by his hands. This was the second time in a matter of days, and while most of it could be blamed on the belladonna, he hadn't truly tried to heed the boy's pleas to stop, simply because of how much he wanted him, and how long he had been waiting. He'd tasted blood and sweat and soft, tender flesh and ignored the part of himself insisting that it wasn't right. He'd cared for Ciel as more than a meal for a long time, and the constant dismissals of his affection were beginning to wear on him. It hadn't been his intention to tell Ciel in that way, but tonight he had finally snapped, needing to make Ciel see how much Sebastian desired him, wanted him, needed him.
He couldn't say for sure that it was equivalent to a human's version of 'love'. Demons were different; their primary instinct was their hunger, whether it be for soul or blood or sex. But Sebastian figured that since his hunger for Ciel had gone beyond that of his soul and become more of a hunger for what he was as a person, it was the absolute closest to love he could get. He needed his young master desperately. It was as simple as that.
Ciel mumbled a little in his sleep, wriggling onto his side facing Sebastian. The demon smiled faintly, resisting the urge to brush his hair from his eyes, even though it wouldn't wake him. Sebastian knew he had to be careful, now, or he could hurt his little master far worse than he would be able to fix. For the moment, simply laying here was enough.
Everything was up to Ciel, now. Even with his body sensitized from the effects of Sebastian's saliva, he had heard every word of the demon's confession. Sebastian could only wait for morning, and hope that Ciel finally understood what he had been hinting at for months. It seemed like he had realized, if the Eskimo kisses and other instances of affection were any indication, but there was no way to be sure until Ciel brought it up himself.
He settled his head onto the plush pillow near Ciel's, feeling exhausted from the strain of everything that had happened. The last thing he saw before he closed his eyes and let sleep claim him was Ciel's face, unworried and peaceful, and he thought to himself that that's how the boy's expression should stay. Always.
