Day 4
It took Rin no small effort to get herself under control. However, the girl was stubborn at heart, and she willfully arranged her mind in a semi-normal fashion after a few more moments of remaining in Saber's embrace, not wanting the scene to end, but logically understanding that she was in the public eye, and it would only take a second for another student to see her and Lily, causing untamed rumours to plague Rin's already heavily observed social life.
'I don't even know where to begin. I'm still having difficulty believing that you're here right now.' Rin wiped at the remnants of tears that persisted, her cheeks flushed and her emotions drained. There was relief in exerting so many raw feelings, and Rin felt as though she could breathe for the first time in quite a while. She and Saber moved onto the bench now, Rin not confident that she could walk overly gracefully, given her state, just yet. Besides, she didn't want to move. Part of her deduced that she would have to solidify Saber's presence before something so drastic could be done.
'I can imagine. What I did to you, Rin, was cruel, and I must apologize profusely for the way in which events played out.'
Rin huffed, turning her head slightly.
'T-that's right. You owe me an explanation at least. Do you have any idea what I've been through this week?'
'I can fathom as much, and that is why I am so humbled.' Saber leaned in closer, placing her hand overtop of Rin's and staring into her deep blue eyes. 'Rin…you died that night in Mount Enzo. Sakura-san killed you, and I thought I had lost you forever. The hole it gouged into my heart…I will never forget such despair and agony. I lost myself, willing to do anything at all if it meant saving you somehow.'
Rin recoiled slightly, aware that she had been injured, but not recalling that it had been a mortal blow. She knew Sakura was possessed to a degree, but to kill her own sister? It was difficult to believe Sakura couldn't slightly resist that particular urge.
'Did you…use the grail?'
Saber shook her head.
'The only grail present was the black one, and I refused, no matter how tempting, to place my faith in a grail of corruption.'
'Then how?'
Saber smiled, moving her hand from Rin's to her chest, feeling the girl's heart beat and resonating with something else within her. Rin recognized the connection, and sighed audibly, her body tingling.
'Avalon. Excalibur's sheath resides within you now, Rin. Although I suspect Illya-san played a role as well, it is because Emiya-kun, without hesitation, offered up Avalon, which had been placed within his own body, that you and I can talk like this once more. He and I transferred the holy relic into you, and through its regenerative properties and Illya's blessing, more than likely, you live.'
Rin blinked, thrown by the idea of having such an amazing object infused into her mana line. She could feel something unfamiliar, but she had assumed her body was still adapting to the damage done to it. Why hadn't Shirou mentioned as much? He would know about the process, wouldn't he? The boy had just claimed to have scrambled memories, which was odd as well. Why hide such details? Shirou could expect a talking to the next time Rin saw him. Her frustration was quelled by a simple realization though.
'So, that means…I have a piece of you inside me all the time now?' Rin grinned slyly, the intended effect taking place as Saber's cheeks coloured and she stammered her response.
'I-indeed.'
Rin rubbed her chest, having difficulty subduing the joy that pinched her cheeks.
'I can't say that displeases me.'
'…Nor I.'
The two women took in the presence of the other, a comfortable silence falling between them as the truth of their circumstances settled. Rin's gaze wandered from Saber's eyes, to her lips, lingering for but a second, and then to the rest of her body, the young woman's subtle breasts shaping the school uniform in a tantalizing way despite their size.
'S-so…' Rin started suddenly, distracting her thoughts from proceeding down a route she wasn't sure how to handle just yet. 'Where were you? What happened after the war ended?'
'A fair series of questions, and I would happily provide the answers. However, might we proceed to your place, Rin? The sun is nearly set, and a chill is in the air. I would not like to see you get bedridden with sickness from staying out too late in the late fall.'
'Hm. I suppose that's fair.' Rin concurred, the realization that Saber was with her once again making her giddy. She wanted to hug and hold Saber late into the night, possibly even kissing her and more. The urges were surfacing, but there was also a strange wall in Rin's heart she didn't have time to confront.
Walking home with Saber, both girls wearing school uniforms and everyday life happening all around them in Fuyuki City with the sun slowly descending into darkness, was a dream Rin couldn't contain her smile from. She found her eyes wandering to Saber's hand more than usual, the urge to take it so very prominent, but the public display of affection, and what it meant to Rin personally, stalling her aggression. She didn't know why she suddenly had difficulty expressing her desire for Saber beyond the hug they shared earlier, but something had changed, and Rin didn't like it.
What did it matter anymore? Rin had proven herself simply by coming out the victor of the fifth Holy Grail War. The Tohsaka name would forever be known for that accomplishment, at the very least. Rin's sexual orientation would be a minor detail in the grand scheme of things. It should be, but Rin knew the way people were and, more prominently, the way the Mage's Association would be, considering its attachment to tradition and familial heritage. Was this the wall that had become so clear to her now? Was Rin so prideful that part of her considered the relationship she had with Saber to be tainted by a disapproving collage of gazes?
It's not like Saber had initiated anything either. There was no true intimacy between the two young women. A kiss to the hand was chivalrous. A hug could be done between any pairing of individuals given the right circumstances. Why hadn't Saber kissed her yet? Why couldn't Saber take her hand?
Rin scolded herself internally. That wasn't fair. Pushing the blame on someone else because of her own insecurities was not fair in the slightest. Rin rapidly glanced to Saber's hand again, willing herself to take it until a group of women exited a nearby café, their high-pitched voices and sudden presence putting Rin into the defensive once more.
Rin's emotions screamed, and she fought the battle in her mind, filtering through the reality that was hers to command now. There wasn't a war to hide behind anymore. Death wasn't lurking about, prepared to disembowel Rin at any given moment. She was invincible again. She had all the time in the world again. She had a namesake to live up to again. Was she going to let another person slip through because of her insufferable pride? How many nights had she suffered due to Saber being gone? How many tears had she soaked her pillow with?
'Damn it…' Rin hissed bitterly.
'Pardon?' Saber responded, obviously confused.
'N-nothing. I'm sorry.'
Saber waited for more, but then turned her attention back to the sky and immediate city about her, the two girls entering into the higher-class residential area where Rin's manor resided a couple of blocks in.
'The city is so very peaceful in contrast to a week ago, wouldn't you say, Rin?'
'Yes. Somewhat boring, if you ask me.'
'Hm. I came from a time of war and strife, so, while I understand your sentiments, I must say I value this level of calm to a degree.'
Rin was left speechless at that. Saber had left her world for her master. Rin was the reason Saber came back and gave up a wish she laid down her life for…twice. How could Rin be so hesitant and unsure? How could she let her own vice control her so? This was foolishness. This was unjustified. This was not who Rin wanted to be. There was hardly a block left to walk, but Rin finally grit her teeth and forced the urgency into her numb limb. She allowed the back of her hand to nudge Saber's, and then she latched on, intertwining her fingers with that of the other girl, the softness of Saber's pale skin contrasting with the evident calluses on her war-torn palms.
'Ah. How I've wanted this. I was…timid, I suppose, for you reacted somewhat alarmingly in class to the kiss I provided.'
'Is that why you avoided me for the rest of the day?' Rin tried not to sound irritated or stressed, but she was both, for varying reasons. Her hand was heating up and growing sweaty. She didn't want to repulse Saber, but she knew how nosy her neighbours could be. How fast would the display she put on in this moment spiral into rumours that could easily spread all throughout Fuyuki City? Was Rin ready to combat such potential prejudice? She wasn't one to shy away from any sort of challenge, but this was so fragile and special to her, and the last thing she wanted was for her feelings in relation to Saber to cause either of them pain.
'Partially.' Saber hummed, her face reddening slightly even with the very last splash of warm colours provided by the sun illuminating her features some. 'The other reason would be because I feared I would embarrass you again with unrestrained public displays of affection. I wasn't confident in my ability to hold back, but…'
Rin felt a stab in her chest. She almost stopped walking altogether, trying to meet Saber's eyes but finding the other woman avoiding her gaze. She was perceptive, that was for certain. Rin assumed a king needed to be, but this was unexpected. Rin was usually so convincing with the role she played, but Saber saw right through her, and such was the Tohsaka heir completely exposed.
'T-that's…not…'
'You are uncomfortable even now, Rin.' Saber went on, sadness just barely lacing her words. 'I thought…this era was more accepting of such "divergence", but it would appear that there is still some difficulty in these regards.'
'Saber…!' Rin didn't want this. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were finally reunited, yet why was she ruining everything? Her mind was muddled, and a blur of thoughts and reactions played through her analytical habits. She had to regain control. She wanted Saber's delight to return.
'Saber, I love you…!'
The king of knights smiled just barely.
'That I do not doubt, for there is no way I would be here if I thought anything else. However…' Saber noted an elderly woman and her, presumably, husband exiting a house near Rin's. They were dressed in traditional kimonos, apparently going out to some form of get together nearby. They turned out of their gated area and began down the street, their faces perking up at the sight of Rin. Saber's hand slackened, and Rin did nothing to hold it in place, her heart racing and her skin tingling.
'Rin-chan. How are you, dear?' The woman asked, her expression briefly perplexed but returning to normal in another instant.
'I'm fine, Mrs. Toriumi. How have you been?'
'Oh, we're just dandy. Having ourselves a little dinner party at a friend's house, so that's always nice.'
'I can imagine.' Rin was sick to her stomach. The way she could wear this mask so easily. How fake she could be with but a flick of a switch. 'Mr. Toriumi. A pleasure, as always.' Rin gave a polite bow.
The older man seemed to approve, but then nodded at Saber, grunting a little as he spoke in a lower, raspy voice.
'Who might this young lady be?'
'Pardon me. This is…my friend, Lily Pendragon. She is staying in Fuyuki City for some time starting today for her foreign exchange program.'
Saber bowed respectfully but slowly.
'I'm honoured to meet you both. I pray you have a merry evening.'
Mr. and Mrs. Toriumi were, of course, shocked by Saber's fluency in Japanese. They possibly suspected she had little to offer in the way of conversation to begin with. Naturally, they both beamed, impressed by Saber's dedication to their culture.
'Very good. Very good.' Mr. Toriumi declared.
'Have a fine night, Rin-chan. Be sure to lock up.'
'Thank-you very much. I will.'
'If you need anything, Lily-chan, please do not hesitate to ask.' Mrs. Toriumi encouraged.
'I thank you for your hospitality.'
The older couple was then on their way, and Rin knew she had failed miserably. It was just as Saber had said, and she was completely aware of her own shortcomings.
'A pleasant pair.' Saber nodded to herself, eyeing Rin as if waiting for permission to proceed.
'I'm sorry…' Rin muttered, frozen in place. Her legs were sunk into the cement of the sidewalk. She couldn't move without some validation that Saber didn't despise her now.
'There is little reason to apologize, Rin. I understand. This is no longer a life or death struggle. This is your life that you must lead to the best of your ability. A woman of your intellectual prowess cannot help but break down each and every situation from all angles in order to proceed efficiently and productively. I have complicated your life, and I ask forgiveness. I did not even ask if you desired to – '
'Of course I want you here with me…!' Rin almost yelled, her fists shaking by her sides. 'Are you mad!? I have never been so depressed! I have never been so unmotivated! Without you…everything lost its colour. I…I just…'
Saber's mouth tightened, and she went to Rin's side, taking her hand once more and helping her forward.
'Come. Do not torment yourself. I am not concealing any hurt. This is a time I still must adjust to, and I will do nothing to hinder your rightful place in the present. As long as we are together, I have little else to long for.'
Rin wiped her eyes and submitted. Saber couldn't lie to her. She knew precisely what the equally proud woman hid and she would do everything within her power to change for this precious human being. Rin was safe now, entering her manor and hiding from any form of judgement whatsoever, but the true test would come at school, and Rin would challenge herself to overcome her foolish reservations for the sake of Arturia Pendragon…and herself.
