Part 4: Runaway Train
Chapter 50

"Silence, it's golden," Sam said after he closed the door.

Meredith looked at him strangely, "What are you talking about?"

"No ringing cell phone," he said smiling.

Meredith rolled her eyes, "You know, I never understood that whole 'silence is golden' thing. Especially in movie theatres. Ever notice how they write that in white? I find it funny."

"Meredith, I think you are rambling," Sam said.

"Shut up," Meredith said quickly, "I turned my phone off last night. I was getting tired of it."

"Maybe you should go check your messages," Sam suggested, "Since we had that whole emotional moment thing at the beach," he joked.

"Emotional moment thing? Nice. Real clever. Especially for a writer. You know, now that I know that about you, I'm going to expect a certain amount of creativity in your language," she said as she took off her jacket.

"Stop avoiding the phone and changing the subject. Just go in your room like a big girl, turn it on, listen to those messages I'm sure you have, and then dial Derek's number, confess your undying love for him, tell him to come pick you up, and then live happily ever after," Sam said as he pulled out a beer for each of them.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Meredith asked, eyeing him as she took the beer.

Sam shook his head, "Is that seriously all you got out of that?"

Meredith laughed at him, "I'm going, I'm going," she said as she ventured off towards her room.

Meredith walked into her room and smiled at the fact that it had become her room. She had somewhere she belonged. Even though she had no idea exactly where it was on a map, it comforted her.

She walked over to the closet and pulled out the box she'd been hiding for years. She set it on the Queen sized bed and looked down at her cell phone sitting on top of it. She picked it up and sat down on the bed, preparing herself just incase they hadn't left a thing.

She turned it on and found out, that they definitely had left her some messages. She smiled as she called her voicemail and put the phone to her ear. She waited patiently as the messages went by.

"Meredith? Where the hell are you?! You tell me everything is going to be okay and feed me a bunch of crap and then I come back and your wedding dress is hanging up and all those clips I spent HOURS putting in your hair beautifully, are all just lying carelessly on the floor. You have some SERIOUS explaining to do!"

Meredith laughed a little at Izzie's freak out. She imaged it perfectly as if Izzie was right in front of her, barking into her phone. God, she missed her friends.

"I hate you. I seriously hate you right now. I'm in a dress right now. A DRESS! It might not be purple like all of your other stupid bridesmaids since I REFUSE to wear a freakin lavender dress, but still, it's a dress. Are you in a dress? Nope! Even after dragging me to sixteen different stores, are you wearing that dress that you found so freakin important? No. Of course not. I'm seriously going to kill you. I'll kill you and then sell your body parts for money. And then I'm going to make a law against freakin dresses!"

Meredith practically fell over laughing at Cristina. She could imagine her too. Meredith liked the dress Cristina had, despite the fact that it was black. She thought it looked good on Cristina, but of course Cristina had hated it from the start. She knew the second she got home Cristina probably would kill her. But for the first time in her life, she wasn't fearful of death.

"Meredith… This is… awkward, I just… I want to know what… happened. What made you run? It was Derek… wasn't it? I should have known. It was obvious… I just… I didn't want to believe it. You… you should have just told me. I… would have tried… to understand. I'm worried about you, Mer. Come back. I… I still love you, Mer."

Okay, so Ryan's call? Yeah, that completely took out all of her happiness. It made her feel really guilty. His hurt voice was too evident. She couldn't even begin to imagine the damage she caused him.

"Okay, Mer? Not funny. Where the hell are you? It's Sunday! Freakin two days have gone by. Where the hell are you? Jeez, Bailey is seriously going to kill you when you get back. Right after I kill you, of course."

Meredith smiled again at Cristina. She hadn't really thought about work, the hospital, or Bailey. Not since she called the Chief, of course. She knew she still had a job when she came back, but knowing Bailey, she'd be on scut. In the pit if she was lucky. 'If' being the operative word there.

"Meredith? I'm fearful for my life. Cristina is worse than usual. She's like the Super-Cristina. She's going to eat me or something. Come back."

Meredith laughed at George's message. He actually did seem fearful for his life. His voice was like, shaking. She could only imagine what was going on back in Seattle.

"Grey, don't get any ideas. I'm only calling because Izzie is forcing me to. Apparently as her husband I have 'duties' or whatever. Running out on Dawson? Hilarious. You should have seen his face. So pathetic. But anyways, get back here so he stops mopping around. It's pathetic."

Meredith was surprised, yet happy to hear Alex's voice. It was comforting. She had to admit, she even missed him. Yes, Grey missed evil spawn. She made a mental note to never let that thought leave her mind and enter the spoken world.

"Meredith, please get back here and eat this cake! I spent so much time on this cake and now I'm stuck eating it by myself! Then I'm going to get fat and it'll all be your fault. Just get back here. We all miss you. Seriously, get back here."

Despite the sadness in her voice, Meredith couldn't help but be amused at the image of Izzie sitting at her kitchen table eating the cake, pretending as if she wasn't enjoying it.

"I have a horrible host as a niece. First she's lazy and withdrawn while I'm there, then just ups and leaves! Not to mention the fact that she leaves me with Barbie and no alcohol. Haven't you learned anything by being a Grey? Always have alcohol! Come on, I'd expect more out of you. I had heard you were somewhat of a wasp, but I'm beginning to doubt it. Not that you care, but I'm back in Los Angeles. The psychos of Seattle were beginning to scare me and I think your Uncle Rob missed me. I think. When you get back, give me a call or something, would you?"

Meredith kind of felt bad for just leaving her Aunt Hil there. She also felt bad for not even thinking about it since she'd found Sam. Really, she hadn't thought back to the people in Seattle much at all, other than Derek that is, after she found Sam.

"Look, I'm really getting tired of you not answering your phone. I might call, but I'm not leaving any more messages. This is getting annoying."

Meredith quickly regretted not answering her phone. Cristina's wrath was definitely something she'd feel the second she got back to Seattle.

"Everyone misses you Mer. Seriously. EVERYONE. The hospital isn't the same without you. This is worse than when you left the first time. Seriously. Come back, okay? Quicker than you did last time."

Meredith could hear the confusion and hurt in Izzie's voice. It only added more guilt to her pile that she'd accumulated through these messages.

"Okay, Mer? Now you've turned your phone off? Nice. No more endless ringings, just goes straight to the answering machine. I guess it wastes less of my time. Anyways, McDreamy is MIA. No one has heard from him since Thursday night, and just so you know, it's Saturday morning. It's kind of like you. He just ups and leaves. Maybe history is repeating itself? Maybe. I don't care. Izzie is making me tell you, but she stuck in a C-section or something so she made me call you and tell you all this crap. I guess there is the possibility that he's with you and you two are having mind-blowing sex right now, but for some reason, I doubt that. Anyways, get back here. Barbie is driving me insane and I will not be held responsible when you come home and find her dead body!"

"You have no more messages."

The happiness that Meredith had found as she listened to her friends, suddenly disappeared. Just like last time, she ran, Derek ran, she came back for him, but he was gone. She didn't want that to happen again, but he was gone. He left. He gave up so much quicker this time. She knew he knew she didn't marry Ryan. There was no way that he didn't know. He had to know.

"Meredith? Meredith, what do you want for dinner?" Sam stood on the opposite side of the door, listening for some sign of a life. Possibly a sign that she was talking to Derek, but he received none. "Mer?" he said again as he opened the door.

He found Meredith sitting on the side of the bed with her back towards him. There was an old box next to her on the bed, but it didn't seem like she was aware of its existence. She seemed completely zoned out. "Meredith?" he said again as he walked across the room to come face-to-face with her.

He kneeled down in front of her, trying to look into her face. Her eyes were cast down and her hair was falling down in front of her face. Sam watched as one solitary tear rolled down her cheek. He scooted closer to her and caught it on his finger.

"Meredith? What happened?" he asked quietly.

She didn't move. She didn't show an emotion. She didn't even acknowledge that he was right in front of her, talking to her. She seemed completely in a different world.

Then suddenly, she fell apart. She just began crying hysterically. Sam was a little scared at first, but then he recovered. He pulled her falling body into his arms and situated himself on the bed.

She curled into him, clinging to his shirt for life. Her sobs hadn't stopped or even slowed and neither had her tears. Sam just continued to hold her, running his hands through her hair, breathing sweet whispers of happiness.

It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realize
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime

"He… he's gone," Meredith whispered in between tears.

Sam's brow furrowed, "It might not be what you think. He could be looking for you. You never know."

Meredith looked up at him, letting her tears slow, "How? No one has an idea where I am. Not even my boss. I just told him I needed time. No one has a clue. He just left me. Just like he did last time."

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Cause you'll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

"It's just like I told you," she said as tears continued to fall down her face, "Promises are made, broken, and then I'm left hurt and broken. I'm so tired of it. Never again."

"Meredith…" he said, unsure of what to do. He just felt so horrible for the way she was feeling. There wasn't anything that he could do to help her.

And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain's built to last
Everybody sails alone
But we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds
Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Cause you'll heal over
Heal over someday

"Never.. never again," she mumbled, burying her chest into Sam again. "Never….."

"It'll get better, baby. I promise," Sam whispered into her ear, "Everything will be okay. You know Derek loves you. He'll come back."

"No," she said, pulling away from his body and looking into his eyes, "He won't. He didn't last time. He found me by chance last time. Not because he wanted to."

"Meredith, he loves you. Remember, that's all that matters," he said soothingly. "That's all that matters."

Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard, so hard

Meredith rested into his chest again, feeling tired and defeated. Sam continued to do his best to soothe her, telling her everything was going to be okay. He believed it, but he knew she wasn't even going to pretend to. This was broken Meredith. More broken than she'd ever been before

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Cause you'll heal over, heal over, heal over someday