Chapter 52
Beth
Rated:T (Language)
Warnings: Angst
Disclaimer:Yep, I own everything.
A/N: Hello there, everyone! Apologies for this late update. In case you didn't recognize me, this is SereneHalcyon. I've had this bloody username for years and I've been itching to change it for a while now, so here we are. 'Dysphasia' is defined as a language disorder marked by deficiency in the generation of speech, and sometimes also in its comprehension, due to brain disease or damage. So in other words it's completely irrelevant to everything and the only reason I picked it was because I liked the word. So yeah. I'm not too sure when the next update will be. I've written a good chunk of the next chapter already but I'll be without internet tomorrow for an indefinite amount of time. But I'll still be working on the story, so even if the update is really late, there'll still be a lot of chapters.
Anyways, as usual, enjoy, tell me if there are any errors, and review!
Katherine Mortez: Aww, thank you :D
Arcane Wonders: THANK YOU! All that made my day. I freaking love long reviews. You don't sound illiterate, by the way. xD
Turrislucidus: Thank you for your review! I listened to both the sounds and just... wow. You'd think I'd based the whole chapter on it, particularly 'Late for the sky'. But seriously, the lyrics are so precise. o-o
I stepped out into the bustling terminal, eyes peeled and searching for a familiar face.
The sounds of pandemonium surrounded and engulfed me, even though the sun had long since disappeared behind the horizon. The indistinct chatter of hundreds of travelers, the loud, clear voices of airline personnel announcing gates and loadings, the frequent shaking resonance of airplanes landing and taking off all resonated throughout the terminal, blurring together and creating one blaring tumult.
Large groups and entire families waited excitedly for loved ones, holding signs and some balloons. My eyes scoured through the throng of people until I found a single, tired looking woman standing there alone in the center with a smile under her face.
I got a few looks of recognition as I walked past them. They'd probably seen me in the newspaper or something. As soon as I'd turned my phone on after getting off the airplane, I saw that Kim had sent me a text. Attached, to my horror, was a picture of my face on the front of The Times newspaper as I tried to make my way through the crowd, Hayden wincing in the background.
"Students head home after 2 month stay in the worlds' largest chocolate factory" it was labeled in all caps. The article itself had even more unflattering photos of me, but the main spotlight was on Kim, who took it upon herself to pull the weirdest faces and poses known to mankind.
When got off the plane, there were still a few strangers who called out my name, but I was glad there were no more cameras. I remember being bombarded with cameras, film crews, news reporters and microphones as soon as I stepped out of the car and into the airport in London, all of them begging for details about the factory. I kept my mouth shut and continued on, clinging onto Hayden's arm for as long as possible until we had to part ways. A small crowd had even assembled outside the airport's doors, which was pretty amusing to me.
"Mom!" I called out almost involuntarily and walked as fast as my bags would allow me towards her. She hugged me tight for a long moment and then let me go.
"Look at you! You look like a different person, Ally!" She cried with an affectionate grin, but then frowned disapprovingly. "You've lost so much weight. Didn't they feed you there? When was the last time you slept?" She pinched my cheek.
I shook my head, chuckling. "It's a chocolate factory, mom. And you can't talk. You look pretty awful yourself. Oh, again thank you for the Christmas present. It's wonderful."
She started smiling again. "Oh, that's okay. I thought you would like it. I've missed you so much. It's been so lonely without you, honey!"
"I missed you too." It was a weak reply, but it was all I could muster up. It was certainly nice seeing her again. A relief, almost, after all this time. Finally having a familiar face, but it wasn't exactly the face I wanted to see at the moment, as horrible as that sounds.
She patted me on the back. "You okay? You must be pretty tired. Let's go home now. Nancy brought some home-baked cookies over earlier today just for you. You could use them." She grabbed one of my suitcases and we headed back to the car, bracing myself for the interrogation.
I walked through the doors, inhaling deeply, breathing in all of the familiar scents that I had missed so dearly. My eyes wandered around the living room and kitchen, everything precisely how it was when I'd left it, apart from the small Christmas tree next to the couch.
My mom walked over to the dining table, slinging her coat and bag over one of the chairs.
"Do you want something to eat now?" She asked me.
"No thanks, mom. I had something to eat on the flight." I told her. She walked back over to me and gripped both of my shoulders, just smiling at me.
"I'm just so glad you're back."
"Me too." I said. Lied.
She gave me a little pat before letting me go.
"The factory was on TV earlier today. They showed a bit of footage, but I didn't see you." She said, walking back towards the kitchen. She filled the kettle up.
"Thank god." A bit of relief seeped into my voice. "I-I think I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm so tired."
"Okay hon. Night!"
I smiled and went to my room, dumping my bags on the ground and closing the door tightly behind me in an almost dazed state. My fingers lingered on the knob for a few seconds before I turned around to look at my room. Exactly how it was before I came to the factory. Before Willy. Before everything. Tears welled in my eyes and before I could hold them back they were spilling my cheeks, the memory of his face appearing in my head once again. Memories of us. Holding each other under the stars and the fireworks. Sharing our first kiss on top of the frozen ground. Sharing our last in the snow room. His strange and beautiful eyes. His red, perfect lips. All of those memories and everything in between.
I cried myself to sleep that night, finding comfort only in the lingering memory of him holding me as I drifted off to sleep. It was only yesterday, but it seemed a million miles away.
Delicate whispers, from the early hours of the cold December mornings and the late, lucent nights seeped into my thoughts and rang like sweet bells in my head. The words he spoke to me. Words that I could never forget. The orange glow of the streetlight fell in slanted rows across the bed, illuminating the heavy blanket in pieces. My eyes were swollen from all of the pathetic weeping I'd done last night. The weakness I'd given in to.
There would be no more of that.
I curled up beneath half of the blanket, knees pulled to my chest as if my feet were fleeing from the light. Maybe they were. Maybe all of me was actively seizing up, trying to escape the harsh illumination of the truth. It was only a matter of time. Soon the street lights would die off, making way for the lurid, brilliant morning sun that would cast out any shadow of a doubt that Willy was gone. Really gone.
By the time dawn broke and the harsh morning sun flooded into my room, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, folding the last shirt that came out of the suitcase. I placed the clothes in my tiny wardrobe.
When I emerged from my room, I found that my mother was already awake, polishing the kitchen counter.
"Morning." I greeted her. My voice sounded empty.
"Good morning, sweetie. You're up early. Want me to make some pancakes?"
"No thanks. Do you think Beth will be up by now?" I grabbed the phone off the counter and dialed her number.
She stopped polishing with a start. "N- I don't… Alice, we should talk."
"…We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again." The voice of the recording said in a neat, sanitized voice.
"Why is Beth's number disconnected? Did she get a new phone?"
She sighed, pressing the sides of her nose and walked slowly around the counter to sit at the table.
"Sit down please, Alice. I.. I need to tell you something. Something that I should have told you before."
I hung the phone up, my stomach in knots for some reason I couldn't explain. Frowning, I sat down across from her.
She rested her face in her hands. I hadn't seen her do that in a while. She suddenly looked exhausted.
"Beth was in a car accident two weeks ago."
My mouth fell open. "Oh my god, is she okay?"
She blinked, her mouth opening but no words came out.
"She's okay, right?" I said in a louder voice than I expected.
She closed her mouth. "I'm so sorry. I should have told you as soon as it happened. I didn't want to ruin your stay at the factory." Her voice was strangled. I shook my head, standing up so suddenly that my head spun.
"What are you saying? She's okay, isn't she? She's in hospital?" I thought my voice sounded slightly crazed.
"Beth is dead."
A few seconds of dizzying dread went by. I felt sick. "No she's not. You're lying. She's not dead. That's not possible."
"She was in a coma. The doctors said she wouldn't wake up. Her parents made the decision to pull the plug."
I shook my head. "You're lying."
"Alice-"
"Shut up. Just, shut up. You're lying!"
"Alice! Beth is dead. I'm sorry, I know how… crazy this sounds. I know. But… it's the truth."
I couldn't speak. Beth was dead. Beth was dead. Those three words resonated through my head like an echo.
"I'm so sorry." Her voice cracked.
I found my own voice. "Why… why didn't you tell me. Don't I have a right to know? I'm her best friend. I should know these things. You should have told me."
"I didn't want to ruin-"
"You didn't tell me Beth was dead just so I'd have a better time?" I almost screamed at her. I caught myself, and tried to calm down. No more weakness. No more weakness.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing. Please." I asked in an agonized whisper. "W-when…?"
"Two days ago."
"Oh god." I sank back down into the chair. I hid my face in the palms of my hands. "The funeral…?"
"The day after tomorrow. We waited so you could be there."
I bit my lip, my face scrunching up in pain. But I nodded. "Okay. Alright."
She studied my face for the longest time, maybe waiting for me to cry or something. I'd probably wasted them all last night. They were selfish tears. I felt angry. I didn't know who at. I think it was mainly myself. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't angry at her. Of course I was. She had her reasons to keep it from me, but she still did.
"I know it's a big thing to take on, especially after just getting home. I really should have thought this through better."
"Anything else you've been keeping from me?"
"No."
I nodded. "I'm going out for a while. I don't know when I'll be back."
I went into my room, grabbing my bag and my coat and left the house.
I didn't return until late.
When I walked out that door, I had no idea where I was going. Away. I just had to get away. Away from all of the memories of her. The sporadically placed stickers that we'd stuck on the side of my wardrobe as children. The pictures of us on my wall. The red stain of my mother's nail polish on the carpet that we'd been unable to get out. Everything that had to do with Beth in the slightest suddenly jumped out at me.
I kept walking until I found a bus stop and got on the first bus that came. I didn't care to check where it was going. I rode it until I came to train station and took a train somewhere else.
It didn't take me far enough. I wanted to go away. Further. To Wonderland or something. Wonderland. Where everything was perfect and there was no pain. No loss. No goodbyes and no hellos. Where nothing had to make sense. My thoughts were confused and frantic, they didn't make sense at all. I could do with a Wonderland. I wonder why Alice ever left in the first place.
Before I knew it, it was dark. I was sitting on a park bench. Somewhere. It was raining all over my hair, my clothes, but I couldn't muster up the energy to put my hood over my head. The rain fell down my cheeks like the tears I couldn't shed, soaking my hair and my clothes.
I dared to remember the goodbye Beth and I had shared. Suddenly, I recalled the note she'd given me that day, the one I'd shoved thoughtlessly into my bag as I walked away from her. Our forgotten promise.
With a shaking hand, I reached into my bag, unzipped the compartment I'd put it in and read her last message to me.
"Distance never separates two hearts that really care."
And within tears of falling rain, I pressed her message to my heart, wondering how true that really was.
