Chapter 54 – Trials Of Knighthood

To say Harry was in shock was an understatement, some padawans did not undergo the trials until their mid to late twenties and had been padawans for a least thirteen years before that. He knew that his Master had joined a little late and had passed the trials at twenty but she had still been training since she was a child and had over a decade's training and two different masters, both of whom were now masters themselves. He was only twenty three and had started training late and had only nine years training, eight technically as the year on Knowhere could not count.

"Master, are you sure, I thought I would have years more before facing the trials?"

"With your Master discussed this we have," Yoda replied. "Ready you are."

"We know what we are doing Harry," explained Aayla coming up beside the Grand Master. "Trust our judgement, you are ready."

"If you say so Masters," he nodded uncertainly. "When do I begin?"

"In the morning," explained Dooku. "Prepare yourself Padawan, tomorrow you face the most important and hardest test of all. The 'Trial of Spirit' where you must face no enemies on the battle field, but must face the mirror. You must face your inner self."


That evening Coleman was only too aware of the thoughts currently running through his padawans mind, he did not need the link to work it how, it was written all over her face.

"Are you going to ask, Hermione, or continue to think on it until your wrinkled forehead becomes permanent?"

She jerked her head to look at him, flattening said wrinkles before flopping down on the sofa in their quarters opposite him.

"Master, it's just…What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing young one," he replied.

"Then, was there something I did not do that I should have? Something I should be able to do by now that I can't? Why-"

"Calm yourself Hermione, you have done nothing wrong, there is nothing you should have done which you cannot or anything remotely of the sort."

"Then…Why am I not doing the trials at the same time as Harry?"

"You are asking the wrong question Hermione," he replied calmly to his worried padawan. "The question should not be 'Why are you not doing the Trials at the same time?' but rather 'Why is Harry doing them so early?'"

"Then, why is Harry doing them so early?"

"Because of something that he learned on Knowhere," he replied. "Did he tell you of his revelation about the Force, his understanding of his place in it and of perspective?"

"Yes," she replied before looking away a little bashfully. "But I did not seem to understand it the way he did."

"Understandable, it's not an easy concept to grasp. Even some masters struggle with it, but that bit of perception and insight convinced both Aayla and the Council that he was ready for the Trials."

"But Master, the Trials are much more than just insight, there are other things, there are-"

"Do you not believe that Harry is capable of passing the Trials?"

"Well I…I don't know, I don't know exactly what's involved. The information is kept quite secret. Most padawans only know rumours."

"Well I am sure you know they are a test of skill, character and knowledge, do you believe Harry's skilled enough at being a jedi?"

"Yes, his lightsaber skills are exceptional and his abilities with the Force are almost as strong."

"What about his knowledge?"

"He's above average in almost all classes."

"And his character? Do you believe he is not worthy of being a jedi? Not understanding or altruistic enough?"

"Of course he is."

"Maybe you think he is susceptible to turning to the Dark Side?"

"What! Harry would never do that!" she shouted before realising what she had done. "...Oh, sorry Master."

"Don't worry about Harry, Hermione," he said calmly, ignoring the outburst. "As for you own Trials, bear in mind that Obi-Wan has had a longer and fuller jedi training than both of you but is still a padawan. Harry is being tested exceptionally early for someone in your position; it is up to the padawan's master and the High Council to determine when each padawan is ready. I do not think you are in anyway lacking but I think the next important question is; do you believe that you have nothing more to learn from me? That you are beyond what I can teach you?"

"What? Of course not Master, I just-"

"Well maybe Aayla has taught Harry all she can and now it's his time to work without a net. I say to you Hermione; hang in there. Your time will come, you will face the Trials, you will defeat them and you will be a knight. This I know for sure."


"Are you ready for this Harry?"

"Is anyone ever ready for the Trials?" he asked sitting on the sofas in their quarters. He was trying to look calm but both of them were aware that he was nervous.

"You will be fine Harry," she smiled. "I would not have suggested your testing had I not thought you were ready. You aced your Trial of Skill today; you will do just as well tomorrow."

"The fight was one of my Trials?" he asked surprised.

"Of course Harry," she laughed. "Do you really think any test of your fighting skill could have been more thorough than that?"

"What if I had not been up to the task?"

"It was both a test to see if you were ready and your Trial of Skill. Some of the Masters were not sure you were ready as you are much younger than usual. Had you not passed so thoroughly it would not have been a problem, you would just have continued your training and retaken the Trials later."

"Is it right that I have my trials so early, before Hermione and Obi-Wan and the others?"

"It's unusual but not unheard off. I was granted knighthood even earlier. My memory loss and subsequent retraining got me ready years earlier than my peers. So it's rare but not a problem."

"If you say so Master," he replied uncertainly.

She sighed and sat down opposite him.

"Harry," she said soothingly. "You passed that trial with flying colours. You were able to hold off some of the best lightsaber users in the Order. You used a wide variety of techniques and skills and you managed to knockout or incapacitate them all, and how many padawans do you think would think of using the mental link to their Master to send a memory of them naked to them in order to distract them. I had a really difficult time trying to convince the Masters on the ground that you did something much more mundane when you knocked me out of the fight."

"Sorry Master."

"None of that!" she said firmly. "It was perfectly legal move and did its job perfectly. It was probably your best move of the entire match. Though I could not help but notice that that memory had not deteriorated at all over the years," she added with a sly smile.

"Occulmency helps prevent my memories from degrading," he said shyly.

"Of course Harry," she smiled. "Get some sleep; you will need to be refreshed for tomorrow."


Whispers in the shadows.

Darkness surrounding.

"…Harry…" a voice came from the darkness. "…Harry…"

The image of a graveyard appeared around him, the graveyard.

Scattered around him were bodies.

Ron

Sirius

Cedric

Fleur

Remus

Dumbledore

McGonagall

His parents.

"This is your fault Harry," came the voice as it coalesced into the form of Voldemort. "You are responsible for their deaths. You would have made a good Death Eater."

"I'm responsible or partially responsible for some of their deaths," he corrected. "Ron and Sirius died coming to help me and Cedric died because we both agreed to do the right thing and share the prize, so I am partially responsible for their deaths, but you are the one who had them killed, you and your Death Eaters are the one who ended their lives."

"You tell yourself that Potter, but you could have done so much more, I saw the power within you at the graveyard, I saw you rise to new heights, if you had kept that up you could have finished me for good. If you had I would never have been able to haunt you half way across the galaxy."

"I was untrained then, I knew nothing about controlling the Force, controlling my emotions, but even then I knew to stop."

"What kind of jedi lets 'evil' endure? You should have killed me then and there, what was the cost of one life to stop the spread of evil?"

"The cost would have been my soul, it is what separates the Jedi from the Sith, a Sith would have killed you and to hell with Sirius, I even then knew better."

"Do you not see the path you are on," the apparition continued. "You think yourself so righteous but you know you are no true jedi, you are not emotionless, you are not even as emotionless as they claim to be. You use Sith techniques, how long do you think it will be before you turn to the Dark Side for good."

As he spoke the vision before him changed to show another battlefield, this time it showed the inside of the Jedi Temple, all around him lay the bodies of massacred jedi; masters, knights, padawans and younglings. Amongst the bodies he could see his friends:

Coleman

Qui-Gon

Asani

Alema

Obi-Wan

Hermione

Aayla

And amidst all the wreckage where once Voldemort stood now stood himself, but then not himself. This him was dark, shadowed, clothed all in black with darkness exuding from him and blood dripping from his robes and splattering his face.

"You see…You see now what you will become," came the voice that was now his.

"I will never become this; there is one big difference between you and me."

"Oh? And what might that be?" the other him asked sarcastically.

"You killed them purposefully. The only deaths I have had any involvement with, with the exception of those I have killed as part of duties as a jedi in self-defence or the defence of others are Voldemort and the Death Eaters from the graveyard."

"Is that not enough to prove you are dark, you killed those Death Eaters in cold blood, you murdered them and mutilated Voldemort's body."

"Yes I did," he admitted candidly. "But I learned from that mistake. It is futile to claim that there is no darkness within me, there is darkness within everyone. Maybe there is more than usual within me, I do not know, but I control it."

"You cannot control darkness Harry," the other him said. "It's infectious, its spreads like a disease, it penetrates you, consumes you."

"You are wrong, if it was all consuming then I would have succumbed years ago, I have only grown stronger with the light since that night in the graveyard."

"And yet you think the darkness within you did not grow either?" sneered the other him. "Do you not recall your battle with Wormtail, what jedi would have used torture to defeat him?"

"A jedi who was out of options and had no choice," he replied defensively, that had been the first thing said that had got to Harry.

"Exactly," grinned his doppelganger with glee at the reaction he got. "Even the righteous jedi you claim to be will resort to darkness when given no other choice."

"I stopped as soon as I realised what I was doing," he countered again.

"Yes, but then you started again."

"Only to save Alema and Aayla!" he called back.

"You feared for their lives."

"Of course I did, I will do almost anything to protect them."

"Anything," his shadow said excitedly. "If you heard anyone else say that it would be sending up red flags left right and centre."

"I said almost anything for a reason. Using the only technique I knew worked against Wormtail to defeat him was justified."

"By you!" his doppelganger continued. "Justifying torture to yourself is a major step on the path to the Dark Side."

"Had I had another idea I would have used it."

"Tell me Harry, if Wormtail had had a daughter, a young girl, seven years old maybe, blonde hair, the picture of innocence." An image of such a girl appeared beside him, allowing Dark Harry to run a finger across her head, she sort of looked like a young Luna Lovegood. "And the only way to stop Wormtail had been to torture her would you have done so?"

"Of course not," he replied.

"What if the entire Wizarding World depended on defeating him then and there."

"There are any number of spells I could cast that would take her out and draw Wormtail's attention."

"Yes, but he knows the spells, he knows you won't cast anything truly dangerous against her, you are too soft for that."

"You can make this scenario as impossible as you like but it's impossible to predict what I would do for certain."

"Really?" the other him asked sceptically, taking a step away from the girl and throwing a hand towards her. Sith Lightning coursed from his hand and surrounded her. She dropped to the floor screaming in pain.

"Stop it!" Harry shouted.

"Why?" asked his doppelganger innocently. "She's nothing to you, she's the daughter of your enemy, it's for the greater good. Her suffering could save thousands of lives."

"That does not matter, it's wrong," he countered, sending his hand flying towards Dark Harry, intend on Force Pushing him but nothing happened.

"The needs of the many Harry, they outweigh the needs of the few. She's suffering to save others. You fear for her, do you forget where fear leads?"

Harry went to object again before his rational mind caught up and he calmed himself.

"Yes the needs of the many do often outweigh the needs of the few, or the one, but sometimes the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many…And we can continue quoting Star Trek philosophy to each other all day but that does not change right from wrong. Do I fear for her? Yes I did but that is right, I should. To not do so would be inhuman. She is not real, she is a sprite in my mind conjured up by you, just an image."

"She might be, but your master and slave being tortured was real."

"Yes it was, and I did fear for them, and yes fear did lead to anger against Wormtail, to me hating him and then suffering, but not just his; I suffered through learning that painful lesson, I learned not to control and suppress but to control and utilise my emotions."

"That is not the jedi way!" his doppelganger countered, changing from shocking the girl to choking her as she changed to look like his Master.

"It is not the modern jedi way no," he agreed, doing his best to ignore the form of his master struggling for breath. "But jedi of the past used their emotions as I do, it makes me stronger and it does not compromise my emotional control."

"So you say but it brings you closer to darkness than many other jedi."

"True, but we all have darkness within us, even Masters Yoda and Dooku. To deny it is to deny ourselves, it is a part of me, without it I would not be Harry James Potter. Yes I have fear, but the key is not giving into it. After all, how can one be brave if you don't fear, without it you are just doing something foolish, crazy, foolhardy or possibly all of the above. Sometimes there is no right answer and you just have to do the best you can with what you have. I understand this, I understand my darkness and I accept it, I control it, it does not control me."

The vision in front of him faded until there was just Dark Harry and himself.

"Yet."

The darkness faded.


"Well done Padawan," came a voice in the darkness as his eyes readjusted to the small meditation chamber. "Many padawans defeat their inner darkness but few truly accept it as you do."

"Thank you Master Tiin," he bowed as both he and the Master stood from their meditation positions on the padded seats.

A moment later the doors opened and in walked Aayla and Master Yoda. Asani ran passed the pair and jumped up onto his shoulder.

"He has passed the Trial of Spirit, Master Yoda," advised the Master.

"Good, very good," smiled the Grand Master. "Padawan Potter, passed the Trials of Knighthood you have. Tomorrow, knighted you will be."

"Wait Master?" Harry asked confused. "I only did two, aren't their supposed to be five?"

"Five Trials there are," Yoda agreed. "But pass them without taking the Trials you have."

"I do not understand Master?"

"Your deeds whilst apart of the Order have been counted in your favour Harry," Aayla explained. "Think of it like your homework contributing to your exam scores."

"Trial of Skill, you passed yesterday," Yoda explained. "Trial of Spirit today. Three others there are."

"The Trial of Insight you passed most recently," continued Tiin. "Your observations on the Force on Knowhere proved you have understanding of the Force as a whole, it's not just around you, it's not all to do with you. We are all just a small symbiotic part of the whole."

"Your Trial of Courage you were deemed to have passed on Earth facing off against Wormtail," Aayla explained. "You pushed yourself to do what had to be done in order to save Alema and I from him."

"And your Trial of Flesh," concluded Yoda. "A test of loss, physical and mental both. On Mandalore, lost your arm you did, suffer on Knowhere you did. On Earth lose your family and friends, ripped away from you they were. Suffered much you have, overcome you have…passed you have."

"You need to spend the next twenty four hours meditating in the Tranquillity Spire," explained Tiin. "Think on your life thus far, think on your life to come, think on the Force, decide if this is the life you wish to choose for yourself. At the end of that, come to the Hall of Knighthood and swear on the Jedi Code and you will be knighted."

"Thank you Masters," he bowed before they left the room leaving just himself, Asani and his Master.

"I'm so proud of you Harry," Aayla smiled, pulling him into a tight hug that Asani escaped by jumping onto his head.

"I could not have done it without you Master," he replied. "I would still have been the Harry you got locked up in Azkaban."

"Knowing you Harry," she replied pulling back, allowing Asani to reassume her previous position. "You would have sprung back and out somehow, it's the sort of person you are. Now, go and get some food then report to then go to the Tranquillity Spire, you're to meditate until your knighting ceremony at ten o'clock tomorrow morning."

"Yes Master," he nodded before leaving the room.


The Tranquillity Spire was reserved for meditating, whether for just ten minutes or several days. Harry went as instructed and tried to mediate; he initially had trouble because of his excitement and worry about the knighting but after about an hour he managed to meditate properly.

He thought on the Force, his place in it, his life before, his life as a padawan, his life to come, the Jedi Code…

He was supposed to remain there for twenty four hours but he came out of his meditation after six. He thought for several minutes, his brow creased in worry, before standing and walking out of the room. He walked out of the Spire and towards the offices of the High Council. Each master had both an office and an outer meditation room from where the master could guide or talk to other jedi on problems or issues they were having. They were open to any jedi to ask questions or guidance of those more experienced masters. Looking at the various rooms he could see that only one was currently marked as occupied.

Walking up to the door he pressed the tone button and entered when the door opened.

"Padawan Potter," greeted Master Dooku from his position on one of the padded stools of the outer mediation room. "Should you not be meditating ready for your knighting tomorrow?"

"Yes Master," he replied seating himself. "But during my meditation something occurred to me that had not done so before and I am troubled by it."

"Continue Padawan," the master nodded.

"I was thinking of the Jedi Code; 'There is no emotion, there is peace, there is no ignorance, there is knowledge, there is no passion, there is serenity, there is no chaos, there is harmony, there is no death, there is the Force'. I realised that I do not agree with it."

"Explain."

"Well thinking about one line at a time; 'There is no emotion, there is peace'. Well I know that there is emotion, I can be emotional, I have seen non-jedi been emotional, I have even seen members of the High Council being emotional."

"That line represents our control over our emotions and the peace that results," replied the master. "What of the next?"

"'There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.' Again, I know there to be much ignorance in the galaxy whether due to arrogance, lack of knowledge of a subject or some other reason."

"That line reflects our desire to learn, ignorance is never an excuse for a jedi, we always strive to improve ourselves through learning, especially about the Force."

"Yet I know that too is not entirely correct," Harry countered boldly. "The Dark Side of the Force is a part of the Force and, not that I want to, but if I said I wanted to learn it I would be told 'no' because of the dangers involved. As for 'there is no passion, there is serenity,' I know there is passion, even within jedi. If I were to go to the crèche and kill all the younglings I have no doubt that many jedi would pursue me with both passion and emotion and would take pleasure in ending, despite the fact that the correct course would be to detain me for trial."

Dooku remained silent this time.

"'There is no chaos, there is harmony,' I know there to be both and I know that it mostly refers to the fact that we seek balance in all things rather than creating chaos. But taking into account the Dark Side; it is described as chaotic in its use, its forms and its effect on the galaxy but to have true balance we should allow it to exist rather than trying to eliminate it."

"And death?"

"I know death exists, I have seen it, I have even caused it on occasion. I know the Force exists but they exist in harmony, we journey from one to the other. We come from the Force into physical bodies then eventually die and re-join the Force. I admit to being lost master; when we studied the code I had my doubts then but I always thought that by the time I had to swear by it I would have resolved these issues. I have to swear by the code tomorrow but how can I swear on something that I disagree with."

The master was silent for many minutes, deep in thought, before finally he spoke.

"Padawan, are you familiar with the Old Jedi Code?"

Harry looked at him.

"Yes master, it's the code the modern code was derived from; 'Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force,' I always thought it made much more sense; it seems less arrogant, less narrow minded, more understanding and accepting of the universe."

"Explain it to me as you understand it?"

"Yes Master; 'Emotion yet peace', the jedi have emotion but we can either suppress of channel those emotions, we control them, they do not control us and therefore we have inner peace. 'Ignorance, yet knowledge'; there is no end of ignorance in the galaxy, whether due to attitude, learning or any number of things but there is also knowledge, like the knowledge we have, we have to use it to guide and help those that are ignorant. 'Passion yet serenity'; Form VII: Vaapad, illustrates this well, the form requires us to enjoy and find the thrill in the fight, hence passion but we still control it and don't let it rule us. It is a part of us that we accept and that needs balancing within the whole of us; hence serenity. 'Chaos, yet harmony'; as I said earlier, the light and dark sides of the Force reflect this, you cannot have one without the other and quite often there can be both at once in the same space, like here; you Master are at harmony yet the doubt in my mind over the code is causing discord in my thoughts. 'Death, yet the Force'; as I already said, death exists; it is part of the Force. We emerge from the Force as a child, live our lives, die and return to the Force. To deny death you are effectively denying part of the Force."

"Well-reasoned Padawan," Dooku nodded, before steepling his fingers and thinking for a moment. "Would you be prepared to swear on the Old Code rather than the new?"

Harry too thought for a moment before answering

"…Yes Master, yes I would, but would I be allowed to?"

"I shall speak to your Master and the rest of the Council; I shall tell them of your arguments and shall inform you of our decision tomorrow. Return to your meditation."

"Yes Master, thank you, Master," he bowed leaving the room and returning to the Spire.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the wait, been a busy few weeks. Also my apologies for not replying to reviews and PM's, I will try to reply to them at some point but I think you'd probably prefer me to finish writing chapters.

ADDITIONAL: Really sorry about using Wormtongue's name instead of Wormtail's during the first posting of this chapter. I have been reading and writing LOTR fanfiction of late and I transposed the two names. Should all be corrected now.