Author's Note: I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating this one. I hit a snag on it, but I think I have it worked out now. So here's a longer chapter. :)

I do not own Bones or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/reviewing this. It means a lot to me. :D

Buttercups3: Thank you for all your wonderful reviews. :) I'm sure you'll enjoy this longer chapter...And yes, I'm sure the dimples were even more cute back then, thus inspiring a lot of strangers to want to interact with him. ;)

Mendenbar: Of course the problem is that Lance has to figure out all of this for himself without David or Carolyn if he is to learn anything. And you're right, Rotundo has a clearer view of the probable outcome.

Lives in the now: Thank you! :) As I mentioned, I figured that Lance would start to resemble the person we see on the show since that's only about four years from this point (granted a lot will happen in those four years). I hope you enjoy the rest of this as well.

Fearlee: Thanks! I try to use as much of what we know from canon as possible in this fic. And I like having more than one thing going so that if I hit a snag in one story, I can spend more time on another one. So it's fun for me to have more than one project going...even if it does mean a lot of writing. ;)

Blueeyesmillby: Rotundo was a fun character to write for. :) I imagine that Sweets has a natural ability to get people to talk to him...even if it's only one or two in a tight knit community like this.

Fear Herself: Yeah, I'll admit to smiling a little while writing the dialogue with Rotundo...and yes, circuses are a little freaky. That's part of the reason why I didn't make it really whimsical in this fic. Thanks again and hope to see more from you soon.

Sweetfavoritethings: It's interesting to think about this now when I consider the storyline that I have going in The Measure of the Spirit...but I agree that it would be interesting to do this plot on the show. It could lead to a lot of character development...and extra airtime with Sweets which is always good. ;)

Leventhumps101: I think it may be your first review, so welcome. :D I did try to sneak in some references to Bones in this story, so I'm glad you enjoyed them...And I agree that JFD is a great actor who is able to bring so much to Sweets despite sometimes having little to work with. I hope you enjoy the rest of this fic.

DukeFan1982: It's hard to say if it will be the answers he's looking for, but Lance will get a some answers from this trip. Thanks for the reviews. :D

xxxMidnightSunxxx: Welcome to you as well. :D Thank you for your review...I hope to write a book of my own someday, but for now I'm having fun with fanfiction. :) I hope you enjoy the rest of this as well.

Year Thirteen—Discovery—part 3

The next morning, Lance began his drive toward the next circus on his list, which happened to be the one that Rotundo suggested. He blinked hard and yawned as he worked to make himself fully awake and alert on his journey.

The motel the clown had recommended did indeed look like some kind of rat-trap on the outside with peeling paint and creaking shutters, but the rooms inside turned out to be clean and comfortable if a bit sparse.

But it wasn't the accommodations that had kept him up most of the night; it was his own jumbled thoughts. Lance spent hours considering everything that Zeke and Rotundo told him about Lillian.

'What kind of person is my mother?' he wondered. 'Nobody seems to have any fond memories of her.'

As he drove, Lance remembered how when he was still living in fear with Andrew, he had often wished that Lillian had taken him with her. For years he was convinced that the reason she left him behind was because Andrew was right in saying that he was worthless and stupid. Even as he grew up under his parents' care, that idea continued to plague him.

Lance shuddered and gripped the steering wheel even tighter. This search was stirring up his old feelings of insecurity and self-loathing and making them rise to the surface. He knew that was a possibility when he started this, but it didn't make dealing with it any less painful. Still he was determined to press onward.

'I can't always think about me and my feelings. My birth mother had her reasons…It may have been Andrew or maybe it's like Zeke and Rotundo said and she's not capable as a mother…Either way, I should try to understand her point of view.'

Suddenly Lance wished that he could see Carolyn. He hadn't talked to his parents for over three days: the longest he had gone since the day Carolyn met him at the orphanage. He had managed to leave a message on their answering machine to let them know that he had arrived in Florida safely, but he hadn't had much access to telephones over the past couple of days. Even if he was around a phone, he didn't know what to say and wanted a chance to sort out his feeling before he spoke to them again.

But thinking about when Carolyn met him at the orphanage brought up a number of early memories of her. Lance reflected at how she was with him in those days as he got to know her and when she and David had brought him into their home.

'Mom…she wanted to be my mother from the beginning. Even though I wasn't hers. How was she able to do that when I wasn't willing to trust anyone and kept pushing her away?'

'When my own birth mother didn't even want me?'

Soon rows of colorful tents and a cluster of cars jammed tightly together came into his line of vision. Lance shook these thoughts off; he needed to be calm and thoughtful while he searched for Lillian at this circus. While parking his car, he was able to finally shove down his feelings of sadness and rejection.

But he couldn't get rid of his homesickness.


Carolyn was sitting in her front room, trying to distract herself with some knitting. With David home and helping out, most of the household chores were usually done by early afternoon. That left her with many hours to fill. She continued to visit with friends and attend her gardening club, but even then she had time on her hands.

She completed a couple more stitches on the afghan she was making and then sat it down in her lap.

Carolyn knew that David also faced the problem of finding new pursuits for his time. Her husband had always been an active man with plenty to do. While they were both enjoying the chance to reconnect as husband and wife, Carolyn worried that David was not finding retirement fulfilling.

She folded up the pieces of the blanket that she had finished and placed them and her knitting supplies into a large wooden box by the chair. Carolyn then got up and wandered over to the array of photos that was displayed nearby. She was sure that a large part of the reason that she was dwelling over her concerns was because she hadn't heard from Lance. She wasn't too worried about his safety since his phone message had told her that he had arrived and would be unable to call very often over the next few days.

Still Carolyn longed to hear her son's voice, just so that she could reassure herself that he was in a good place physically and mentally.

'Stop that,' she thought shaking her head. 'Lance is a grown man. He can take care of himself. He will call when he can. Besides he's probably busy catching up with his…'

Carolyn was surprised when she realized that she couldn't bring herself to think of Lillian as Lance's birth mother. Ever since the first day Lance called her "Mom", Carolyn refused to entertain the notion that any other woman was his mother.

But now her son was seeking out a woman who could rightly claim to be his mother, at least in the undeniable biological sense. A woman who had given birth to him and had held him in her arms as a baby. A woman who had seen his first smile, heard his first words, and seen his first wobbly steps in the world.

Carolyn's arms trembled and she wrapped them around herself. She was suddenly jealous that Lillian had been the one to have those experiences and not her.

'How could she ever give him up?' she thought angrily. 'How could she walk away and leave her precious baby with that monster?'

While she had given her blessing and reassurance to Lance to go ahead and search for Lillian, a part of her couldn't help but wonder about the kinds of things that they could be sharing right at this moment: the memories they could discuss…the new ones that could be created.

'No,' she shook herself. 'I won't worry about things like that. Lance is a generous person and he will be kind to her. But he's my baby, my son. Lillian will not replace me. She can't.'

Even so, these thoughts could not stop Carolyn from wanting to see and hold Lance so that she could reassure herself of this fact.


For perhaps the umpteenth time, Lance wished that he had packed lighter, more casual clothes for this trip. He perspired heavily as he walked around the circus grounds and managed to continue to stand out in his sky blue dress shirt and black slacks, despite the fact that he was careful to skip the tie this time.

He also made sure to buy himself a large beverage to sip on while he walked so that he wouldn't become dehydrated again, but the prickly heat continued to burn any of his fair skin that was exposed.

Most frustrating of all was the fact that he was having even less luck with this circus than the last one he visited. Lance had been able to track down the owners and gain permission to speak to the workers, but it was only after a great deal of persuasion and begging on his part. Even after he had managed to get that permission, Lance couldn't get anyone to listen to him for more than a minute or two let alone speak to him. After a while, some even quickened their pace when they saw him coming so as to avoid him.

Hot, tired and angry, Lance eventually rested for a few minutes on a bench and tried to calm himself. He took to watching how the circus workers interacted as a way to distract himself from his misery. Armed with the knowledge that Rotundo have given him, he was able to make some intriguing observations. Piqued by his curiosity, he eventually began to walk around and explored the grounds in an attempt to learn more about the workers themselves.

After a couple more hours, Lance tired of this and of the walking so he left. He drove down the road to get back on the highway, but a roadside diner caught his eye. Lance felt his stomach growl, so he decided to stop there for a meal.

Walking in, he noticed that the décor was drab and overly brown in hue, but neat. He plopped down into an empty booth and picked up the menu sitting there. Soon a tired looking waitress shuffled over and poured him a glass of water and then pulled out a pad and pencil from her pocket.

"What can I get you, hon?" she drawled.

Lance ordered and the waitress left, promising him that his food would come "in a jiffy". While he waited, Lance watched the sky lose its pale golden sheen for a violet blue twilight. Seconds after the sun disappeared, the waitress reappeared with his order. As he ate, he was impressed with how enjoyable his meal was considering that it was so cheap. Lance tried to find some happiness in the fact that he had been able to find numerous ways to keep his expenses low. However, it didn't change the fact that he would probably have to find somewhere secluded to park his car so that he could sleep in it that night.

As he finished the last remnants of his meal, Lance went back to looking out the window and watched as the stars started to come out.

'Did I make a mistake doing this?' he thought. 'Shouldn't I have just been happy with the wonderful parents I have instead of seeking out someone who was never really a part of my life?'

Lance gulped down some soda and felt his insides twist as he mulled over these thoughts.

'What if I upset Mom and Dad? Mom said she was fine with me doing this…but what if she wasn't really? What if she just said that to make me feel better? And Dad. What if Dad's still mad at me?'

Lance picked up the bill and hastily pulled out some money to pay it along with the tip and then darted out of the restaurant. Starting up his car and pulling out to the road, he found that he had to blink back tears.

'I'm sorry Mom and Dad…I wish you were here.'


Many miles away, Carolyn suddenly looked up from her book and looked distressed. David was sitting next to her, reading his paper, and noticed her actions.

"Carolyn, what is it?" he asked, putting the paper down.

"I…I don't know why, but I keep thinking that Lance needs us," she said softly. David…I wish he would call. I just want to know that he's all right." Carolyn sat her book down and began to sniffle. David took her into his arms.

"I'm sure he's all right and that he'll call here soon," he soothed. "He's probably on the road most of the time right now and plus he's got a lot to sort out."

"Do you think that he could be talking to her right now?" she asked. "That maybe he's busy learning to…connect with her? Relate to her?" David kissed her cheek in an effort to halt this line of thought.

"Carolyn, Lance would never push you aside for her," he said. "You know that. In fact, did you know that he wanted me to tell you about his decision to search for Lillian?" Carolyn shook her head, and David held her closer.

"He was so worried about hurting your feelings that he didn't trust himself to say the right thing to you," he said.

As soon as he said that, David's shoulders sagged and he shook his head.

"You were right…that's why I acted the way I did with him," David said. "I should have known that he loves you too much to hurt you and even if he managed to do it, you would understand. It…it makes sense that he's not comfortable with calling right now."

Carolyn managed to smile ruefully at the situation and rested her head against David's shoulder.

"Listen to us…beating ourselves up over our feelings about our son," she said. "Lance loves both of us and knowing him he's worried about what we are thinking about him. We certainly are quite the family, aren't we?"

"You're right," David said as he turned to look at her and took her hand. "All three of us should have more faith in the bonds that we share." Carolyn sat up a little while still staring into her husband's eyes.

"David…after Lance visits us and goes back to college, let's go away for a little while," she said. David raised his eyebrow at that, but she smiled back at him.

"I know that you could use the change of pace," Carolyn continued. "You've been cooped up here, worrying about Lance or me. You should take some time to enjoy yourself." She then leaned close and began to kiss her husband passionately.

"Let's spend a couple weeks at Jack's cabin," she murmured, his lips inches away from David's. "I want a chance to have my husband all to myself."

David grinned and cupped her cheeks in his hands.

"I'm always 'all yours' Carolyn," he said. "But you're right again…we'll go ahead and take some time away after this. I think it will do both of us some good."

The two of them spent most of the night in each others arms. When their thoughts did drift away, it was only to send love to their son, who they cherished.


While strolling around his third circus in as many days, Doctor Lance Sweets came to two conclusions: that he never wanted to smell cotton candy again and that sleeping in one's car yields little sleep and many stiff joints. He had spent much of the morning working out the kinks and cricks out of his neck and back.

He also found his patience wearing thin as he faced another day of pacing about under a blazing sun. As the day dragged on, his mood continued to fall since his search was even more fruitless today than it had been the past two days. Lance was confident that he had gathered enough information about the interpersonal relationships among circus workers to begin some serious work on yet another dissertation, but decided to leave that to other hands. Besides, none of it was helping him in the task at hand.

Suddenly, a royal blue tent decorated with gold shapes on the edge of the grounds caught his eye. But it was the sign on the entrance that excited him.

'Mystic Lil, Psychic Extraordinaire'

'Palm Reading, Fortune-Telling and Love Signs.'

Lance practically ran over to the tent, but stopped himself a couple feet from it to catch his breath and to steady his nerves.

'All right…best to remain casual and business-like,' he told himself. 'It's been years since we've seen each other, and this woman does not know me as her child. Nor am I really… I should simply introduce myself and let her set the tone of this conversation.'

Lance gulped and then walked inside.

Sitting at a round table with a crystal ball in the center was a young woman dressed in garish "gypsy-like" attire. As she looked up at him, her blond ringlet curls bounced.

"Um…I'm here to see Mystic Lil," Lance stammered. The woman got up from her chair, her mouth hanging open in shock. She walked over to him and stared for a moment more before speaking.

"You…you must be Lance," she gasped. "Lil said I would know you by your face, but I didn't really believe her…But she was right."

"Where is she?" he asked. "Can I talk to her?" The woman looked down to the ground.

"Lil's not here," she said. "She told me to tell you that she won't be back any time soon. She knew you were coming, and she left me this to give you."

The woman pulled out a small but thick envelope from her pocket and handed it to him. It was blank on the outside except for the name "Lance" written in a stylish cursive.

"She also told me to tell you to stop looking for her," the woman continued. "She said that that letter explains things and that you would understand." She turned to leave, but Lance stood in front of her to stop her.

"Wait…did she…did she say anything else?" he asked. The woman sighed and maneuvered around him.

"Just that…just that she wishes you a safe trip home," she said. The woman ran out the tent and out of view.

Lance stood there and turned the envelope around in his hands for a couple minutes. He then stuffed it into his pocket and left. As if on auto-pilot, he took off in his car and drove for hours straight to the airport he came in on. He spent most of the rest of his money in returning the car and buying a ticket back to his hometown.

While waiting for his flight, Lance found an area of the terminal that was practically empty and sat down. He pulled the envelope out of his pocket and stared at it. He had avoided thinking about that or about the feelings that were trying to overtake him during the last few hours, and he knew that opening that envelope would release everything inside him.

But Lance also knew that this was not the time for running away, but a time to face what life had dealt him.

He tore open the envelope and took a deep breath as he began to examine the contents.