CHAPTER 52

Martha gnawed at her bottom lip as she drove, there was no other traffic on the road and although her headlights lit the way ahead they also showed her how isolated she was driving through the night. Checking once again that her car doors were locked Martha gripped the steering wheel and prayed that she was driving in the right direction.

As she drove Martha couldn't get the image of Jonathan's ashen face before he had turned and walked out of the house out of her mind. The door slamming behind him had made the whole house vibrate and it had seemed as though minutes had passed before Martha could even move.

In fact, it had only been a few seconds before she had turned and run out of the kitchen and across the living room towards the front door. Pausing only to grab Hiram's binoculars from the hall table she had left the house and sprinted across the yard to the barn. She was breathing heavily by the time she had climbed to the loft and as she fumbled with the catch on the binoculars case she began to panic that she was too late.

When she finally looked through the binoculars she was relieved to find that she could clearly pick out the lights of Jonathan's truck as it raced down the driveway. With her hands shaking she managed to keep the truck in sight until it finally disappeared from her view and when she lowered the binoculars and started to retrace her steps towards the house she knew that she had achieved her purpose, she knew where Jonathan was headed. At least she thought she did … she prayed that she was right.

Entering the house she replaced the binoculars before returning to the kitchen. Hiram and Jessica were still sitting at the table and they both turned and looked at her.

"I thought you'd gone off in a huff as well!" Hiram commented.

"No, I went to the barn to try and see if I could find out which direction Jonathan was heading." Martha said.

"I wouldn't worry, he's just overreacting, he'll be back in a couple of hours." Hiram said.

Martha resisted the urge to throw something at Hiram and instead took a deep breath and started counting to twenty very slowly.

"Did you see which way he went?" Jessica asked softly.

Martha nodded as she sat down and put her head in her hands.

"Are you going after him?"

"Yes, he shouldn't be alone. He obviously blames himself." Martha answered her.

"I'll make some fresh coffee for you to take with you." Jessica said, getting up from the table.

"There's no need to go chasing after him, like I said he'll be back in a couple of hours." Hiram said.

Martha ignored him and stood up. "I'm going to get changed into something a bit warmer." She said leaving the kitchen.

When she came back downstairs a few minutes later she was wearing jeans and a thick sweater. As she dropped one of Jonathan's sweaters on the table, Jessica said, "The coffee's nearly ready."

"Thank you." Martha said reaching into one of the cupboards and pulling out a flask.

"Dang it, didn't you hear me? He'll be back in a couple of hours. I don't know why you're insisting on chasing after him. He can take care of himself." Hiram said, sounding annoyed.

It was the last straw, putting the flask on to the counter, Martha turned to him. "Would you like me to explain it to you? It's quite simple! You've just told your son, the person who has been exhausting himself for the past two weeks trying to run this farm, the person who has been worrying himself sick about you, the same person who hasn't had a good nights sleep since you collapsed in the barn, the person who has lost so much weight his clothes are too big for him. You've just told him that he is to blame for your heart attack! Of course he's upset … what heck did you expect?" she exploded.

"Nonsense! We never said he was to blame! When did we say we blamed him?" Hiram asked, shocked at Martha's response.

"Dammit, don't you understand? When you told him that you'd found out that you had a heart condition in his last year of high school, but kept it from him because you wanted him to go to college. When you told him that rather than explain about your condition you'd prefer to work yourself so hard that you had a heart attack! Of course he blames himself! If he hadn't gone to college you wouldn't be so sick now. If he had stayed at home he could have prevented your heart attack!"

"That's ridiculous! There is no way that he's to blame for any of this!" Hiram retorted.

Martha sighed, going to sit next to Hiram she put her hand over his and said, "Look at it from his point of view. Put yourself in his place."

"We only did what we thought was right. He deserved to go to college; he'd worked so hard to get there. We didn't want to take that away from him. I knew that if I told him about my heart condition he'd refuse to go and I couldn't let that happen. He was only seventeen when I found out about my heart, he was just a boy." Hiram explained.

"Maybe you should have told him when he graduated from college." Martha suggested gently.

"But he was in love. Jess and I knew that you weren't just another girlfriend by the way he acted. Everyone deserves to be in love, we couldn't spoil that for him. I was afraid that if I told him he might try and take over running the farm and your relationship would suffer. Sweetie, if you could have seen the way he looked when he talked about you, how he looked forward to seeing you, how he nearly drove Jess insane with instructions each time you came to stay. I couldn't spoil that for him."

"I know. I just have to try and convince Jonathan. That's why I'm going after him." Martha said hugging Hiram.

"Would you like me to come with you? I could try and explain it to him."

Martha smiled, "Knowing just how stubborn he can be, I don't think he'd listen to you. I'm hoping that I can explain why you delayed telling him so that he stops blaming himself. I can't leave him upset like this, I have to go find him."

"Are you sure you know where he's gone? I don't like the idea of you driving around in the dark searching for Jonathan. Look what happened last time!"

"Last time, I got engaged to a wonderful man." Martha said with a grin.

"I meant crashing through the fence." Hiram reminded her. "I don't want you to have another accident."

"I promise that I'll drive carefully." Martha said getting up.

Jessica was folding Jonathan's sweater before tucking it into the tote, handing it to Martha she said, "The coffee is in there plus some brownies. Please tell Jonathan that we love him and we only did what we thought was right for him."

"I will." Martha promised hugging Jessica.

Martha walked to the front door; pausing only to collect Jonathan and her jackets from the coat rack she opened the door. "Wish me luck." She said to Hiram and Jessica who had followed her.

"Just make sure Jonathan knows we love him and we were only trying to do our best." Jessica said as she hugged Martha.

"Drive safely." Hiram called out as Martha crossed the yard and got into her car.

As Martha got closer to Spinner's Lake she began to worry whether Jonathan would be there. From the direction he'd been driving in when she'd lost sight of him she felt sure he was headed towards the lake. But now doubts began to set in. Maybe he'd changed his mind and driven somewhere else. Praying that she wouldn't have to search every patch of water between here and Metropolis again she continued driving towards the lake.

When she turned off the black top and started driving down the rough track towards the lake she slowed right down. Realizing that she still didn't have any clear idea of what she was going to say to Jonathan she said a swift prayer for guidance and hoped that she would be able to find the right words.

The relief she felt when she spotted Jonathan's truck was nearly overwhelming. Leaving her car in the middle of the track she stepped out and, after collecting the tote and their jackets, closed the door as quietly as she could manage.

As she approached the lake she spotted Jonathan sitting at the water's edge. Even from the back she could see how upset and defeated he looked. His head was bent, his shoulders were slumped and he looked to be in the depths of despair.

When Martha sat down next to him Jonathan looked at her in surprise. "Honey, what are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"I watched to see which way you went when you left the farm and I guessed this was where you were headed." Martha explained, tucking her arm in Jonathan's.

"I'm not real good company right now. Maybe you should go back." Jonathan said.

"Nope." Martha replied snuggling a bit closer.

"Sweetheart, you'll get cold sitting here and I'm not in a very good mood."

Martha reached into the tote and passed Jonathan his sweater. "I've got your jacket here as well. I'm not going anywhere." She said firmly.

"But Martha …"

"I've bought coffee."

"Martha … "

"And brownies."

Jonathan sighed and pulled on his sweater. "I'm not in a real good mood." He said.

"That's okay, if you want to talk, we can talk. If you want to be quiet and think then we can do that. But I'm not leaving." Martha said, resting her head on Jonathan's shoulder.

"Honey …"

"Jonathan Kent I love you! When you're upset, I'm upset. When you're hurting, I hurt. I'm not leaving. Got it?"

"Got it." Jonathan said with a small smile.

-oOo-