Chapter 50

The Dinner Party

May 3, 2003

"I doesn't matter how I look," I said to myself as I gazed at my reflection in the mirror.

I was wearing a pale green button down dress that hung loosely on my body and fell at my knees.

I pulled down at the neckline a bit. Happily my body had become a bit shapelier since my pregnancy so I no longer had the physical physique of a 12 year old. I examined myself again in the mirror, this time eyeing my forced cleavage. A thin scar shaped like a lightning bolt still flashed above my left breast.

"What am I doing?" I exclaimed to the empty bathroom. I let go of the dress lapel and it bounced back modestly covering my collar bone and hiding the scar once more.

Hiding scars was an active part of my life, whether they were physical or emotional damage.

I briefly pressed my hand over my heart where the scar lived. This was nowhere near the worst one. It did result in a lot of scolding from Severus but in many ways I thought of it as a badge of honor. It was the mark I was given trying to protect my cousin, who I loved. It was a mark of success.

Its twin on the back of my neck, however, was a mark of failure. A constant reminder of the life I could not protect. It still stung my memory every time my finger's brushed it. Even though, I cut my hair shorter, it was still just long enough to hide the scar from the world, but it was never hidden from me. Though it was always behind me; I could not and would not forget it.

But the worst and most hated mark on my body was a lot larger than the two tiny scars. The skin on the inside of my left arm was grey and uneven. When touched it felt unnaturally cold and with a smooth texture that resembled the feel of scales, like of snake skin.

Over the course of the first year of the victory, the mark slowly faded and I thought I was to be liberated but after a while it stopped disappearing. Though I was no longer sinking, the remainder of the dark mark was like an anchor still attaching me to the bottom of the ocean.

I reached for my sweater that I set on the bathroom counter, grey and oversized just as I liked it, good for hiding.

I threw it on and paired with my shapeless dress and white canvas shoes, it could not be said that I was at the height of fashion, but I thought I looked nice. I pulled my black hair back with a headband and I put on makeup. Why?

Why was I doing this? I had promised myself years ago that I would stay away from my old life, from the people I once know. And it was not just for Severus's wellbeing it was for them and it was for me.

I was tainted, damaged and unwholesome. Anyone who knew me in my other life, my other world, my other dimension would be vastly disappointed to find me now. Let them think about me good or not at all. For me, I take comfort in knowing that some people remember me as I was. Better they think me dead than the way I am now. If people can truly believe me pure and whole (though dead), I can sometimes pretend, for if only a moment, that I am.

But now David knows my secret. He has spoiled everything with one kiss! He now had me trapped in a world in which I no longer belonged yet yearned for and now would always yearn for until my dying day.

What could he have possibly meant by ruining my life! The life that I struggled to keep together as it is. David, David, David!

Oh! That kiss! Oh why now, why not then? I was sure David Harper was put in this world to torment me, to ruin me, to completely, utterly destroy me!

Why am I putting myself though this? I thought with anxiety.

Because you don't have a choice.

Of course I have a choice. I could modify his memory.

Would you use magic on David Harper?

No.

And even if you did, you would still remember.

Oh, I wish I could just wipe my memory.

But you can't. I mocked myself.

I just won't go! I thought defiantly.

But you promised.

Why do I care about a stupid promise, it is not like it was an unbreakable vow, for God sake!

You know why.

Of course I did.

I cut the inner dialogue and exited the bathroom. The clock read five past five and it was time to leave and proceed to ruining everything.

In the living room, Severus was laying on the floor gently stroking the cat with a wide hand.

"Time to go," I said drily.

Severus jumped to his feet in turn scaring Useless under the sofa.

"I need the address, Sev," I said softly.

"Right," said my son. He sprinted up to his bed, where he was hiding the piece of paper with the address that David had placed into his protection. Severus spent a good forty-five minutes last night finding the perfect safe place for it. He refused to give it to me for safe keeping and insisted that it was his responsibility to hold on to it. Part of me hoped that he would lose it, so that I have a valid excuse and substantial obstacle for not screwing up my life. However the other, bigger part of me was deathly afraid the address would go missing.

But sure enough my little Severus came prancing down the stairs with it in hand.

"Ready, Mommy!" he exclaimed.

I sighed.

Severus looked up at me curiously. Most five year-old were not this intuitive.

"Don't worry," I told him with a forced smile.

He held up his arms to me, wanting to be carried. But my knees were shaking and I didn't want to drop him. Knelt instead and held my little boy in my arms.

He squeezed me tightly back. My little Severus made everything in my world worthwhile. How could something so beautiful and good come from such darkness?

"I love you," I said giving him one last squeeze before letting go and standing up.

"I love you too, Mommy," Severus said.

His good was worth all the bad.

I smiled again but this time more naturally. "Come on, Sev; let's get this show on the road."

I opened the front door and Severus ran out.

"The show on the road," he repeated happily running as fast as he could down the hall.

"Severus, wait," I called, locking the door quickly by magic and then chasing after him.

We boarded a bus, one that I never took for I never had a need to go to this part of town.

Severus continued to be in charge of the address, but he agreed to let me look at it, but not hold it.

After about 30 minutes I assumed that we were close; so I pulled the yellow wire to signal that we needed to exit. The bus stopped at a street corner with no passengers waiting to get on.

The bus drove away.

I looked around with confusion. The streets were deserted and there were not as many houses as the part of Bellingham Severus and I lived in. But where there were houses they were bigger and farther apart. We were directly on the opposite side of Bellingham bay.

Severus held up the address so I could read it. We were on the correct street.

"Hold my hand, Severus," I said as we began to walk up the street.

The sun was low in the sky and warm as it was yesterday. So I hardly minded the slow walk as I examined the addresses on the houses.

Finally I found the address that matched the house. But this could not be it. I stood back slightly to examine the house, it was humongous! It was historical like many of the houses in this town. It was three stories, white with blue trim and a wraparound porch. And on top of it all, it overlooked the water.

"This can't be it," I said out loud to myself. I was about to tell Severus to show me the address again but before I could, he let go of my hand, ran towards the house and rang the doorbell.

The door swung open a mere second after Severus tapped the bell. David stood in the door way looking livid.

I jogged up to the door. Severus reached out for me as soon as I was next to him, evidently intimidated by David's stony expression. I picked Severus up and he wrapped his arms around my neck, peering at David shyly with his head on my shoulder.

David eyed me wordlessly. If it wasn't for the look of disgust on his face he might have looked quite handsome. He was wearing slacks and a pale blue, button down shirt of which he had pushed up the sleeves halfway up his muscular forearms. He shaved his beard so his face was perfectly smooth so I could see the light freckles on his cheeks and he trimmed his hair so that his sand colored curls were tighter and bouncier. He looked like David Harper from the past, as if nothing had changed. I was almost fooled, but everything had changed…well except one thing and who was I trying to kid, of course he was handsome no matter how angry he looked, so handsome.

Was all of this preparation for my sake or did he finally look in the mirror and realize he didn't want to look like a homeless person anymore.

"You're late," David finally said through his sour look.

"You shaved," I pointed out mockingly.

His hand instinctively moved to his smooth cheek and then down again.

"It is 6 O'clock," he said. His breathtaking green eyes flashed into mine, but I tried to ignore my heart stop.

"I know," I lied.

"We agreed 5:30," he reminded me.

I opened my mouth to say some form of sly remark but upon reading David's expression I decided against it. For behind his anger there was a flash of hurt. Had he thought I wouldn't come? Or had he thought I was not real yesterday, just a figment of his imagination, like he thought he experienced in the graveyard many years ago.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "We didn't mean to keep you waiting." I paused. "I promised I'd come," I whispered.

His face immediately softened and he stepped back to let Severus and me into the house.

Once across the threshold I set Severus down. He clung to my side and looked up at me nervously.

"It's alright, Sev," I whispered to him, gently stroking his hair.

He was not yet convinced.

The entryway of the house was just as grand as the outside, though it was very plain.

There were old wood floors, scuffed and worn over time. There was a wide staircase with a wooden banister in the middle of the way. To the left there was a small sitting room with an old fashion, molded, white fireplace. As for furniture, there was little, a worn little sofa and a rather large television on the floor. There was a small stack of books on the floor next to the sofa, but that was it. Adjacent to this room was another one very similar in size but without a fireplace…or anything else for that matter. The walls were all bleach white and bare.

David closed the door and walked over to us slowly.

"So what do you think of my house?" He exclaimed with open arms.

I looked around again.

"It is lovely," I told him, "but not what I expected of a 'starving artist'," I quoted him from yesterday.

He smirked at me. "I will explain," he assured me.

We stared at each other in silence for a few long moments. As I gazed into his face, flash back upon flash back played in my memory and I knew I was screwed.

He seemed to be remembering back too. I felt as if we were both seeing the same things as if our minds eye were one.

He suddenly broke the connection and I felt slightly disoriented for a moment, but then realized that David was looking down at Severus who was still close at my side looking concerned beyond his years.

David sighed slightly and got on his knees in front of my son.

"Do you think we could be friends?" David asked extending his hand to my five year-old.

Severus looked at me pleadingly. I followed David's example and got on my knees too.

Severus instantly seemed a lot braver when everyone was at his level, but he still wouldn't take David's hand. He crossed his arms instead.

"Severus," I said softly.

"Do you like this man, Mommy?" He asked me. "Do you like him?"

David raised his eyebrows at me and cocked his head to one side playfully. "Well?" he asked.

Did I like David? Perhaps like was not a strong enough word. I adored him! I hated him! I found him funny; I found him irritating. When I looked at him I wanted to scream, cry and smile all at once. He took my breath away, yet made me feel ill. I though him irresponsible, kind, senseless, talented, handsome, horrible, pitiful, wonderful! UH! So sure let's just say I do like him.

"Yes," I said looking at Severus and not David. Severus's face relaxed and he extended his hand to David this time.

David took it and smiled at Severus full heartedly.

"Friends," David told Severus as they released hands.

Severus smiled back. "And with Mommy too, right?" Severus asked David.

David and I both stood.

I extended my hand slowly towards David to appease me son.

David reached out too, but caressed my hand with both of his.

"Friends?" he asked me seriously.

My voice shook as I replied. "Friends," I assured him.

My hand felt so warm in David's. I felt the intensity of his gaze, hot on my face. A light smile crossed his lips. His green eyes sparkled as if he couldn't be more content than he was in this moment.

I blushed profusely and dropped my gaze; this was all wrong. David slowly released my hand.

I did not check to see what his expression was.

"Let's go, in the back," he said coolly.

He started, expecting us to follow.

Severus reached out for my hand and I gave it to him more than willingly.

David led us through a door to the left of the staircase. He held it open and then closed it when were all through.

We were in a large kitchen. At once we were bombarded by the mouthwatering aroma of roasted garlic and seared meat that filled the air, definitely not Top Ramen.

The kitchen was equipped with shiny new, silver appliances, yet with outdated yellow cabinets, plastered counter tops and a tiny cast-iron stove in the corner. The room was filled with natural light do to the many windows. The sun spotlighted a large vacantness where a table should be.

"I thought it would be nice to eat outside," said David. "Who knows how long this nice weather will hold."

"Yeah," I agreed softly.

David walked over to the pair of glass double doors in the middle of the room and opened them, letting in the refreshing salty air of the bay.

Severus excitedly let go of my hand and ran outside into the sunlight. I suddenly felt vulnerable without him at my side and overwhelmed by all that was happening.

"Are you coming?" David said gently as he waited for me by the door.

I nodded and took the few steps out to the back deck. David gently put a guiding hand on my shoulder as I passed. I stiffened under his touch. He didn't seem to notice and followed me to the table.

David had really out done himself. He had moved his circular table outside and laid a deep blue cloth over it. A single tall candle sat in the middle of the table; its flame swayed with the light breeze. And surrounding the candle was a juicy looking pot roast, a large bowl of fluffy mashed potatoes, vibrantly yellow corn on the cob and a tall heart attack inducing dark chocolate cake.

"Impressed?" David asked me smugly.

"Yeah," I said still examining the food with surprise. Why on earth was this man wasting his time with me? What with the romantic atmosphere by the water with a sunset, the food, him in general, he could have a happy-go-lucky super model sitting on his table, feeding him that chocolate cake from between her legs.

"Aren't you going to sit down?" David asked me.

Severus had already found himself a spot in front of the chocolate cake.

"Yeah," I said with a slight chuckle to myself thinking about the super model scenario again.

"What's so funny?" David asked as he sat down himself across from Severus leaving me a seat in between the two.

I inhaled sharply, "Nothing," I told him. Just that this whole situation is absolutely ridiculous and wrong.

I sat down too and David started putting too much food on Severus's and my plates.

"So," started David somewhat awkwardly as I was cutting Severus's meat for him.

I sighed, "So what?" I knew David had things he wanted to say, but none that could be said in front of my son, thank God.

I finished cutting and finally got to taste the food on my plate; it was even better than it looked.

"So," I said breaking the silence. "When did you learn to cook?"

"I could cook before," David answered in fake scandalized voice. "Remember that time I made you spaghetti when you can over to study, Alex?"

I thought about this for a moment and then laughed despite of myself. "You made Spaghetti O's out of a can," I corrected. "That so doesn't count."

He laughed too. "Okay fine," he agreed. "I guess I have just had a lot of time on my hands in the last few years."

I wondered if this was the free time he had gained after he had stopped drinking.

"I like to cook," he said a little sheepishly. "It is very relaxing."

I snorted.

"What?" he said defensively.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head.

"Mommy, can I have cake now?" Severus asked me.

I looked at his plate it was barely touched.

"Take 5 more bites," I told him.

"Do they matter how big they are?" he asked.

"Take two big bites, two medium size bites and one little bite," I said.

Severus counted on his fingers to make sure it was a fair deal, but then agreed to my proposal.

I looked out from the deck. There was a large field of tall grass and at the end of the field was the shore to the bay. Did all this belong to David?

I turned back to him. "You have to explain," I told him.

"Explain what, Alex?" He asked smiling slightly at me.

"All of this," I said gesturing with wide arms.

"Oh," David said nodding with comprehension.

"Well," I prompted.

"Well," he said. "My rich uncle died."

"Oh," I said knitting my eyebrows together. "I'm sorry."

"Oh don't worry about it, Alex," David said casually. "I didn't really know the guy well."

"Then why did…" I trailed off.

"Well my dad," David rolled his eyes, I knew how he felt on that subject, "was not thrilled about me not pursuing a football scholarship and-"

"You quit football?" I interrupted.

"Yep," said David.

"But you were so good at football," I said.

"Well don't you think I'm a good painter, Alex?" he asked.

"I think you're an amazing painter," I blushed. He grinned at me and caught my gaze. The blush deepened. "Well didn't you miss the perks that came with being captain," I said, trying to change the mood, "like the cheerleaders?"

He knew what I was doing. "I really didn't have to give that much up," he smirked. That shut me up. "Well as I was saying, Alex" David continued giving me a sarcastic look. I noticed that he was saying my name a lot. "Well anyway," he continued. "I dropped football and went to an art school instead. My dad wouldn't pay for it so I decided to call my Uncle John, the rich one," He clarified unnecessarily. "He bought some good stock years ago and it made him a really, really wealthy man. The only reason I knew this was anytime we had any money issues in my house, my dad would bring up my uncle; always followed by some swear word and then something about him having dumb luck. My dad and uncle had a fall out years ago, probably something my dad did. Well regardless I called my uncle and apparently he was really into the arts so I drove up to Bellingham (this was his house) showed him my work (he liked it) and then he gave me free money to go to school."

I opened my mouth to speak, but Severus beat me to it. "Mommy," he said, "Can I have cake now?"

"Did you have all five bites?" I asked him.

"Yes, Mommy," he said. "I had two big ones, two medium ones and one little one."

I smiled at him. "Ask Mr. Harper," I told him.

Wordlessly David cut a huge piece of cake and put it on a plate for Severus. I wondered if the largeness of the piece was just a way to keep Severus busy for as long as possible.

Severus looked at the piece with excited wide eyes. I grimaced. I was going to have to deal with that later, not David, whether it be a tummy ache or sugar rush.

"Can I go eat my cake in the grass," Severus asked David pointing to the field.

"Yes," David said with pleasure at the same time I said, "No." I wanted Severus with us as a conversation buffer.

"Why not, Alex?" David asked me with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, Mommy, why not?" asked Severus.

I was about to say 'because I said so,' but I promised myself that I would never do that.

I sighed, "Fine go," I said wearily.

Severus looked at me questionably and stayed put.

My tone softened, "it's okay, Sev, you may go play."

With that he grinned at me and took off into the field with his cake.

"Stay where I can see you," I called after him, "And please don't eat all that cake."

"You're a good mother," David said in a soft whisper.

"Thank you," I said with half a smile, "I try to be."

"Who is Severus's father?" David asked.

"So your uncle died and left you everything, huh?" I said roughly, completely ignoring the question.

"Yeah," said David confusedly. His expression then turned to concern and I knew I was not going to get off that easily.

"So how did he die?" I asked with the same rough, disinterested tone.

"Cancer," David said quickly. "Who is the father?" David asked again.

"Severus doesn't have a father," I told him flatly.

"Why is it a secret?" David asked me with wide eyes. He did not know when to drop it.

"This is none of your business." I said harshly. "Tell me about art school." The sun was nearly set, quickly casting the world into darkness.

"Don't you see that I want to make it my business?" David said quickly, grabbing both of my hands in his.

I pulled them away.

"This has nothing to do with you!" I said forcefully.

"Alex," David uttered in a most gentle tone. It rang through my ears and made me shiver.

I stood and turned my back to him. "Don't say my name like that." My voice shook violently.

I heard him stand too. He was behind me now. "Like what, Alex?" he whispered in my ear.

"Don't say my name like you love me," I cried. "You don't even know me."

"I do know you," David said desperately.

"The girl you knew is not who I am anymore," I said. "You don't know me now!"

He spun me around and wrapped me in his arms. The sun had fallen below the horizon; it was night once more. "I want to know you now," He said almost violently.

"No you don't," I whispered.

He brought me in closer to him. One hand ran through my hair. "I can sense how you feel right now," he said. "I know because I feel exactly the same way. You have been through hell," he stroked my hair again, "can't even imagine." He paused and touched his lips to my head. "Don't fight this." I heard a sob in the back of his throat. "Give me your secrets," he whispered.

"They are not your burden to bear," I spoke more strongly this time.

"What if I want to bear them?" he asked in a broken voice.

"You obsessed over a dead girl for over six year," I said cruelly. "Who does that?"

He pulled me closer. "Don't even lie to yourself, Alex Snape. If the situations had been reversed you would be exactly where I am now."

"What makes you so sure?" I asked coldly, fighting the desire to let myself melt into him.

"Because I can feel it within me. I feel you as if you are a part of myself. It is like our souls match, like we are drawn to each other. What were the odds that we would move to the same town and found each other again? Tell me that is not the work of fate! No," he corrected, "it is more like the work of magic! Don't you feel the magic between us, Alex?"

"David, stop it!" I cried.

"It courses through our very veins!" He exclaimed.

I fought against him now.

He let me go at once.

My whole body screamed as he pulled away from me. Angry tears ran down my cheeks.

"Alex," he said in the same loving tone as before. "Tell me everything,"

"No," I sobbed.

He sighed. "Tell me who Severus's father is."

"He's dead," I spat.

David grabbed my face and brushed away my tears with his thumbs.

"Did you love him?" David asked bravely.

I pulled away with disgust and turned towards the field. "Where's Severus?" I couldn't see him anymore. "Severus" I called into the field.

There was no answer.

"Severus," David yelled too.

Still nothing.

"Severus!" I called again as I walked into the tall grass.

It was dark now; where was my son?