Chapter 47 Letters
Lily always thought of the month that followed in terms of letters. The deluge started three days after her mother's surgery with a letter from May. Archimedes landed unenthusiastically in front of her at dinner and held a leg out to her. The moment Lily removed the stationary he winged away from her, not even bothering to take the piece of roast she offered him. She really couldn't blame him. He must have only been at the house for a half hour or so before May had sent him back and the day before he had flown to Cambridge and back in record time. Lily promised herself she wouldn't send him anywhere else for the next two days.
Lily watched him wing his way out of the window before turning her attention to the letter in her hand.
Dear Lily and Sev,
I am so sorry I didn't write sooner, but I really haven't had a spare moment before now. First you should know Mum came through her surgery brilliantly, much better than expected in fact. When the doctors removed the left ovary they found the tumour was smaller than they originally thought. It also appears the cancer has not spread beyond that ovary. Dr. Archer has told us this is the best case scenario.
We brought Mum home early the next morning and got her settled in. She has been resting very comfortably ever since. She spends quite a lot of time sleeping but we were warned that would be the case. Though she has already started on the reading list Severus left so I think that's a good sign.
Petunia seems to be doing better and has taken it on herself to be the household cook. We're eating fabulously well and I'll probably gain a stone by the time the month is over, but as long as it helps her get over her heartbreak I'll put up with it. Alex has been marvellous and has done anything and everything we've asked him to do.
I am settling in well and am happy despite everything. I have made some changes in our shared bedroom, Severus, to make it slightly more girly but it'll be easy enough to change –
I absolutely can't believe it! Edmund and Victoria sent their wretched lawyer over here to threaten me! They say I have 72 hours to return to finishing school or not only will they disinherit me but they will also cut Cris off! The whole thing got rather heated and ultimately everyone had a go at Mr. Sterling, even Petunia. I wouldn't care but now Mum's upset and of course I can't be the reason Cris loses his money, not when he hasn't finished university and has Honoria and the baby to support. I really don't want to go with Mum so ill but I'm not sure what else to do. I have promised to wait until after Alex has talked to his lawyer to make travel arrangements but it seems rather pointless to delay.
Lily bolted out of her seat. She heard shouts following her out of the Great Hall but didn't pause to see who was calling to her much less answer them. She was determined to get to her common room and pack so she could go home. She continued to read the letter as she ran through the corridors.
I am so very sorry, to you both; I know this isn't what we'd all planned for this year. This is honestly beyond anything I had ever imagined them doing.
Cris and Honoria have decided to come up this weekend as Honoria believes she can convince the ancestors she and Cris knew nothing about what I planned to do and didn't help me. Failing that, she thinks she can play on their sympathy and at least get them to support their grandchild.
Lily, Cris said to tell you not to do anything rash. He says to remember Petunia is still here as is Dr. Archer and Alex has vowed to stay for as long as Mum and Petunia need him no matter what happens with me.
I should tell you I believe Cris and Alex have some sort of plan because Alex has been on the phone all day, with Cris, with his lawyers, I think he even phoned the finishing school. Of course, neither of them will tell me what the plan is, not even Cris though I've spoken to him four times already today.
Sorry if this letter is a little rambling, I really don't know what I'm about at the moment. I am so sorry to upset you both and maybe I shouldn't have written but I can't bear to keep you in the dark. If you've any of your brilliant ideas Sev this is the moment for them. Send Archimedes back when you can and I'll send you news as soon as I have any. For now I'm just going to concentrate on taking care of Mum, because if I don't keep busy, I'll go round the bend.
I love you both so very much,
May
Ps. Mum says you are both absolutely forbidden to come home.
Lily paused when she read the postscript. It was just enough time to allow Severus to catch up to her.
"What is going on?" He panted, doubled over, palms resting on his thighs.
"I have to go home tonight, now."
"Why, what happened?"
Lily simply passed him the letter and turned to continue her journey up the stairs. She didn't get more than a step before Severus stopped her by quickly grasping her hand. His eyes raced down the page and Lily watched as a variety of emotions flickered across his face.
"Shite." He muttered when he reached the end of the page.
"See, I have to go back to Cokeworth right away."
Severus paused and gazed out the window for a second clearly deep in thought, then he sighed and shook his head, obviously psyching himself up to say something. But Lily was suddenly in no mood for what he was about to say so she snapped, "Severus, I don't have time for this! I have to get home before Mum is left alone."
"She's not going to be alone. Petunia's there, Alex is there. And I'll bet anything you like Cris will be there tomorrow. Besides, May's not gone yet, nor…"
Lily cut him off abruptly, pulling her hand out of his. "She will be soon and when May leaves Alex will go and then it will be just Tuney and she can't handle it."
"Lil, let's wait and see what it is Cris and Alex are planning."
"No! You said if I wanted to go home you'd get me there."
"And I will. I promise. But I think it's more prudent to wait. The house has to be in turmoil right now, and Vi's bound to be upset. I'm afraid if we turn up in the middle of the night we'll only make things worse.
"Let's send Archimedes back with a reply and then give it 24 hours and if we've heard nothing good in that amount of time we'll go back."
Lily wavered, everything in her screamed at her to go home but she also didn't want to cause her mother any more distress. Severus seemed to sense her uncertainty, and ran a gentle hand up her arm. "It's late. By the time we pack and speak to the Headmaster to get permission to leave, which we'll have to if we have any hope of coming back to finish the term, and get back to Cokeworth it'll be very late. We'll wake everyone and they'll get upset again, especially Violet. Let her have a decent night's sleep before we potentially upset her more."
Lily hesitated, she didn't really want to wait to leave but she could see the logic behind Severus' thinking. He watched her while she debated with herself. She finally nodded reluctantly. "Alright, we'll wait but if we don't hear anything by tomorrow night..."
"Then we'll go." His voice was strong and determined, leaving Lily with no doubt he meant every word he was saying.
"Okay, I'm going to write May in the meantime."
"I'll meet you outside your common room first thing in the morning." He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss, headless of the people walking by. "Try and get some sleep tonight," he whispered.
"I will." She promised.
Severus seemed reluctant to leave so Lily gave him a small smile. "Walk me back?"
"Of course." He took her hand in his and walked them slowly down the hall.
"Did you think the Halls would do anything like this?"
"No, we all knew they'd cut May off but I never thought they'd disinherit Cris – though I honestly don't think they'll do it when push comes to shove."
"You think it's a bluff?"
"I do. Neither of the Halls seem stupid. They have to know the best way to get May to do what they want is to threaten Cris and vice-versa. Besides the Halls are all about appearances and it would look appallingly bad if they cut off both their children at once, especially since one of them just got married and is going to be a parent."
"So how do we call the bluff?"
"I'm thinking about that."
Lily sighed. "What if they aren't bluffing?"
"They are, trust me. We'll figure this out, Angel."
"Maybe I'm just not supposed to be here this year."
"You can't really think that."
"Sev."
Severus stopped and turned so he was facing her. "Lil, you're upset right now and when you get upset nothing is clear. Trust me, I know what it's like to second guess every decision you make. I believe if we take tonight to think things through we'll come up with a solution because this isn't just about what's good for Violet, it's about what's best for everyone, Violet, May, Cris, Honoria, the baby, even you and me."
Lily looked at him intently. "You know you don't have to leave if I do. You can stay here, finish the year."
Severus' face shifted the tiniest bit but it was enough for Lily to know he was upset and hurt. "You don't want me to go back with you?"
"Oh, dearest, of course, I do, I always want you with me. I'd bring you into the common room with me tonight if I didn't know what an uproar it would cause, but I also want you to have your dream job with Hippos and I know you need to finish your N.E.W.T. year in order for that to happen."
"You know, you're also going to need to finish school in order to get a job."
"I know that on a practical level but on emotional one – Do you think if I talked to Dumbledore he'd let me come back next year?"
"Maybe." Severus said though he sounded doubtful. He took a hold of her hand again and started walking down the hall. "Though I'm honestly not sure what that would solve."
"I'd be able to finish my N.E.W.T year and mum will have someone besides Tuney to help her."
"And May is left going to a school she hates. You're potentially mucking up you're whole future. We'll be apart for at least a year, which I know sounds trivial in the grand scheme of things but I admit I'm not keen on the idea of facing trying to get away from You-Know-Who on my own with no support whatsoever."
Lily glanced at him and bit her lip. In her worry about her mother, she hadn't stopped to think about how her decision might impact anyone else. Could she really leave Severus to deal with the Death Eaters on his own? She was about to suggest he also talk to Dumbledore about taking a year off school and finishing next year, but before she could start to suggest it Severus said, "You know, it's odd to me the Halls would insist May go back to finishing school at all."
"It's not to me. They think a fancy finishing school will guarantee them a more prestigious son-in-law."
"Except May and Alex have been together for a year and it's hard to get more prestigious than a future marquess. You'd think they wouldn't want to risk straining that relationship. What if Alex found someone else while May was in Switzerland? Or what if his grandmother finally persuaded him to be with that Lady Daphne or whatever her name was?"
"You don't think Alex would really leave May do you?"
"No, but what I think isn't important, it's what the Halls think."
"Who knows what they think."
"In this case we're going to have to hope Cris and Alex do."
"I just…" Lily stopped, clearly frustrated. Severus waited patiently for her to continue. It took several moments before she finally did. "I want to do something, fix it.
"I hate this, Sev. I hate that I'm not home. I hate mum's sick. I hate May's in this position. I hate the Halls are using Cris to get May to do what they want."
Severus hugged her and murmured into her hair, "I know. I do. I wish I could fix it too."
They stood that way for several minutes before Lily stepped away and started walking back up towards Gryffindor tower. She didn't say anything else until they had gone up several flights.
"Sev, what do you think about me talking to Dumbledore and seeing if we can go home on weekends?"
"I really think we should wait and see what happens before talking to the Headmaster."
"I think going home for weekends might be a good idea no matter what."
"How do you figure?"
"Well, I'll be there to help Mum and you can be away from Avery and Mulciber. And maybe if they report you're not around as much they might be more inclined to let you go. Plus, if we're only home weekends Mum won't be upset because we'll both still be in school."
Severus looked uncertain but said nothing.
"Would you be willing to go to Cokeworth on the weekends?" Lily asked as they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.
Severus' gazed flitted out the window, he took a deep breath and then looked down at her. "I – it depends on what happens. If May stays then I don't think it would be a good idea." Lily started to protest but he held up a hand to stop her. "Please let me finish. It would be a lot of people in the house, which means more chaos and less rest for Violet. It would also mean May would have to move rooms on the weekends and that would make for a lot of extra work for her. Not to mention we'd have to cram all our school work into the weekdays and I think we would both get run down quite quickly and there's your Head Girl duties. I'm not saying I won't do it and if May has to leave then I think it's worth exploring but I also think we shouldn't make any decisions until we have all the facts."
"I just can't stand feeling so useless and knowing what's going on and not being able to help."
"I hate feeling out of control too. But there's nothing we can do about it tonight and worrying won't help anything." He leaned down and kissed her again. "Go write May and get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."
Lily returned his kiss and then whispered, "I love you, Sev."
"I love you too, Lily."
She gave him one last kiss before entering the common room.
She was in the midst of writing May when James sat down in the chair opposite her.
"Is everything alright with you? You sped out of dinner awfully quickly."
"I – it's just family issues."
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
Lily paused for a moment before answering. "Would you be willing to take up some of the head duties on your own? And if we could change our meetings to a weeknight that would be helpful."
"Weeknights would be hard because I have quidditch practice and since I've had had to incorporate two new players into the team we need more practice than last year."
"I thought you only needed to replace Frank this year."
"I needed to replace Sirius too."
"Why? Being taken off the team wasn't part of the punishment."
"Dumbledore pulled him off the team."
"Why?"
"It's complicated. I don't want to bother you with it right now. It would be helpful to me if we could keep the meeting on Saturday mornings."
"I don't think that's going to work for me at all. Could you do Sunday night?"
James thought for a moment before nodding and saying, "I think I can rearrange some stuff."
"Thank you, James."
He started to rise from the table but then stopped and dropped back into his seat. "Lily, I wanted to apologize for the other day, before potions."
"James…"
He held up a hand to stop her. "Sirius and I – we were wrong. I realise you're with Snape and I have to respect that no matter..." James stopped and took a deep breath in before continuing. "You told me at the end of last year we could be friends and I'd like to try to do that."
"What about Severus?"
"I really don't think either Snape or I have any desire to be friends."
"I'm not suggesting you be best mates with him or anything but can't you at least try to be civil?"
"Is he going to promise the same?"
"If he does?"
James sighed and looked off into the distance for a moment before looking back at Lily. "Alright then."
"Great. I'll take care of it with Severus."
"Right. Well then. If you need anything else just let me know."
"I will." Lily picked her quill back up as James pushed his chair away from the table.
"Ta."
"Ta." Lily replied absentmindedly her head already bent back over her letter and all her concentration on the words she was penning to May.
It was quite late when Lily finished her letter and she snuck out of the common room, for once unconcerned she was breaking curfew. She just wanted to send the missive off to Bloom Street as soon as possible and she figured her Head Girl status would give her a little bit of cover if she happened to get caught. Though she still made certain to be as quiet and cautious as possible on her way to the owlery.
"Archimedes." She whispered loudly to the room at large. There was no answer but a few soft hoots. She wandered the mostly deserted room looking for her owl. She finally found him in a dark corner with his head tucked under his wing.
"Archimedes, I need you to take a letter home."
The bird poked an eye out and looked at her blearily for a moment before reshutting his eye disdainfully.
"Please, Archimedes." Lily pleaded.
This time the owl didn't move in the slightest.
"Mum's sick and she needs our help."
Lily could almost swear she heard the bird sigh before he raised his head and swooped down to her. "Thank you, boy. I promise you'll have a nice long rest soon."
He gave her a disbelieving look but took the letter and winged his way out into the night.
Lily stood looking out after him for a long while after he left before finally creeping back to the dorm and her bed. She slept appallingly badly that night and wasn't in the best of moods the next morning. She fought hard not to snap at Aioffe when the girl turned up with another half a dozen prefect related questions and the only thing that kept her from falling asleep in History of Magic was her anxiety.
By dinner Lily was so tense her neck and back ached and she swore she was only one misplaced word away from bursting into tears. Something that seemed far more likely when she spied Archimedes' tawny wings catch the last rays of the sun as he flew into the Great Hall.
She could tell he was weary as she took the letter from him and petted him on the head. "Thank you boy. Nothing else tonight I promise."
He gave her an exhausted hoot. Lily didn't bother to watch him fly away before she opened the letter and read it.
"What does it say?" Severus asked, sitting down next to Lily and pointedly ignoring the scathing look Sirius Black was giving him.
"May isn't leaving." Lily replied beaming at him.
"See, I told you Cris would figure something out."
"Actually, it seems Alex went over to the Hall house and spoke to them. May says she doesn't know what he said but an hour later the Hall's lawyer rang and said not only did May not have to go back to finishing school but she could keep staying with mum."
"So, I guess we're staying here then?"
"I gather you still think it's a bad idea to go home on weekends?"
"Yes, I think it's just too much upheaval all around." Severus glanced towards the Slytherin table where Avery and Mulciber were whispering to one another. "Though I admit the idea does have some merit."
"What are they doing to you?"
"Nothing to concerning."
"Sev."
"Just general annoyance, lots of snide comments about you and me and my overall unworthiness."
"Do you think it means it's almost over?"
"I honestly can't tell anymore."
"At least we've had one piece of good news." Lily glanced down at the letter in her hand.
Severus nodded and then took the stationary from her and read through the letter himself while Lily began to eat her dinner, finally hungry for the first time in days.
Lily didn't see Archimedes again for several days, then one morning he entered the Great Hall, circled the room once and landed in front of Severus at the Slytherin table. This time the owl stayed long enough to take a bacon rind and drink from Severus' goblet before he took off again.
Severus didn't bother to stay at the table to read the letter. Instead, he picked up his satchel and left the hall, opening the letter as he walked. Lily waited a minute before she also gathered up her possessions and left the Great Hall already thinking about where Severus could have possibly gone to read his letter.
It turned out she didn't have to look too far because he was standing at the top of the stairs leading down to the dungeons silently laughing over the letter in his hand.
"I like him." He declared as Lily walked towards him.
"Who?"
"Alex."
"Alex wrote you?"
"No, Cris wrote me."
"I don't understand."
"That's because you haven't read the letter yet."
"So read it to me."
Severus looked around the entrance way and then nodded her down the stairs and into a deserted classroom. He promptly turned and held the letter out to her but Lily shook her head and waved at him, clambering up on to a table. "Just tell me what it says."
Severus sat down on the table next to her, smiled and cleared his throat. "Dear Sev and Lil – "
"You don't have to read it, you can just summarize."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Well, it seems the long and short of it is Alex went to the Halls and told them he has every intention of marrying May but he wasn't interested in doing another year of long distance so if she went back to finishing school they were done."
Lily gasped. "He didn't"
"He absolutely did. He also told them his family thought it was admirable she was staying with Violet and helping her, especially his grandmother, the dowager. Apparently she was a nurse during the First World War and she finds May's care of Violet to be particularly commendable and not a trait that's often seen in young ladies these days. Alex said he feared May leaving would not be looked on at all favourably by his family."
"And for all this you like him?"
Severus laughed. "Of course. He saw through them. He understands their social ambition. Alex wasn't really going to leave May. He just played on their weakness. It's absolutely brilliant! He's a shrewd one."
"In that case maybe we should ask him for some advice for you."
"Maybe we should at that." Severus gave the letter another glance before he held it out to Lily. "You sure you don't want to read it?"
Lily shook her head and smiled. "No, I imagine the rest is football updates and I'm okay if I miss reading about those."
"Fair enough."
Lily hopped down from the table and turned back around to look at Severus who was collecting their bags and the letter. "Do you trust Alex enough to ask him for advice?"
"Honestly – not yet, but I can see how I could get there some day."
"That's good since apparently he's all set to become a family member. I wonder if May knows?"
"Are you going to tell her?"
"No. I think she should hear it from Alex that he intends to marry her."
Severus nodded in agreement. "I guess that means there'll be a wedding next summer after all."
"Maybe. It depends on when he asks and how long it takes to plan."
Severus laughed lightly and Lily gave him a slightly questioning look. "Just because Cris and you and I don't think it's appropriate to say anything doesn't mean the Halls will feel that way. I give it until Christmas before they're pressuring him to propose or one of them slips up and tells May. Of course, given Alex's actions these last few days that'll probably backfire spectacularly on them, and he'll wait even longer to ask. I wondered what they'll do then?" He grinned at her mischievously.
Lily laughed happily. "Oh you and Alex are definitely going to end up friends!"
Severus joined her laughter for a moment and then said. "I should go or I'll be late for Arithmancy."
Lily took her bag from his hand and followed him out of the room. "I'll see you later."
"You want to meet tonight to start studying for N.E.W.T.s?"
"I can't. I have patrol."
Severus nodded seriously. "I guess you probably won't have time for a dedicated study schedule this year."
"I absolutely will. I'll get you my patrol schedule in the next few days and you can work something up for us." When they came to the end of the corridor Lily reached up and pulled Severus' head down so she could give him a quick kiss. "I'll see you soon. Don't study to hard tonight and remember to eat something."
Severus smiled and nodded before heading off towards Arithmancy. Since she had a free period Lily took herself off to the dorm to copy her schedules and do a little studying.
The rest of the day past uneventfully and she found she was in a good frame of mind when she went to meet Remus in the common room for patrol duty that night. At least she thought they were supposed to be meeting but he was conspicuously absent and instead Lily found James Potter loafing by the entrance to the girls' dorms.
"Hi, I know Remus was supposed to patrol with you tonight but he got a letter from his mother about something and he seemed pretty agitated so I told him I'd take his patrol so he could owl her. I hope that's okay."
Lily nodded. "I hope everything's alright with Mrs. Lupin."
"Remus didn't say exactly what was going on and he was too distracted to really answer any questions."
Lily made a mental note to find Remus later and make sure nothing had happened to either his mother or sister. "Well, should we get going then?"
"We're just waiting for Sirius."
"Excuse me?"
"I told Sirius I'd walk down to detention with him before I found out about Remus' situation."
"Potter, Black's a big boy, I'm sure he's more than capable of walking himself down to detention."
"Yes, but he's my friend and I gave him my word and I keep my word to my friends."
Lily gave an exasperated huff. "Fine, do what you want. I'll meet you in a half hour in front of the Great Hall."
"Come on, Lily surely you can wait a few more minutes for us." Before Lily could respond James walked over to the staircase leading up to the boy's dorms and bellowed up it, "Sirius, get your arse down here now or Lily and I are leaving without you!"
A second later Sirius thundered down the staircase like a herd of mad hippogriffs were after him. "Alright, alright everyone keep their wig on." Sirius grinned at them both saucily, while tucking his wand into his back pocket. "Let's go."
Lily sighed and followed the two boys out of the portrait hole. The whole way to Professor McGonagal's office Sirius joked around and teased people they passed, especially the couples, with James occasionally joining in if he knew the two people. Lily found her good mood was slowly starting to ebb away. Sirius did become noticeably more grave when they reached the professor's door though Lily noticed he gave James what she assumed was meant to be a subtle wink and shove towards her before he disappeared behind the heavy wooden door.
Thankfully James became much mellower once Sirius was gone. It didn't take long for Lily to notice he was extraordinarily lax when it came to giving out punishments or deducting points when they caught any rule breakers. Indeed, he seemed to leave the disciplining up to her more often than not. At first Lily thought this was because he hadn't been a prefect and wasn't particularly clear on the rules but then she found him deducting what she thought was an unreasonably large number of points from a Slytherin first year. When she pointed this out to James he said she hadn't seen everything and he stood by his deduction.
Since she couldn't prove he had done anything wrong, all Lily could do was resolve to keep a closer eye on James' deductions for the foreseeable future.
They continued on in silence for quite some time when James suddenly asked, "So, is your family issue sorted out?"
Lily was startled by the unexpected question. "What?"
"You seem less – tense lately I was hoping it meant your family issue was solved."
"It's not solved but it's a little more settled."
"That's good."
At that moment, Lily heard a loud sound coming rustling sound from a nearby alcove and she threw back the tapestry covering it to find two students locked in a passionate embrace, their clothes pushed aside and their movements leaving little doubt as to what they were doing. She coughed loudly and watched as the couple broke apart guiltily. "It's almost curfew, back to your dorms."
The twosome hastily jumped apart and straightened their clothes. Then one sped towards the Ravenclaw tower and the other towards the Hufflepuff common room.
"Did you have to be so hard on them?" James asked kicking a pair of pants towards the back of the alcove.
"I wasn't hard on them. I didn't take any points and I'm not going to report them."
"You could have just pretended you didn't see and let them carry on."
"It's against the rules, James."
"And I suppose you've never…"
Lily could feel herself blushing to the very roots of her hair. "It doesn't matter what I have or haven't done, what matters right now is we're Head Girl and Boy, we're patrolling, they broke the rules and so we had to stop them."
"Sometimes you have to break the rules and other times the rules are simply stupid or outdated."
"Or just shouldn't apply to you and your friends?" Lily couldn't help but ask. The sight of the Ravenclaw boy's pants suddenly causing her to recall the scene at the end of fifth year and wondering just how far things had gone with Severus after she had left. Why had she never thought to ask him about that?
"Well…"
"You're a real piece of work, Potter." Lily shook her head and stormed outside wanting to breathe in some fresh air for a moment.
"Lily."
"Don't right now."
James sighed and came to stand by her side. For a long moment he was silent and then he quietly said, "I break the rules every month for one of my best friends and I refuse to apologize for it because it makes his life better."
Lily thought about it for a moment and found it hard to argue with what James had said. "That's admirable and I understand why you do it but there are things you've done that aren't about making Remus' life better or more bearable. Things that have just been cruel."
"Are you talking about Snape specifically?"
"Maybe." There was a long pause and then Lily blurted out the question that had been plaguing her since Potter had entered the Prefect compartment this year. "Why did Dumbledore make you Head Boy?"
James looked fixedly off in to the distance. "One of the things that most upset Remus about what we did third year, what Sirius did last year was – He said Dumbledore took an enormous risk allowing him to come to Hogwarts and we had betrayed that trust." There was a moment of silence then James continued, "when Sirius told Remus what happened, Remus was so upset he told us he was going to leave school for good."
Lily gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "Are you kidding?"
"No. It took ounce of persuasion I had and Sirius begging, crying, pleading really to talk Remus in to staying. I could tell it was still praying on Remus though and I was worried he would still leave so…" James paused, took a deep breath in and hurried on. "I went to Dumbledore and told him everything, what we had done in third year, what Sirius did last year. How torn up Remus was, how incredibly guilty I felt, the punishment you, Remus and Snape came up with. I told him if he wanted to expel me and Sirius I would understand but I hoped he wouldn't do anything to Peter since he just went along with us. And Remus hadn't had any knowledge of any of it so clearly he should be able to stay at school. In fact, I wanted Dumbledore to talk him into staying."
"What did Dumbledore say?" asked Lily.
"That he was disappointed in us, that we had put everyone at risk, ourselves, Remus, a fellow student, maybe even everyone in school and the village if Remus had broken free.
"I take it you didn't tell him the three of you are animagi then?"
"No, it didn't seem right to take away Remus' one source of comfort.
"Anyway, he also said coming to him showed amazing bravery and strength of character. Then Dumbledore had a long talk with Remus, they were in there for hours, after that Moony didn't say another word about leaving. I don't know what the Headmaster said to Sirius and Peter when he called them in. I do know they were both given detention, Sirius for the entire year, he was also taken off the Quidditch team and banned from the village."
"And you were made Head Boy. Hardly seems fair."
"Yeah, I know. Though it certainly cuts down on my free-time and between Remus and I, we're able to keep Sirius mostly under control.
"Look Lily, I never would have imagined in a million years Dumbledore would make me Head Boy, especially after what I told him. I honestly thought he would give it to Remus as a show of confidence in him.
"Hell, I wouldn't have even been surprised if he had given it to Snape to make up for what had been done to him."
"And yet here you are."
"Yes."
"Then maybe, all things considered, you should take it more seriously."
"I do."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, why would you think I don't?"
"You have to be fair, James and meet out punishments equally to all houses. There can't be favouring of one house over another, it isn't right. And you can't leave giving out detentions and taking away points to whomever you're patrolling with just because you want to be popular and well liked."
"I – okay, you might have a point about being more even handed. I'll try. It might take a bit to adjust, so point it out if you see me being unfair, alright?"
"Alright."
"And it honestly wasn't my intension to leave it to you or anyone else to dole out all the punishment or take away all the points. I just think – well, most of the rules do seem pretty pointless and archaic to me."
"And if you're ever Headmaster you can change them but until then we have to enforce the rules as they are."
"Thanks but I'm not at all interested in being Headmaster so I guess the rules will have to stay the same."
James turned and headed back into the castle. Lily quickly joined him and they walked back towards the tower in companionable silence. They had just reached the foot of the tower when they saw Remus rushing towards them obviously trying to make it back to the common room undetected.
James drew his watch from his pocket and smiled at Lily. "Am I supposed to take points from him since he's technically out three minutes past curfew?"
"He's also a prefect so I think we can let it slide this once."
James smirked before sliding the watch back into his pocket and waiting for his friend to catch up to them. "Did you get your owl off to Mrs. L ?"
"Yes." Remus replied tersely.
"Is everything okay, Remus?"
Remus looked over at Lily. "I hope so. There was an issue moving one of the things Mam needed from the village."
"What sort of issue?" James asked curiously.
"I'm guessing the person sending it got the timing wrong because it didn't arrive and Mam is upset because it's one of the most precious things Dad gave her – I wish we could have taken care of it before I came back to school."
"Why didn't you?"
"They were still trying to work out where she was going and she didn't want to move it until she was certain she was safe and settled."
"Does Mrs. L have it now?"
"I don't know. I ran into Dumbledore earlier, at the owlery, and told him what had happened and he said he'd look into it for me."
"Why would…?" James started but Lily quickly cut him off knowing full well it was Annabelle Mrs. Lupin had been expecting tonight.
"I take it that means your mother's all settled in somewhere safe now?"
"Yes, at least that's what I've been told." Remus answered before giving the password to the Fat Lady.
"If Dumbledore arranged it then I'm sure it's as safe as it can possibly be."
Remus nodded though he still looked worried. Lily grasped his hand and squeezed. "I'm certain your mother will have what she's waiting for very soon."
"Thanks, Lily." He whispered before trudging up the stairs to the boys' dorms.
"I guess I should go with him, see if I can cheer him up a little."
"James, maybe just let him talk about his mum tonight instead of trying to cheer him."
"You think that's what he needs?"
"I do. Sometimes you just need to be scared and have someone be supportive while you are, especially when you're far away and there's nothing you can do and no way you can help."
"Okay. Thanks for the advice."
"Sure." Lily gave him a quick smile before heading up to the stairs to her room. It took her a long time to fall asleep that night, turning the story James had told her over and over in her mind and wondering whether or not she should share it with Severus.
She still hadn't made a decision by the time she went down to breakfast the next morning. She was half tempted to ask Remus his opinion but noticed he still looked incredibly tense himself. On one side of him, Sirius was making two sausages dance around his plate, surely in an attempt to get his friend to smile, while Sabrina was rubbing a comforting hand up and down his arm even while she was engaged in conversation with Alice.
"Any news yet?" Lily asked, sitting down across from Sabrina.
Remus shook his head and continued to poke at the tomato on his plate.
"Come on Moony, how important a thing could it really be? Surely Mrs. L could just buy a new one of whatever it is." Peter squeaked.
Sabrina's hand instantly stopped moving and Lily watched as Remus practically bent his fork in two. "No." he snapped. "It's irreplaceable." Remus threw the fork down on the table and swung his leg over the bench but paused as several owls flew in to the Great Hall. His head lifted up and he watched as the birds circled the room. A large screech owl suddenly swooped down and landed in front of Remus, who didn't even bother to move from his awkward position before he untied the letter from its leg.
Sabrina gave the owl a bit of toast since Remus was too distracted to bother. The letter must have been amazingly short because it took the brown eyes only seconds to skim it. Then he leaned down and planted a joyful kiss on his girlfriend's lips laughing gleefully as he did so.
"I take it everything's fine now?" Sabrina asked laughing in return.
"Yes, got there early this morning. Mam says she's – really happy. I have to write her back." Remus started digging in his satchel for parchment and a quill before looking up. "Where did that owl go?"
James laughed. "Flew away, I think your exuberance scared him."
"Oh well, I'll go get another. Today is going to be a bloody great day!" Remus slapped Sirius on the back, grabbed one of the sausages off his plate and picked up Sabrina's bag. "Come on, Cariad, We can walk to class together after."
"Guess he can't do without me." Sabrina picked up a small pile of toast and slid her hand into her boyfriend's. Then the two of them walked away, heads together and chatting happily.
"That was a little odd, don't you think?" Sirius asked James.
"You mean his reaction?"
"I mean the whole thing. What could have possibly been that important to Mrs. L? Something's going on with Moony."
Lily couldn't help but interject, hoping to keep Sirius from digging to deeply in to Remus' life. "His father was killed, his mother has had to be moved and is in hiding. And to top it all off Remus is at school where he can't do anything but sit and worry. Trust me, under those circumstances every little thing feels like a big thing."
"Lily's probably right, Sirius let's not read too much in to Remus' behaviour."
Lily smiled at James, who smiled back warmly. Lily's smile faltered a little when she caught a glimpse of Severus over James' shoulder, his attention focused on the letter in hand, a frown on his face.
"Everything okay, Lily?"
"Yes, fine, James."
"I still think Remus is behaving oddly. He constantly had excuses for why he couldn't be around this summer, even before Mr. L died and they were always stupid excuses."
James laughed loudly at Sirius' statement. "I think the real excuse was probably called Sabrina and he just didn't want us taking the mickey out of him for it."
"He seemed perfectly normal when he and Sabrina were with Frank and me over the summer." Alice supplied helpfully.
"He was with you and Frank this summer?" Sirius asked clearly curious.
Alice nodded. "Yeah, we met up a couple of times."
"So did we." Lily added. "And Remus was his usual self then too."
Sirius turned to face her. "Remus was with Snape?"
"Remus and Sabrina came to my house several times and yes, they and Severus and I all spent time together."
"Doing what?"
"Sirius." James cautioned under his breath.
Lily took a calming breath in. "We were plotting how to take over the world, Black over tea and biscuits. After that, we went to the cinema and then to get something to eat. Does that answer your question?"
"Just curious why Remus is spending so much time with Snape these days."
"Perhaps you should ask Remus yourself."
"I did."
"Well then, I guess you have your answer."
"Maybe I didn't like it."
"Padfoot, stop."
"No, I don't trust that greasy git."
Lily rose from the table. "Of all the people sitting at this table, Black you're the only one who's shown how little they deserve anyone's trust."
"Lily, please. Sirius, apologize to Lily."
"Evans, I'm sorry. I just don't want to see Remus or you hurt. And I know those people, I come from them. They don't change."
Lily looked across the hall to where Sirius' younger brother sat, actually slightly isolated from the rest of the potential Death Eaters. "Maybe they can, if they have the right help and support."
Sirius looked at her with a mixture of scepticism and pity. Deciding she had nothing else to say, Lily shook her head, grabbed a couple of pieces of toast and turned away.
"Evans – Lily, I mean it. I don't want to see you hurt."
Lily turned back around and looked at Sirius. "Maybe you should spare some of that compassion for your brother."
Sirius looked over his shoulder at the Slytherin table and for a second Lily saw a flicker of wistfulness pass over his face. But it drained away as Avery and Mulciber moved down the table to join the younger Black. "Reg is already lost."
Lily was tempted to argue with Sirius but he now looked so hard and obstinate she wasn't sure it would be worth the effort. Besides, Severus had risen from the Slytherin table and she had to admit her curiosity over what was in his letter was getting the better of her. So, without another word, she turned her back on her house table and exited the Great Hall, waiting just outside the doorway for Severus. He came out the door only moments after her, his eyes still trained on the letter in his hand.
"Who's your letter from?" she asked.
"Hmm – what?" Severus answered, looking up distractedly.
"Your letter."
"Oh, it's from my mother."
"How is she?"
"She's well. Still with my grandfather in Wales."
"And how is that going?"
Severus frowned. "I can't really tell. She says he's at least talking to her and they're apparently figuring things out."
"That doesn't sound bad."
"It's complicated and there are conditions to her – to us being welcomed back in to the family."
"What sort of conditions?"
"She didn't get in to all the details but the main objective of it appears to be – my grandfather would like to erase all evidence of my parents' marriage from family history."
"And what about you?" Lily asked indigently. "Is your existence supposed to be wiped from the record along with your parent's marriage?"
"No, my understanding is my father wouldn't be mentioned as my father any longer."
"So you'll have no father, like Merlin or something?"
"Actually, I think in legends Merlin has a father, and I would have one he just wouldn't be mentioned and the marriage would have never taken place. Officially, in the family record, I would be illegitimate."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I don't know. I obviously can't say I have any attachment to my father but…" he stopped abruptly.
Lily waited patiently while he gathered his thoughts though she was almost certain she knew where his conflict lay.
Her suspicions were confirmed when he began to speak again. "If I agree to this then it's as if I'm saying I'm ashamed of my gram, as if she was unimportant."
"I don't think it says that."
"Doesn't it? If I become a Prince she'll be gone forever."
"Are you saying – you would change your name?"
"Yes, that would be one of the conditions of the reconciliation."
Lily couldn't help but wrinkle her nose in distaste. "But…"
"Go on."
"You're Severus Snape. You've been Severus Snape for almost 18 years and now you're just supposed to become Severus Prince overnight?"
"Apparently."
Lily couldn't quite wrap her brain around the idea. She scrutinized him closely. There was just no way she could think of him with any other surname, though she didn't know precisely how to say that to him. Luckily she didn't have to because he smiled at her and asked, "you don't like it, do you?"
"Not really." She answered honestly. "I'm sorry. I just think Severus Tobias Snape sounds much better than Severus Tobias Prince." She stopped as another thought popped in to her head. "Sev, if your grandfather wants to deny who and what your father is and undoubtedly claim you're a pureblood isn't he going to have an issue with us being together?"
"He can't claim I'm a pureblood, everyone knows I'm not."
"But you're dating a muggleborn."
"You're a witch. It's not the same situation as my parents. He'll see that."
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"
"Lil, trust me, the minute he meets you he's going to see what a talented witch you are. It's different from my parents. I swear. We aren't going to hold each other back like my father held my mother back."
Lily didn't know what to say. Nothing Severus had ever told her about his grandfather made her think of him as an open minded person who'd be willing to accept a muggleborn witch into his family.
"When do you have to make a decision by, about your name and your father?"
"My mother will make the decision about whether she wants to continue to have the marriage recognized. I don't know when I have to make my decision by. Maybe – " Severus looked down at the letter in his hand. "I don't even know him, so how..."
"Then maybe it's time you met. Perhaps it would make it easier to make a decision."
"Perhaps. Do you think you could come with me one afternoon during Christmas hols?"
"Wouldn't you rather meet your grandfather alone the first time or with your mother?"
"No, I'd rather meet him with my best friend, the woman I love, by my side. Besides, I trust your judgement. I want to get your impression of him, hear what you think."
"Alright then."
"I guess I'd best send word back to mum then, ask her to arrange something. Can I borrow Archimedes when I'm ready to send the letter?"
"Of course. He should be back from Cokeworth soon."
"I didn't realize you'd sent him back already."
"Yesterday."
"Ah, I was going to send a word also."
"I'm sorry. I should have asked. I guess I thought you'd said everything you'd wanted in the last letter."
"It's fine. It's not as if we won't send another soon." Severus stated knowing Archimedes was flying back and forth on average every two to three days.
Sometimes the letters were simple, just a hastily scribbled line that everything was alright in Bloom Street or Cambridge or at Hogwarts. Other times they were lengthier like when Cris wrote about Honoria's doctor's appointment or Lily wrote back about her Head Girl duties. And it was a rather lengthy letter Severus tied to Archimedes' leg a few days later.
Lily saw Severus dedicatedly watching the ceiling for the next several days but when Archimedes failed to turn up after four days Lily suggested they go to the owlery and look for him. She could see his disappointment when they found the tawny owl tucked in a dark corner.
"I'm sure him being here doesn't mean anything dearest. Maybe they needed time to make arrangements or it's just too soon for them to make plans."
"Maybe." Severus conceded though Lily thought he sounded doubtful.
"Do you want to try sending another letter?"
"No, just send the one you have waiting to your mother."
"Sev."
"It's fine, Lil. I'm sure you're right about them needed more time." He leaned in and gave her a hasty peck before turning away.
Lily watched him shuffle away dejectedly. She knew it had hurt him that his mother and grandfather hadn't promptly agreed to the meeting. She also realized how much she had been wrapped up in her own issues since they had returned to school and how little time she had given him.
It was with that in mind she went off in search of Severus a few nights later, having asked Remus to cover her patrol for the evening. She found him tucked in the back of the library, books spread all over the table. He was determinedly scribbling notes on a piece of parchment, his nose only inches from the surface. For a moment she was reminded of the countless hours they had spent preparing for their O.W.L.s. Often sitting at this very table. She watched as he threw down one quill and picked up another to dip into a different colour of ink.
"You know…" she began as she slid into the seat next to him. "I always wondered how you keep your quills straight when you do your colour coding system. Especially since you never seem to look at which one you're picking up."
He looked up at her happily. "Different type of quill for each colour of ink. They all feel different so I know which goes with which."
"Such a smarty." She leaned and impulsively kissed the tip of his nose. "Tell me again how it is you're not in Ravenclaw?"
"Because smart people can be in Slytherin too."
"Obviously. By the way you've got some ink on your cheek." Lily said as she indicated a spot on her own left cheek.
"Crap." Severus scrubbed his hand over his cheek, smearing the ink more.
Lily couldn't help but laugh. "Sev, you're making it worse."
"Oh well, I'll wash it off later. Are you taking a break from patrolling?"
"No, no patrol tonight so I thought I'd come see my very favourite person at Hogwarts."
"But – I was sure you had patrol tonight." He rummaged through his bag and pulled out a piece of parchment. Lily was hardly surprised to see her patrol schedule on it.
"Yes, but I traded so I could spend tonight with you, unless you'd rather I leave you to your studying."
"No, not at all. So, what's the plan?"
"I don't have one. I thought I'd leave it up to you."
"My plan was to study." He waved a hand over the table, indicating the pile of books, parchment, quills and bottles of ink.
"I see that. I can't say I'm much in the mood to study and I do think we should probably clean you up a little." She wiped her thumb over the ink on his cheek.
"Right, loo and then we'll think of something." Severus hastily shoved his all his study items back into his bag before turning to Lily and squeezing her hand. "Thank you for this." He whispered
"Thank you for being so wonderful since we've gotten back."
He smiled before taking her by the hand and leading her out of the library. They hadn't made it very far down the corridor before Lily stopped, a sudden slightly naughty idea coming to her, and tugged on Severus' hand. He turned and looked at her questioningly.
"Come on."
"Lil, the loo's down this way."
"Yeah, but I have another idea."
"What?"
"Just come with me." She smiled at him mischievously.
"Okay."
She led him down several corridors until they came to the portrait outside the prefect's bathroom. "Soap bubbles." She said confidently.
"What are we doing?"
"Getting you clean, relaxing a little." Lily stated, making her way to the tub and turning on a tap she knew would spurt out big multi-coloured bubbles.
Severus stood just inside the door looking confused. "Lily, surely you don't mean for us to…"
"I do."
"But we haven't – I've not seen – you haven't seen…I'm confused, I thought we were going slow."
"Sev, we're going to take bath, completely covered in bubbles, I'm not suggesting we have a shag. And I have seen what you have. I guess it's only fair for you see me." She walked to the rack and took several towels off the shelf, throwing them down on the floor by the tub. "Unless you don't want to see me."
Severus laughed shakily, closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. Then he slowly opened his eyes and looked at her with such intensity it made Lily a little weak at the knees. "Yes, I want to see you."
"And I trust you enough to know you won't go any further than I want."
"Of course not." He swallowed hard. "Though maybe it's best if you tell me how far that is tonight."
She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, remembering back to their shared night in the deserted classroom several weeks ago. It was probably best not to go so far tonight given they would both be naked. "Would you be okay with just snogging?"
"Whatever you want is fine with me."
"Good." She smiled at him and then looked back at the tub which was actually filled to a decent level now.
Then reaching down she grasped the hem of her jumper and pulled it off in one fluid motion before throwing it to the ground. Lily looked up a little hesitantly wondering what she would see. Would Severus just be standing there watching her remove her clothes? Would it be awkward? To her surprise he was hunched over, removing his shoes and socks, not paying the slightest attention to what she was doing.
Feeling more confident, Lily continued to shuck her clothes until she was left in nothing but her bra and knickers. She once again looked up to find Severus standing self-consciously in front of her wearing only his pants. "I can leave them on."
Lily couldn't help but smile. "Do you usually when you bathe?"
"No, but…" he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. There was no way for Lily to miss how aroused he was. "If it makes you more comfortable I can…"
"Just take them off Sev, I've seen it before. I've held it before."
Without another word he removed the y-fronts and added them to the pile at his feet, his eyes fixed firmly on the heap.
"Sev?"
"Just – finish and get in the tub. I'll get in after."
"No, I want – I want you to look. I've seen you, you should see me." Lily stated firmly as she unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor.
"Angel."
"Sev, please look at me." She waited until he looked up to slip off her knickers. At first his eyes stayed firmly on her face and then she saw them slip lower and the flush start to colour his skin. For a moment they just stood there, taking each other in. Then Lily heard a strange sound and she turned to look at the tub.
"Shite!" She rushed to turn off the tap, the now overflowing water lapping at her toes.
"Do you want extra towels?" Severus called, rushing to pick up their clothes and stuff them onto the towel rack to keep them dry.
"No, all the extra water will go down the side drains in a minute I think. I guess that's what we get for not paying attention." Lily laughed and slipped in to the tub.
"Yes, well my attention was focused elsewhere."
"So was mine."
"Glad I pass muster." Severus commented as he clambered in to the tub.
"Stop it, you know I find you attractive." Severus shrugged as Lily made her way over to him. "And you'll be even better when we get rid of this." She reached up and gently rubbed her thumb over the ink on his cheek. He never took his eyes from hers as she continued to work at the ink. When it was gone she leaned in and kissed him.
At first the kiss was more tentative than usual, but then they both gradually relaxed and Lily soon forgot there was nothing between them but water and bubbles.
As the water cooled he pulled away. "Lil."
"Hmm?"
"If we're going to actually wash we should do it before the water gets to cold."
Lily sighed. "I forgot the soap and stuff."
"Guess we should just get out then."
"No, I'll go get it." Lily hoisted herself out of the tub and walked to a cupboard where extra supplies were kept. She quickly grabbed soap and shampoo and headed back to the tub noting Severus was keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the mermaid painting in front of him.
Lily almost said something but she could see through the disappearing bubbles just how excited he was and assumed not looking at her naked made things easier for him. She silently slid in to the tub and handed him the bar of soap. Meanwhile she took the shampoo and began to work it through her hair.
"Here." She held the bottle of shampoo out to him.
Severus just shook his head. "I don't need it I can just use the soap."
"Sev, that's so bad for your hair."
"I did it for years, most of my life in fact."
She gave a little huff of frustration. Severus in turn gave her a small smile and took the small bottle from her before passing her the soap. They finished cleaning in silence. Then Lily turned to him, her eyes flitting downward for a moment. "Do you want me to help you…?"
"We said only snogging."
"But you're…"
"It's fine, it'll go away."
"Will it?"
"Eventually."
"Wouldn't it just be easier if I helped you?"
"Angel, I really don't want you to feel like you have to. Like I expect it of you every time we do something vaguely sexual."
"I don't think you do. I want…"
He leaned over and kissed her. "Not tonight. Tonight let's just leave it at what it is."
"But how will you – what about – can you even walk like that?"
Severus laughed. "Yes. Just – if you could fetch me my clothes that would be helpful."
Lily once again got out of the tub, wrapped a towel around her and got Severus' clothes for him. She placed them by the side of the tub, turned and took two steps away, and then, not turning back around to face him, she said, "Sev."
"Yeah?"
"You should at least take care of it yourself." She heard him take a sharp intake of breath. "I'll just go over here and get dressed. Let me know when you're ready to leave."
Lily didn't dare turn around as she dressed extremely slowly. She wasn't entirely sure if he had done what she had suggested or not until she finally heard the sound of him getting out of the tub several minutes later. Then there was the rustle of clothes being put in place. Still she didn't move until Severus' arms wrapped around her and he pressed his lips up against her ear. "Thank you for spending tonight with me."
She turned in his arms. "It was my pleasure. We should go because it's probably curfew soon."
Severus pulled out his watch. "Yeah in 30 minutes."
"You'll never make it."
"I might if I run."
"I'm going with you."
"Lily."
"Head Girl. I won't get in that much trouble if I'm out after curfew."
"Okay, let's go." He grasped her hand and pushed open the door and promptly ran into someone.
"Severus."
"Remus."
"We were just…"
Remus laughed lightly. "I can guess what you were doing."
Severus blushed a little as Lily ducked under his arm and joined the two men in the corridor.
Remus gave them a wry smile "Don't worry, I won't tell on you. After all, you're probably not doing anything Brina and I haven't done. It is almost curfew though and James is out in his official capacity so I wouldn't let him catch you. It's a little obvious what you two have been up to."
He gave them a wink, stuffed his hands in his pockets and wandered leisurely off down the hallway. When he reached the end he called back. "Oh, if you could manage to not be in there Thursday night I would appreciate it."
"Well, I guess we've found how Remus recovers from a full moon these days."
"The full moon is Tuesday, Sev."
"And I imagine that's why he asked for Thursday. Come on, let's go before I get caught out and my Thursday is spent in detention."
"I won't let that happen to you." Lily promised.
"How are you going to stop it?" Severus asked wryly.
Lily shrugged. "I don't know but you being out late is my fault so I'll come up with something."
The two crept down stairs and along corridors, narrowly avoiding James Potter at one point. Despite the fact that they turn up outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room with only five minutes to spare they shared a lingering kiss goodnight.
Finally Severus broke away. "You should go. I'm not sure being Head Girl gives you authorization to be out hours after curfew."
Lily nodded. "Alright. Goodnight and sleep well."
"You too." He gave her one last kiss and then walked to the entrance into his common room.
"Sev." Lily called after him.
He paused and looked over at her. "Yeah."
"I really miss falling asleep with you some nights – like tonight, tonight I wish I could sleep in your arms."
Severus turned, walked back to her and pulled her close. "I do too. There's just a little over nine more months then we can fall asleep together whenever we want. We just have to get through this year."
Lily sighed and nodded against his chest. "Just get through the year. We can do that."
"Of course we can." Severus whispered. "We've still got each other."
Lily nodded again. "And we can do anything together."
