The next month passed in a blur of diaper changes, wardrobe changes, and around the clock feedings. Rey insisted on feeding her daughters from her own breast though Ben insisted that formula was just as good. They found a workable compromise after the first week, night-time feedings, they agreed, would alternate, one on the breast, the other on a bottle.
Ben could hardly contain all of the gooey, sickly sweet emotions he experienced everytime he held one of his little girls and fed her from the tiny glass bottle Rey had relented and let him acquire.
He cuddled the white-haired Ami to his chest and drank in her beautiful little face as she sucked greedily at the formula. "I think they look more like you." He said, his voice husky with both sleep and emotion. "Everyday they get more and more beautiful."
"They have your eyes." She switched Ani to her other breast. "And this one has your temper too!" She smiled as Ani bellowed her displeasure at having her meal interupted.
"Hmm," He hummed. "Yeah, they kind of do have my eyes, but that nose is yours, thank the Force."
"If you're going to thank the Force, thank it for giving them my ears." She teased.
He grinned at her. "I do that everytime I look at them."
He'd always disliked his ears, they were the reason he wore his hair long and shaggy. As a child he'd been teased mercilessly about both his ears and his nose, but mostly his ears. It wasn't that his ears were particularly large, just that they stuck out quite far.
"Do you suppose they'll have your long face or my square one?" Rey wondered, gazing down at her ravenhaired baby as it suckled at her breast.
"Hopefully all they'll get from me is the eyes." He said then kissed Ami's baby soft forehead. Her tiny eyes, so like his own, opened to stare at him with an unsettlingly pensive look. "I wonder what she's thinking when she looks at me like that." He mused. Though he could possibly find the answer to that easily through the Force, he had been the one to insist that they never enter their daughters' minds uninvited.
"She's probably thinking how lucky she is to have such a loving, sweet, and handsome daddy." Rey sent him a dreamy look.
"Well…" He blushed. "Loving anyway."
Rey sighed. "You're terrible at taking compliments."
"Am I?" He glanced up at her.
"Yes, you are." She said matter-of-factly.
"I'm sorry." He frowned slightly. "Nobody has ever called me sweet or handsome before."
"Well…" It was her turn to frown. "Maybe because you never showed anybody how sweet you are and they were too terrified of you to see how beautiful you are."
"Or maybe you love me so much you only think I'm good looking when in reality I'm not." He countered while he set the empty bottle down, shifted Ami to his shoulder and rubbed her back.
"Nonsense." She said dismissively. "I thought you were gorgeous long before I even liked you."
"Oh, really?" He was genuinely surprised by that revelation.
"How do you not know that?" She asked, bemused.
"I've never looked at your early opinions of me," He shrugged. "Why would I when you made your dislike so abundantly clear in those days?"
"Well, you should look." She smiled. "You might be surprised at what you see."
He peered at her over the head of his peacefully sleeping daughter. "I don't want to."
She frowned. "You already know the worst of it, why not see the rest?"
"I could barely stand your hatred the first time around." He lowered the baby to the matress in front of him. "I don't care to ever feel it again."
"Hmm…" She thought about that for a moment. "Alright, I'll only show you the good bits then." She removed her nipple from Ani's mouth and laid her next to her twin on the bed in front of their father.
She slipped into his mind and played the memory of the first time she'd seen his face.
Her mind blanked for a second as his face appeared from behind his ugly metal mask. She'd been expecting a monster, misshapen, old, or ugly beyond belief, but she was shocked to find that her captor was none of those things. No, he was an ordinary looking man only a few years older than herself.
Her eyes darted down his body and back to his face.
'Maybe ordinary isn't quite the right word,' she corrected herself.
There was nothing ordinary to the shape and tilt of his eyes, the fullness of his red lips, the sharpness of his cheekbones and jawline… no, he wasn't ordinary at all. His face was thin and on the long side but so was the rest of him. And that hair! She felt an insane urge to touch it, to see if it was as soft and silky as it looked.
A strange flutter began deep down in her belly. He spoke and the timber of his voice sent vibrations through her bones.
'No,' she decided firmly, 'this man isn't ordinary in any way... He's spectacular even if he is terrifying.'
"See?" She asked. "It wasn't all bad."
"Hmmm…" He tilted his head at her. "You didn't know what the feeling in your belly was."
"I'd never felt that before." She shrugged.
A slow smile spread across his face.
"What?" She asked.
"You'd never been aroused before?" He grinned.
"Well, no." She shook her head. "You know what my life was like before I met you." She turned the tables on him. "I take it you had been aroused before?"
He shrugged. "I am pretty ordinary."
She frowned. "Should I be jealous?"
He snorted. "Of normal male hormones? Nah."
"No girls ever caught your eye?" She pressed.
"You're the only girl I've ever known well enough to be attracted to." He shrugged. "I don't know if you've noticed, but there weren't many women in the First Order, and the ones who were there were usually more manly looking than I am."
"But you weren't…" She thought back over his memories of their first meetings, paying attention to his body rather than his emotions. "Oh, you were."
He chuckled. "Why exactly did you think I kept moving off or turning away to where I knew you couldn't see me?"
"To intimidate me." She answered honestly.
"I stopped wanting to intimidate you the moment I laid eyes on you." His lips puckered a little. "I was actually trying to *not* intimidate you."
"Well, it didn't work." She said in a way that was not without humor.
"I know." He bit his bottom lip. "But it would have been worse if you'd have noticed that too."
"I wouldn't have known what it meant if I had noticed." She shrugged. "I had no idea what those looked like or how they actually worked until... Well, you know." She sent him a mental image of their first time together.
He groaned. "Please, don't do that."
"Sorry." She wasn't really.
"A month and a half feels like forever." He sighed. "And we're not even close to the end yet."
"Hmmm. Well, we could put the little ones in their bed and work on figuring something out to help with that." She said slyly.
He hessitated for only a seconds before he jumped off the bed and scooped up the closest baby, depositing her in the nearby crib before repeting the process. As soon as Ani was settled next to Ami he turned and dove back into the bed. With a wolfish grin he said, "You were saying?"
She couldn't help herself, she busted out laughing.
Rey's amusement made him glad he'd opted for the silly route. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd made someone laugh so heartily, if he ever had. She didn't laugh often, but each time she did it stroked his soul like a cool breeze against sweaty skin on a balmy day.
He was well aware of the fact that he wasn't allowed to physically make love to her, not even gently, because she was still healing from having given birth to their children. That fact did not, however, prevent him from wanting to. Constantly. Every waking moment. And in his dreams as well.
It was a sad irony of life, he'd realized early on during this medically imposed celebacy, that when two lonely souls become a real family and experienced what that truly felt like for the first time, with their emotional intimacy reaching never before dreamed of heights… they were completely unable to share that intimacy in a physical way.
"I was saying…" Rey recovered from her startled laughter at his lighthearted antics and slanted him a fiery look then reached out and stroked his bare chest with the backs of her knuckles. "That I love you." She flattened her palm against his heart.
Ben could feel her hand on his chest, it didn't move, yet he could also feel it sliding down across his belly. He looked down in shock. Her hand was indeed still pressed against his rapidly accelerating heart.
His eyes darted back to hers.
Rey had a look of intense concentration in her eyes, her bottom lip clamped between her teeth, and a hunger boiling in the air all around her.
His breath caught in his throat.
A second invisible hand stroked through his hair.
A third caressed his face.
He was awed as she stroked his skin with more and more invisible tendrils of pure, raw, Force. Awed, and very turned on.
She dialed up the intensity of her Force hands until she could feel that they felt hot against his skin.
Ben's skin tingled with energy everywhere she touched with fiery tendrils of Force energy. They were moving and writhing against him in such a way that he couldn't keep a count of them, but he could feel how much effort she was exerting to work each one independantly.
While he appreciated her efforts, and enjoyed them tremendously, he frowned.
'You don't understand.' He whispered into her mind. 'It isn't my gratification that I'm after.'
She withdrew her hand from his chest and looked at him with hurt shining in her eyes. 'You don't like it?'
'You know better than that.' He stroked her cheek with one unsteady hand. 'You can feel how much I like it.' He took her hand in his and kissed it. 'But I'm not the one who's unable to be touched right now.'
Her eyes widened as she felt a hot tendril of energy lick across the skin of her neck.
'There is no satisfaction for me if you aren't satisfied.' Another lick of hot, tingling energy ran up her inner thigh.
'It isn't my pleasure I dream of.' His voice in her head was low and slow, it licked at her veins just as his invisible carasses licked at her skin. An icy tendril slid up her spine followed by a hot one a heartbeat later.
Rey began to tremble.
He sat up and took both of her hands in his, kissing each even while he licked fire and ice across the skin of her nipples. 'It isn't an orgasm I want.'
He added another set of tendrils, one hot and one cold, they chased each other across the scar under her breast, then around the sensitive peak while his other set did the same to her left.
'It's you I want.' He leaned down and licked the dripping milk from her nipples with his tongue, first one then the other.
'To make love to.' He ran his tongue up to her neck and nuzzled her there while his tendrils stroked their way down her body.
"To pleasure." He whispered throatily against her ear as his icy and hot fingers of energy slipped between her folds and licked at her clit.
She melted back into the pillows with a moan of pure need and began to squirm against his pulsating touch.
He shifted so that her entire bare upper body was within reach of his mouth. He blazed a white hot trail of kisses and licks from her neck to the waistband of the shortpants she had taken to wearing to bed since the babies' arrival.
'To be one with.' The swirling, pulsing tendrils slipped into the very place he longed to be inside of but was forbidden to touch for another couple of weeks.
His mouth captured hers to prevent her impassioned cries from waking the nearby, sleeping infants.
'It's you.' He covered her body with his, settling between her thighs.
'Only you.' He rubbed the rock hard length of his erection against her even as she grinded her cloth covered heat against him.
'All of you.' The pulsating tendrils flexed erratically, and he added another hot tendril to stroke at her clit, then another to stroke at her bottom.
Rey was drowning in sensations, both corporeal and incorporeal. Her entire body was throbbing to the rhythm of his hips as he slid his massively engorged cock against her with maddeningly slow strokes while he plundered her depths with tongues of flaming energy. She'd never felt so many pleasurable sensations inside her own body and yet it built and built, refusing to release.
The thin tendril tickling at her backside suddenly slipped inside, causing her eyes to shoot open in shock at the sensation. Her startled eyes locked with his intensely focused ones.
A bead of sweat dripped off the tip of his nose and landed on hers. That tiny drop of water washed over her like an ocean of realization.
Her pleasure lay in his pleasure as much as his lay in hers.
A dizzying surge of power crackled between them and she reached out to stroke him with her own tendrils of Force energy.
His flushed, sweaty face twisted into a bared-teeth grimace as she slipped a wide, thin tendril of Force between them to twine around his tormented sex and pulsated it in time with the rhythm of his hips.
'It isn't an orgasm I want either,' She whispered into his mind and sent hot flames licking over his skin.
'It's you.' She leaned up and captured his mouth with hers.
'Only you.' She dug her fingertips into the rigid muscles of his back.
'All of you.' She wrapped her legs around him, her knees high up on his ribs while her heels dug into his backside, urging him to go faster.
She tore her mouth from his to whisper in his ear, "Your pleasure." Then licked him from the base of his jaw to his earlobe which she sucked into her mouth and nibbled briefly before returning to his lips.
'Your discomfort.' She ran her hands down his back and squeezed his buttocks almost painfully.
'Your anxiety.' She stroked between his glutes with a tendril of Force causing a ripple of shock to shoot through him.
'Your confusion.' She wriggled the tendril against him suggestively and felt his mind and body react in opposition to each other.
'Your trust.' She withdrew the tendril and stroked it down the back of his thigh.
'Your lust.' She rolled them over until she was straddling him then dismounted and looked around.
A bottle of mineral oil lept into her hand from his bedside table and a slow grin spread across her face. 'I need *you* inside me, not your Force fingers.'
Realization dawned on him then and Ben gaped at his wife.
His heart was nearly jumping out of his chest as he stripped off his own sleeping pants.
'Not here, though.' She hopped off the bed and beckoned him to follow her. 'We'll wake the girls.'
Nervous energy zinging through his body like lightening bolts he followed her to the shower.
'Hop in, I'll only be a minute.' She said handing him the oil and heading over to the commode to take care of a necessary task.
Her own nerves became jittery as she removed her shorts and protective underthings to dispose of the latter and clean herself up a bit. Giving birth is a messy business that doesn't get any cleaner for quite some time afterwards.
She stepped into the shower and hessitated.
They stood looking at each other for a long moment neither completely sure about this. Both desperate for the physical intimacy they'd been denied for far too long.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked, though he could feel her nervousness as keenly as his own. "It's only a few more weeks… we could always do the same as the last time we were in here."
"The last time was nice…" She acknowledged. "But I want you." Stepping up to him she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Only you." She wanted to make love with him, just him, no Force tricks, no analogues… him.
He understood her meaning and let go of his doubts.
The passion simmering between them, that had been stoked to near inferno levels minutes earlier, erupted again as if it had not been put on hold at all.
From the moment their lips met all thoughts, all feelings, all sensations - other than what they were feeling for and from each other - ceased to exist. Their universe shrank to only what existed inside the confines of the shower walls. Only each other and the sensations they were both feeling as if they were a single organism, one mind, one heart, one soul and one body.
Rey twined her fingers through the slippery, wet, hair at the back of his head and slid her mouth from his. She tugged at his hair and trailed kisses along the underside of his upraised chin then loosened her grip to trace the contours of his shoulders and chest.
Despite the hot water raining down on her, Rey's skin was covered in chill bumps by the time she'd made it halfway down the column of his throat. She could feel her lips on his skin as if it were her own skin being caressed by his lips. At the same time she could feel what her lips, tongue, and teeth felt like to him as they kissed, licked and nibbled their way to the hollow at his collarbone and back up to his ear.
Ben was too blown away at first by the intensity of what Rey was feeling to even register the sensation of a pair of phantom hands clutching at his hips, massaging with the same tempo as the ravenous caresses of her mouth against his skin. He slid his hands up her sides and flinched at the tickle that ran up his own flanks. His seeking hands found her aching, heavy, breasts and he shuddered at the full realization that the feeling of phantom hands on his flesh was a very intense echo of what he was making her feel.
Though they had felt their caresses and emotions reverberate through their bond everytime they had ever made love, the intensity of this physical sensation echo had never been anywhere near this strong. The only time it had ever felt this intense had been while she'd been in labor.
He pulled away from her and took a step back, staring her in near horror.
She didn't need to ask why. Their minds were so deeply embedded into each other's that she may as well have had the thoughts herself.
She didn't bother to speak or think any particular thing, she looked him dead in the eye and dared him with her eyes, face, and body... her very essence challenged him to come back to her... and begged him, too.
She reached her hand out toward him. For a moment they stared into each other's eyes, panting, while the Force between them roiled and heaved with their emotional turmoil.
His deep brown eyes flicked to her hand then back to her unwaivering gaze. A memory tugged at the back of his mind. He had once held his hand toward her in much the same way. Begging her to love him.
She hadn't been ready to put her trust in him then.
He took a deep shuddering breath, clasped her hand, pulled her to him with a quick jerk and pillaged her mouth with his own. His hands clamped her ribs in an iron grip and he lifted her up until his mouth could easily access her throat and breasts.
She wrapped her legs around his ribs and held on tight as he devoured every inch of her that his mouth could touch.
His hands slid to her bottom and massaged her firm cheeks. He turned so that her back was braced against the wall, her weight supported by her legs around his middle. He reached out and caught a palm full of oil, losing no time he rubbed the chilly liquid against her bottom. Their mutual desperation didn't allow for hessitation or misgivings, she needed to feel him inside her. He rubbed the viscous liquid against her cheek, massaging it into her skin as he called a second palmfull into his other hand. This oil he slathered between her cheeks before massaging the oil that remained on his hand into her other cheek.
He took a momentary break from suckling at her breast to look into her eyes as his fingertip pressed into the unyeilding portal between her cheeks.
The sensation was as foreign as an alien language, though not exactly unpleasant. He withdrew his fingertip and inserted it again with slightly more ease.
Rey jerked his head back with a fistfull of hair and attacked his mouth ravenously with her own.
The force of her hunger urged him on, battering through his wall of discomfort. He slipped his finger deeper into her and squirmed from the sensation it sent through his body.
He could feel her desperation as keenly as she could feel his reluctance, but he could also feel her resolve to wait for him, no matter how long it took.
Shaking from head to toe Ben silently urged her to let go of him with her legs and then assisted her slow, sensual slide down his body to her feet. He pulled back to gaze into her eyes solemnly for a moment.
The eyes staring back at him were full of hunger, need, and so much love he nearly drowned in them.
Rey's lips twitched and she rubbed herself languidly against him as she turned around. Her head swiveled to meet his eyes over her shoulder. She wriggled her lower body against him, sending shivers up his spine.
His eyes stayed locked on hers as he called more oil into his palm, and she purred a low throaty moan as his hand stroked the oil into the velvety silkiness of his own skin.
He took a deep calming breath and bent down to kiss the ridge of her shoulder, his hands sliding around to cup her full, heavy breasts. He leaned into her, pushing her slightly forward with his chest. His feet splayed apart, coming to rest on the outsides of hers, his toes next to her heels. His oiled length found the channel that it was meant to explore- of it's own accord. Prolonging the moment just a bit more he rubbed along the divide in slow deliberate strokes.
She made an impatient sound and he could feel how his delay was starting to frustrate her beyond what could be considered pleasurable. He positioned the glistening tip of his erection at the entrance of her body and felt the pressure in his own bottom as well as hers as he gently pushed toward her with his hips.
The pressure built but he made no headway. He frowned and reached for the bottle to drizzle some oil at the spot where their bodies were struggling to connect. Using his hand he drew the oil around that spot with the tip of his member and pressed a little harder toward her. He could feel her beginning to open for him, and though his own body remained thankfully closed he could feel it as if his own body was receiving this excrutiatingly slow invasion. Millimeter by millimeter he entered her until his whole tip was surrounded by the almost painfully tight embrace of her body. He stopped and took a few shuddering breaths.
This sensation wasn't quite like having a lone finger probing around in the virgin territory of his own body. No, this was something different. Something that was neither pleasure nor pain, but somehow pleasurably naughty none the less. He felt her relax around him slightly and crept into her another inch. A groan tore from his throat as he withdrew that inch shocked by the ripple of pleasure that shot through his entire pelvis. He clenched his teeth and leaned into her tenatively, sliding another inch into her incredibly tight sheath.
The friction on his cock was almost unbearable, the pleasant pressure in his ass even more-so. He withdrew to the tip again, a purring moan ripping from both of their throats simultaniously. He blew out a few harsh breaths and squirted more oil along the top of his shaft before pressing back in even deeper this time. Each withdrawl ripped a moan from his throat, each slow, gentle thrust forced him to clench his teeth at the overwhelming sensation of both penetrating and being penetrated until finally he was buried hilt deep inside of her.
He paused and took a moment to breathe while he adjusted to the sensations occuring in both of their bodies. He bent forward and slid his hands over her aching breasts, rubbing them, molding them with his palms even as he nibbled at the sensitive flesh of her neck. With a gentle pressure he guided her into a more upright position so he could more easily access the sensations that were comfortably familiar to him.
He took his time stoking her -and his- arousal to a fevered pitch with his oil-soaked hands and seeking mouth.
She rocked against him, sending raw physical pleasure through them both.
He withdrew several inches from her body, then glided smoothly back in, gasping from the seering pleasure of the movement. He buried his face into the side of her neck and withdrewl almost completely before thrusting fully into her again. The duality of the sensation tore a near scream from his throat. His teeth clamped down on her shoulder to stifle the sound.
'Ouch.' Her mind voice broke the silence between them.
'I'm so sorry.' Even his mind voice was straining.
'It's ok.' She assured him. 'We both knew this wasn't going to be simple or painless.'
'It feels so good and so wrong and somehow so right all at once.' He blurted, completely befuddled by the contradictory feelings.
'I feel it, too.' She reminded him gently then rolled her hips, a wordless plea to continue.
He withdrew and thrust back inside more quickly this time, sending pleasure spiralling through them both with dizzying intensity.
Shedding the last of his inhibitions completely in light of the physical enjoyment he was receiving he began to work his hips in a moderately slow tempo which picked up both speed and intensity until they were both unabashedly crying out their pleasure with every breath.
It had taken him a while to adjust to the sensation of being penetrated, but now that he had - he had to admit- it felt as good as the sensation of penetrating.
Ben could feel how close they both were to climax but a part of him wasn't ready for it to end, he gritted his teeth and slowed his pace a little, gentling his thrusts.
His fingers slipped into the nest of downy hair at the apex of her thighs and sought out the swollen nub just inside her bloodslickened lips. He rocked his hips against her and rubbed her clit with deliberately teasing fingers.
He felt those caresses as if they were being given to the sensitized flesh at the end of his throbbing member. Along with all of the other sensations it nearly made him lose control then and there.
'Let go, love.' She encouraged. 'It doesn't have to last forever, we can do it again.'
Her words snapped the last thread that he'd been holding on by.
Rey felt his control slip and thanked the Force as he threw caution to the wind and began to slam into her with his unrestrained passion. This was how she liked him best. Wild. Untamed. Mindlessly out of control.
Rey gave herself over to the inferno raging between them and joined him in wild abandon. Though they did sometimes make slow, tender, sweet love, that wasn't what her body or her soul needed right now.
No, right now she needed her husband. All of him, not just his gentle side... she needed his fire, his darkness, his hunger… his everything.
Ben gave it willingly, happily, eagerly…
His cum squirted into her hot and forcefully but other than bellowing his pleasure savagely into the echoing room he didn't acknowledge it. His frantic passion ignited the last remnants of her concious mind and she shouted her own release over and over as first red, then pink, then clear ejaculant shot from her womb and rain down the drain between her feet.
Over and over she came, screaming at the top of her lungs while his roars of pleasure mingled with hers. This was their lovesong... their soul to soul lovemaking… wild and free… passion unleashed... an inferno that consumed them both yet from it's ashes they rose to even higher peaks.
It could have been eternity or it could have been a heartbeat before they shouted their final screams of pleasure and collapsed, trembling and spent, to the floor.
