Derpédex Chapter 54: Shedinja
Now, here's a weird one. Coming from someone who does nothing but talk about weird and freaky bullshit and treats it as normal, me saying that is a good sign that it's not just weird, is pretty fucking weird. Where to begin? Perhaps I could start with the fact that it breaks the laws of physics? Or maybe the fact that it can either be as strong as a tank or as weak as a wet paper bag depending on the circumstances? Well, I decided to take the high road and make fun of its appearance first. Shedinja looks like a sad old man with a face covered in wrinkles and squinty little eye mixed with an angel and a demon in equal measure. The angel gives it the halo, while the demon gives it anything else. Even in the world of Pokémon, most of which have some part that makes them look unnatural and creepy, Shedinja manages to stand out, like the weird kid at a high school dance who hangs out near the punch bowl the entire time without talking to anyone and eye-humps the girls in skimpy dresses as they walk by.
Bringing it back to the whole physics thing, Shedinja does indeed break physics on a fundamental level. The reason is this; assuming the law that states matter cannot be created or destroyed still stands firm, because weird shit is happening in the world today and Arceus enjoys fucking with us, Shedinja comes from out of fucking nowhere. See, in order to get a Shedinja, it's actually rather simple; evolve a Nincada into a Ninjask and have an empty Poké Ball on you when you do it, and you're done. But here's the thing; Nincada doesn't actually evolve into Shedinja, because it only undergoes one evolution at that time, and that evolution turns it into Ninjask. Even weirder, you won't get a Shedinja if you don't have an empty Poké Ball of some kind on you, which of course raises the question of where in the hell the fucking thing comes from. It's tied to Nincada in some way, that much is certain, but beyond that nobody has a fucking clue. Now, normally I would post my own theory about where it comes from, but for once I am well and truly stumped. My only idea is that physics operates on a switch of some kind, and God likes to turn that switch on and off at will whenever he finds it most hilarious. Sounds crazy, but then again our God did give us such beauties as Wobbuffet and Stunfisk, so maybe it actually isn't.
Shedinja, while somewhat similar to Nincada and Ninjask in appearance, should not be mistaken as actually being similar to either one when it comes to anything else. Shedinja is part Ghost, while the others are not. Shedinja is also completely genderless, while the others are not. It also has a unique ability that sounds cool but is mostly useless in practice, while Ninjask's ability can actually make it a threat if used properly.
Speaking of being a threat, Shedinja is only one if the person facing it is either an idiot or extremely unlucky, once again because of that special ability. When I said it could either make it amazing or shit, I wasn't kidding; under certain scenarios, its ability can be a game changer and cause it to absolutely destroy the opposition, but most of the time it will just make for an easy loss. That ability, of course, is Wonder Guard. Wonder Guard prevents Shedinja from taking damage from any moves unless those moves are super effective, which sounds great in theory but is really almost useless in practice. Wonder Guard has a few giant flaws that prevent it from being a game breaker. The first is that Shedinja is actually kind of shitty and not capable of doing much with it. On just about anything else, Wonder Guard would be little more than an instant win button, but Shedinja just doesn't have the muscle necessary to take advantage of it, probably because it's a ghost and has no internal organs, but that's beside the point. The second is that Shedinja has the defenses of a wet paper bag that's been fed through a paper shredder and dumped into a vat of acid. It's protected from anything other than super effective damage, but a single hit from anything that it isn't protected from is an absolute death sentence. I've tested it with Pokémon that have just hatched out of eggs and are probably far too young to be in a battle because I'm a terrible person, and even a tiny attack that would probably not even break the skin on a human being is enough to take Shedinja out, it's that fucking weak. Third, it's got way too many fucking weaknesses to even take advantage of what little protection Wonder Guard actually offers. If it was just Bug, it would be better, but it has that secondary Ghost typing, so it isn't. Shedinja is weak to Flying, Rock, Ghost, Fire, and Dark moves, and whatever it's facing is almost guaranteed to either be packing at least one move that fits the bill or to switch out to something else that does. Wonder Guard also doesn't protect from environmental hazards or status effects, so Shedinja can still be downed easily by poison or burn damage. Finally, if the enemy has Mold Breaker, it will be able to hit through Wonder Guard anyway. All of this adds up to create something that is simply not worth the trouble of using, as it will most likely be defeated before getting a single attack out and cost its trainer a party space that could have been used for something that isn't complete fucking garbage.
If you're wondering why I sound mad, it's because I am fucking mad. I tried using a Shedinja once because it sounded fucking awesome on paper, and I got my ass handed to me by some kid in a stupid white hate that looked like a bad haircut. Shedinja is shit and nobody should ever use it unless being severely beaten in a battle gives them a boner, in which case they should use it constantly.
