Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha
Beta-Reader: Daniella, thanks!
CONTIGO
51
Deadly Options
Kagome came back to the world again slowly but she wasn't concerned about it. She clearly remembered the tea Jin had given her to induce sleep and she was aware that, that kind of drug left you somewhat groggy after waking up. So, she patiently waited for the effects to pass. She had summoned enough patience the years she had been married to Inuyasha as to be impatient about the fleeting minutes she knew she had to wait. Like some people say, nothing learned in life is wasted.
While Kagome waited for things to settle down inside her body she began to swirl her aura around. She wasn't trying to do anything with it but she found this a good opportunity to measure her energy levels again. Surprisingly they were fine which filled her mind with doubts. It had been such a long time since she last felt so refreshed. She couldn't help but worry. There could be a wide range of events which could explain what was happening and most were negative.
As her body slowly awoke a certain weight became noticeable to her. It was in her stomach. She tried to open her eyes to see but her lashes were heavy and numb still. She concentrated on the shape of the object but found it was simply something perhaps rectangular and this did nothing to help discover what it was. After a few seconds of thought she relaxed and set her worries aside. She was sure Sesshomaru would not allow any danger to come to her or her pup.
She took a deep breath and allowed her mind to drift away from her feelings. She was feeling hurt and sort of abandoned. Why hadn't Inuyasha come yet? She would be dishonest if she said she missed him and that realization also caused her heart to twist unhappily. She had gotten accustomed to his long absences during their time mated. It all started a year and half after they mated, more or less. It was then that had she accepted to carry his pup.
She knew a pup was a great responsibility and had tried to prepare herself to the best of her ability both emotionally and physically. She had eaten plenty and had made sure to stay in good shape. She had heard that things like that helped pregnant women. She wasn't pregnant then but she knew it was all a matter of luck.
The only protection they were using was mere rhythm and even when she had heard it worked fine for many she had also heard it didn't work for others. At first Inuyasha had been fine with it but as the time slipped by he got just a little bit frustrated when she was ovulating. She knew it was an instinctual thing and never blamed him and he always tried his best. The times they did it while she was ovulating left her worried sick the following weeks and apparently she was crankier than ever. It was a God send to see her period come back to her for her and for Inuyasha who was finally allowed a break from her nervousness and fears.
It was funny at the beginning, but something happened after the year. Inuyasha carried this longing and faraway look too often and it was starting to upset her. She thought it was because he wanted a child, she knew he wanted one if the way he pampered his nephew was any indication, but she had been so scared. Every time she thought about a child, Rin's pregnancy and Toga's birth had her in terror again and again. She feared she was not going to live through it. If anything went wrong there would be no hospital she could go to for the Well had closed down. Maybe, just maybe if she concentrated enough the portal would open for her again, but she doubt it.
She changed her mind a few weeks later when Inuyasha said she was going to go away for a few days. She was ovulating and she knew it was the hardest part of the month for him, but for him to leave was so strange. She never thought it an option. She had complained about it but he had said it had nothing to do with her. He was merely feeling restless of staying in the same village for almost two years now. He promised to come back in three days, he only wanted to have a little time to himself and kill some demons.
It didn't make sense to her then, but she allowed him anyway. Even she was feeling a little bit bored of the stationary life, but she didn't have the heart to leave Kaede by herself. The miko was now having difficulties doing minor chores and she was sure it wouldn't be too long before the old woman retired. She didn't need to stress herself with miko duties anymore; Kagome was now here. Plus, she knew if something happened to Rin, her guardian—Sesshomaru—would kill them all.
He returned on the third day like he promised. She thought it was a one-time thing, but after Inuyasha returned he seemed restless. He asked to go again a month later. That hurt her even more, but she accepted nonetheless. However, now she started to formulate a plan. She even asked Kaede for counseling but the old woman knew little about hanyou's mated behaviors and was of little help. She was not having more of this escaping that was for sure.
After Inuyasha's return she talked with him and as subtly as possible told him it was time to have their pup. A small light appeared in Inuyasha's eyes and she knew she had done the right thing. Even she was feeling pleasantly anxious about her incoming child.
The next month Inuyasha remained with her the whole time. He didn't waste a minute away from her and, more often than not, smelled her. She knew he was trying to check on her frequently. He was excited about having a pup and he wanted to be the first one to know. His protective nature and possessiveness remained the same though and she was thankful.
They were a happy couple after that month. Inuyasha had diagnosed her as pregnant when he couldn't smell her in heat and she had accepted it with a smile. Preparations were being made by Sango, Miroku and Rin. Sango spent most of her time sharing with Kagome tips that she thought would help her through the pregnancy and the first year while Miroku and Inuyasha were making a crib for the 1/4demon-miko that would be born in the future. Rin was making some clothes, feminine ones because she had a feeling and was absolutely sure it was going to be a girl. The young brown-haired girl had even proclaimed that said girl would grow to become Toga's future wife, and it was final. Kagome couldn't stop the giggles when Rin threatened to tell Sesshomaru to make it legal.
There was an air of expectancy in the village. Most of the villagers were happy for Kagome and Inuyasha. She had expected more resilience but apparently they had grown to care for them after all the years they had spent living there. There was nothing wrong. The days were peaceful, Shippo came to visit with Kohaku and Kagome's belly was starting to grow a little. Until it happened.
Everyone carried a somber feeling and Kagome continued to cry day after day. She became accustomed to the weight on her stomach and to the idea of being a mother. It hit her hard. She thought she was not going to survive a pregnancy but she never thought she would lose a child. One wept and suffered the loss of a dear one, even a pet, but one died after losing one's child. Then one had to keep moving forward. It was the hardest thing she had ever done.
Inuyasha, well, he took things calmly. Never did she see him cry or anything. He just stored all the pain deep inside and hid his feelings. He was always at her side and stroked her hair and her back. He soothed apologies and future promises at her ear constantly, but he never said anything about his feelings. She tried to get him to talk about it but he brushed her aside saying it could not be changed, it was the will of the Kami, and perhaps in the future they could try again.
Kagome came to accept and respect the privacy he wanted to keep. She knew he was devastated since he was so happy about this pup but she had always known he liked to keep things to himself. She thought he would open after a while and talk about it but he never did.
The months after that were a blur to her. She didn't remember much, but she knew they were monotonous and boring. Before she knew it a year had passed and some more. It was only then she started to notice Inuyasha was more serious than before and even looked tired. It was as if age had suddenly hit him hard, but it was impossible he was a hanyou.
She started to cook for him more often and go with him to the hot spring and bathe him. It was relaxing for both of them and she found she enjoyed this time they were now having again. She felt as if she and Inuyasha were mated for the first time again. This followed the same path as well in their bedchambers. Before she knew it, she was pregnant again.
This time though she wasn't as happy. She was deadly afraid. She didn't dare walk for long periods of time, she wouldn't use force and she would eat a hundred calories a minute. But it didn't work. The same thing happened again. This time it was different. She didn't cry or mourn. She grew angry and hateful and demanded solitude.
She didn't even know Inuyasha had gone away for two weeks until he returned. From then on her mind blurred again and specific memories eluded her. She could hardly remember how many times Inuyasha left and for how long. Their relationship was turning ugly because of their circumstances. She knew she loved Inuyasha still but she didn't know how to deal with this pain. Her chest was in constant pain and their bond—with the closeness they had achieved during these years—pulsed sorrowfully day after day. Sometimes the pain was so intense she couldn't even stand from her bed. Sometimes she felt perfectly fine. It was odd.
A grim smile took hold of her lips and she felt a little bit of betrayal to sweep in. now that she knew Inuyasha had been sick it was sort of obvious. It could explain the way his shoulders seemed to sag often and the almost unnoticeable bags under his eyes. It was silly, she was starting to believe what Sesshomaru had told her…but, did she have a choice? She never knew what was happening, Inuyasha didn't tell her. What was she supposed to do or believe?
He hasn't come either.
Tears pricked at her eyes and she felt her nose began to hurt with the tears she knew would come. She was unable to stop them and they fell down her cheeks silently. She wasn't angry at them, she knew they needed to vent out their despair rather than hurt her more, but it made her feel betrayed and lonely.
A sudden shift on the bed startled her and she gasped alarmed. She managed to sit up and pulled the sheets to cover herself since she was not aware of her current state and pushed her miko energy outwards threateningly.
The soft and pained groan of Sesshomaru made her flinch and retract her aura instantly. She couldn't stop her frown when she saw him rearrange himself. He had been sleeping with his head near her legs and his hand resting somewhat possessively over her belly. Instantly she felt uncomfortable and she was about to voice her desire for him to remove himself from her person when tired but pure amber eyes met hers.
He seemed tired and his form seemed weak. His hair was its original blue-silver and was cascading down his neck in his new haircut. She couldn't help but feel a little bit fearful at his old looks. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen him in years but it sort of reminded her of the day he pushed her down the well.
"Why…"
"You have been sleeping for many hours," interrupted Sesshomaru, "your energy started to go down again. I was simply providing you with my youki."
Kagome nodded her head slowly and turned to look at Sesshomaru again. She opened her mouth to ask something but was interrupted again.
"We need to talk," stated Sesshomaru as he pushed himself upwards from the bed and sat straighter on his chair, "as pack."
Kagome tilted her head but nodded anyways. It felt strange for him to be so formal and direct when talking about their relationship, but she knew he was a man of few words. He only said what was necessary.
She was a little surprised when he handed her a capped bowl of soup. The bowl felt warm but not hot and she suspected it must have been sitting over the table for a while. She moved her hand to refuse the food since she wanted to know what Sesshomaru wanted to tell her, but he shook his head in negative.
"We will talk after you eat," ordered Sesshomaru and he reclined back against the chair and his shoulders slumped, "you need your energy. We have time."
Vaguely aware of Sesshomaru's strange behavior Kagome took the spoon and started to eat. She did notice the soup was very tasty…perhaps more than hers. It was embarrassing to accept that a male youkai's culinary skill surpassed hers.
To be continued...
A/N: Thanks for the reviews and please review!
