Welcome to the final chapter (excluding the epilogue) of My Beautiful Disaster. It's been quite a journey, but I won't bore you all… at the moment. Just a few things before we get into the bulk of the chapter.
IF YOU START READING AND IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, YOU'VE MISSED THE LAST CHAPTER.
I sent a note out but some people were confused. I deleted an un-needed chapter, and it messed stuff up. So if none of the following chapter makes sense, go back to the chapter named Forty Seven, and read that first. Okay.
Here we go again…
My Beautiful Disaster.
Chapter Forty-Eight.
Rosalie looked around the room at all their faces. The people she had grown to love over different periods of time, all looking sad and neglected. Their eyes shone with unshed tears, willing to escape the confines of the eye. Their lips quivered. Their stances tensed and relaxed with every movement in the room, ears perking up at the sound of movement outside the door. Each one willing Dr Carlisle to come through with good news, but each knowing that the prospect of that was next to nothing.
She was feeling exactly the same.
It was a different type of love she felt for Edward than any of the others. Each friend sitting in this room she loved, but all in different ways. Edward, was completely different. She loved him like the brother she never had, the cousin that she clicked instantly with from birth. He'd been the first man she'd ever trusted enough after James. He had, in a sense, put her faith back in men. He, like all the rest, had made an impact on her life and helped her up when she'd fallen down. She'd never forget his kindness, and the way that he never judged.
An insistent tapping noise alerted her ears. Her eyes were drawn to Bella's foot, tapping on the floor. Rosalie's eyes floated up Bella's body, taking in the shivering stance, shoulders curled in, eyes to the floor. Bella's eyes would stick to the floor, then flit to the door. It was clear she wanted nothing more than to run to Edward and make sure he was okay. She felt helpless in a situation she thought she shouldn't be. The tears she held in her eyes held such emotion that Rosalie struggled to choke back a sob. Out of all of them, she had to be feeling the strain most.
But of course, Rosalie remembered, there was Alice. She was sitting in the corner, her arms wrapped around Jasper's body for any support she could find. Rosalie's heart went out to her; this wasn't the first time she had experienced this, and not just with her brother. Her father had gone in the exact same way, and the not knowing was killing Alice inside, it seemed.
Suddenly the door swung right open, all eyes in the room snapping up at the sound. Emmett's large figure stood in the doorway, his chest flitting up and down in a quick rhythm as he tried to catch and steady his breath. "I'm here! What did I miss?! Has the doctor been yet? Have they said anything?!" He asked frantically.
Rose outstretched her hand, and his eyes flickered down to it as he placed his own hand in hers. She pulled him gently further into the room and with her eyes told him to sit beside her. Out of everyone she seemed the only one that was brave enough to speak without breaking down. She watched as Emmett eyed everyone else, seeing and thinking the exact same things she was just moments ago. She squeezed his hand, gaining his attention. "When we got here he was rushed into the emergency room. The last thing we saw was Carlisle rushing into the room in all his… gear. We haven't heard anything since. We're just praying he's okay."
Bella let out a little whimper at her words, all eyes returning to her. The tears that had been locked in her eyes were not spilling down her cheeks, silently. Emmett rushed from Rosalie to Bella, enveloping his arms around her and they all watched as she tugged him closer, desperate for reassurance and comfort. The only sound heard was Bella's chanting, 'It's too soon, It's too soon'. That was all she had said from the moment it had happened, to now.
A few minutes later she had calmed down enough, and Emmett had returned to Rose's side. She clasped his hands tightly. He looked at her and saw all she was feeling before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. He was trying to help her, to tell her that no matter what happened, things would be okay, for her, for them, and for everyone in the room. But they all knew that they had no clue what would happen now. It was simply a waiting game.
Minutes went into hours as they waited, none of them leaving the room for fear they would miss something. The clock in the room continued to tick but to Rosalie it felt as if time had stood still. Somewhere in this hospital Edward was fighting for his life and they were just waiting, feeling more and more helpless as time went on. It became unbearable, more so than it already had been. Legs would shake, eyes would flit, ears would zoom to any sound; everyone was on edge and agitated.
And finally, after there hours, Carlisle walked through the door.
Rosalie could tell he was a good doctor from the moment his foot stepped through the threshold. His face was warm and inviting, though now it looked tired and worn from being in surgery so long. His eyes were patient and kind, and he oozed care and helpfulness. He came into the room, a small yet fading smile resting on his lips, still tightened, and no words were spoke. He spied a chair in the corner and went over, lifted it and placed it in front of everyone. They were all silent, waiting, as he did this.
He placed the files he was holding onto one leg, before looking up at everyone. He cleared his throat. "Edward has suffered a heart attack. At this stage in his illness it can be… fatal. But, we have managed to stable his condition… so far.' A rush of relief flowed through the room, so much that Rosalie could almost see it. But she could sense something else was coming as Carlisle raised his hand. He looked down, his eyes apologetic. 'However, that isn't the end of it. As I said, Edward is lucky to be alive right now. He is stable for the moment but that can, and I think will, cease. I'm not sure how much longer Edward's body will be able to cope.' His eyes rested between Bella and Alice. 'I would prepare yourself for the worst.' He paused. 'I'm very sorry."
The room was silent for a moment, with no-one knowing quite how to react or what to say. Rosalie watched as Bella turned to Alice, silently asking with her eyes what to do. Alice sat up from her curled position next to Jasper and simply opened her arms. Slowly Bella stood and wormed her way into Alice's embrace as both cried together. Jasper, feeling this was a moment for them alone stood and went to shake Carlisle's hand, thanking him for all he had done for his brother-in-law. Rosalie simply turned into Emmett and let him comfort her as tears escaped her own eyes.
Carlisle cleared his throat again, getting some attention. "Edward is in a private room now. He was awakening from the drugs as we put him in there, so it is okay if, two at a time, went in. You might want to… say your goodbyes."
Some nodded, others cried louder, and with a slight nod Carlisle escaped from the room. It took a moment for them to control themselves and sit right with the situation in hand. Each person was dealing with the news in different ways, but eventually they calmed down enough. Rosalie coughed slightly. "Um… who wants to… you know, go first?" She asked quietly, slightly eager to get this show on the road. There was only so much she could take before she broke down completely, and she didn't want to do that in front of everyone. She had to be strong; at least one of them had to be.
Bella shook her head and when she spoke her voice was think with tears. "I need some more time. I can't go in there and…" She broke off, unable to complete her sentence.
Alice wiped her hands over her face, trying to hide the marks of her tears. "Me neither. Someone else go first."
Rosalie looked at Jasper, who shook his head and wrapped her arms tightly around Alice once more, with one hand comforting Bella by rubbing her shoulder. Rosalie looked at Emmett, grasping his hand tightly. He nodded, and then they both stood up. The others followed with their eyes. Emmett smiled grimly. "We'll go. It'll give you all some time to… get your thoughts together."
Bella sent them a thankful look before they exited the waiting room. Carlisle was standing at the front desk, his eyes trained on the door. His smile was tight and sad as he saw them. "Room 127, up one floor and straight to your left." was all he said, realising that that was all they needed. Emmett nodded in thanks and then they took the elevator up to the next floor, turning left and being met by door 127.
Emmett looked through the window, checking it was Edward. He nodded; it was the correct room. He squeezed her hand, looking down at her. "You ready."
She nodded. "Yes."
Then they stepped into the room, ready to say goodbye.
---
Alice stood outside the room, both hands firmly clasped to Jasper's one. He bent down, littering her forehead with comforting kisses, trying to ease the pain and sadness she was feeling. She kept wondering what she had done wrong in life, and why she was being punished so severely. Was it not enough for her to have lost both her parents, one to this disease? Had she done something so terrible as to deserve to lose her brother as well? She covered her mouth quickly, unsuccessfully drowning out the whimper of pain.
Jasper wrapped his arms tightly around her, trying to shield her from the window. There was no need, she hadn't looked in yet. She'd seen him enough times in a hospital to know what to expect. After a few minutes she pulled away and looked into her husband's eyes. She took his hand. "It's time now."
She clasped the door handle tightly before breathing deeply and pushing it open. It squeaked only slightly, opening and letting them through. Alice looked around the room, pale and white, nothing but the bed and two chairs, plus equipment that was keeping him alive.
Then her eyes met Edward's.
Her breathe was knocked out of her. How could someone so perfect, happy, lovely, and caring look so worn and tired. He looked like death was already upon him. His skin was sunken and almost translucent. His eyes no longer held the spark that once had been there all the time, and lately only on special occasions. He looked worse than he ever had and it saddened her that when she looked back, the last time she will have seen him he'll have looked so bad. Still, she had to remind herself, she had years full of memories to keep her going.
Edward broke the silence, giving her a small smile. "So this is it, huh, Alice?"
She started shaking, unable to hide her emotions any longer. She rushed to her brothers side, locking her arms as carefully as possible around him. She felt his bony fingers stroke her back, trying to comfort her when he should be the one being comforted. "Shh,' He whispered to her gently, reminding her of when she was a child and he would do the same. 'Don't cry. It's the way it's supposed to be, Ali."
She pulled back, a frown on her pretty face. "No it's not. You're supposed to live and marry Bella, and be there to see your nieces and nephews being born, and see me laugh at you when you turn fifty first.' He released a little chuckle, bringing a small smile to her lips. 'You're supposed to be here, with all of us. Not… dead."
He fiddled with the edge of the blanket covering him. "It's got to happen at some point. And you'll always have people around you to support you through all the things you just said. Bella…' The pain in his voice was evident. '… that's another story. But you'll still be able to laugh at Jasper on his fiftieth birthday."
She shook her head. "You know what I mean.' She wiped a lone tear from her face. 'I just… you're the only family I have left and the thought of losing you…' She sighed shakily. 'I just don't want that to happen."
Jasper reached over and rubbed her shoulder. "Sometimes you have to go through things you don't necessarily want to, honey."
She shrugged. "That doesn't make it any easier." She muttered.
Edward grasped both her hands in his. "Listen. You're my sister, we share blood, and I love you. When I'm gone, I want you to promise me that you'll test yourself for heart cancer. Talk to Carlisle about it; I'm sure he'll sort something out for you. Please, just promise me."
She nodded. "Of course. That'd be for the best anyway."
"And don't worry about when I'm gone. You'll have everyone around you, and you'll always have the memories. Those have to count.' He smiled at her. 'Be strong, and try not to grieve for long. I'm not really gone, just away."
She nudged his shoulder slightly. "You always knew what to say, Edward."
"That's because I'm your big brother, and big brothers know best." He laughed looking at the indignant look his sister got on her face at his remark. She swallowed her pride and let him have his moment.
He moved slightly, trying not to wince as the pain got to him. He reached over, grabbing his glass of water. She watched as every moment he made gave him pain, an almost permanent grimace resting on his face. In some ways she would be happy when he left them, because then the suffering will have stopped.
He placed the cup back down, and rested a while. After a few minutes she saw his eyes light up, as if he had just remembered something. He tapped her hand. "I want you to do something for me, after I'm…" He dragged off, not finishing.
She nodded. "Tell me and it's done." She assured him.
He smiled despite the pain. "There's a box under my bed…"
---
A long time ago, when I was five, I was told my first fairytale. Being at that naïve young age, I believed what my mother said straight away. About the princes, the castles, the happily ever after; I was convinced it happened to everyone, and would eventually happen to me.
How wrong I was.
It was about ten years after I'd first been read fairytales that I realised they were utter rubbish. They were made to give you happiness, a little bit of story to keep you quiet when you were younger. But in fact, they just made you question life more after you'd read them, and then, when you realised they were wrong, and told you lies, it brought you unhappiness.
I soon realised that nothing is perfect; nothing is ever set in stone; things change, and my life could change.
When I look back over this year I can see that my life changed dramatically. I realised my dream, went for it, and I'm finally getting somewhere. But the most significant change was that I found out how it feels to be loved, and to love someone. I met the one person that gave me purpose, and made my life make sense.
I met Edward.
And in some ways, no matter what I thought of fairytales, I saw him as my Prince Charming. He had a way of making everything right, and he gave me hope that things could be perfect, because he was. I thought, and still think, that even with all his flaws I'll never meet another man that will measure up to him. He's one of a kind. And I thought I'd be with him forever.
Now I know for definite I won't be.
I see now that no matter how many times I'd been told that there was no cure for Edward I still believed that he'd make it through. I never really let myself think that he wouldn't be here. In the back of my mind I thought he'd be a constant in my life. And now, standing in his hospital room millimetres from the door, just watching him look right through me, my arms clutching at my sides I know it's really happening.
I'm going to lose him.
I move to get closer to him, wanting to eradicate the space between us that's killing me and driving me over the edge. His puts his hand up, immediately stopping my movements. "Don't. I just… want to look at you properly." His voice is raspy, probably due to either drugs, the length of the day, or the talking with everyone else. I'd do anything for him so I stand still, gazing into his eyes, hoping to get lost in them and find that I've been sleeping - it's all a dream.
I blink hard.
No, this is happening.
"Okay. I can't stand it anymore." He announces, albeit quietly. He pats the space beside him on the bed and I walk quickly around, placing myself beside him. I lean down and press my lips to his forehead, letting them linger, longing for the connection that'll be a memory soon. I draw back and look at him properly just as he had done with me. He looks almost hollow now, but that doesn't matter - he's still my Edward. His breathing is limited, shallow and gasping. And he's looking me like these are the last moments he'll ever see me; in a horrible way it's quite fitting.
I close my eyes, my hands drawn to his. "I'm going to miss you." It's all I can find to say. I have so many other things I want to, but nothing will come. I'm sure he knows it all anyway.
His chuckle was hoarse, but it was clear he was trying to keep this light-hearted. "Try not to miss me too much. You've got to live your life at some point."
I shook my head. "I'll be missing a big part of my life. You mean everything to me, and then for you not to be there…" I dragged off, willing the tears falling from my eyes to stop. That was no use; I was going to cry and nothing would stop me.
I felt Edward's thumb come up to catch my tears. "Don't talk like that, my love. I'll always be here,' He pointed to my heart, 'and here.' He pointed to my head. 'You're all talking as if you'll never be able to remember me after I'm gone, but you can.' He looked at me for a long moment. 'I hope you know how much you mean to me, Bella." The fingers that were still attached to my left hand traced my ring. The movement made my heart ache.
I cupped his cheek, feeling the faint stubble. "Of course I do. You mean just as much to me." When I spoke my voice, too, felt like sandpaper. If I had thought I'd felt pain before, I clearly hadn't. The pain I was feeling now was unimaginable.
The beeping on the machine - which I had been blocking out so far - began to quicken, only slightly, but I was so on edge that it made a difference. His fingers tightened more on my hand. His closed his eyes as he spoke. "I want you to promise me that you'll let yourself fall in love again. I don't want you to pine for me, or never let any other man in. I couldn't stand it if I knew I was the reason. You deserve to be loved again, Bella."
I knew in my heart that I'd never forget Edward, or ever feel complete again without him. I'd become too attached to fully let go. But it was what he wished, and even though I thought it was impossible right now, it might feel okay in the future. I didn't want to fight with him, anyhow. So despite my unsure thoughts I replied, "Okay. I promise."
The beeping on the machine quickened and I felt my heart pump in time with the sound. I clutched his hand tighter, squeezing my eyes until I saw stars. I knew what was happening, but damn it, I wasn't ready! I hadn't said all I'd wanted to say. I hadn't taken the time to memorize every inch of him, even though I knew it by heart already. I didn't want to let go, not just yet.
He knew what was happening too; I could see it in his eyes when mine opened. With all the strength he had left he brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed the ring he had put there. He looked at me with all the love in the world and spoke in a hoarse whisper, "I love you,". I returned the sentiment quickly.
And as my eyes blurred I watched him take his last breath.
A/N; Wow. It's really finished. Well, excluding the epilogue, that is. What a long, and at some times trying, journey it has been. I almost don't want to give up on these characters - I've grown attached to them like they weren't fictional. But I guess there has to be a time when their story finishes, and for the Bella and Edward I have created, this was it for them.
I like to think that this story is different, original, and has something a little extra than anything else I've ever written. I definitely believe that I had a goal with this story that I had to get to, and I think I did get there. Eventually.
I'll give all the 'thank yous' properly when I write the epilogue but I want to give a quick shout out to Katie (TheBlackNecromancer) who has helped me throughout writing MBD. She gave suggestions when I was out of inspiration, and was the one person I told full details of the story to. So… thank you Katie. (:
And for the second last time I'll remind you…
It takes hours to write, but seconds to review. I'd love to hear what you thought of the last (really second last) chapter of My Beautiful Disaster.
Thanks again everyone!
-xlovestory.
