Flying is an awesome exhilarating experience, but it also scares the shit out of me.

I and Ibira had ridden an Ikran before, but said Ikran wasn't carrying us in its claws, and it sure as hell didn't intend to take me up to its nest and ass rape me.

We flew across the canopy for about a mile, pursued by other horny Ikrans that squawked jealously at us. I thought about removing my pheromone soaked clothing, but one false move could send me on a ten story drop I doubted I'd survive.

The creature carried me over a river, but I couldn't tell if it were the same river I'd fallen in last time, or a different one. It all looked the same to me.

When I was with Ibira, I felt bold, and more than that, I had her warrior survival skills to rely upon. I was so clueless that I felt with absolute certainty that I couldn't repeat the stunt on my own without bodily injury.

And so I let the thing carry me over the rugged hills where the trees thinned out.

A range of mountains came into view.

Not what I expected. I'd heard rumors of floating mountains, but the bases of these ranges sat firmly upon the ground.

I thought that story was bullshit anyway. How the hell does a huge chunk of metamorphic rock just pop up in the air and float like that for any length of time without crashing into something or dropping deadly boulders on people passing below? At the very least, the landscape should be strewn with giant assed mounds of rock.

Wouldn't the volcanoes that formed these `floating mountains' also spray magma in a big mess all over the place? The mountains should look like abstract sculptures.

Nope, people never bothered to mention that part.

The only unusual features I found on them were the unusual shapes, the plethora of caves and ledges.

When I finally came to a stop in that Ikran's nest I thanked God that the Pandoran mountains didn't float. I stood high enough above the ground already.

The nest was a messy pile of dry jungle vines, vines that stared unpleasantly at me.

Right away, the creature shoved me into its nest, grabbed me with its large claws, and tried to hump me again.

I quickly ripped off my slimy shirt and threw it away from me.

The creature sniffed, snapping its head to the side, and as it did, I pulled my shoes, socks and pants off as well, throwing them in the same direction.

The Ikran rammed its beak into my head, squawked angrily, then dropped me, leaping upon my soiled clothing.

I jumped out of the nest in a hurry, running outside.

I thought I was home free, but the other Ikrans had followed me, and I guess I still had some female scent on me somewhere.

Hoping to at least limit the amount of attackers, I hurried into the next available cave I could find, and I came to another nest.

This one was full. I saw a cluster of eggs buried in the pile of dead plant matter, no sign of its owner. This seemed to be as good a hiding place as any (as long as I stayed out of the nest) so I retreated further inwards, searching for an alternate way out. Even a cavern full of deadly fungus would be preferable to this.

The rear wall had a single open crevice in it, leading into a short tunnel that sloped down at an angle. A secondary cavern lay at its end, but it went nowhere. Still, it would have to do.

I laid down on the floor, waiting for the squawking sounds to stop.

They eventually did, but when I peered out the crevice, I saw why. A mammoth sized Ikran had entered the cavern, warming the nest of eggs with its rear end. It appeared I would have to wait for it to leave again, or I'd more than likely be torn to shred by an overprotective mother.

I fell asleep.

"I had no idea you were so romantic," I heard a voice saying in the dark.

A flashlight clicked on, revealing a pair of tusks and a green face.

"We keep running into each other like this," I groaned.

"I know," she said with a grin. "It's destiny."

She shined the light up and down my body, purring softly. "My father met my mother under similar circumstances."

"That's great. Lovely."

She kissed me, pressing me against the floor. I pushed her away. "I'm sorry, Ibira. I don't dig the whole Fred Flintstone thing."

"You sure this isn't turning you on? At least a little? This is making me unbelievably horny."

"No, I'm only scared shitless."

She kissed me. "How about now?"

"That's...nice, but..."

She straddled my lap, rubbing her harness against me. "How about now?"

"Well..."

She was simulating sex with me, only a thin piece of fabric and a leather strap separating us from the real thing.

"We're sitting on rocks," I blurted. "I'm not comfortable. Let's...uh...continue this someplace else."

"How about an Ikran? I've always wanted to try the Mile High Club."

"I'm not sure I want to meet my maker naked, in the middle of a freaky idiotic sex act."

She gave me a mischievous smile. "Why not? Doesn't He see everything anyway?"

I paled at the thought of falling to my death in her arms, and legs. To me, it wasn't romantic, it was stupid. "Still, we could die."

Ibira caressed my chest with two hands, wrapping her other two around my waist, fingers sliding into my underwear.

"Nosupgo. Honey. What's the matter? We're married. You said no in the Trolluskan cave, and now you're saying no again. Surely you didn't marry me just to cuddle." She stroked the bulge in my briefs. "I know that's not what your body wants."

I pulled her hands away from my crotch, holding them to my chest.

"Ibira, has Sal even developed a cure for our problem yet?"

She shook her head. "No. But I don't care anymore. You keep doing things that excite me."

She gave me a passionate kiss. "I must have you. I don't care."

I pulled away. "I'm sorry, Ibira. But I do care. Look. I love you. That's what makes it difficult. I don't want to lose you again."

I gently pushed her away. "We should go. The others will be looking for us."

"Yes, but if that Ikran is still there, we may have some time to kill..."

I cinched up my underwear. "Then we'll cuddle. Besides, I'm starving. The last thing I should be doing is burning more calories."

She sighed in frustration. "I've heard about humans and their marriages. Based on your reluctance to have sex, your role should be described as the wife."

"I do wear the skirt in this relationship."

She pressed her body against me, breathing on my neck, hands grabbing my elastic waistband. "Don't remind me again, or this comes off, right now."

Swallowing hard, I brushed her hands aside. "Let's...just check if the coast is clear."

I peered into the outer cave

The Ikran had departed, leaving its nest of eggs unattended. I was so hungry that I contemplated slipping in and eating raw Ikran babies like a snake. I probably would have tried it, had Ibira not been with me.

"Damn," she muttered. "If only I had some pheromone to call it back."

I rolled my eyes.

She shoved a pair of damp sneakers into my arms. Even in the dark, I could tell by touch they were mine.

"Where did you get these from?"

"They washed up along the river. Along with bits of your shredded clothing. It's a lucky thing I found them, too. It's very difficult to single out a flying creature from a flock."

I pulled on my shoes, which felt like wet sponges and made squishing sounds as I walked. I figured my feet would feel better in them than walking barefoot for miles on sharp rocks and gravel. As much as I liked impressing Ibira, I preferred not to contract alien tetanus.

Outside, it was morning. Considering it had been afternoon when we left, I guessed about eight or twelve hours had passed. "I guess I missed more training."

"More like time in a jail cell," she said. "At any rate, you are familiar with the material. It should be fine."

She glanced at the Ikran fluttering around the cliffs. "Unless you wish to go for a second flight, I suggest we get out of here."

"You don't have to tell me twice. Lead the way."

It felt a little unusual scaling the side of a mountain in my whitie tighties, but I'd worn a harness and ran around an office building in the buff, so it wasn't really a big deal for me anymore.

The bigger deal was navigating the slight ledges, gripping the narrow hand-holds, and not plummeting to my death when a rock decides to break off under my weight.

Ibira had to save me dozens of times. Hanging by a sturdy chunk of granite with two hands, she grabbed me by the other two, set me on a strong rock shelf just seconds before her own rock (or, sometimes, a tree root) gave out.

It goes without saying that she got a little frisky throughout this process, slapping me on the butt, kissing me, fondling me.

We made it to the foot of the mountain rapidly, due to Ibira's special warrior skills, and me trusting them with my life.

Soon we were at the bottom of a steep rocky grade.

Ibira dug a yellow book bag out of the ground, handing me a piece of blackened meat. "Dig in!"

I ate without once asking what it was or how she acquired it. After yesterday's `breakfast', you can probably understand why.

After mirroring my prayer custom, she also began to eat.

"I once thought that this was a mere physical attraction," she said between bites. "But you have denied yourself many things for the sake of my well being. You really do love me, don't you?"

"Yes," I said. "I made a commitment to you. Part of that commitment is preserving your health and taking care of you like part of my own body."

She wrapped two arms around me as she ate with the other two. "I have married well."

I ate some more. I really was starved. "How close are we to the base?"

"We're in for a walk. We've got the Hummer back, but the fuel reserves are still limited."

I finished another bite and stood up. "Then I guess we'd better get going."

She slid a hand up my butt as her other hands stowed the rest of the food. "You're right. I'll show you the way back."

It turned out to be a long but uneventful stroll through the weeds and jungle plants.

I asked her if she thought there was anything dangerous up ahead.

"I shouldn't think so. We have their roasted remains in this backpack."

Our path took us down the rocky hills surrounding the mountain ranges, through miles of jungle. Ibira applied the foul smelling salves to my body to repel the biting insects, and we continued on.

It wasn't a bad trek. I enjoy a good hike, and have since Boy Scouts, and we were pacing ourselves pretty well, so we reached the base in good time.

Walking half naked into a building full of people, however, I didn't exactly look forward to.

Ibira had radioed ahead, so Victor awaited us at the door. And no, she hadn't allowed me to radio for clothing. She actually teased me, playing keep-away when I made the attempt.

"Couldn't wait to rip his dress off, could you?"

Ibira squeezed my hand. "No. I couldn't."

Victor snorted through his nose. "All right. Honeymoon's over. Finch, put on some pants and come back outside ASAP. We've got another job to take care of."

"Right away, boss," I said.

People stared at me as I made my way down to crew quarters, but Ibira kept by my side, squeezing my hand reassuringly, so I didn't rush back in there as quickly as I probably should have.

Grace stopped me halfway to the door. "This style of undress may be acceptable in the privacy of your own home, , but here we have something called a `dress code'!"

"It was an accident!" I blurted.

"Right. Just like how you accidentally got out of your cell, and accidentally hit me over the head with a pistol."

"His nudity was unavoidable," Ibira purred. "A sex crazed Thark ripped his dress off."

Grace rolled her eyes. "That's hardly a valid excuse."

"Oh, I don't know," I said. "She kinda dragged me up a tree like a mad squirrel. There really wasn't anything I could do."

Grace blushed. "Well."

She fumbled for the next word. "Put some clothes on and get to class. Your perpetual tardiness is becoming an issue."

"What, you mean I don't have to go back to the brig?"

Grace cleared her throat. "Let's just say that I am well acquainted with this Steel person you mentioned, and leave it at that."

The woman stomped away before I could tell her I wasn't going to class.

During the course of our long walk, Victor's team had been busy giving the A-Team treatment to our pickup truck and Hummer, fixing them up with metal armor plates and chain mail to stop the arrows.

When I and my wife got back outside, we got prompted to climb aboard the latter vehicle, the plan for the whole operation apparently formulated in our absence. The vehicles got gassed up and everything.

The Hummer took off.

Ibira held my hand, but her other hand caressed my thigh, sneaking over my leg.

Victor handed Ibira the photocopied scribbles that described our mission, explaining how we'd cut across the helicopter pads.

I was thoroughly familiar with the situation, so I didn't have any questions to ask. Instead, I had suggestions. "I have a strong hunch that you're going to face heavy opposition going in there straight-on. You might actually be better off going through the fence. They hate technology a lot more than you think."

Victor frowned. "Nice of you to tell us in advance, after we've planned out all our official strategies and everything!"

Ibira clenched my hand tightly. "We don't necessarily need to scrap the plan. Your show of force should be adequate the way it is. However, I believe I and Jason may be of better service by hunting down the Na'vi from the perimeter."

"What about the landmines?" Victor said. "We don't know where they are."

"Leave it to me," Snake said. "This isn't my first rodeo."

"Shit," Victor whispered. "You're moving my best fighters off to the sidelines. I sure as hell hope you're right about this, Finch."

We rode in silence for awhile. One of Ibira's hands played with my crotch, but I gently moved her hand aside.

The Hummer stopped just outside the fence at Hell's Gate.

"All right, Finch, Snake, Ibs. Here's your stop. If it all goes south, you'll have your pasty friend to thank. It wasn't my idea."

I opened the door and climbed out. Victor handed me a gun.

"Just remember," I said. "Drive slow. You're headed into an ambush. We'll try to ambush the ambushers first, or at least distract them so you can close in for the kill."

"Finch," Snake said. "I see you more as the distracting type."

"That's definitely how I feel about him," Ibira purred.

Snake rolled his eyes. "Finch, if you want to sex them up, that's your business. As long as they aren't shooting at Vic, and Vic gets them first, we're good to go."

Ibira took out her radio. "A little communication wouldn't be bad either, no?"

Victor nodded. "I think we have ourselves a plan."

Ibira checked the scrawls on the paper, leading me down along the fence. Snake grabbed me just seconds before my foot landed on a mine.

"See the way the ground is uneven over there?" he warned. "Keep an eye out. I don't want to be picking up pieces of your blown up ass all over this base!"

The next time I saw one of those, I grabbed the fence and climbed around it. The power was out, so it wasn't electrified. They explained this to me in the Hummer.

Busted up artillery, robots and vehicles, with burned out guard towers.

We spotted the blue pigs hiding in the mess of broken robots.

"We have an affirmative on the ambush," Ibira said into the radio. "Proceed with caution."

She grabbed my gun, firing at them.

"I'm not sure that will do any good," I said. "They're not even close."

"Hitting them really isn't my objective," she said through clenched teeth.

One of the pigs yelped and fell to the ground.

"But it helps."

The Na'vi turned our way, raising their bows, nocking arrows. A group of them ran across the field.

I winced as the landmines exploded beneath their feet, spraying dirt, blood and alien entrails up into the air. The ones behind them opened fire.

"Go!" Ibira shouted into the radio.

When the Hummer came in with its guns blazing, the razorbacks didn't know what to do. In seconds, we decimated our enemy, the vehicles remaining in pristine condition.

My little team glanced around the field of landmines with concern.

"I'm not sure I want to go out that way."

"Neither am I," Snake agreed. "Let's backtrack and take the main road."

Ibira pushed the talk button on her radio. "All clear on our side," she said. "Hold present position so we can rejoin the company."

"Ten four," Victor said. "We're going in. Meet us at Security Gate 7."

I grabbed the radio from my wife. "Proceed with caution. Second ambush immanent. Stay away from the windows, keep your guns locked and loaded before even touching that door handle."

"Yes sir, Mr. Psychic!"

A minute later, I heard him yelling, "Shit!"

I heard a series of muffled cracks on the radio, yelling, and agonized squealing.

We hurried down the road to the big garage door and the open security gate from which the loud noises came from.

Our whole team was still alive. Pablo has been stabbed in the leg, but the warning had prevented his death. He smoked a cigarette as he stood over a blue corpse.

While we rushed to their aid, Victor and his companions had taken out the Na'vi guarding the entrance, leaving a pile of bodies in their wake. The mission was a success.

Snake, being absent from the battle, did not receive any sort of wound to the leg, but I still got asked to bring out the first aid kit, on account of Pablo's injuries.

"That's not a good idea."

"Another hunch?" Victor said. "Or laziness?"

I shrugged. "All I'm saying is, if I go out there, there's going to be some Na'vi waiting for me."

"I've got this," Ibira said, leading me by the hand.

The Na'vi, sure enough, lurked around the Hummer. Ibira took out two of them with the pistol, but then ran out of bullets.

She slashed one of the beasts to ribbons with a knife, but another one sneaked up behind her, pressing a crude dagger to her throat.

Luckily, she had that extra set of hands. With one set of arms, she grabbed the weapon, pushing it away from her body while the others turned the knife around and stabbed her attacker in the stomach.

We hurried back to Pablo with the first aid kit.

"Muchas gracias," the man said as he uncapped the peroxide. He hissed through his teeth as it burned through the wound.

"I have some Podomian maggots," Ibira offered. "They will do a much better job cleaning the infection."

"Oh no, senorita verde. I hate to impose. You keep the maggots and leeches for your own personal use."

Snake laughed. "That's pretty much how I feel about it."

Victor propped the back door open, illuminating the interior hallway. I was pretty familiar with the place now, but I still couldn't make my way through it blindfolded. The light helped.

A small leathery head poked around the door frame, sniffing the air, its head jerking back and forth.

"Dino?"

I eagerly rushed to the door.

"Who's Dino?" Victor asked.

Indeed.

Since I had chosen not to get the pheromone dumped on me during a straight-on fight with the Na'vi, the little guy hadn't bonded with me.

At all.

The Ikran shrieked at me, clawing at my face, trying to rip me to pieces.