ODSS Chapter 48
Kathleen sat on the wet grass, shivering slightly as the heavy rain soaked her clothing and chilled her to the bone. She just sat and stared at the graves, the broken and desecrated stones. Where once there had been names and dates, there was only chipped stone and cracks that left the inscription impossible to read. She couldn't recall the names or dates that had once been on the rocks. She still remembered her mother's smile however, and the look on her father's face at her mother's funeral. She remembered seeing her parents slow dancing in the kitchen one night when she was very young and had snuck out of bed. Still, their names slipped through her fingers like trying to catch smoke out of the air. Kathleen pulled her legs up to her chest and buried her face in her knees. She should remember their names, how could she not? They meant so much to her, and her parents had always been her role models. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the memories, trying to bring up their names. She couldn't fail like this, she wouldn't forget them like all the others had.
"You look sad." Kathleen lifted her head and looked to her side where a boy, about the same age as her, was sitting. His hair was oddly cut; it was shaved except for a strip down the center of his that was tied in a short ponytail in the back. His skin was a perfect bronze and his eyes were a strange gold color. He seemed so familiar to Kathleen, but at the same time so foreign. She pouted as she had trouble putting a name to his face. Was this someone else she was forgetting like her parents? "Why are you so sad?" His voice was deep, much older than his appearance.
"I can't remember my parent's names. I should remember them, they mean everything to me. They're the source of the Marine blood in my veins, the strength I always wanted to have. How could I forget them?" Kathleen wrapped her arms around her legs. "I want to be strong like them."
"I don't know my parents," the boy beside her said. "None of my people do. We all start out on the same level, never knowing our father. Everyone must fight to gain rank, honor, and to survive. We know our mothers, but they don't have that much to do with our lives as we get older."
"But your females are married to a particular male," Kathleen pointed out. She was vaguely aware of what they were talking about, but she didn't know how she knew it. "Couldn't you just look at who your mother was married to and figure out who your father was?" They boy just stared at her as though she'd grown a second head that spoke Russian. "You've never even thought of it, have you?" Kathleen narrowed her eyes as she looked closely at the boy. "Why are you human and not a Sangheili? And why do you have a full jaw?"
"I don't know. Have you seen enough Sangheili young that you could figure out what I'd look like when I was small?" Kathleen shrugged, her way of admitting that she really didn't. The human version of Blade crossed his arms. "And no, I hadn't really thought about it. My mind was on other things, and it is our tradition that the younglings are taught that we shouldn't know our fathers." The boy stretched his legs out on the grass. "Our important bonds are made while we train and fight."
"Then your whole species is stupid, just like the Spartans," Kathleen huffed. "I never forgot my parents, or their legacy. I still had to fight to try to be like them, but it wasn't just handed to me." She looked back to the graves. "I remember how strong and kind my parents were. That gave me something to strive for, but the UNSC didn't want that for the Spartans. They wanted everyone to be the same, to treat the UNSC like it was their only family, and be obedient."
"But you don't remember them now," the boy pointed out. "So are they really that important to you?"
"I just can't think of their names!" Kathleen shouted, causing Blade to cringe a bit. "I still remember them, I remember their faces and what they were like. It's just their names…Anyway, the point is that I still made those close bonds while training, but I still remembered my parents and it helped."
Blade put his hands up. "All right, I'm not questioning you. Though if I think about it maybe I do know my dad," he started. "I might have met him, talked with him, served with him, but I don't know his name or face for sure so I can't be certain."
"I can't imagine living like that. I still remember my father's face. He was always either happy or stern, and he had strong features that made me feel safe. I remember how he was protective of me, even when it was just an accident. Like, he'd get mad at the wood that bordered the playground because I'd fail to lift my foot high enough and fall face first into the sand. Or when I'd smack my head against the ground. He'd always blame the ground for being too hard, when I was just an overly energetic kid who didn't watch where her feet were going." Kathleen smiled as she remembered how her father used to hold her in his strong arms.
"I kind of wish that I could have had a father like that. One that I knew, at least. Our lives are hard; from the moment we're born we have to fight. There is nothing but combat for us." The boy stood up, reaching down and picking a wooden staff off the ground. Kathleen frowned as well, grabbing her own staff. Her foot slid over the dusty ground and she prepared to defend. "From the day we have the strength to fight, we do." The boy charged forward, making quick strikes toward Kathleen.
"Same thing for the Spartans," she said as she blocked each strike. She stepped to the side as he jabbed at her. "We were only children when they threw us into training." Kathleen moved forward, trying to strike past her friend's guard. "They pit us against adults, and eventually they even started using live rounds in their guns during training exercises because we were kicking their asses. They made us into a family through the struggle of training."
"Is that not the purpose? My brothers and I stood side-by-side, we fought to become warriors, and it built the family bond. It formed the bond to Keep and kin." The boy side-stepped a strike from Kathleen. "It seems that if you take away the most obvious differences and look at how we are the same, there is much more there than I had noticed."
"Really, you didn't notice before that we are alike? And here I thought you were intelligent." Kathleen whacked her stick toward the boy's hand as he shifted and blocked it. The boy smiled at the taunt and shifted to his stance to be more defensive. "You and I are even more alike than you think. Your keep turned its back on you, and took everything you had. I went through that too." Kathleen moved to attacking, striking wherever she saw a chance. "The only difference is that you lost everything over the span of your whole life. I lost it all at once." Kathleen started to hit with more force. "In one big swoop they took away all of my family, my team, and everything I'd ever cared about. Worst of all it was a lie. They were all still alive, and to them I was the one that had died." The boy was stepping backward now to try to get distance between the angry girl and himself. "Then, after years and years, I finally see them again." Her voice was getting louder and her tone more aggressive. "But when they looked at me it was like they were looking right through me." She swung her staff so hard it split apart upon impact against he boy's.
The boy put up his hand in surrender, dropping his staff. "Why is there water on your face?"
Kathleen reached up and rubbed the back of her hand across her cheek, feeling the tears running down her face. She quickly wiped away the offending moisture. "It's nothing, I'm just…it just hurts."
"It has been years since you knew them. Has the wound not healed? Have you not set them aside?" the boy asked.
"Of course it healed. It healed just in time to find Sheila, dead on the battlefield. Then that wound was torn open again. My friend was dead by a Covenant energy sword years after she was supposed to have died due to the augmentations. The UNSC, the organization I had trusted with everything, had stabbed me in the back and lied to me. Then they went public with the Spartan program, I couldn't help myself but check up on the rest of them from time to time and keep that wound open." Kathleen could feel her chest starting to hurt. "And then I met them again, and they looked at me and it was like they'd never seen me before. That didn't just rip the wound open, it stabbed a knife into it and then twisted it, cutting up what was left inside of me." Kathleen dropped the broken pieces of her staff. "I don't think that wound will ever heal. Not after how Fred looked at me."
"Sometimes there are wounds that never heal, we just learn to live with the pain. Maybe this is one of those wounds." Blade shrugged slightly. "I don't know if the wound I carry for Ahwu will ever heal."
"No, I don't know if you'll ever heal. I have no idea how you actually feel about that. Though from the way you killed Purg, I'd guess that you're still plenty angry about it." Kathleen remembered the rage she'd seen on the Sangheili's face as he viciously strangled his enemy. "I've never seen you like that."
The human version of Blade smiled and moved closer to Kathleen. "I didn't do that simply because of Ahwu," he informed her. He moved to stand before her and leaned over, whispering into her ear. "Purg was the one who executed Ahwu. And I couldn't stand for him to kill another part of my family." His words were quiet, and she could swear that she felt a mandible brush against her cheek. Had she made that up, or had he actually told her? Blade moved around her and out of her sight. Kathleen turned with the intention of following him, but pain shot across her chest and she suddenly couldn't breathe. "Calm yourself, Love, just keep breathing."
Kathleen leaned forward and her hand came to rest on a console, keeping herself from falling. She remembered the light, the pain, and the gold Sangheili. "Right…I got stabbed." Her free hand went to her chest, where the blade had stuck clear through. "I guess I thought I was just upset about the Spartans."
Kathleen stepped away from the pedestal and stumbled to the side, barely avoiding the Sangheili fist that swung down to where she'd just been leaning and cracked the screen of the terminal. Blade turned toward her, missing only his left mandible and dressed in his old Field Marshall armor. "That is not a crazy notion. You are aware that all this is in your head, so mental anguish could cause you physical pain in here." Blade turned toward Kathleen and charged forward.
Kathleen stepped to the side and let Blade pass her. She knew she should be fighting him, but she had no weapon. "Guess it is just the sword through my chest. Figures that is how the mission would end." If this was all just some sort of imminent-death induced dream, Kathleen decided to at least give killing Blade a try and rushed the Sangheili. "Once again, when it really mattered, I screwed up." Kathleen threw a punch toward Blade but he batted it aside.
"I would hardly call being stabbed screwing up." Blade grabbed for Kathleen's throat but she deflected his hand. They fell into a steady rhythm of strike and block, each taking a turn at trying to hit the other; for now they were content to just talk and bide their time for an opening. "I would call it an injury, but not screwing up."
"It's not just about when I was stabbed this last time," Kathleen corrected, stepping back to avoid an upper-cut from the alien. "This is about all the other times I've failed. On Reach you nearly killed me, and my team had to carry me off that battlefield. Even then the planet still fell. On High Charity we were just dropped like nothing by the Flood, and we didn't even do any good. They only thing that stopped the Gravemind was the Halo being destroyed and taking out the Ark." Kathleen swung at a small opening but Blade blocked it just in time. "Then there's this mission; the Shadows really didn't need help, and in the end I didn't do much good. You killed Purg on your own, and there was hardly any real opposition on the ship. In the end what did it amount to? Just another loss, with all that blood spilled along way and nothing to show for it in the end."
"Nothing to show for it? Is that what has you upset?" Blade growled and his attacks became more aggressive. "You're angry that you haven't gotten anything in return for your service?" Blade landed a punch to Kathleen's stomach, causing her to double over. "We are warriors, and we should expect no reward other than honor. Since when have you felt like you needed to be rewarded for doing your duty?"
Kathleen flung herself forward and her shoulder slammed into Blade's chest, causing them to fall to the ground. "You think this is all about me?" Her hands moved to his neck and sat on his chest. "My soldiers have sacrificed everything since they've been under my command, and what has it got them? Crippled and augmented, with no option in life other than serving in the military. Every time I led them into those situations, I put them in danger. And when it came down to it, we didn't even have enough authority to be anything other than trial-run experiments for the Spartans." Her grip loosened around the Sangheili's neck. "You know what it's like to lead; you know the responsibility that comes with it." Kathleen's hands were only lightly gripping his neck now. "You know I wasn't even supposed to be a leader. I was the always the second-in-command of my team in training, but I was never allowed to lead directly because I just wasn't good at it." Kathleen paused for a moment before muttering, "…they made a mistake when they chose me."
The Sangheili under Kathleen suddenly became an upward force. Kathleen was flung from the alien and a moment later he was on top of her, foot on her chest and hand pushing her helmet down to the ground. "Enough!" he roared into her face. "Since when have you doubted yourself? Since when has the woman that cut up my face thought herself not good enough?" He leaned down and growled in her face. "What happened to my confident partner?"
Kathleen reached up and grabbed his lower right mandible. "This is my delusion, so I'm allowed to doubt myself in my own head when I'm dying." She yanked on the mandible, like she was trying to pull it off. "You look stupid with this damn thing."
Blade seemed to ignore the tug. "No, there is no room for doubt. Not ever." His hand moved and he leaned forward, setting his helmet against hers. "I refuse to fight someone that can't even properly stand up for themselves." Blade pulled back and stood up, moving away.
Kathleen lay on the ground for a moment, trying to get her head straight. Her chest was burning painfully now and it was getting hard to breathe. She sat up with a lot of effort, struggling to take in a full breath. "Shut up," she muttered as she struggled to her feet. "Don't act like you never doubt yourself. We all do at some point, but we get over it and press on." Kathleen gripped her chest plate and cursed as she felt the split in her armor from where Purg had sliced into it. "Just let me have my moment…for now." Kathleen sat down in what looked like the Shipmaster's chair from a Covenant cruiser. "I just need some rest, and then I'll be fine."
Blade paced before her, finally looking right in his Shadow armor and with only two mandibles. "I suppose some rest is in order, Love. But when you wake up there is still much left to be done." Blade moved over and set a plasma rifle in her lap. "There are still questions without answers."
Kathleen let out a long breath. "Is nothing ever finished?" Her finger trailed over the weapon. "Though I suppose in reality you don't know about that yet."
"Don't know about what?" Blade's remaining mandibles shifted in what Kathleen had come to know as a smile as he moved over to stand beside her chair. "What do you plan on doing about it?"
"First, I'm going to get a good night's sleep." Kathleen placed her hand on the rifle. "Then I'm going to see if anyone will listen about these weapons. I'll try and Admiral or a Captain, and avoid ONI if I can. Then I'll make sure that my soldiers are protected from any backlash. Something like this has to be high enough on the list of 'things you don't go talking about' to threaten even black-ops soldiers like me." Kathleen let her head fall back against the chair. "Though I'm still sort of pissed about how this mission ended." She looked over to Blade who was watching her. "I shouldn't have listened to your stupid ass." Blade twitched his mandibles in annoyance. "I told you something was wrong, but no, I listened to you and let my guard down. Next thing I know I'm drowning into in my own blood…that was just bullshit. What a crappy way to end a mission, it's not even fair."
"Life is not fair, my friend," Blade said as he leaned down toward Kathleen. "When you wake up, you'll have to come back home and tell me that this is all my fault. I'll probably deny it at first, but in the end promise to watch your back better next time. Of course not until we've had at least a little fight to decide who's to blame." Kathleen smiled and turned, looking out through the window of the cruiser at the mountains of Sanghelios that surrounded them. "But for now, rest. I'm sure I'll have many more enemies for you to kill when you return."
Kathleen could feel her eyelids starting to droop. The pain in her chest was fading, but so was what strength she had left in her body. She wrapped her fingers around the handle of the plasma rifle and held tight. She couldn't die, not just yet…There was certainly more work to be done.
When Kathleen's eyes opened she was met with familiar looking white walls and ceiling, and a rhythmic beeping that indicated her heart was working. So, at least she was still alive. Kathleen blearily looked around the room and had mixed emotions about what she found. None of her soldiers were present, and there was no sign of Blade anywhere. The only person who was in the room was sitting at the right side of her bed, holding her hand in his. For a moment Kathleen wondered if she was still unconscious, and if this was just a recreation of one of the many medical rooms she's been in throughout her life. She couldn't fathom any other reason why he'd be there beside her bed, his thumb gently moving over her skin. She focused on that contact and realized how rough his skin was, not at all the way she remembered. The realization that he was really there quickly turned into confusion, then just as quickly to aggression. In her anger the blurriness faded from her vision and Kathleen sat up suddenly, and tugged her hand from his. "What are you doing here, Frederic?" she snapped, scowling at him.
Fred's eyes widened in surprise at her sudden transition into full alertness. However he registered her hostile attitude quickly and leaned back in his chair, becoming a bit more formal. "I was waiting for you to wake up," he answered. "How do you feel?" Although the question seemed personal, his tone was completely neutral.
Kathleen shrugged, and couldn't stop herself from flinching as she moved her torso. Fred leaned toward her slightly in concern when she showed signs of pain, but Kathleen ignored him. "I'm fine, just got stabbed in the chest." Kathleen reached up and rubbed gently at area where the blade had gone through her. "Where's the medic? I could use an estimate on how soon I'm getting out of here."
"Not for a while," Fred informed her. "There was a lot of blood loss, a punctured lung, and your other lung had almost completely filled up with fluid." He tapped his finger against the arm of the chair. "You're lucky to be alive. They said it barely missed a few other vital organs, and that if you hadn't turned at the last second the sword would have stabbed you through the heart."
"That wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to my heart," Kathleen growled. She stared into his eyes, which were now full of both relief and apprehension. But still all she could think of was when those same eyes had looked straight at her and hadn't recognized her at all. "Where are my soldiers? I need a report on how our mission went." It worried her that they weren't there. Had something gone wrong after she'd fallen unconscious? Why else would they not be here and Fred not been kicked out? It made sense that Blade wouldn't be there, despite how much she wished he were so she could know for sure that he was alive - but as far as she could tell this was an exclusively human facility.
"Your troopers were here earlier, but they said something about needing to go for some scheduled training." Fred turned his gaze to the floor. "They did tell me to give you a message if you woke up before they came back. They said that the van was at the summer home, the silverware was in the kitchen, and that they saved your trophy." Fred looked up at Kathleen for just a moment before looking down again. "What the hell does that mean?"
"Why would I tell you?" Kathleen relaxed onto her bed and let out a long breath. She stared up at the ceiling. "Where are we anyway? Last I knew I was…well, I guess I can't say. You're not privy to that information."
"Am I not privy to that information because it's classified, or simply because you're mad at me?" Fred frowned but he still didn't raise his eyes. "Your soldiers were rather hostile toward me."
"Really, after your last run-in with them they were unfriendly? What a surprise," Kathleen sneered sarcastically. "Just tell me where I am, dough boy."
Fred finally looked up again, a rather annoyed expression on his face. "You're on Earth, in the infirmary of Keyes Base." Kathleen furrowed her brow, not familiar with the location but Fred seemed to notice and explained. "It's still sort of a makeshift UNSC outpost, but they are apparently planning on making it into a full-fledged base. Most of our bases were heavily damaged during the Covenant's attack on Earth, and they still don't have a lot of them back up and running yet, so some temporary locations like this one have been set up."
"I don't really care," Kathleen turned her head toward the male Spartan and frowned at him. "How long was I out to have made it all the way back to Earth without waking up? Had to have been weeks even with the slipspace travel."
"From what I understand, it's been about three to four weeks. But your soldiers wouldn't tell me exactly how long. They seemed to believe that my rank didn't entitle me to any information. At least the medical staff was more accommodating."
"Yeah, because rank alone means that you should be respected," Kathleen said as she rolled her eyes. She looked to the wall across from the foot of her bed, able to tell it was poorly constructed compared to the proper facilities she'd been in before. She didn't want to think about how she'd missed that now obvious detail, so she turned her mind to other things. "You didn't kill my cat, did you? No, if you had you'd be in the infirmary yourself. Unless my soldiers are still fighting over who gets to kick your ass first."
"Your cat is safe," Fred assured her. "I've gotten a few scratches, but she's been staying with me in the barracks. She does seem to have warmed up to me though." Fred stared at Kathleen, his gaze a bit distant.
"So how exactly did you find out I was here?" Kathleen asked. She was used to her missions and current location being kept top secret, so she didn't have any idea how Fred would have found out she was in the infirmary. "Or have you grown even softer than you used to be, and now like to sit at all the wounded soldier's beds and just wait for them to wake up?"
"A Spartan in intensive care with a major injury like yours? It's hard to keep the medical staff and soldiers from gossiping about it," Fred answered. "They haven't had much for us to do since we got back to Earth, so I've had plenty of extra time to listen in about comings and goings. When I heard some soldiers talk about a blonde-haired female Spartan being in medical, I figured I had to see if it was rumor or fact. Deep down I knew it was you, but I wasn't expecting how bad your injuries were."
"So you were looking for me?" Kathleen asked, not sure how she felt about that. A part of her wanted him to have been looking for her, but the other part was afraid that it would just be like the last time they met. "Do you actually have a reason to be here, or are you just here to annoy me while I'm trying to relax and recover?"
"I do," Fred admitted. He leaned forward and set his arms on the bed. He paused, obviously thinking over what he wanted to say one last time before he risked upsetting her again. Not a bad decision, seeing as even with her injury Kathleen was ready to knock him out if he pissed her off. Fred finally took a deep breath and spoke. "I wanted to ask if you'd give me another chance. Could we just start over? When we last met things didn't go at all like how I wanted. I believed you were dead for so long, so I didn't even think…and now, well, I'd like us to try to start fresh."
Kathleen eyed the Lieutenant up, trying to figure out if he was trying to trick her or was simply going to cause her more pain with empty promises. His tone was still very formal, and she wondered if he was just hoping to get her agreement without a fight. Was he just trying to build bridges between the ODSS and the Spartans? She considered how willing she was to risk listening to him. "That depends on one thing, Frederic," Kathleen said, her voice quiet, causing Fred to lean in a bit.
"And that is?" Fred asked. The look on his face and his tone sounded like that of a General waiting to hear what demands she was making for a peace treaty. Maybe he was right to treat it that way, as they were now standing at the crossroads of whether or not their friendship - at the very least - could be saved. His reaction to what she was about to say next would determine which path they were going to end up going down.
"You." Kathleen answered. "It all depends on how you want start again." She relaxed and waited for Fred to make his move. She couldn't change what he was going to decide any more than she could change what missions the Admirals had decided to send the ODSS on. She could only sit and wait for him to speak.
Fred's gaze held hers for a moment before he reached out and took Kathleen's hand in his. His expression softened and a smile spread across his face, the same sort of shy smile that she remembered so well. "Hey, Kathleen," he said quietly. "I missed you."
Kathleen wanted to be mad. She wanted to slam her fist into his face and insult him some more for having forgotten her before…but she didn't. The new scar across her chest and the burning sensation she still felt when she breathed reminded her that she'd had too many losses over the years to turn down a win like this. Kathleen smiled slightly and her hand moved to grip Fred's. "Hey, Fred." She squeezed his hand lightly. "I missed you too."
End
Author's note: I want to thank everyone who's been reading this series and kept reading it for this long. This series will update in the future as I have plans for new chapters to fill out the new canon of the battle of Reach. So if this story updates it will be new chapters further back in the chapter list. Thank you again to everyone who read and reviewed this series.
Author's Note: Chapter 2 has been rewritten and the new chapters are 14 to 17 with the start of 18 a bit rewritten to work with the new chapters.
