A/N: Okay, y'all, things are speeding up - a lot of time passes in this chapter, but I think you get all the information you need. The next chapter is very different from this one, as you can tell from the coming up - but on the upside, you can see Nessie and Jake's confidence with each other growing. That's always fun. We get some naughty Ness and Alpha Jake in the same chapter! :) It's just a little fluff, I guess, to prepare for what's coming. Balance, right?
*sigh* Make sure you let me know what you think.
Oh, oh! I completely almost forgot! By the time this is posted, it will officially be October 1st and the starting date for voting on the Sort of Beautiful Challenge! The poll isn't up right now, but it should be sometimes tomorrow/today - just please, please stop by and vote for The Sweetest Girl if you think it's deserving. It would mean the world to me. We gotta keep the J/N love alive - you know, out of almost thirty submissions, there's only one other J/N besides mine? That's crazy!
So, yeah - please go vote. Here's the link:
fanfiction(dot)net/~sortofbeautifulchallenge
Thank you so much, all of you. You support me past what I ever imagined.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and I'm completely humble about that fact. In fact, I'm the most humble - the queen of humble! The supreme ruler of humbleness! Mwahaha! :D
In Which Nessie is a Bad Girl
you make me wanna
you make me wanna
scream
- ashlee simpson, lala
-
And so time past. Quickly. It flew, really.
People started coming. The Denali coven was first, since they were closest. They visited us yearly so I knew them relatively well. Carmen grabbed me into a tight embrace when she pulled up and whispered 'mi amore' into my ear. Garrett immediately threw himself into the middle of everything, attaching himself to Uncle Jasper like always. They were surprised to learn of my and Jacob's marriage, but they accepted it more easily than I expected them to.
An Egyptian vampire named Benjamin came next, that night. Jacob said he came the first time and he, of course, remembered me but I didn't him. He seemed nice, about my age (physically, at least), but Jacob didn't seem to like him. He made it stop raining once though, after Seth (the only one besides Jake willing to venture into the house now) complained about having to patrol in the rain so I thought he was pretty awesome.
Zafrina and Kachiri showed up the next morning, who I'd only met once that I could remember and once that I couldn't, and Huilen that night, alone. I hugged her to me and burst into tears against her stone chest. It was hard not to feel like everything with Nahuel was my fault. The Volturi had no idea about us before me, and now they had Nahuel and whatever they were doing to him . . . I couldn't think about it.
I hoped – hoped against hope – that for whatever reason they were waiting until they got me to go ahead with anything, but I knew that wasn't likely. They were fascinated on how half-breeds were compatible with other species too.
Then came the Irish coven and the Romanians who Momma was surprised I didn't remember. They were strange, but seemed to be raring for a fight, which was what we wanted, right?
Right?
The werewolves were kind of split down the middle. The non-imprint guys seemed to share the attitude of the Romanians – they said they hadn't got a good fight in awhile, but the others, like Sam and Quil and Seth weren't so sure.
Of course, they would go. Their loyalty to the pack and Jacob was as strong as ever, but they had so much more to lose than everyone else. This only made me feel worse. I was killing myself over Jacob, but there were five other girls who would feel exactly the same if their wolves never came back.
And it was wrong that I just couldn't bring myself to care as much about them.
My days were spent with whoever of my family was free. Jacob's days were spent with the wolves and my family and the other vampires, strategizing and training. Alice's days were spent in a corner, trying to see through all the wolves and the half-breeds to find out what was going to happen to us.
Our nights were spent together. Jacob, so sweetly, presented me with a silver chain to keep his ring around when he couldn't wear it so I didn't have to hold it all the time since I hated to put it down. As soon as we got into the car, I would slide it back onto his finger and we'd race home.
We were usually on each other from the second we got into the house. Sometimes we didn't even eat until round one was out of the way. My appetite for Jacob had become insatiable. Every time he touched me, every kiss, all I could think of was what if it was the last one. What if it was the last time I could have him like this?
I could tell Jacob was thinking it too, but neither of us ever said it. I wanted to beg him to change his mind and stay every morning when I woke up and another day was gone, but I never did. I couldn't bear to make him angry with me or hurt him again.
I could tell Jacob had a little of that desperation inside him too, in the way he kissed me and pulled me to him, but he was always so gentle with me when were . . . together. And it was amazing, but sometimes I didn't want him to be.
He always whispered in my ear how much he loved me and wanted me and needed me, but I wanted him to show me. I wanted him to love me hard. I wanted him to leave me with marks that would last until he came back to me and I could have him in my arms again. If he came back to me.
But I didn't think about that.
Jacob took me two, sometimes three times a night and once even four. I always made sure we were together in the mornings before we left for the big house – it was the strongest tie of him that I had to keep with me during the day.
I tried to make sure we were together in all the places Jacob mentioned to me that day in the car before we came home and some places he didn't. The shower, the kitchen, and of course the bed. The living room floor, the shed where he used to always work on the Rabbit, and on top of the washer. The forest floor once too, right by this meadow where we used to go wrestle, which was scary and exciting in equal parts.
No matter where we were, Jacob was still sweet and perfect and attentive as ever. He always, always prepared me with his fingers first, no matter how much I protested that I didn't need them now and he always used a condom even though I complained about that sometimes too. He was never rough.
I always wanted to cry when we were finished. Sometimes it looked like Jacob did too.
Now I had five days left. Barely more than a hundred hours, and our days at the big house were getting longer and longer as everything started becoming more crucial. No one told me anything about their plans and I didn't ask – I didn't want or need to know. They had made it clear that neither my opinions nor my decisions mattered.
Now I had five days left and there was still one thing left that I wanted to do for Jacob and hadn't. I had become much more comfortable with Jacob this past week, but things were still shy and awkward sometimes. It was a special kind of shy, though, a reverent one that I didn't mind and we always worked through.
I wanted to dance for Jacob tonight. But I was scared out of my mind.
I forced myself to push Jacob gently away when he tried to immediately pull me to him when the door clicked shut behind us. I needed to do this before I lost my nerve. At least we got home a little early today – it was barely dark.
"Let me change really fast," I told him, which was a kind of stupid excuse since the direction he was trying to guide me in would end with all my clothes on the floor. I pushed on his chest gently. "Go sit down and I'll be there in a minute."
Jacob's eyes were dark and a little worried, but he nodded and went in the direction I sent him. Nerves twisted in my stomach as I went into our room to change. It was stupid, because it was Jacob and I knew he would like whatever I did but it didn't stop the insecurity nagging in the back of my head that I was about to go out there and make a fool of myself.
I had to spend about an hour digging on the internet for the song that was playing in the hotel that day and finally found it to download it onto my mp3 player. Momma stared at me a little strangely, probably wondering why I was downloading rap music, but she didn't say anything.
I'd been agonizing over this all day, half excited and giddy and half nervous and terrified. What to wear, how to stand, what to do, and I'd come to a sort-of decision. I'd worn the red bra and panties today for this occasion, since Jake had shown appreciation for them before and slid on my Mickey Mouse t-shirt and Jacob's huge dress shirt over it.
I wasn't pretending to know what I was doing, so I ditched the idea of heels quickly. I didn't want to break something – even as a half-vampire, I wouldn't put it past myself.
I let my hair down and put on some of the pomegranate lip balm Jake liked, then clutched my mp3 tight in my hand. I stacked my clothes on top of my bags that I had never gotten around to unpacking to eat some time. I'd already set the speakers that would play the music out loud on the coffee table this morning, blushing furiously. It felt like premeditation for some extremely embarrassing crime.
I went slowly into the living room, even though I wanted to power walk. I didn't want to freak Jacob out. He was laying back on the sofa looking a little impatient and kind of worried. He had gotten rid of his shirt and his shoes. It was always the first thing he did when he walked in the door if I didn't get to them first.
Jacob sat up when I came in, his eyes raking over me. I was glad I had set the song up already because I definitely wouldn't be able to operate my ipod now with his eyes on me like this.
"If you laugh at me, I'm going to kill you," I warned him, smiling nervously to show him I was kidding – sort of – as I pressed play and set my ipod onto the speakers.
The pounding beat filled the room and Jacob's eyes widened. He took in my appearance again and realization seemed to dawn on him.
I forced down my embarrassment and tried to let myself go with the music, immediately forgetting all the moves I'd practiced today in the bathroom with my ipod on low in my ears. I rolled my hips a little and tilted my head forward so my hair was covering my face to save me some measure of humiliation.
I turned my back to Jacob and slid his shirt from my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. It didn't go smoothly like it did in my imagination, but it got off and for that I was grateful. Jacob growled out loud as more as my skin was revealed. He wasn't lying when he said he liked the red panties.
It gave me confidence. A little, at least.
I swung my hips backwards in his direction before I turned back around. I waited for the perfect point in the beat before I rolled my hips again and reached down to slowly pull the hem of my shirt up. It was tight enough that it stayed where I left it, so when it reached the underwire of my bra I let go to hold my hands up by my neck.
I started steeling myself when I heard the music getting to the point I'd planned this for, turning around so my back as facing Jacob again. When the beat pounded just right, I dropped down and then slowly brought my hips back up, keeping my head down low.
I felt the air change, and then I felt Jacob's hot body press itself hard against me. His hand shot out to wrap around my hips to steady me so I didn't fall as I finished arching myself the rest of the way up. I was so short compared with him that my bottom was pressed back against his legs.
"Are you trying to kill me, Nessie?" Jacob said, his hips starting to move against me. It took my lust-raddled brain a second to realize he was dancing with me. This last week had put my mind in the gutter. "You expect me to just sit there and watch that like a good boy, huh?"
He swayed us in time with the music and I felt his hardness pressing into my back. I shivered and didn't answer. I didn't trust my voice.
"I can't watch you like that and not touch you," he said roughly as I rested my head back onto his chest for the briefest of seconds. "Not feel you."
I decided to be evil in the hopes it would shake the Alpha side of Jake up that I sometimes caught glimpses of and made me shiver.
"How about you feel this?" I whispered before I dipped down again, out of his arms, just like before.
Except this time, when I straightened up, my backside dragged against Jacob's legs. He growled and pulled me up the rest of the way up, dancing against me harder than before even though the music didn't change. I turned in his arms and dipped again, keeping his amazing dark eyes locked on mine the entire time.
I brought myself up slowly, making sure my nose brushed the bulge in his shorts. Jacob growled again and I was about to push my luck and brush him with my lips, even though he'd told me before not to, when he snatched me up his body.
I immediately threw my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist to steady myself and his hands gripped my backside hard. He connected our lips passionately, kissing me hard for a few steamy seconds as I ground myself up against him.
"You trying to tease me, Nessie?" He asked against my lips in his Alpha voice that made me shiver. I just nodded against his mouth and then gasped out loud when his hand came down on my backside. It only stung a little, but it made that noise I think we both liked and I whined. "That's not very nice of you."
The hand that had just smacked me massaged my backside like he was trying to take the sting out, but all I could think of was how I wished he'd do it again.
"You wouldn't like it very much if I teased you."
Oh, I beg to differ. I think I would like it very, very much.
"Really?" Jacob said, and it took a second for me to get that I'd accidentally showed him my thoughts. "We'll see about that."
I shuddered with anticipation and a little fear as Jacob walked me us over to the couch and sat me down. He kneeled between my knees like he had on our wedding night and kissed me. The way he kissed me was strange though, deepening and lightening the kiss at strange, unpredictable times.
Jacob's hands came to my shirt and tugged it up over my breasts, pulling away from my lips. I lifted my arms to help him. He took my shirt off the same way he kissed me though, in a pattern I couldn't understand. He dropped my shirt to the ground and pushed me back onto the couch, grabbing my thigh and setting it over his hip, rocking them into me like he had done when we were dancing and that's when I realized.
Jacob was touching me in time with the music.
It was easier to enjoy now that I knew what was going on, but I could already see how this would become problematic if Jacob kept this up. If he followed the rhythm of the music and not the one my body set up, I would have to chase my pleasure and not have it brought to me.
I couldn't wait.
Jacob continued to kiss me and touch me with the rhythm of the music, finally sliding the straps of my bra down my arms. His fingers slipped under the clasp and just when I thought he was about to unhook it, the beat jumped, and Jacob's hand did too, sliding back down my back.
I made the whining-noise and writhed against Jacob but he was relentless. He just chuckled against my lips and let his hand slowly start making its way back up again.
Finally, he unsnapped my bra, pulling it off in one swift movement since the music sped up and I gasped as Jacob pushed me flat back against the couch and arranged himself between my legs.
He started kissing down my neck and I decided that maybe if I was good and cooperated, Jacob would take mercy on me so I started arching my back against him in time with the music.
I was wishing now I hadn't put that damn song on repeat. I was wishing now that I hadn't chosen a song with a beat so erratic. I was wishing now that I hadn't teased my Jacob. At least not as far as I had.
"Jacob – " My voice said weakly, at least five repeats of that damn song later, as he slid my panties down my legs.
Jacob didn't reply, just slid back up me and slid one finger inside of me. I almost cried, but not with relief, when he started sliding in and out of me in time with that damn beat that I was sure I knew now better than anything else. He added a second finger and then a third quickly, and just when the music reached the place where I'd dipped down in front of him, he pressed his thumb hard against my favorite place.
"Jacob – please – " I felt a flicker of hope as Jacob kept his thumb against me. Even if he was moving it to that damn music, if he kept it there, I would get release before too long. "I – won't tease you anymore, I'm – sorry – "
"You're not," Jacob said finally against my lips, kissing me quickly. "And I'm not either. Why don't you say what you really mean?"
Was that what this was? This whole, long, torturous process, all just to make me ask? I'd ask in a heartbeat. Beg if he wanted.
"Please give me – please let me – "
"Let you what, Nessie?" Jacob said roughly against my mouth. He wasn't letting me off easily. "Ask me for what you need from me."
"Please let me – finish, Jake – please – "
Jacob's lips leaned down to kiss me and I almost cried, with relief this time, when his fingers broke the rhythm. I wanted to say thank you, but I wasn't sure my mouth could form words anymore so I just wrapped my arms around Jacob's neck and pulled him down on me hard.
His free hand came to my breast to massage me there and I was falling over in seconds, gasping Jacob's name and clinging to him for dear life. He finally pulled his hand away when I started to whimper and broke away from my lips to look at me.
"Th-thank you, Jacob," I said quietly, reaching up brush our noses together. "I'm sorry."
"Nessie," Jacob said, his voice a little incredulous. "You don't honestly think I'm . . . mad at you, do you?"
I didn't say anything, since I didn't know what to say.
"I – I was just getting you back, like – like we always do," he said, kissing me softly. "Playing. If – if you wanted or needed me to stop, you could have just asked."
I couldn't do anything but give him a tired smile, relieved that he wasn't upset with me and embarrassed that I had assumed he was. As I smiled and Jacob smiled back, our lips brushing as they spread, I realized I was very much naked and Jacob very much wasn't.
I needed to do something about that.
Jacob's hand stopped me when mine came down to stroke him through his shorts.
"Let's eat first, baby."
I wasn't really hungry but I knew Jacob probably was so I nodded my assent. Jacob eased himself off of me, his eyes raking over my body as he sat up. I stood on shaky legs and started to search for my panties until I saw Jacob holding them in his hands.
"Step in, Ness," he said as he held them low.
I obeyed him, my stomach already trembling again. I know Jacob ate fast, but I hope he ate particularly fast tonight. I found my t-shirt and pulled it on, not bothering with the bra even though the shirt was white. It wasn't like it mattered now anyway, and I would be lying if I said I didn't like the way Jacob looked at me when I was dressed like this.
Jacob pulled my hair gently from the back of my shirt and then smacked my behind again, but it was in a playful way. I think. He was smirking, anyway, when I looked up at him.
I made stir-fry and chocolate chip cookies today, which wasn't a very well-matched meal, but an appealing one. I almost didn't believe Jacob when he told me how good it was because of how slow he was eating. I didn't think he was still teasing me, but there really wasn't any other reason. He was almost eating like a regular person.
Finally, after what felt like ages, Jacob finished the last of his food. I asked him if he was still hungry and he shook his head. I asked him if he didn't like the food.
"No, Nessie, it was great – it always is."
I wasn't sure I believed him, but I hadn't seen anything wrong with it so I tried to brush it off. We needed to get to the bedroom. Well, not necessarily the bedroom; right here or any relatively soft place in between would do but I think the sentiment is the same. I grabbed both our plates and took them to the sink, not even bothering to wash them like I usually did. I hoped Jacob would take the hint.
When I offered him a cookie, he only took one. Something was wrong.
He swallowed the last of his tea and stood up, lifting out his arm so I could lean against his side.
"You about ready for bed, Ness?"
I nodded, since I was ready to get to the bedroom. Maybe I could figure out what was wrong with Jacob there. Jacob shut the door behind us like always, but when I reached down to pull my shirt back up over my head, Jacob's hand stopped me.
He sat down on the bed with his back against the headboard and pulled me with him, curling me into his lap. I burrowed my head in his shoulder as one hand wrapped around my waist and the other trailed down to trace shapes on the back of my hip.
"Nessie," Jacob said after what felt like years. "I have to tell you something."
Coming up:
I think we reached that point together, because I arched my back hard against him and not even meaning to, dragged my fingernails down Jacob's back. Jacob's head fell down until our cheeks were almost brushing and literally roared in my ear.
It was a loud, angry, desperate, broken sound and it broke my heart all over again.
Two more thrusts and Jacob collapsed on top of me, barely holding his weight off with his arms and I reached up and pulled him down the rest of the way. I wanted him on me, suffocating me, his presence against me so strong that I still felt it when he was gone.
