Gnothi Se Auton
-Act I-
The Trine Prophecy
A Final Fantasy IV Story
By SpacemanSpiff
Chapter XVIII
Cecil's Conviction
Scene – Mysidia, Matoya's Hut
The atmosphere was warm and jovial, as mother and son, uncle and niece spoke of life and the wonder of a new family bond they had discovered in each other. It was difficult not to wear a smile knowing what they all now knew, and they each felt blessed to have this moment, however fleeting it would be. The sunlight pouring through the curtain doorway could not match their radiance, as they seemed to glow with every word, every laugh, and every bit of family history they could share with what little time they had.
Rydia was most amazed with her grandmother's wisdom, how she had come to share KluYa's dream of a peaceful coexistence between human and Lunarian, and how the founding of Mist would serve as the living proof of that possibility. The green-haired summoner was in awe as she absorbed the knowledge of Mist's intrepid vision and its humble beginnings in the valley. It made her long to reconnect with that place, the village she knew for a mere six years before it vanished in smoke and cinder.
She was even more excited to learn of her father and his life as a boy growing up in the village. Apparently, he had an affinity for chocobos and was quite adept at catching them, although he had also reaped the scorn of the colony on more than one occasion for causing a stampede or two. His magical abilities were well beyond anyone else his age, and when he wasn't causing a feather-flying ruckus he was practicing his craft to one day be as great as his big brother, HaMut. Matoya described him as a free spirit, a soul with an overabundance of independence, which was why she did not hesitate to leave him under the care of the villagers when she departed Mist for the last time.
Cecil watched with a reverent smile as his niece soaked in the story of her father's life, for he had experienced these very same feelings over the last two weeks. It was incredibly satisfying to have this connection with family, a soothing touch to the tender longing he had been feeling for some time. It was like watching a seamstress mend a hole in an age-old quilt, one whose fibers had worn over generations, gathering stains and scars, yet still providing the same warmth and comfort for which it was made.
It would have been a perfect moment, if only Cecil did not still have the nagging thoughts of his last dream whispering in the corner of his mind, reminding him that they were there. He felt a bit stuck at this point, for he couldn't simply interrupt the reunion with Rydia to suddenly bring up the matter, yet at the same time he didn't know when he may get another chance to speak about it with his mother. Maybe never.
He quickly brushed that last thought from his mind, maintaining his pleasant façade so as not to alarm anyone, although he caught his mother giving him a glance as she spoke to Rydia. It sent an uncontrollable tingle through his body, his heart jumping as though he had been caught in a moment of weakness. But her eyes were quickly back to her enthralled granddaughter, as though nothing had transpired. Cecil hid it well, but he was tense as the stress of the conversation that needed to be had began to swell.
"Lady Ambassador," a voice broke in from the doorway, and all eyes turned to the mage that stood respectfully outside the hut.
"You may enter," Cecil called as he stood from his mother's bedside to greet him. The mage entered and bowed respectfully before the Paladin King before turning his attention to Rydia. She stood as he hesitantly approached her.
"I am so sorry to interrupt, but your presence is needed in the archives," the mage began, bowing humbly before the summoner, clearly seeking forgiveness for his intrusion.
"Can it not wait?" Cecil asked, somewhat harshly. "Our time with my mother is limited."
"I understand, Sir Cecil, and please forgive me," the mage replied with humility. Clearly he had drawn the short straw for this particular errand. "I would not insist if it were not urgent. Something has happened with the bolt that you brought to us, Lady Ambassador. The rune inscribed upon it has…disappeared."
"What?" Rydia asked with surprise. "What does that mean?"
"I'm not sure, but the Elder and his historians are concerned that whatever spell it harbored may have taken effect," the mage responded with urgency. "We did not have enough time to study it before it was gone, and I'm afraid we need you to help us identify the rune from our records."
"I suppose I could assist you, but I…" Rydia offered before she turned to her grandmother, still smiling with genuine affection on the quilted cot. She didn't want to leave her after just discovering this family connection. Matoya seemed to sense this conflict in her granddaughter, as she reached out a hand to her.
"My dear Rydia, our time has been a blessing," she spoke so warmly that it was hard not to sit by her side once again. Rydia took the gentle hand extended for her. "Trust that we will speak again one day. I have matters to discuss with SeSol before I lapse once again, for I do not know how long the next one shall last. Please do not neglect those duties that require your attention on my behalf."
"Thank you, grandmother," Rydia said with a smile as she clasped her hands around Matoya's. "I have enjoyed getting to know you, and I look forward to speaking with you again someday. May I…may I hug you?"
"Yes, of course, child," Matoya responded with a chuckle as she welcomed her with open arms. Rydia gently leaned in and took in the warmth of her embrace, a feeling of incredible joy sweeping over her skin. As Rydia stood once more, her face full of innocence and radiance, the familial bond seemed to crystallize before them, a sense of unshakeable connectedness.
They said their goodbyes before the mage finally escorted her out of the hut, leaving Cecil and Matoya to spend some time alone. Unfortunately for Cecil, his nerves were beginning to get the better of him, as the moment of truth had been abruptly forced upon him. Matoya seemed to sense something was amiss.
"Is everything alright, SeSol?" Matoya called to her brooding son, who seemed lost in thought as he continued to glance out the doorway, even though Rydia and the mage had disappeared from view. Cecil turned, almost startled, and tried to quickly stretch a smile across his lips.
"Yes, of course," he began, though he could tell by the concerned look on his mother's face that she had intuited his mental quarrel.
"Please, SeSol, you needn't hide your feelings from me," Matoya offered kindly, her hand beckoning him towards the seat at her bedside. "Please, sit. Tell me what is on your mind."
"You're right, mother, I'm sorry," Cecil conceded with a sigh as he took his seat at her side, but he still felt the nerves tightening throughout his body. He rubbed his knees anxiously as he spoke. "I have been having dreams. Dreams of my past."
"Ah, so the crystal is beginning to reconnect with your spirit, your EiSanKi," Matoya surmised as she eyed the subdued glow of the pendant pulsing beneath his tunic. She smiled as her gaze returned to the deep blue of the worried eyes before her. "This is completely normal, SeSol, do not worry. You will continue to have these dreams until it has fully rebuilt the memories that it lost since I hid the crystal from you as a child."
"Having the dreams does not bother me," Cecil replied, losing his confidence as he stared down at the bed. "It is wonderful getting to see what my life was like back then, seeing things I could never remember. It brings me comfort and satisfaction to know where I came from."
"And yet, you do not seem comforted at this moment." Matoya reached her hand out to rest upon Cecil's, causing him to stop his nervous fidgeting, his eyes finally coming back to hers. "What have your dreams shown you thus far, SeSol?"
Cecil closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath as he prepared himself for the conversation that was about to unfold. He didn't want to cause his mother any strife with her present condition, but at the same time he wouldn't be able to rest with the weight of this on his chest. He opened his eyes with a refreshing exhale and began.
"I have had two dreams, both when I was but a baby, no more than a year old," Cecil began, his mother listening intently. "The first memory was the day you left Mist…after Father had died. I sat beside you and watched your conversation with FeRos…it broke my heart to see the two of you in so much pain."
"And it breaks mine that you had to bear witness to that moment. It must have left a strong impression on your young mind if it was the first memory that came to you," said Matoya caringly. "Is that what has you so distraught?"
"No…it was what I saw in the following dream," Cecil continued, his face falling slightly deeper into sadness. "You were in the forests near Baron…the morning before you arrived at the castle. I learned why you gave me to King Odin…why I…was never to see you again until now."
"SeSol, I know it is hard to understand, but you must believe that it was for your safety," Matoya pleaded. "I would not have been able to keep you from the hands of evil had ZeMus and HaMut ever found me, and I feared Mist would not be safe for you, either. It was best that you knew nothing of who you were, so that you would have no inclination to return and risk following the fate of your brother."
"I understand that, mother, I truly do…I believe you had only the best intentions in trying to protect me," Cecil assured her, though his face did not brighten, for he was about to dive into the crux of his feelings. "It was what you said to me in the forest that morning that concerns me."
Matoya seemed puzzled. "I'm afraid you will need to remind me."
"When last we spoke, you told me that I was not meant to be this planet's protector, that I was supposed to live a normal, peaceful life," Cecil began, still a slight hesitation in his voice. "But in the forest, you admitted that Father had a plan for me…that I was the last hope for humankind…that I would have to make great sacrifices to ensure the safety of this world."
Matoya's eyes widened, and Cecil noticed they began to glisten in the corners as her own emotions surprised her in an upwelling of dread and sadness. He could tell that she had not intended for him to ever know this, a secret she was prepared to take to the grave, yet here it was laid bare before them. Nothing was said for a moment as the revelation sunk in, but Cecil became quite uncomfortable in the silence, and unable to restrain it any longer, words simply spilled out of him.
"I have been going over that moment again and again, trying to make sense of why you would continue to lie to me about this after all these years," Cecil rambled. "I've wondered what purpose this would serve now, when the war is over and ZeMus has been defeated, by my hand, no less. It makes sense now that I was, indeed, destined for this life. So why continue the charade? I have been struggling with my convictions these last few weeks, and after our last conversation I finally felt free of the chains of fate and prophecy. But now…now I feel lost once more…I…"
"SeSol, please," Matoya begged with quivering lips, tears now running down her cheeks. Cecil stopped his frantic diatribe, only to feel shame for the verbal wounds he had inflicted. "Please know that it was never my intention to lie to you. It became a necessary sin for your own protection."
"But why lie to me now?" Cecil interrupted. "After all has been said and done?"
"Because you should never feel as though you are bound to the will of anyone other than yourself," Matoya answered firmly, gathering her strength and halting the flow of tears. "What I told you before was true, you were never originally intended to be the one to protect this world from ZeMus. Only when it became clear that HaMut would fall into darkness did KluYa choose you to take his place. But before all of that, when you were first born, your father promised me that you would never have to live with the burden of saving this world. It was the only reason I agreed to even have another child after he revealed to me what would become of FeRos."
"What…?" Cecil's eyes widened with curiosity. "What was to become of FeRos?"
"When he was born, your father sensed a spirit in him that only occurs in an exceedingly small number of Lunarians," Matoya explained, feeling a bit calmer now that all of this was finally getting out in the open. "The spirit of a legendary EiDoLon, one that can bring those that have perished back from the dead. It was why he was given the name Phoenix, Rising to the Light."
"Yes, the legends of the Phoenix are still recited to this day," Cecil added. "It is said that is where Phoenix Down potions get their name."
"That is true, but the potions can only revive those on the brink of death, only while their spirit still resides in their body. Once the soul leaves the body, no potion or spell will reanimate them, unless one resorts to necromancy. But even then it is just a shell without a soul, it is not the same person it was before," Matoya corrected. "The EiDoLon Phoenix, however, can reunite the spirit to its body, bringing even those long dead back to this world as though they had never passed."
"That is truly incredible," said Cecil with wonder. "But this does not sound like a reason to fear for him."
"While it sounds like a blessing, I assure you it is a curse," Matoya responded fretfully. "What you must know about this EiDoLon is that it has a countermeasure to prevent abuse of its power. When one summons the Phoenix, they must give up their own life in return. Your father decided that if HaMut ever died before he could defend the planet that FeRos would…sacrifice himself to bring him back."
"I see," Cecil whispered, saddened by the understanding of what his mother had to bear in knowing that her own children had their fates sealed before they were even born. "I can't imagine how difficult that would be to accept."
"For a long time I could not accept it," Matoya admitted, her voice noticeably weakened. "Your father and I…we did not speak for years after FeRos was born. When he told me what FeRos would have to do, I instinctively fought back. He left after many bitter disputes, when I finally told him not to return unless he changed his mind about FeRos's purpose. He and HaMut spent all of their time training in the deserts of Kaipo during that long absence, and I was left to raise our sacrificial son alone. The village provided me with overwhelming support, and they became an important part of our family. Without them, I don't know that I would have been able to hold on to my sanity."
"I'm so sorry, mother, I had no idea," Cecil said, feeling even worse for making such a big deal out of his mother's deceit, which now seemed so insignificant.
"I know, and I do not wish to burden you with all of this, but you need to know why I lied to you," Matoya continued, remaining strong in the face of this uncomfortable conversation. Cecil found that admiration he had felt for her when she faced King Odin in his dream. "When your father did return, he conceded that he understood my fervor, and apologized for his stubbornness. But he also said that he could not forego FeRos's destiny. He offered to have another child, one that would be free of any overwhelming purpose. At first I was furious. I found such a consolation offering offensive, for it flew in the face of my previous concerns about the well-being of our children. He and HaMut spent a few years in the village as a show of good will, trying to rebuild our relationship, and in time KluYa and I found love in each other once more. You were the result of a renewed promise of love and hope for our future."
"But when ZeMus corrupted HaMut's mind…" Cecil began to put to the pieces together, at which point Matoya's steeled exterior began to weaken, and he realized what his father must have asked of her, what the finality of his death signified.
"I know he never intended for it to happen," Matoya started with his defense as she wiped a rogue tear from her cheek. "But I traveled to see him before he died, when he realized what was happening to HaMut. That is when he told me that you would have to take your brother's place. He…broke his promise to me…to you…"
With those words she could not hold back her sadness any longer, and she wept openly into her hands, overwhelmed with heartache. Cecil wrapped his loving arms around her, consoling her as best as he could. Her head landed in the crook of his neck as she continued to sob uncontrollably, as all of her pent up emotions poured out of her. Cecil was also filled with woe, but he took it upon himself to be her rock, her solid ground, for he realized that is what he had always been for her.
"SeSol…SeSol promise me something…" Matoya let out as her tears finally began to subside, her head still nestled on his shoulder, her quivering breaths grazing his neck. Cecil put a hand on her head, stroking her hair lovingly.
"Anything," Cecil answered softly.
"Promise me that you will always do what you feel is right. Not because someone tells you to do it, or because you feel helplessly destined for it," Matoya sadly pleaded. "You became who you are of your own free will, SeSol, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Promise me that you will…live your life…your life…your…"
"I…" Cecil began before his mother suddenly went limp in his arms. She had lapsed once more, but Cecil couldn't bear to take his arms from around her. He wanted to somehow pour his life into her, to give her more time with him. He wanted her to know that he would keep his promise to her, that he would never break his word, would never break his bond with her. But it was useless, no matter how tightly he held her she would not rouse. He eventually laid her down softly upon the bed, tucked her in as she remained in a peaceful state of slumber. She was still breathing, her crystal still pulsing with a soft glow. It was enough to give him hope that he might still have another chance to speak with her before she was lost forever. He leaned in to leave a kiss upon her forehead before he whispered his last words.
"I promise."
