Disclaimer: TVD belongs to LJ Smith/The Cw.
Summary: There are things that Damon has always wanted to hear but when said they have no effect. Bonnie on the other hand wishes Elena would just stop talking.
A/N: Good lord what has happened to this show? I'll just say that if it wasn't for writing these one shots and Kat Graham I would stop watching because when I do watch it just makes me roll my eyes so hard I can see the back of my skull haha. This tags episodes 4.01 (Growing Pains) and 4.02 (Memorial) and it's more AU with references to things that happened in the episodes. You can probably guess the stuff that didn't happen. ;)
Not So Fragile Things
"I don't like that you dragged Matt into this."
Damon's brows narrowed as he stared at Elena, the tiny veins under her eyes slowly dissipating. He'd almost forgotten how she'd always seemed to have a problem with the way he got shit done. Most of the time no one died; case in point Matt wasn't really any worse for the wear. He'd only bit him to lure out the vamp hunters anyway and wow, imagine that it'd worked. Distraction in place and he was free to rescue her and Stefan.
"He volunteered." Damon stated. "He thought it was the least he could do considering it's half his fault you're a vampire now. Besides it worked."
She exhaled deeply and sniffled, looking around the area. "None of this is his fault. I told Stefan to save him because I was ready to die. I was okay with it. I—I didn't know what Meredith had done and I'm sure if Stefan had he would have tried harder to save us both."
He shrugged. "Whatever. You're alive—ish—and Matt is alive so everything worked out I suppose. Except for the crazy people that wanna kill us but that's just another Thursday."
He turned to walk away when she said, "I remember everything. One of the highlights of my transition; I remember everything that you compelled me to forget." Pause. "Like how you and I met first. You were the stranger that told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted from life. Damon, why didn't you tell me?"
Crap. I forgot that happens to new vampires. "Would it have made a difference back then?" When she didn't reply, he shrugged again. "I didn't think so. And I didn't meet you first. In relation to Stefan yeah but… If we're talking your little group I met Bonnie first before she knew about her powers, and I compelled her to forget."
Elena smiled as if it were almost something she expected. "If it had been her on that bridge with Matt, you'd have saved her, wouldn't you?"
He sent her a look. "Do you really have to ask me that? You know the answers." A beat. "Would it have been right? Probably not. But hey I'm a selfish dick and she knows that so… Honestly I might have tried to save Matt too just to save me from hearing her mouth."
She chuckled softly, wetting her lips. "I remembered you telling me that you loved me. That I couldn't remember because you were selfish. A part of me wishes you'd never did that because while I know it's over—so over—it's in my head and I can't get it out. It's like it just happened for me and I hate it because I love Stefan and I want Stefan, but it sort of makes me think I never really gave you a chance. The real you—whoever that is."
Once upon a time this was the type of stuff Damon had wanted to hear from her. Back when he'd convinced himself he loved her for her and not because she looked like Katherine. Back when getting rejected by her over and over was more of a game than anything else. Those days were gone though and even if he weren't with Bonnie he'd like to think he had too much self respect to keep chasing someone that obviously didn't really want him. Because even if she did on some level she wanted Stefan more, and all of his asshole-ishness aside he didn't deserved to be jerked around.
"That was a different time." He replied. "When I wanted things or at least thought I did."
Her big brown eyes softened. "I know. I'm not asking for anything Damon. I just wish it wasn't in my head."
He nodded. "I'd compel you to forget again if I could."
She rubbed her cheek. "It's okay. I do wish I'd taken the time to really see you though. I'm sorry if I was ever flip with your feelings."
Damon snorted. "I'm not as fragile as Stefan. I'm good. And it's not like you were as bad as Katherine was."
She dropped her eyes to the ground. "I'm sure she saw something in you like she liked. You're a good guy, you just have a different way of going about things and it's not always the best way. In another universe I could see myself being with you."
Her emotions must be going insane right now for her to be having all of this verbal diarrhea. "Yeah but then I wouldn't have Bonnie, and I'm pretty sure I need Bonnie to help keep me going." He sighed. "I know there is some shit going on in your head right now but it'll pass."
"Damon—"
"I asked Bonnie to marry me. She said yes."
Elena's mouth worked but no words came out for a few minutes. When she apparently recaptured the ability to speak, she stammered out, "Bu—but she's a teenager. I—I just—"
He smirked. "We're not getting married like tomorrow but we will someday. Our summer away from Mystic Falls was great. Maybe you and Stefan should get away. It makes you realize what is really important."
She chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I guess I should call her and congratulate her."
"And maybe also thank her for trying to keep you human because we both know she did." He walked away.
I assume she did anyway.
If he found out otherwise he wasn't going to make a fuss. Out of everyone she'd suffered the most trying to keep Elena safe and if anyone deserved a night off it was Bonnie. He had the feeling she was becoming a bit disenfranchised about their whole friendship especially after the kiss incident. It was bad to see them fall so far considering how close they used to be. Willing to die for each other and all that. But hey shit happens so what are you gonna do? People changed; he totally got that because it wasn't like he was the same guy as when he'd first set foot in Mystic Falls again. At the very least he wasn't as angry as he'd been before.
There was probably another Damon somewhere in another world that was still pining over Elena and making a complete ass of himself in the process. Though to be fair that Elena was probably doing nothing to really discourage him either. Anyway though while wanting Elena had made him realize his feelings for Bonnie meant something more he wasn't sure if he had the chance that he wouldn't go back and trade them in. That he wouldn't wish to have wised up sooner that for her it would always be Stefan. Yeah things had turned out basically okay but that was because he'd been too stubborn to let go. Other Damon was probably too stubborn or just too stupid to let go as well when really, he should. It was so much better to be loved completely for who he was instead of just desired for who he might could be.
It was inevitable that Elena would complete her transition. It was rather inevitable that Elena would become a vampire one day because—let's be honest—she was a danger magnetic and it was either become immortal or die. And because Bonnie knew it was going to happen she didn't exactly break her back trying to find a cure for her best friend. She told everyone that she was looking and put on a nice light show for Jeremy down in the old mansion but in reality she didn't do anything. The spirits warned her it couldn't be done—that horrible things would happen if she even tried and while she loved Elena dearly she was quite finished sacrificing herself for someone who never seemed to return the favor. She would save the possibility of going dark side for Damon…or hell even Caroline or Stefan if they ever needed her help.
She loved Elena like a sister, all of their issues that would most likely never change but she wasn't willing to destroy herself for her any longer. There was only so much a person could give before they realized they were getting nothing in return. All of Elena's focus appeared to go towards her own problems—which was fine of course—but that also meant Bonnie didn't have to share in them anymore. She would help out if her friend needed but no more nearly dying so that Elena could live.
Seriously what would be the point of that?
Why was everyone so willing to die for Elena?
When had she become the Queen they all had to protect?
Honestly it seemed to happen overnight. One day they were all just teenagers trying to get through classes and the next they were throwing themselves onto the proverbial grenade for Elena Gilbert. While she had no problems saving her friend's life it wasn't something she constantly wanted to do, especially not at the expense of the other people she loved.
Besides she had bigger things to deal with like Klaus. While putting him back into his body she'd tapped into that intoxicating darkness again. The one that made her heart beat faster and her skin tingle, that made her want to burn the annoying ass hybrid down to brittle bones if he ever dared to speak to her without respect again. She thought he could see it in her eyes because he hadn't mouthed off or gotten smart afterwards. He'd simply stalked out of the old house and went on his way. The best part was that Caroline wasn't even angry at her for saving him. She understood that saving Klaus unfortunately meant saving them all, and it helped that Klaus—in Tyler—had saved her from a bunch of crazy Council people bent on destroying all vampires.
It was so weird how suddenly the humans were seen as the bad guys. They were just trying to protect the town and their loved ones so technically they were in the right, but it was more complicated than right and wrong. Nothing was white and black anymore because not all vampires deserved to die. Quite a few were just like they'd been as people. She wasn't excusing their behavior or the blood on their hands but she knew Caroline and Tyler weren't terrible monsters that needed to be put down.
Not yet anyway.
Sighing deeply she shifted onto her back on the white couch and stared up at the ceiling of her living room. Her head was pounding behind her eyes and she felt sort of drug out and stretched too thin. Transferring a soul from one body to another used a lot of energy. It also didn't help that suddenly her Grams had shown up and warned her against using that type of magic. She'd said it was unnatural, and that if she used it again the spirits would punish her.
I am so fucken tired of a bunch of dead people dictating what I can and can't do. Dark magic is fine to turn Alaric into a vampire hunter but bad when I just wanna save my friends. They shouldn't be able to pick and choose like that. They shouldn't even be able to interfere at all. Surely there is a way to cut off their access to our realm…
If there is I am going to find it.
She heard the front door open but didn't bother checking to see who it was. Her father was out of town—again—and Caroline was probably with Tyler so there was really only one person it could be.
Damon.
"I heard you had an interesting evening." He said, his voice bordering on anger. "You wanna explain to me why Klaus isn't dead? I figured you'd wanna go first before I tell the titillating tale of saving Elena and Stefan from vampire hunters. Spoiler alert, we won."
She gazed up at him. "I had to save Klaus. He said he's the beginning of your bloodline and since there is no way to find out, I couldn't take the chance that he was telling the truth and you'd all die if he died."
Damon frowned at her. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep this from me for an entire summer?"
She shrugged listlessly. "I didn't wanna worry you. Or upset you. Klaus is a dick and we all wanted him dead, but the fact of the matter is we can't kill him until we find out if he's the Original you all descend from."
He huffed and combed his fingers through his hair. "Damn it Bonnie, we're supposed to be trusting each other with this kinda shit. This is something you should have let me in on like say, the second after it happened."
Bonnie sat up slowly. "I did what I had to do. Isn't that what you always say when you do something insane? There is no fucken way I was going to let you die, Damon. I'd save Klaus a thousand times if it meant keeping you alive." She pointed a finger at him. "And don't stand there and tell me you wouldn't do the same for me."
His sails deflated and he grunted, sitting down onto the sofa beside her. "Yes but you still should have clued me in. That was a bad wife call."
Laughing, she bumped his shoulder. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. From now on full disclosure I promise."
"Okay." He kicked off his shoes and once she was laying down again, curled up behind her. "So that pastor guy? What the hell is his deal? Kidnapping my baby bro and trying to kill him? I had to use Matt as bait to get close to their little hunter farmhouse."
"Is Matt okay?" She inquired softly. "Emotional or otherwise. You can be brass when trying to get your point across."
"I didn't choke him if that's what you mean. Do I think Stefan would have let Elena die to save him? No but that's not new I've always found good old Matt to be useless." He nuzzled the back of her neck. "But whatever it's done now and he's broody about how things turned out too. He was all for helping me save Elena and Stefan, and I left him with minimal scarring."
"That's good I suppose." She chuckled lightly. "And how is Elena doing?"
"As well as can be expected. I…told her about our engagement." He tapped his fingers along her side. "It just sort of came out when she was telling me about memories she was getting back. I think Stefan is going to help her."
"Do you wanna help her?"
"Not really. I just think it's a little silly to pretend like she'll never accidentally kill someone. All vampire do it. She's not the special snowflake that will go against thousands of years or instinct."
"Something tells me she's gonna try anyway though."
"Oh yeah. Stefan is gonna make sure she does. It's gonna be one giant cluster-fuck."
"Better than being dead." Pause. "The spirits don't want me doing serious spells anymore. Nothing that isn't rooted in nature."
Propping his head up with his hand and elbow, he studied her expression. "You gonna listen to them?"
Bonnie blinked blankly. "Not really. I never asked for these powers and I sure as hell never asked for them dictating when I can and can't use them. If they are mine then I should be able to do whatever I want with them."
Damon kissed her temple. "That's my girl."
She smiled a little. "Helping people and trying to save them; it just comes with so much pain, Damon. I've lost so much trying to save others. Makes me wish I didn't feel anything at all."
Pressing his lips together, he ran his fingers through her long dark hair comfortingly. "Welcome to the first seventy or so years of my life. But Bonnie you don't have to care about everyone. Hell you don't have to care about anyone if you don't want to. I know they'll continue to come knocking at your door for favors but you don't have to say yes. It's okay to be the bad guy."
Her head turned and she looked at him. She smoothed her fingertips down the side of his pale cheek and over his perfectly straight nose. "You make everything sound so easy."
He sighed. "It can be. Don't get me wrong I get where you are coming from. You care so you wanna help, but sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to know when to back off. I'd never want you to get hurt saving the hapless Scooby gang. Besides baby if they don't learn to function on their own they'll never stop calling."
Of course Damon made an extremely good point. They knew she had powers so she was always the easy fix it source to whatever they had going on. She couldn't help but think though that being a witch was not about constantly saving people but about being in tune with nature. Perhaps that wasn't true either since the spirits often used their power however they saw fit. Maybe in the end it was about whatever she wanted it to be about.
I want people safe but…I don't know. Caring just takes too much out of me right now.
"Remember how we used to sneak around and meet in secret?" Damon asked with a smirk. "In the woods or in the park, before the others found out about us."
"I do." Seems like forever ago but I do. "I miss those times actually. Things just seemed simpler when we were worrying about the tomb vampires or Katherine."
He hummed in response. "We should make sure to take time for just us. Fuck the other shit."
That sounds like a wonderful idea. "Okay." A beat. "So how did Elena take the news of our engagement?"
He snickered. "She was shocked. We'll probably get that a lot. But she said she'll call you to congratulate."
Not surprised she hasn't yet. "Yeah. Guess I'll tell Caroline the next time I see her. It is good news after all."
"Have you eaten today?" He questioned out of nowhere. "You look a little pale."
"I guess I forgot." She made a face. "Things were kinda hectic what with vampire Elena and kidnappings and getting Klaus out of Tyler."
Damon sniggered and she hit him. "I'll fix you something then. And we'll talk more about Klaus being inside of Tyler."
"You're so stupid." She said affectionately.
He winked and got up, heading towards the kitchen. She groaned but forced herself to sit up, wrapping the comfortable yellow blanket around her shoulders. It was going to be strange having to do magic with the whisperings of her Grams in her ear, warning her on what she could and couldn't do. It was like when people used to warn her about how dangerous Damon was.
Of course she hadn't listened then so there was a pretty good chance she was not going to listen now.
The next few days were surprisingly uneventful and quiet after Pastor Young decided blowing up most of the Council was a good idea. There was nothing to bury of course but everyone decided that a memorial service would be the perfect way to say good-bye. The only problem however was that no one wanted to say good-bye. No one wanted to speak of the evil that he'd done which they saw as simply killing several innocent people along with himself. Caroline and the others had all gone to the church to pay their respects but she hadn't been in the mood.
She'd gone into the woods instead and simply enjoyed the quiet. There was so much of that missing these days. You couldn't step three feet out of your door without someone trying to kill you or someone you knew. At least among the trees and animals she didn't have to worry about any of that crap.
And now she was sitting in the park on a picnic table, watching several pretty Japanese lanterns fly higher and higher into the dark night sky. It had been Stefan's idea to light one for all of the people they'd lost—quite a few that Damon had killed, which was awkward and maybe why he hadn't stuck around. It was also no secret that he was mourning Alaric even if he tried to pretend otherwise. Even if he steeled himself against tears that obviously wanted to fall when the others mentioned him as someone they were grieving.
"No way, I'm not doing that." He'd said before stalking away towards his car.
"Damon." She'd whispered. "Come by later."
And he hadn't turned or stopped his stride but she knew later he would be at her house.
The air was cold but she didn't mind; it helped clear her head. She glanced over to where Matt and Elena were talking. He'd heard Elena had feed on him earlier and he had the bandage on his neck to prove it. I wasn't at the church and yet they survived without me. No one died. Maybe it can become a theme.
"You okay?" Caroline questioned sitting down beside her. "You're so quiet."
Bonnie nodded. "Just thinking I guess about all of the people we've lost. I uh, I heard there was some action at the church earlier?"
The blonde huffed. "Oh yeah. Some sexy bald hunter dude stabbed Pastor Young's daughter just to lure out some vampires. He has gloves soaked in something—vervain maybe—and bullets that burn. He's already shot Tyler twice now."
She tapped her fingers on the table. "But you all made it out alive."
Caroline folded her arms over her chest. "True. And Elena learned to compel. But it's obvious this guy is going to be trouble. It would be nice if just once the hunters actually talked to us then they would find out we're not all monsters. That'll never happen though. It's so damn—oh my God what is that on your finger!?" She grabbed Bonnie's hand and stared at it. "Bonnie!"
Bonnie couldn't help but smile because she could always count on Caroline to be a certain way. It almost made her way to cry. "I'm engaged."
Caroline shrieked. "Damon asked you to marry him! Holy shit!"
"Wait, what?" Jeremy inquired in surprised. "You're marrying Damon?"
Interesting tone. "Not tomorrow but eventually, yes. And before you say anything I'm really happy."
Matt's big baby blues were the size of quarters. "Wow Bonnie that—that's weird but if you're happy then cool."
Stefan was oddly silent. Probably judging.
"I'm happy for you, Bonnie." Elena said walking over. "Damon told me earlier and I—I think it's great. Really. There's been so much bad news lately so it's nice to hear something good for a change."
"Now we get to plan a wedding and go dress shopping and give you a bachelorette party!" Caroline exclaimed. "And I know not now but it's something good to be looking forward to. We just all have to stay alive under you and Damon decide to tie the knot."
Elena laughed. "Um, do you guys mind if I talk to Bonnie alone for a second?"
"You better not be trying to get to be maid of honor." Caroline pouted even as Matt pulled her away.
Bonnie giggled lowly. "So what's up?"
Elena sat down in front of her. "I wanted to thank you for my ring." Pause. "Jeremy told me that you tried to find a way to help me and I really appreciate it. I know if there was any way you would have done it."
"I would have." She said quietly. "How are you adjusting?"
The brunette sighed deeply. Tiredly. "I've been having issues keeping blood down. Animal blood, blood from bags—it's like I think about it and then I can't keep it inside. The only thing I've been able to actually stomach is Matt's. Learning how to be this is hard."
It wasn't that hard for Caroline. I wonder does that make something wrong with Elena or is she just slow? Or maybe once again she has to be so totally different so that she has everyone's attention. What good is a vampire that can't drink blood? "I'm sure you'll get the hang of it though. And you'll have help."
Elena tucked back strands of her hair. "Yeah. It's just scary though, especially with this Connor guy running around. But I'm gonna try to get through this. I'm alive—it might not be the way I want but it's better than being dead." She pulled at the sleeves of her shirt. "I'm sure once everything settles I'll be okay."
A nod.
"So, your wedding." She smiled. "If when the time comes and you want me to wear something with too many ruffles I'm totally on board. And I agree with Caroline we should look at magazines and just…pretend for a while things are normal."
Bonnie didn't think that was possible but she decided to humor her friend. "I have to admit I have wanted to at least browse a few pictures. I still haven't told my dad. I was going to wait but honestly I kinda want a reaction from him. Not like anything he says will change my mind."
"Will you try to track your mom down to tell her?"
"Nope. There are people here that wanna be in my life so screw the ones that don't."
"I'm so sorry about…well…everything."
"I know."
Yet history keeps repeating. You screw up, I fix it and you apologize. We really need to break this cycle.
No time like the present I guess.
~Fin~
