Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

The little bundle is placed in my arms. He is so warm and soft. He gives a tired little yawn and those eyes open. They're blue now but they'll probably change soon; Soda's did. The tiny baby looks at me and yawns again, closing his eyes. I grin in spite of myself.

"Hi little guy. I'm your daddy." I just stare in awe. He is so tiny, so very tiny. He's got the cutest little nose I've ever seen. I stroke his cheek and his little moth opens. His head turns. I laugh a little. "Are you hungry?"

I rock him slightly. "Do you want your mama?" He's silent and still. His eyes are open again just looking at me. I've been a father before but each time it happens its like the first time. My heart swells with pride and I am overcome with joy. I am in love.

Ponyboy is asleep curled up in my lap. He's much too big to fit in the crook of my arms anymore but that same feeling is there. It feels like the first time I am holding him. And in fact he has not let me hold him like this since he has come home. I've missed it so much.

I stroke his cheek lightly. He does not open his mouth looking for food. He is still but then it happens. He gives a slight moan and he is shivering. He is having a nightmare.

"Pony, Pony." I softly whisper. "Come on baby; it's just a dream." His eyes are clinched and his face is drawn. He is pale. Tears are coming down his cheeks which just moments ago were dry. I shake his shoulder slightly. His eyes pop open and he screams bloody murder.

Margaret comes running in with the boys as I am helping Ponyboy sit up. I wrap my arms around him gently. I do not want to cause him any more pain. I rock him slightly. "Easy buddy. Easy…" Margaret sits down in front of us. She places a hand on Ponyboy's knee. He buries his face in my shoulder. I run my hands through his hair looking at my older sons.

They are giving each other glum looks. Neither knows exactly what to do. Finally Soda walks over and sits on Pony's other side. He rubs his shoulder. Darry walks and sits beside his mother. He places a hand on Ponyboy's other knee.

"Pony, buddy, do you want to talk about it?"

He sniffles. Maggie looks at me. Her eyes are red from trying not to cry. She turns her attention to our youngest son once more. "Ponyboy, please…."

I kiss the top of his forehead. "It's okay, its okay."

"Was it bad?" Soda asks.

"Pony?" Darry adds.

"We're all here buddy. We're all here. Your mother, your brothers, me…. We just want to help you. Can you help us? Just tell us about the dream honey. I promise it'll make you feel better. "

Silence and stillness and then….. He lifts his head sniffling. "I was in the closet again."

"The closet, the one he locked you in."

Ponyboy nodded. "I, I… … I can't."

I rocked him. My heart was breaking. A kid his age should not have so many tears. He should be happy, growing up, getting into mischief. This, this is not how things should be.

"You know sometimes talking does help kiddo."

Ponyboy sighed. "It hurt, it hurt so bad."

"Shhh… it's okay. Nobody's going to be hurting you anymore. Just try to get some sleep buddy. "

Pony sniffled. "Sorry for bothering you." Margaret held his good hand and rubbed it.

"Oh honey you could never be a bother."

"Yeha, "Soda piped in. "Besides if even if you were your supposed to be you're the baby. But your not so don't sweat it."

"Not helping Soda." Darry mumbled.

Ponyboy's lips turned up slightly. What was it about Sodapop that just seemed to make everything a little better?

"Come on son, you can tell us."

"Flashback, that's all."

"That doesn't seem like all."

"It is. Now I think I want to be alone."

"Okay buddy. We love you."

And he was left alone again.

Pony

Sometimes I feel bipolar or maybe I have multiple personalities or something. My mood goes up and down like a yo-yo. And it seems like I have way more downs then ups. Maybe my strings just broken Richard more or less cut them anyways. Thanks to him, like the rest of me, my sanity is damaged goods.

I don't like being alone or maybe I do. I don't know. When dad was holding me, mom and my brother's right beside me, I felt safe. But I can't help feeling like a burden, even if they say otherwise. They're good people, my family. They should not have to suffer my mistake. I was the idiot who left with Tonya. They didn't make that mistake. It's all on me. Just like Richard said "Stupid, worthless piece of shit.

Coming soon in A Parent's Worst Nightmare- Ponyboy gets his cast off