Gray Silence

Disclaimer – Don't own it, never will.

Note: Ah, such a plot twist I bet some of you didn't see coming.

I'm positively evil.

SPOILERS FOR LATER CHAPTERS

Runaway

Linkin Park

-

Tossing and turning, Cat was lying in her bed, drenched in sweat. Groaning out loud, she finally allowed her eyes to snap open, showing dilated pupils. Jumping straight up in bed, she clutched her head and cried out as a sharp pain struck her temples harshly. "Damn…!" She hissed from behind clenched teeth. Everything had been fine during the day, but as soon as she had entered her room she heard voices calling out to her, ghosts of the past. They seemed to swirl around her, and now they even haunted her dreams by showing her visions of the past. At first they were good memories, but then they turned into the twisted, bloody ones the wolf tried so desperately to repress.

Jumping right out of bed, the wolf paced, eyes wide and hands over her ears as if to stop the mundane whispering. "Stop it!" She snarled more than once before she finally dropped to her knees and squeezed her eyes shut. Then it seemed that all at once the taunting voices stopped, and everything went silent. Cat was prying open her eyes, relieved when one single voice sounded clearly like the person were in the same room as her.

"My, you've fallen to a new low, haven't you, Cat?" Spinning around, Cat swore she heard Night's voice, but when she didn't see a damn thing, she stood, about to go back to bed and see if she could get some sleep. "You can keep running from the past, but you're still not going anywhere." There it was again.

"I've finally lost it!" The wolf growled to herself in annoyance.

"I would say that you have." Dark laughter echoed through the small space and the wolf froze in her tracks. "Suddenly wishing for those other voices back? They're the whispers of all those you've hurt in this life, dear Cat. Can you hear them crying, teasing, snarling at you? Can you hear the soft whisper of your poor broken apprentice, Kinta? Or possibly the harsh voices of Kamots and Arashi, telling you to do better?" There was a pause as if the ghost speaking to her was doing this for effect. "Can you hear the cries of those innocent humans you killed…?"

Cat merely stood there, her heart squeezing painfully as she imagined the rivers of blood she had created.

"Let me tell you, Cat…it'd be best if you left and never appeared again. All you're doing is causing the people here pain. What if you finally do snap, as so many people foresee you doing? How will you feel when you kill those dear to you, and how will they feel if they have to ultimately kill you? You've caused so much grief already…do you really deserve to live? I thought you were taught the value of the rule of 'an eye for an eye'. Your life still won't make up for the hundreds you've killed, but it would make something better in the long run, would it not?"

"Shut up, Night. You don't know me." Cat was furious, but it was obvious that her voice wasn't as strong as she'd like it to be. Night - or his voice - was getting the better of her, and she didn't like that he was indeed doing what he had set out to do. He was making her question her own existence and place in this world. Sure, it might mean something to those who lost someone to her claws if Cat sacrificed herself, but still… "I have things to do in this life, people to protect."

"Ah, but isn't your very existence putting those people at risk?"

Suddenly something snapped within the girl. It was like the last thread of hope and sanity had been wound too tight, and finally broke. Shaking hands, wide eyes, the girl gripped her arms as she attempted to gain that broken string back.

Night's ghost merely laughed sharply before it broke off abruptly. "Leave this place," his low voice warned, "or you will regret it dearly." With that, him and the other whispers faded and disappeared all together, but the damage had been done.

He's right…I don't belong here…

-

"We're all here, it would seem." Leverrier stood in front of all the Exorcists as his hawk-like eyes scanned them roughly. He had returned and planned on discussing the Earl's lack of movement in the past few weeks. It was concerning the Order, to say the least, and he wanted to warn them that the fat ass was probably planning a major comeback or attack. He opened his mouth to speak when a quiet whisper interrupted him.

"I don't see Cat though…" Miranda had meant it more to herself, but the others heard it and now that they all looked around, the wolf was abnormally missing.

"If she's sick again…" Leverrier growled through his sharp teeth.

Komui, sensing the agitation Leverrier was sending out in waves, he turned towards Johnny, who was standing nervously next to Reever. "Johnny, would you please go find her? We need everyone hear for this meeting, so she can't miss out."

The young man nodded fervently and rushed out of the room, glad to be away from Leverrier's imposing form. Thinking that the wolf had disobeyed the summoning because she was hungry, he checked the cafeteria. When he didn't see hide nor hair of her, he asked around. No one had seen her since the night before when she had nearly pummeled a Finder for dumping his soup on her. Johnny then checked every other nook and cranny; the library, the training room, everywhere. "The only two places I haven't checked is the bath house and her room." With a blush coloring his cheeks, he honestly didn't want to check, but he'd save the bath house for last.

"Please let her be in her room!" He begged silently as he made his way up to the female's side of the rooms in the Order. Luckily it was still obvious to judge which door was Cat's simply by the claw marks on it. Gulping nervously, Johnny knocked at first, but when he gained no answer, he slowly pushed the door open.

Looking around, he didn't notice anything out of place at first. Bed made, everything nice and neat, it looked like she was clearly awake and off doing something. Yet when a folded note on her pillow caught his attention, his curiosity got the better of him and he picked it up. Opening it up and pushing his glasses further up on his nose, he scanned it and with a gasp, he nearly dropped it. Trying to gather his composure, he backed out of the girl's room, shocked beyond belief. As soon as he got out, he didn't even bother to close the door before he made a mad dash towards the stairs and back to the meeting room.

As Johnny came barging in, panting like he had just sprinted all the way back – which he did – everyone turned to watch as he came forward. Squeezing his way past the others and to Komui, he handed the man the short note, tears already leaking from his glasses. "I-I found this in her room…"

The supervisor took it without a word and quickly read it. His heart dropped as he finished reading it, and much like Johnny he just stood there, coated in shock. Leverrier, annoyed by the lack of information, snatched the note right out of Komui's hands and read it himself. Upon reading it though, he turned and snarled at Komui.

"This is your fault Komui! I told you to watch these damn kids more and now we're one Exorcist short!" Face red and ignoring the confused expressions on the others in the room, he spun and growled at the Second Exorcists. "Go out there and find her! Obviously we can't trust these fools anymore!" As those whom he commanded went to do as they were told, it was Tiedoll to break the silence first.

"What happened?" It was a wisp of his grandfatherly voice, as if he could already sense what had happened, and he prayed that his guess wasn't true. Yet as Leverrier spoke, that hope was shattered like a piece of glass.

Leverrier shook the piece of paper that was now crumpled in his fist in their direction. "That damn wolf has run off! This letter spouts some gibberish about not being able to stay here anymore!" Finally he tossed the note at them as he turned to stalk out of the room.

Allen was the first one to break out of his stunned expression and picked the paper off the floor. His gray eyes scanned it and he immediately clenched his fist as he read it out loud for the others to hear. "I apologize for not being able to say this to anyone's face, but I really must leave. I've been a mess ever since I joined the Pack, and I want to be someone better. I'm tired of being reminded of the memories I've tried to hide for so long. Please, don't follow me, because I no longer want to be involved with this war. I know that having Innocence isn't just something I can forget about or throw away, but I've finally given up. That last thread of decency I had snapped, but it doesn't matter because I can't pull myself together this time. I've been broken and put back together too many times to be considered normal any more. I'm questioning myself a lot lately, and I have to go out and find the truth for myself, regardless of what you idiots do. Okay, guess that was uncalled for, but I'm writing in pen, so it's kinda hard to erase that. I know by leaving I'm hurting everyone, including myself, but at the same time, I'm protecting you as well. I have too many ghosts chasing after me, demanding compensation for what I've done. And I'd say goodbye…but I'd like to pretend I'll see you guys again one day…"

As they all stood there, silence overwhelmed them as they thought about the black wolf with piercing blue eyes. No one had ever thought she would be the first to break like that. She seemed like one of the stronger fighters in this hellish war, and now she was gone. Even if they found her…would she come back without a fight?

They seriously doubted that. Allen looked up at Komui with eyes that glinted like cold steel. "Are we going out to look for her or not?"

Komui shook his head, his face and tone rather serious for once. "No, if Leverrier wants to look for her, he can. It was her choice to leave, and either she'll come back or the Innocence will eventually reject her." As much as it pained him to say such things, it was nothing but the truth. At this point he was frustrated with the wolf and her ways. One day she was murderous, the next she was running off because of her issues with the world. Judging by the look on every other Exorcist's face as well, they were annoyed as well.

This time, if Cat wished to return, she had to learn the hard way about betraying her friends and comrades.

-

Kicking a can down the dark alleyway, Cat looked up at the sun bright in the sky. Making an annoyed sound in her throat, the girl's gaze traveled to where people walked past the alley's opening. It had only been a week since she left, and while she was hiding from both the Order and the Earl, it was hard to find a job. Sure, she had a little money she had taken with her when she left the Order, but it wasn't enough to pay for a stay at an Inn or even buy decent food. Right now she was left to sleeping out in the forest or alleyways, and hunting. It was disgusting having to revert back to her primal, instinctual ways after living on actual food for these past few years, but when someone was hungry, did it really matter where the meal came from?

Shaking her head, she dragged a hand through her tangled hair and grimaced. "I need a friggin' shower or something!" Sighing, she knew the only way to get anything like that was to bathe in a river or something. Tugging on the collar of her new black cloak, she slowly made her way out into the open and left the town without a glance or word to anyone. Slipping out into the forest was also an easy task and she found a river soon enough. She'd wait until the veil of darkness night often provided though, and she'd take a look around to make sure there weren't any peeping toms out and about.

After a thorough patrol of the area, she deemed it safe and when night fell, she was swimming through the river, happy to be by herself. While Cat really did miss her friends, it felt good to be free of having to worry about battles and the like. With a frown, the wolf knew that she would need to work, she would need to eat, and then also find shelter. She knew that eventually she'd probably have to fight to keep her freedom. With a dark chuckle though, the wolf wondered if running your entire life could really be counted as freedom anyways. "Is there such thing as absolute freedom though?"

Brown eyes locked on the hovering moon above as she floated through the calm water, the girl knew that all she could do was continue to walk along this new path she had chosen. It was either that, or go back to the Order and act like a defeated mongrel. She knew that if she went back anyways, they would no longer trust her. Bitterness welled up in the back of her throat like bile and made her grimace. "I could be better…"

Rising out of the waters though as a wolf and shaking her pelt out, the wolf grabbed her clothes and boots in her mouth and walked away, feeling the sudden need to change locations. She didn't walk for long though when she heard feral growls echo around her, coming from deep within the woods. Freezing, she dropped the articles of clothing from her jaws and let out a ferocious growl of her own as glowing eyes began to appear all around her. Realizing she had allowed herself to be surrounded, the wolf briefly cursed under her breath.

As the first wild wolf came rushing out at her, Cat spun to the side with ease and landed a harsh blow on the canine's flank with her powerful paw. Soon others joined their comrade in the ambush, but the Exorcist wouldn't allow herself to be overtaken. With claws out and maw wide open, she slashed and ripped at every piece of flesh she could gain purchase on. Finally, with a snarl, she latched her fangs deep into the scruff of a smaller wolf and easily flung it into a tree. Yelping with terror and shock, the few left standing gathered up their pack mates and made a run for it. Raising her head, Cat let out a victorious howl, alerting any other threats nearby that she would not go down so easily. Scooping up her clothing yet again, she dashed away and found a clearing that was located out of the pack's territory where she could sit and take inventory of her new-found wounds. Many scratches covered her, and there was only one deep one, but the stench of blood would draw out all of the vicious hunters in the area.

So there she sat in the dirt, licking her wounds clean until they stopped bleeding, and as for the large laceration on her right forearm, she used her deadly teeth to gently wrap cobwebs and maple leaves around the wound to stop the bleeding. Grunting, she laid down for a while to let her body try to rest and recuperate from her harsh berating. "Check for scent markers next time, dumbass!" She reprimanded herself. While Cat knew it would have been easier to transform into a human to care for her wounds, it would have also made them worse. Until they healed she would have to remain in her wolf form. Just another one of the annoying perks to being a half-wolf, half-human creature. If you transformed carelessly, you'd make your wounds far much worse and deeper than they originally were.

Lifting her head to stare up at the sky as the first light of dawn made itself known, she sighed long and hard as she set her head down on her paws.

Was this really the life you wished for…?

-

Okay, kinda short, but it got the point across.

Our dear little heroine has run off into the wild! D:

And TRUST me. She's not getting back into the Order so easily now!

Next Chapter: Cat continues to thrive out in the wild for nearly a month.

What will happen though when she runs into some familiar faces?

-PA