Ah! Why is it that the ones I think will be short are long and long are short! I do not understand this.
Anyway, this is response to another dare, from Ella Unlimited - Naruto somehow manages to get a girlfriend on the two years he spends with Jiraiya as they're staying in a village... how does the pervert react to the news?
Its a really good dare, I just have no idea what I did! So tell me if I needa rewrite this. Cause...yeah.
A Betrothed!
"Hey, gaki, where have you been?" Jiraiya called as he heard Naruto enter the cluster of rooms the two had been staying in.
"Out," the fourteen year old called vaguely, placing his bag on the floor of his room.
"Out?" Jiraiya immediately perked up. Normally Naruto gave a detailed description of where he had gone and what had happened immediately upon arrival, but this time…"Out where?"
"Just out," he responded, appearing in the doorframe of the room.
Jiraiya's eyes were immediately drawn to the boy. He wasn't in his normal orange jumpsuit, and that alone had his curiosity piqued. "What are you wearing?"
"Hm?" Naruto looked down at his clothes as though he had forgotten what he wore. "Just some clothes baa-chan got for me."
A white eyebrow shot up. "Talkative, aren't you."
"Fine. If you need to know, I was on a date with my girlfriend."
Immediately Jiraiya's eyes bugged out. "You have a girlfriend! When did that happen?"
"The second day we were here," Naruto replied, eyeing his mentor warily.
"Oh?" A leer began to form. "What does she look like?"
"None of your business."
"Oh come on!"
"Nope."
"Fine. Sit down boy, it's time we had a talk." Jiraiya ordered, pointing at the floor in front of him.
With a skeptical expression, Naruto settled himself on the floor, not sure what to expect.
"Now," Jiraiya began officially, "I am going to instruct you on the necessities of knowledge regarding women. Lesson one –" he raised a finger to cut off Naruto's protest. "How to woo one. Find out what she likes, and make sure to buy her it at the soonest chance. When you go shopping offer everything at your treat, and don't let her buy a single thing. Offer to go window shopping, and when something catches her eye, admire it. Got it?" The finger lowered, pointing at the boy.
"Yeah yeah, buy her everything she wants, admire what she likes. I know all this. Why do I have to –"
"Lesson two. Manners. I know you never had formal training in this category," he commented disparagingly, "so listen closely. When she goes to sit down, pull out her chair. Take her jacket from her, and hang it on the back, or a coatrack if available. Always walk her back to her door when the date is over, and never, never," his eyes twinkled, "forget that kiss goodnight."
"Ew, kissing!" Naruto exclaimed, rocking backwards from his spot on the floor. "Gross!"
"Gross!" Jiraiya was outraged. "Kissing is only the first part of one of the best parts of life! How can it be gross?"
"It's disgusting!" Naruto retorted, glaring up at the man. "Why would you want to – ew!"
Jiraiya heaved a sigh, shaking his head in dismay. "You have much to learn my young pupil. As such, my next task for you is to read this." He produced a lurid pink covered book from nowhere, handing it to his student. "Cover to cover by tomorrow morning."
Naruto took the book skeptically, looking at the cover, which had a man chasing a woman in a bright red dress on it. "Isn't this one of those –"
"No!" Jiraiya told him swiftly, knowing if he thought it was at all dirty the boy wouldn't touch it. "Just read it. Goodnight." The moment the boy was out of the room he turned off the lights and pretended to be asleep. Naruto wouldn't bother him until the morning if he thought it involved waking up the white-haired sannin.
The next morning Jiraiya woke up late, stretching and yawning widely. He listened for any exclamations of either disgust or delight coming from Naruto's room, but instead heard nothing but silence. Hm.
He got up, tiptoeing quietly over to the open doorway to the blond boy's room, and peered in. The book was open to about a quarter of the way through, in front of Naruto. But the boy himself was curled up in a ball on his side, eyes wide and staring at the wall unseeing, arms wrapped around his knees.
"Naruto?" Jiraiya asked, walking into the room to pick up the book and waving a hand in front of Naruto's eyes. "Naruto?"
"Y-Y-You…" the boy stuttered out, eyes shifting to look up at the man's face but not moving otherwise. "Why would you do that to me!"
Even the memory caused his cheeks to flame bright red to Jiraiya's amusement. "Let's see where you got to…" he looked down at the page, reading the words written there. "You didn't even get to the best part! If you can't handle this, how do you expect to become a man?"
"That isn't how to become a man!" Naruto retorted, slowly unwinding. "That's how to become a pervert!"
"What's the difference?"
"Everything! I couldn't do that to –" he broke off before telling his girlfriend's name.
"Yes, yes?" Jiraiya prodded eagerly.
Naruto moved quickly, grabbing the offending book from Jiraiya's hands and throwing it out the window. "To my betrothed!" he finished, just to see the look on the man's face.
Immediately the Sannin's jaw dropped, and he even forgot to cry about his desecrated book. "No no no!" he howled. "That's not how you do it! You don't tie yourself down, you play the field, you experiment, you – how did you get a betrothed this fast? Why did you get a betrothed?" Then his eyes narrowed at the grin Naruto was giving him. "Why you…"
He lunged for the blond boy as he ducked under the man's arm, quickly escaping out the window onto the next roof. "I'm going to go meet her, see ya!" he called before disappearing, Jiraiya struggling out the window behind him trying to pursue, but unable to fit through the small opening.
"Get back here!" he yelled after his fleeing student, growling as the boy only waved over his shoulder. "I won't let you do this to yourself!"
