"Sadie, Sades is that you?" Jude ran up to the blonde woman hunched up in the waiting room chairs. The woman raised her head and sure enough it was Sadie staring back at her with a dead expression. "Oh Sadie, what are you doing here? What's going on with you sis?" Jude crouched down in front of her broken sister and placed her hands on Sadie's shoulders. For a moment Sadie didn't say anything, or even make any outward signs that she'd even registered the fact that her younger sister was sitting in front of her. In the background Jude heard the elevator ping announcing its arrival on the floor and knew that Tommy was now present in the waiting room as well. She silently hoped that Tommy would leave them alone, although she'd never seen Sadie in this state before Jude had a feeling that she could just about persuade Sadie not to go through with this and open up to her provided nobody else tried to help. "Sades, talk to me." She gently urged, her voice just above a whisper that would be used to calm down a startled animal or frightened child.

"All I wanted was the perfect life. Why is that so hard to ask for? Why is it too much for me to have? All I wanted was a perfect marriage, some kids and a happy life. But oh no, my husband cheats on me then gets killed after being the cause of my sister's kidnap and attempted murder and then I get pregnant with his baby just when all I want to do is mourn and grieve for the husband I lost. Nothing ever goes right for me!"

Jude leant back slightly, startled by the bitterness in Sadie's voice. "Sades nobody has the perfect life, perfect is unachievable for anybody. And okay so Kwest was a jerk for cheating on you but Sadie he loved you so much. He died saving me; it's because of him that I am sitting here now talking to you. He saved my life Sadie, and he did it because he loved you. It was his apology. And this baby shouldn't be aborted Sades. It's the only memory of Kwest you'll have left. Sure you'll have photographs and memories in your mind but that baby growing inside of you will be the only living memory of him, and your love."

"It's easy for you to say that Jude. You have no idea how I'm feeling though."

"Don't I Sadie?" Jude's eyes shone with tears as the bad memories came flooding back. Apparently at the same time Sadie's memories of that time came back as well. Her eyes widened in horror as she realised what she had just said.

"Oh God Jude, I'm sorry!" Jude pushed back from her sister and headed for the stairwell, brushing off Tommy as he tried to call her back. She needed to be alone.

Jude's flashback

"Miss Harrison?" Jude looked up as the doctor's calming voice called out her name. She met the doctor's eye and smiled nervously. The doctor walked over to her and crouched down in front of her. "There's no need to be nervous Jude, everything will be fine and if you don't want to do this there' s still time to turn back." He said gently. Jude shook her head stubbornly; she had to do this.

"Are you sure?" The doctor asked for one last time as they wheeled her to surgery. Jude nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Then one of the nurses placed a mask over her mouth and the world drifted away from Jude as the anaesthetic kicked in…

"What happened? Why does she look so upset? Sadie what haven't you two told me?" Tommy confronted Sadie as she made to go after Jude. Sadie stopped and sunk down into a nearby chair. "Sadie, what is it?" Asked Tommy worry coursing through him. Sadie looked up at him and, against her better judgement, begun to tell Tommy the whole story.

Outside the hospital Jude located the car in the car park and slid down the passenger side door until she was crouching on the floor, with the car as her support, and began to cry. She heard footsteps and somebody talking and quickly wiped away her tears, waiting and hoping that she wouldn't be seen- the last thing she needed was some overenthusiastic fan. Jude groaned inwardly as a young woman appeared and spotted her. "Are you okay Miss?" She questioned in broken English. Jude nodded and smiled, refusing to reply verbally knowing that it would betray her inner torment somehow. The woman seemed satisfied with her response and walked on. Jude exhaled in relief and allowed the memories to take over again.

Back inside the hospital Sadie and Tommy had managed to persuade a member of staff to allow them access to a private room so they could discuss things alone rather than risk people hear what Sadie had sworn to never tell. Tommy was sitting on the bed, watching Sadie expectantly, whilst Sadie had crossed to the window and was staring out of it wondering if the red head she could just about make out in the car park was Jude. Eventually Tommy coughed awkwardly jerking Sadie out of her own thoughts. She joined Tommy on the bed and pulled her knees up to her chin, the irony of which wasn't lost on Tommy as he'd seen Jude do that many a time when something upsetting was happening or had happened. Sadie opened her mouth to speak and closed it again. Tommy placed a comforting hand on her back and Sadie managed to get the words out.

"It was after the whole Chase situation. She'd come back from Laguna Beach and she was so withdrawn. She wouldn't talk to anybody. Then Jamie moved in next door and they struck up a friendship. One day I found Jude crying in her room, she told me that she'd just had an argument with Jamie but she'd be okay. Well I just assumed it was the truth so I went to work. When I came back home that day Jamie was in our living room with Jude watching a movie so I didn't mention earlier to her. Later on that week we were watching TV, just the two of us because Kwest was working, when a programme about abortion came on. Something about how the rates of abortion were rising and stuff. I didn't pay that much attention at the time but Jude suddenly went white and ran off. I went after her and she fobbed me off again, saying that she probably had a bug or something. It was only when she finally admitted what had happened with Chase that she came clean about that as well…"

Sadie and Jude's joint flashback

Jude pulled out the sheet of paper and wordlessly handed it over to Sadie. Sadie frowned but took it from her. As she read the just about legible doctor's scrawl on the paper she finally understood why Jude had been crying that day in her room. Sadie looked up from the paper and followed Jude into the kitchen where she was staring out of the window. "Jude, why didn't you tell me? We could've discussed this. I could've helped you. Why didn't you just keep the baby and when it was born give it up for adoption? People do that a lot these days."

Jude turned on her sister, tears escaping from her eyes as quickly as she impatiently brushed them away. "Sadie, Chase raped me! I can't think about what he did without feeling like curling up and dying, how the heck am I meant to carry around the result of what he did to me for nine months? And what if I did keep it, and gave it up for adoption. They'd find out soon enough they were adopted- what if it came looking for me? How could I tell it that it was only born because their mum got raped? How could I do that Sades? How could I cope, huh? Could you manage that? No I think not! You haven't gone through half of what I've gone through so don't soften your voice and tell me we can talk this through Sades because we can't!" Jude's voice broke as her emotions heightened throughout this outburst but she carried on. "I hurt like hell Sadie, but I have to pretend that none of this happened. I have to act like little miss perfect pop star because that's what I get paid to do. I have to smile and act happy and laugh when all I want to do is DIE! So don't you dare even contemplate telling me that I'll be okay and I'll get over it like it's some bruise or a lost pet because it's not a bruise, and it's not a lost pet and I won't get over it. I have to live with my decision for the rest of my life and I already regret it now so how the heck am I meant to get over it when my guilt is growing every day? How am I meant to carry on like normal when I can't even remember what normal is?"

At that moment the front door slammed, indicating that Kwest was home from G Major. Jude turned to her sister. "This never leaves our mouths." She demanded before slipping out the back door and into the night…

In the hospital room Tommy stared straight ahead at the blank wall as the information Sadie told him sunk in. Finally he managed to gather his thoughts and utter, "Jude never told me."

Sadie snorted. "Of course she didn't. You weren't there when it happened and after a while she managed to push it to the back of her mind. Oh I'm not saying she forgot about it," Sadie amended as Tommy raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Jude learned to live with it and I learned to never mention it. I had to let her get on with it the way she wanted to, which was to throw herself into her music. Chase never knew obviously because Jude swore she'd never speak to him again. I was the only person who knew, apart from the doctor obviously, and I'd been sworn to secrecy. I always assumed that she'd tell you in her own time but then again I didn't plan on any of this happening either so there you go…" Sadie trailed off and ran a hand through her hair, only just realising that it was beginning to rain heavily. Sadie hoped Jude had the sense to be indoors in this weather. The last thing they needed was Jude catching pneumonia.

Outside Jude barely even felt the rain. She could see it and she could hear it hitting the ground and cars but she made no move to go inside. Jude liked the rain; it masked the fact she was crying. She stared at the hospital building looming up against the black sky and wondered if Sadie had gone through with the abortion. She contemplated going back inside but couldn't face it- the memories were still to fresh in her mind after all that time ignored. She just hoped that Tommy had managed to persuade Sadie against it. She'd hate Sadie to have to go through even half of what the abortion ward evoked within her.