Disclaimer: Naruto, his friends and the world he lives in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I write this story only for my pleasure and I don't make any money with it.
Chapter Forty-Nine: The Fourth Letter
Dancing did not go well that evening. Sasuke was still upset, both from teaching the kids and from remembering Itachi, and Naruto, if he was honest, was too, mainly from meeting the hyperactive kid. He, however, could cover it up by feeling responsible for Sasuke.
They made more mistakes than usual, but they spent less time discussing whose fault it had been. After some time Sasuke, who had been leading, gave up trying to dance complicated figures altogether, and dancing returned to be what it had been before they had become ambitious: holding each other in their arms while moving in harmony.
Sasuke kept smiling at Naruto, avoiding his eyes except for short moments. Naruto sensed that Sasuke was still mourning and that he was gentler and softer than on other days. Often his signs lacked clarity, but by now they had got used to each other so well that Naruto recognized them all the same.
Communicating through the gentlest change of pressure of their hands... Warmth flooded through Naruto's arms and then into his whole body. Was Sasuke just gentler than on other days, or was he caressing him? Naruto felt tempted to caress him in his turn, but he did not dare. He felt weird: Admiring Sasuke for how he had been with the kids, and at the same time wanting to protect him. It was as if he was dissolving. He had always cared for Sasuke, always longed to be with him again, but now something else was happening: His whole soul went out for Sasuke, to a point that he was losing touch with the ground, and he felt that the line that separated them as two distinct persons was getting blurry. He had to stop it while it was still possible but he did not know how, and he did not want to hurt Sasuke.
When the dance class was finished the men assembled outside to decide whether they wanted to go to the pub now. (They always did, but it always took them some time to decide.) Naruto told them that he and Sasuke would not join them this evening.
"Sasuke has taught taijutsu to a group of children, and he's exhausted now", he said, much to Sasuke's annoyance. He was exhausted, to be sure, but he did not appreciate that Naruto decided in his stead. Also he was more exhausted from his sorrow for Itachi that had resurfaced than because of the lesson with the kids itself.
"So you taught them ninja arts?" the men said.
Sasuke nodded.
"Did it go well?" they continued.
He nodded again.
"Well, it can be exhausting, most of all if it's the first time. Just take care!"
They went home silently, Sasuke still lost in his thoughts, mourning Itachi but also thinking of Naruto and his words that he would not let the wound close, and of the feel of the beat of Naruto's heart against the back of his hand. Naruto was well aware of the tension between them. He knew that they had got too close and that he should withdraw to reestablish the line that separated them, if that was what he wanted. But he did not know what he wanted.
After some time he got tired of the tension and laid his arm around Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke blushed and stared straight ahead.
When they arrived at their place the patron's daughter handed them another letter from Sakura. They took it upstairs, and when Naruto opened it he found again a smaller envelope for Sasuke. He passed it to him, and began to read his own letter.
Dear Naruto!
My letters must be boring to you, and I wish that I had to tell you something that is not just a repetition of the bad news I sent you before but something that might give you some joy – but there isn't anything. We do our best to make life go on, working hard and overstretching our strength, but even with such a modest aim a lot of us don't succeed. The death toll is high, and the number of people who are seriously and permanently injured is even higher. Not everyone accepts it in good humour as Kakashi, who is still working as a nurse for Tsunade. Lee for example had a complicated fracture of the pelvis; it's healed by now, which is a miracle in itself, but it's not as it used to be and he can't run any longer, or do kicks. He's lucky that he's able to walk again, and I guess that being a ninja helped him with this, yet being a ninja was his life, and he cannot imagine another one.
I try to comfort him and encourage him as best as I can. I don't have any words of comfort or encouragement, however, for those whose loved ones are dead. I try, knowing it's my job to help them as well as I can, but I just can't. I feel angry and helpless when I see someone die who might have lived if Danzou had not sent him to a meaningless mission when he was not in a state for it. I hear how other people comfort the mourners, telling them that he died for the sake of Konoha and that he's a hero now, and how they should be proud and glad, and that no one has greater honour than those who gave their lives for their friends. I know that I should say something similar, but I just can't, not if the mission was ridiculous and unnecessary, not if it was clear from the start that the team in charge would not succeed.
I've talked about it to Iruka. He told me that this is what he has to teach the kids now, too, preparing them for situations where they might have to sacrifice themselves. He has received some new textbooks for history lessons, and a new subject, morality, has been introduced. It is mainly about learning to be loyal to Konoha and to the Hokage, to obey his orders and the orders of any other superior, and to be ready to give your life when necessary. The changes in the history books are more subtle but he could not help noticing that while before the stress was on the Hokage who sacrificed themselves for the benefit of the village it is now on ordinary citizens who died for the Leaf without expecting any honour or recognition.
He thinks it is because Danzou knows quite well that people will notice the difference between him and his predecessors if there are too many stories about how they sacrificed themselves. They will realize that the previous Hokage offered protection, and people looked up to them with gratitude, while Danzou demands that they give their life. Actually Iruka thinks that the presentation of Konoha's history is more accurate in the new books, but he resents the message that the kids should get themselves killed for the Hokage.
I have told Iruka that you are well and alive in some town far in the West, and not hidden away by Danzou in some secret place. He's glad of it, and he sends you his regards. He also sends his regards to Sasuke. He still remembers him well and wishes him all the best.
Sai and myself have continued our search for evidence that the Uchiha clan was murdered on orders of the Sandaime and his advisors, or evidence of the Uchiha clan plotting a coup d'etat, but so far most of what we've found is rather trivial. It's all like "I followed Uchiha Mikoto, she entered a hairdresser's where I could not follow her, and after I waited for an hour she returned." There is also information on Sasuke: "Uchiha Sasuke met with his brother Itachi, they went into the woods and practised throwing kunai. I could not hear what they were talking about. After some time they returned back to their home." It's boring, and it's nauseating to realize the amount of interest people take in other people's private lives. What we haven't found yet is anything substantial.
I've discussed it with my mother. She's safe, I think: I've begun to distrust everyone, but she's not even originally from Konoha, and she doesn't share the ideals of ninjas. Both she and my father have never approved of my choice of profession and were glad when I decided to become a med nin. I think they are worried that I might get myself killed as a regular ninja. They are worried now, too, but I tell them that Sai and myself are cautious and won't get caught.
Actually it's not just that they are concerned about my safety. They also don't think it's worth the risk. It's not that they like Danzou or that they don't care if he was responsible for the murder of an entire clan. It's that they fear that this information won't turn the public opinion against him. The Uchiha have never been popular, and they were even less so after the kyuubi's attack. No one had any issues with them being ghettoized, or protested that the restrictions were imposed on them on the basis of mere rumours, and everyone agreed that it was a good idea to have them under surveillance. There was a lot of resentment that they were still in charge of the military police, and they had lost almost all of their authority. Whenever someone got arrested people sided rather with him than with the police. No one was upset when they were murdered, much to my mother's surprise who even after ten years of living in Konoha had not understood the amount of suspicion against them. It was rather as if everyone had accepted the murder of the clan as the natural course of events. So she doesn't think that people will rise against Danzou when they learn that he is responsible for the massacre. She says that we will have to find something else.
I'm glad that you managed to persuade Sasuke to stay with you. I am a bit worried, though. I have done some research on the place you're staying at, and it seems that their rules of personal conduct are a bit lax, to say the least. Keep an eye on him, and don't forget your promise!
Love Sakura
