When Olivia walked in the front door after work, she was met by a whirl of energy. "Momma!" Lily cried, jumping into Olivia's arms. "Look what Mommy made me!" She held up the outfit that Alex had painstakingly sewn for her American Girl doll. "It's for Sara. It's her party dress."
"Wow. That's really good, honey." She raised an eyebrow in amusement. "You must have been really bored," she said to Alex, who had come up behind Lily.
Alex rolled her eyes. "Don't start." She held up her bandaged fingers. "I must have poked myself a hundred times with that damn needle. I'm not a housewife, Liv, so don't even –"
"Mommy!" Lily giggled. "You said a bad word! You owe me a dollar."
Alex chuckled. "My little entrepreneur."
"Hey, Alex, you only have yourself to blame for that one."
Olivia held out her arms and Alex leaned into her embrace, glad that Olivia understood her need for comfort and reassurance, to know that she wasn't alone and that she really was okay.
Alex rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. She hated how clingy she became after being by herself for most of the day, but at times like this, she needed Olivia, and Olivia seemed to know that instinctively. "I'm proud of you," Olivia said quietly, kissing the crown of her head.
"Because I sewed such a pretty dress?"
Olivia grinned. "You give yourself too much credit." Her tone became more serious. "No, because I know this week was very difficult for you, but you dealt with it admirably."
Alex wrapped her arms more tightly around Olivia. "I missed you," she whispered, turning her head away in shame.
Olivia gave her another kiss. "I missed you too."
Alex looked at the ground. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry? You were okay, Alex, and I really am proud of you."
"No, I –" Alex stopped. She let go of Olivia and turned to sit on the couch instead. "I'm an adult. I shouldn't need you so much," she said quietly, keeping her eyes on the ground.
Almost instantaneously, she felt warm arms enveloping her and the couch shift with Olivia's weight. Olivia held her close. "Alex, it's all right. You don't need to worry. If you need me, I'm here, and I will be here for you always. There's nothing wrong with that."
"But I used to be so independent. That's the woman you fell in love with."
"Sweetheart, I fell in love with you, for all of you. Independence isn't not needing anybody. Independence is being brave enough to ask when you do."
Alex sighed and gave up the fight. She relinquished herself, body and mind to Olivia's secure embrace and soothing words.
It was Saturday morning and Alex, Olivia, Lily, Lydia, and their dolls were on their way to the zoo. Lily and Lydia were singing The Wheels On The Bus for the hundredth time, even though Olivia had continually pointed out that they weren't on a bus.
When they arrived, Alex told Lily and Lydia that they had to leave their dolls in the car. "But Mommy," Lily protested, pouting, "Sara wants to see the elephants!"
Olivia came to the rescue. "Do you know what, Lily? I brought the camera. How about we take some pictures for Sara and Samantha?"
Lily considered. "May I please take the pictures?"
"You can take a couple. Ready to go now?"
Lily buckled Sara into her booster seat and slipped her hand into Olivia's. "Ready."
The four of them started toward the zoo entrance to pay for admission. Once they were inside, Lily wanted to see everything all at once.
"Momma, I want to go see the elephants – wait, no, what's that?"
"Those are polar bears, Lily."
"I want to go see the polar bears!"
Olivia turned to Lydia. "What do you want to go see, Lydia?"
"I want to go see the polar bears too, please," Lydia said shyly.
"Mommy, what are they?" Lily asked, pointing as they started toward the polar bears.
"They're giraffes, Lily."
"They're so tall!"
Suddenly, a sharp scent assaulted Olivia. Cigarette smoke – oh, no. Alex. The zoo was supposed to be a non-smoking environment.
Olivia glanced at Alex, who had clenched her hands into fists and was rocking slightly on her heels, breathing hard. She tried to assess the situation and whether they were going to need to leave, and how she would explain it to Lydia if they did. "Alex," she said quietly, "are you okay?"
Alex reached out and took Olivia's hand, squeezing it tightly to ground herself. "Zoo," she murmured to herself. "Giraffes. Lily, Lydia, blue, Central Park –"
"Alex?" Olivia had no idea what she was talking about.
Alex squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay."
"Mommy?" Lily said. "Mommy, what's wrong?"
Alex took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Her breathing slowly returned to normal and she unclenched her fists. She smiled weakly, focusing on Lily and taking her daughter's hand. "Nothing, sweetheart. Let's go see the polar bears."
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