Supernatural does not belong to me, although I wish it did. I am simply playing in Kripke's sandbox for a bit. All rights and ownership are the property of Kripke and the CW network. I am not making any money from this; it is for my own personal pleasure.
Synopsis: Set at the start of Season One, Dean had been in a wheelchair since his father disappeared more than a year ago and he finally has to tell Sam… There'd been an accident that night and Dean had paid a very high price….one he still doesn't understand. The story will have some hunts from season one and possibly into season two…the brothers will continue their search for their father…there will be alterations to the hunts to accommodate Dean's new situation. I have every intention of returning Dean to good health before this ends…but getting there is going to be bumpy.
Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so all grammatical errors are my own. Not Slash. Brotherly love and Angst only…
Please Review: So I know there's still interest
Previous Chapter:
Castiel watched as Dean ran and ran…he stopped twice to dry heave and then start running again. The rain was drenching the kid as he made his way around on his fifteenth lap. A flash of lightning in the distance had Castiel glancing in that direction for a moment. The pounding of Dean's feet through the puddles brought him back to the present.
He actually hated that he had to walk through these private memories, but the key to saving Dean was locked in here somewhere. And what he was learning about the young Winchester was nothing short of shocking and amazing. How Dean had turned out as well as he had was beyond the angel. Dean was capable of loving someone unconditionally, although he'd never been shown that in his entire life. Not even by Sam.
As Dean ran past him on the next lap he heard the rasp in the kids chest. He was getting sick doing what his father wanted. And Castiel couldn't help; this wasn't really happening…it had already happened in the past. The angel couldn't help but wonder how much of this Sam was even aware of…knowing Dean? None of it.
Another crack of thunder shot through the sky and caused Dean to look over at the dark clouds. The storm was just circling the valley and it wasn't done yet. Castiel watched as the kid picked up the impossible pace, the air now searing his lungs as he tried to breathe through the dropping temperatures.
John stepped out onto the field. He was watching as the boy ran around the track on his nineteenth lap, his feet splashing through the rain as he pushed his small body harder than he should. He never said a word of encouragement or praise, he simply watched as Dean stopped one more time to almost puke on the last lap.
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In retrospect, this was when it all started. The very moment that John no longer considered Dean worthy of his trust. But considering that he would still need to hunt, there was no other option than to leave Sam in Dean's care. John never left without shoving Dean's responsibility for Sam down his throat. It was a lesson that the kid needed to understand on a cellular level. Caring for his little brother had to be so ingrained in him that Dean couldn't let anything happen to the little boy without suffering soul crushing guilt.
It was potentially the only way to save both of his sons from the fate that they'd been born to.
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Chapter 51
Dreamscape Part 2
Castiel moved forward through Dean's memories. The next one that caught his attention was every bit as disturbing as the last two. Dean was twelve, by the looks of it and Sam was eight. They were staying in another flee-bitten motel and John was nowhere to be found. Bruises were just healing on the kids face and Sam looked worried every time Dean left his sight. Dean's right arm was wrapped protectively around his ribs and he looked thin. Far thinner than a growing boy had any right to.
"Dean?" Sam's voice was soft as he stepped up next to his brother. He didn't know what had happened on the last hunt, but Dean had come back beat up and spent two days in bed before he could haul himself back and forth to the bathroom without help. It never sat well with Sam that his brother came home all busted up and his father would never reveal what really happened on those hunts. Dean never said a word either.
Not that Sam really expected his soldier of a older brother to come clean about what the two of them were doing when they left Sam alone for hours on end. That only ever happened when Sam had some sort of school thing that kept him in the library or something. The days when Dean wasn't the one to pick him up after school were the worst. Sam had nothing to talk to their father about and he hated trying to come up with stuff. They had nothing in common and he knew it. Plus, it generally meant that something had happened to Dean…and that always worried the crap outta Sam.
"What Sam…" Dean's voice was resigned and tired. He looked at his little brother with interest when Sam didn't immediately answer.
Sam pulled at his hair; it was a habit from childhood and one that always made smile a bit. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Dean sighed. "Yeah…just sore. Ghost really took it out of me and dad."
Sam raised an eyebrow at that and muttered. "I bet."
"What?"
"Nothing. Just…why do you always come back beat up after hunting?" Sam's voice was small and worried and it made Dean feel bad for causing Sam anxiety.
"What? I don't." Dean shot back immediately. He finished walking to the kitchen and pulled out a glass. The water that ran from the facet smelled like a local pool. Dean turned it off without getting anything to drink.
"Yes you do." Sam said quickly. He reached out to touch his brother's arm and Dean moved away. It hurt all the way to his toes that his brother was avoiding him. What had he done to deserve that?
"No. I don't. Just drop it Sam." Dean limped back to the bedroom and lowered himself down onto the bed.
Castiel shook his head. He knew the truth; he'd seen what had happened to Dean on that hunt. John had used his son as bait. The ghost had gotten pissed when a salt like trapped him and Dean on one side and John on the other. He'd thrown the boy around in an effort to get John to break the line and allow him to escape. John had ignored the cries of his son and proceeded to dig into the foundation of the house and burn the corpse. But not before Dean had been beaten black and blue. John had then forced his injured son to help carry the weapons back to the car, which was parked more than a mile away.
It had taken Dean two trips to get the materials back into the trunk of the Impala. He'd been shaking with exhaustion by the time he placed the last shovel in the car.
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Castiel skimmed forward still searching for the memory that Dean was hiding. His next stop was when Dean was sixteen and Sam was twelve. A fight between John and Sam was raging in the small abandoned house they were currently living in.
"It's just a soccer game dad! I want to do things that normal kids do. Why can't you understand that?!" Sam's voice cracked through the night air. Dean was standing to the side, he wanted to get involved but he knew what the consequences would be.
"Because you have a greater responsibility than most kids! Sam, this is important training. You are going on the hunting trip and that's final!" John stormed through the house gathering supplies while Sam seethed in the corner. He glared at Dean accusingly when he didn't jump to Sam's defense. Dean knew that both his father and Sam had good points. But he found that like always he sided with his father. Dean wasn't sure if it was because he knew he'd get punished if he didn't…or if it was because he actually believed that their calling was more important.
After a moment Sam huffed and lurched to this feet before stepping out into the cool night. Dean was immediately following him. He didn't grab anything when Sam stormed past him, so Dean knew that his brother wasn't prepared for anything-long term.
They were right on the verge of a large forest and Dean didn't trust that there wasn't something bad living there. So he followed his little brother for about a quarter of a mile before he was forced into picking up his speed. Sam had started jogging.
Dean knew the exact moment he was busted. Sam's pace increased and he took off to the right…directly into the dark wooded area. The branches were immediately hiding his trail from Dean and he could feel his heart rate increasing the further they got from the road.
"Sam!" He called into the darkness.
The temperature was dropping as full night set in. Dean wasn't dressed to be out here and he knew for a fact that Sam wasn't either. It was only by chance that he had his pistol and a knife on him. "Sammy!" He cried again. The night seemed to swallow up his words. He ran until his sides ached and his head was pounding. His brother's trail was difficult to see, but Dean didn't dare go back to the cabin without finding Sam. His father would probably kill him for that. Plus, there was no way that Dean was gonna leave Sam alone out here. As far as he knew there wasn't anything worth hunting living in these parts. But he knew from experience that that was never certain.
It was one of those nights when the moon was completely absent and the trees stretched like boney fingers toward the trail. Dean stopped several times to try and orient himself. But he soon found himself lost and frustrated. The noises of the forest were pulling his senses in every direction at once. A breaking twig to his right, the crunch of leaves to his left, and directly in front of him…a shadow looming in the darkness.
Dean dropped to one knee simultaneously pulling his pistol out and aiming at the shadow without thinking. "What are you?" He called. Another branch broke as the shadowy figure moved closer to him.
"Dean? That you?" Sam's voice rang through the pitch black and suddenly Dean was scrambling to his feet and rushing forward.
"Yeah, Sammy…it's me." Dean wanted to either wrap Sam in a hug or punch him in the face for this little stunt. Either way, he was so glad to hear his brother's voice that he opted for the hug. "You okay?"
Sam shrugged into his brother's chest. "I'm fine, Dean." He pulled away quickly. "I just got turned around." Sam shivered and then ran his hands over his arms trying to promote better circulation. "It's cold out tonight."
Dean snorted. "Why don't you ever run away in the summer?" He ruffled his little brother's hair and then turned to see if he could find a way back out of this forest. He started to walk, but a grunt and a cry of pain from Sam had him spinning back around.
"Sam?" Dean rushed back and knelt next to where Sam was cradling his ankle. "What's wrong?"
"I tripped over a damn root or something." Sam groaned.
"How bad?" He found his hands reached for the injured ankle and gently prodding it for broken bones. Luckily this had been such a foundation of his training that Dean didn't even need to see the limb to check.
"It's not broken…but it feels pretty bad." Sam's tone was shifting, like he was trying not to cry.
"Can you walk?" Dean asked. It wasn't like they had a choice or anything. They had to get back to the house and there was no way that Dean was leaving Sam in the forest alone while he went to get their father. The idea of telling the man that Dean had let Sam get hurt scared the shit out of him. If he treated Dean badly now…how much worse would it get if he managed to fail his one mission…keep Sam safe? He shuddered to think…'oh so much worse'. He thought.
"Uh…I think so." Sam struggled to get to his feet and then found himself leaning heavily on Dean for support. "Can you help me some?"
Dean smiled slightly. He knew that Sam couldn't see the reaction to the question. "Yeah…I think I can handle that." Secretly he loved it when Sam still needed him…for anything.
They wandered for what felt like hours and never found their way back to the road. The wind was picking up and Sam was shivering like crazy. Dean had already pulled his over-shirt off and handed it to a very reluctant little brother. Now he was willing his own chilly skin to keep from warning his brother that he too was freezing his ass off. Colorado wasn't a good place to be without a coat in October.
A grove of trees offered some respite from the dropping temperatures and the rising winds. "Dean…I'm sorry." Sam's voice was small as he leaned against a tree.
Dean huffed. "Ah Sammy…don't apologize. It's fine." He walked over and pulled Sam into a hug. He was quick to release him so that Sam wouldn't notice the way his body was trembling from the cold.
"But…" Sam started and Dean pulled away, making sure he could see his little brother's face.
"No. Sam, it's okay. I get it. I just can't always take sides." Dean thinned his lips as he tried to think of the best way to explain 'why' he couldn't go against their father. But how could he tell his brother that their father pretty much hated everything about Dean? And that no matter what he did, it was never good enough…and sometimes it led to bad training sessions afterward. Dean wasn't willing to turn Sam against their father…not even for him.
"I know that, Dean. I just…dad's so rigid and I just wanna be a regular kid with a house and a dog." Okay, so it sounded strange even in his own ears and Sam wondered for a moment what it sounded like to Dean. He was pretty sure his older brother had never wanted those things. He lived for the hunt, just like their father.
Dean smiled. "I know you do, Sam. But we don't get to live in that world. I wish you could have those things too." He paused for a moment. "I would give anything for you to have that."
Sam shook his head. But it wasn't because he doubted his brother's statement. It was the complete opposite…he knew for a fact that if Dean could figure out how to give him everything he wanted then he would. "I know." A crack in the woods had both boys casting their gazes out at the darkness. "Should we get going?"
"I think we're better off waiting until we can see more than twelve inches in front of our faces." Dean was staring in the direction of the sound, his hand wrapped around the handle of the pistol. He was just stepping away from the tree when something crashed into the opening. Yellowed eyes were the only thing that Dean could make out as it slammed into him and Sam.
Sam went flying and Dean crumpled under the strength of the shoulder that hit him. "Sam!" He screamed as he went down. A roar drowned out his cry as the creature turned on his little brother. The gun had been thrown out of his hand and Dean was trying to find it in the dark.
"Dean!" Sam gasped out through clenched teeth. His leg was busted; he knew that before he'd moved more than a foot. He wasn't walking out of this place…not without help. And the beast was still moving in toward him. The mustard yellow eyes blinked and the whites of its enormous teeth glinted in the limited light of the stars. But nowhere could Sam see his brother's form…and that scared him.
A sudden 'pop pop' from a gun had Sam swinging his eyes away from the startled creature. It howled in rage and pain. Sam was scrambling backwards, his broken leg dragging at an awkward angle as he tried to find a tree to get his back against. Even through the haze of pain, he knew not to leave his flank exposed. His vision was washing in and out as he tried to get a hold of both his fear and the agony coursing through his body. "Dean!?" He called as the animal turned and started to hobble away.
Another pop made Sam's eyebrows cut down. A shuffling crunch was replaced by booted feet running into the clearing. John Winchester's angry eyes were visible in the night and that was saying something. He glared at his youngest son and then threw his gaze around the area for missing eldest.
Dean hauled himself to his feet. His head was killing him, the animal had tossed him into a rocky ravine and he'd had to haul himself back up. As he crested the small hill, the animal had been stalking toward Sam. Dean had finally found his pistol and he'd fired two rounds at the beast. Luckily, he'd been able to land one of the two and the animal stumbled before deciding maybe Sam wasn't a tasty morsel. And then his worst fear stomped into that clearing.
John Winchester and he was pissed. He'd taken one look at the busted leg of his youngest and then the beaten and bloodied head wound on his eldest and all he'd seen was red. It was Dean's job to protect Sam. It was the only job that John had ever really given the kid and he couldn't even get that right. The trip back to the road was silent…which never boded well for Dean.
The ground swam as Dean helped Sam to navigate the terrain and as the Impala came into view it was the first time that Dean wasn't sure if he glad to see the Impala or not. He helped Sam get settled in the back and then reached up to wipe the blood from his eyes.
"Get in Dean." It was the first thing that John had said to him since the woods.
"Yes sir." He climbed into the passenger seat and looked over his shoulder to see Sam clenching his eyelids shut in pain.
The hospital was nearly empty as they waited after Sam was taken back. A nurse had handed Dean an ice pack wrapped in a white towel. The smell of the place made him wish that he were anywhere else. Green eyes tracked around the empty waiting area and he sank further into the seat.
"You almost got your brother killed tonight." John said evenly.
Dean knew from past encounters that the soft-spoken version of his father was so much worse than the version that yelled and screamed. This side of his father had sent him out into the woods fro training in storms and had him running ten-mile runs. But to have him tell Dean that he'd almost 'killed' his little brother…that might be the worst thing that John had ever said to him. He looked at the floor and leaned forward as his eye-socket throbbed in pain.
"I was trying to pro—"
His father interrupted him before he could finish the thought. "Get up." Dean wasn't fast enough and his father was hauling him to his feet by the collar of his shirt.
Nausea swirled through his gut and Dean bit his lip to keep from throwing up on the pristine white floor of the waiting area. "Sorry sir."
"I don't want your excuses. Follow me." He started walking and Dean's gaze flickered in the direction Sam had been taken.
"But…"
"You questioning me boy?" Angry blue eyes flashed in his direction and Dean swallowed hard.
"No sir."
John's eyes narrowed. And Dean silenced any other protests although his head was still waiting for Sam. At least here, his brother was safe for the time being. As he followed his father's stalking form, he couldn't say the same for himself.
TBC…
Author's Note: John is sending Dean out for some 'training' it's during this that Castiel gets a true glimpse of Dean's past and the things he has kept hidden from Sam for more than a decade. Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed the last chapter especially, steelcandy, p4poonam, Sansree0891, babyreaper, reader, BranchSuper, gr8read, ncsupnatfan, and of course…LeeMarieJack.
Please Review: Please take the time to let me know what you thing about the new chapter.
