Arguing – Han and Leia
"GET IN HERE, LASERBRAIN!"
Han headed for the living room, gritting his teeth. "Laserbrain" meant he was in trouble. "Nerfherder" or "Flyboy" usually meant he'd only committed minor offenses, but "Laserbrain" meant he was in deep shit. What had he done? He'd had a pretty normal day with their baby son and he didn't think he'd left the toilet seat up – though he wasn't certain that he hadn't. Maybe he should head to the refresher to check, but Leia might see that as him admitting his guilt.
When he reached the living room, he found his wife standing in the corner, her arms folded, and Ben playing on his baby mat on the floor. "What's goin' on, sweetheart?" he asked, grinning at her and hoping he could make her melt with the Han Solo charm.
Unfortunately, she seemed to be in one of those moods where the Han Solo charm didn't work. She pointed down at Ben with an angry finger. "Han, what do you see down there?"
Han looked down at the baby, who was sitting contently on his playmat, wearing a green t-shirt and his diaper, lifting the different flaps in the mat to see the animals hiding under them. "I see our son playing." He looked back up at her, giving her the grin again, though it was probably more sheepish than charming. "What's wrong? Ben seems pretty happy."
Leia groaned, as if there was some obvious problem that Han wasn't seeing. "You really don't use your eyes at all, do you?"
"My eyes are seein' my beautiful princess," said Han. "And she's cute when she's angry."
Now Leia was grinding her teeth, her eyes flaring at him. "Did you look at Ben's diaper?"
"Whaddaya mean? I just changed it. Surely the kid didn't dirty it up again so soon."
Leia groaned again, kneading her fingers into her forehead. "His diaper is on backwards, idiot!"
Han glanced back down at the baby and sure enough, the cartoon animals that decorated the front of the diaper were now decorating Ben's butt, showing themselves off as he leaned forward. "Oh, is that all?"
"What do you mean 'is that all'?" Leia exclaimed.
"Just what I said. Why're you actin' like it's the end of the world if his diaper's on backwards?"
Leia ground her teeth at him. "Han, they make diapers go on a certain way for a reason. He'll be all uncomfortable if you don't put his diaper on right."
Han cocked his head as he looked back down at his son, who kept lifting the flaps and pushing them back down, then lifting them again, as if he always remained surprised at which animals were under which flaps. "I dunno," said Han, "the kid seems pretty content to me."
"Of course you'd say that," said Leia.
"And what's that s'posed to mean? I'm with him while you're at work, ya know! In fact, I dare say I know him better than you do!"
Leia glared lightsabers at him. "I'm his mother! He was inside me for nine months!"
"Well he ain't in you anymore."
Leia fumed as she scooped Ben up into her arms. "There there, it's all right, Mommy will put your diaper on right so you'll be nice and comfortable." She kissed Ben's cheek as he made a noise of protest, as if he didn't want to be taken away from the flaps.
"Hey c'mon," said Han. "He was in the middle of playin'!"
Leia paid him no heed as she carried Ben to his room, leaving Han alone with the playmat. Why did a backwards diaper get under her skin so badly, anyway? Maybe something was going on at work that was stressing her out and she was taking it out on him, or maybe the Force told her that Ben was more uncomfortable than he let on. Sometimes it was hard to tell things with her.
When Leia emerged with Ben in her arms – his diaper on correctly but his mouth pursed in a little pout – she still ignored her husband, instead talking to Ben in that little sing-song voice she used with him. "Yes, you're much more comfortable now, aren't you? Yes you are. Now you can play without the diaper running up your little bottom."
"Running up your little bottom?" Han echoed as Leia placed the baby back on the playmat. "Ain't that a little vulgar for him to be hearin'?"
Leia snorted. "Like you're one to talk about being vulgar."
"Okay, I walked into that one." Han eased himself down to the floor, sitting on the mat next to Ben, who had already taken an interest in lifting the flaps again. "Hey buddy," he said in his own sing-song voice, "you got rudely interrupted, didn't you? Yes you did, you did. You didn't care that the diaper was runnin' up your little bottom, as your mommy puts it, did you? No, you wanted to play with your mat."
Leia groaned, but Han took no notice.
