chapter 56
Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute that, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.
Thanks to BanSidhe [ruadh sidhe] and Feebes86 for betaing and pre-reading.
They left Charlie's place and headed for Paul's house.
"Leave your truck," he told Bella. "I will come back and pick it up later. Are the keys in it?"
"Yes."
It only took him one trip to load all her stuff into his truck; a slightly newer and less battered model than Bella's red beast.
He kept shaking his head as he packed. He was still doing it as Bella clambered into the passenger seat and he started to drive back to La Push. She looked so tiny, hunched down into her seat; huddled into herself.
He noticed. "Sorry, Bella. I'm not angry with you."
"Okay."
He glanced at her and gave her a small smile.
"Leah?" she asked.
"Not even her. Imprinting, I suppose and the situation in general."
"Okay."
"Leah can't help the way she is behaving; she's just not her."
Bella blinked quickly.
"Don't you cry again," Paul warned.
Her lip wobbled.
"I mean it!"
"What will you do if I cry? Throw me out of the car?"
"Atta girl," he said.
"What?"
"Get feisty."
"Oh… I was, too."
"See. You can do it."
"Maybe you are rubbing off on me," she suggested.
He did the double eyebrow raise at her.
She smiled, but it faded quickly.
"Baby steps," Paul told her. "I came back all raring to fix this and I think it might take some time to do. So I feel frustrated that it can't just all be right, right now. That's what I am upset about, as well."
"Oh, okay. Thanks for telling me that."
She stared out the window for the rest of the journey.
When they stopped she looked at his house. It was even more dilapidated than most of the other houses on the reservation. The grass was long and unkempt and there was an obvious bare patch where Paul clearly parked his truck. The house desperately needed a coat of paint. It showed signs of both its residents being away.
"It's not much," he said. They still hadn't got out of the truck.
"That's okay."
Seth bounded out the door of the house.
"What the fuck? He's here?" Paul asked. "He went home to have a sleep, not wait here for me."
Seth yanked open Bella's door. "I knew it," he crowed. "I knew he would go and get you."
"Jesus, Seth. Have you been here all night?" Paul asked.
"No. I heard your truck coming." He hauled Bella out of the cab and hugged her. "I'm so glad he went to get you and now we can start trying to fix this thing."
"Thank you, Seth for going to get him."
"Look, he's a dick, but you both like him. Fuck knows why."
"Watch it," Paul growled at him.
Seth ignored him and hugged Bella again. "What can I do? How can I help?"
Bella sniffed.
"Make her cry and I will punch you," Paul said.
"Sure, sure." Seth sniffed at her.
"Don't say it, Seth." Paul's lip lifted.
"Say what?" asked Bella. Then she realized it by herself. "Oh, he can tell we had sex."
"Ha! She said it. You can't punch me now."
Paul rolled his eyes.
"No, this is good," Bella argued.
"How?"
"Didn't you want to make Leah jealous? Seth can tell her about it."
"That's your plan?" Seth asked.
"Fuck off." Paul said. "We don't have much better right now. At least until we see what a mess Leah really is."
Seth frowned. "Jealousy… it'll work! Make it so!" he declared. "Let me help." He rushed around to the back of the truck, and then stopped suddenly. "Is this it?" he sounded outraged.
"Yep," said Paul.
"Crap, Bells. We couldn't go help you get your stuff because it would have looked like the pack was choosing sides, you know? But none of us had any idea she'd gone this crazy. We have to go over there right now and get the rest of your things."
"No."
"What?"
"No," Bella repeated. "If we leave them in the house, then she can't get away from them. My favorite books. My scent on everything. She can try to deny her wolf, but it's still there and she can't stop that. It'll be full of the reminders of what we used to have together and besides, that is all I took. I just wanted to get out of there."
"The bowl of stones," Paul said.
"Y-yes." Bella sniffed.
Paul hugged her.
"You have to punch yourself in the head now," Seth suggested.
"Go home, Seth."
"Yeesh. Do I have to? Mom's hormonal."
"She misses Charlie. They haven't seen each other for a while."
"Oooh, good point." Seth jigged in place. "Okay, I will go home and spread the good news. See ya, Bells."
He bounded off down the road.
"He makes me feel tired," Bella said.
Paul chuckled. "Yeah. Me, too. You can go back to bed if you want."
"You have some stuff to do."
"Visit Sam. Get his point of view."
"I can't believe they are on our side."
"That one surprised me, too." He hoisted her carton in one hand. "Come on."
She picked up her backpack and followed him into her new home.
"I didn't change the sheets, or clean or anything," he apologized. "I got back, showered and went straight to Forks. I hadn't planned to bring you back with me." That was a small lie - he had taken the truck to Forks for a reason.
"It doesn't worry me. I can't smell anything."
"Yeah, but I can."
"So throw them in the washer; we've got time."
"Okay."
"Put in some white vinegar. It helps to get rid of odors."
"I knew that," he said.
"You did?" She hadn't ever thought of Paul as knowing household hints.
"Leah told me you washed the sheets with vinegar after we had sex that first time." His face looked concerned as if he was sorry he had brought up the touchy subject of Leah.
"Oh, yes. I did." She looked at him. "We probably should have done it here, in your house."
"Yeah, I only thought of that later, myself."
"You're not perfect, Paul."
He gave a derisive snort.
She noticed the photos on the mantelpiece. She ran her fingertips slowly down the glass on the shot of her and Leah together.
Paul watched her carefully.
"We had something," she said.
"And we will, again."
"I need to talk to Sam, tell him I'm back."
"Fetch the red truck."
"Yeah."
"Get your job back."
"Yep."
"He offered it to Kirrin."
"My job? What the fuck?"
"He didn't take it - he doesn't do manual labor, Seth said."
"This guy is a first class fuckwit. Great way to repay Sam and Emily for offering him a place to stay."
"I know - but I was glad he didn't do your job. It seemed wrong."
"Cool. What are you going to do? Have you left Newtons?"
"I took some leave, but it was really sudden. I might need to crawl a little, but Mrs Newton likes me."
"Do that. You are not sitting around the house all day doing nothing."
"Pfft, listen to you."
"Watch it, girl." He kissed her quickly. "You sure you'll be okay?"
"Yes."
Sam seemed to have his phone turned off, so Paul rang Emily to find out where he was. Emily was so pleased to hear from him. "You're back?"
"Yep."
"Oh, thank goodness. I mean, Sam said he knew you and Seth were coming, but I didn't want to let myself believe it, until I heard from you."
"Emily, is she that bad?"
There was a pause. "Yes."
"Shit."
"She's almost unrecognizable."
"It's not your fault."
"I don't know what to do… and if Bella hadn't been trying so hard to get her back into my life… she wouldn't have been here for lunch and it would never have happened."
"Emily Uley. You listen to me," he chided her. "You are the best alpha's wife you could be. You have Sam on the right path now and you need to forgive yourself. It was an imprint. It wasn't your fault. Even Sam wasn't your fault. I was phased then and I know it damn near killed you both to reject him."
She took in a shaky breath. "Thank you, Paul."
"I helped make this clusterfuck and I am going to help fix it. Not that I have any idea how."
"Maybe we could do an intervention? If everyone got together… oh, I don't know."
"That's a good idea. But she'd need a really good reason to go. Sam can't order her and we couldn't ask the pack to kidnap her."
"Kirrin annoyed me before the imprint, but now…" Her voice dropped, "I feel like asking Sam to smother him in his sleep."
He chuckled. "Well don't, he'd do it for you."
"He would, too."
"Bella wanted to stab him."
She laughed. "How is she?"
"I've picked her up from Charlie's and she's staying with me."
"Is she all right?"
"She's stronger than she thinks she is."
"I'll go visit."
"Cool. Don't expect a cup of tea, there's no food in the house."
"Perfect. Nate loves outings. He and I can take Bella to the store."
"Thanks Emily."
He pulled up at the building site and he saw Sam's head lift. He dropped everything and ran over to hug Paul.
"Fuck me," said Paul. "I get it; he's horrible." He thumped Sam hard on the shoulder.
"Leah worries me, too."
"Gotcha."
"I was in a panic. Thought Seth would never find you."
"You panicking? Sam. You?"
"Fuck. I know. Jake asked me if I was doing the right thing." Sam looked distraught. "It's Leah, Paul."
"I know. I told Emily it wasn't your fault and I'll tell you the same."
Sam sighed. "Can you work?"
"I can start now if you need me. I just happened to bring my tools."
"I need you."
"Cool. Let me text Bella."
That night, Bella lay in bed on the freshly laundered sheets and watched Paul do what was clearly his normal bedtime routine. He was actually wearing a pair of boxers and nothing else; but even so. He had put clothes on for her. She had the sheet tucked up to her chin.
He glanced at her. "Stop it!"
"Stop, what?"
He crawled up onto the bed from the foot. He hovered over her with a look on his face she couldn't begin to describe. He almost looked annoyed. Was he annoyed with her?
"I'm sorry, I am in your house," she apologized.
He frowned.
"And you have to wear clothes and everything," she blustered.
"That's not it."
"Oh… okay." She waited. "So what is it?" she asked, when he hadn't continued.
"It's you."
"What did I do?" she asked in a tiny voice.
"It's you; Bella Swan."
"Me?" she squeaked.
She waited.
"No one else in the entire world looks at me the way that you do."
"Oh… okay." She shifted underneath him. "I don't think that is such a bad thing."
"No. I disagree. It's not okay."
"Why? I don't know what you mean."
"You, Bella, look at me as if I am your hero."
She waited for him to continue. She thought he might get to it if she stopped interrupting him.
"And I'm not your hero. No one else looks at me like that and it makes me feel…" He searched for a word. "… squiffy," he finished.
"Squiffy?"
"You know, where you get all tied up inside and it doesn't feel right. Your gut feels weird."
"Oh, I know how that feels. That's how I get when I get anxious about stuff."
"Right."
He still hung above her, unmoving.
"But-" she started to say.
"No," he said.
She frowned at him and then spoke quickly; running the words all together so she could get them out before he stopped her. "But-you-are-my-hero."
He sighed. As if by her managing to say it, it couldn't be taken back.
"I'm not," he argued.
"You are," she insisted.
He huffed out an annoyed breath.
"I am ordinary," she said. "Human, breakable and normal."
"Very breakable," he added.
"Not with you," she countered.
"But I could break you. With one hand."
"But you don't! And that's it. Don't you see? You guys are protectors. You are all so strong and so powerful and so fast and you make me feel even more weak and human than I normally do. You and all the other pack members. You kill vampires. You are all like my very own superheros. My X-men or whatever."
He was just looking at her.
"With fur," she added as an afterthought.
"Some of the X-men had fur."
"I didn't know that."
"And see! There's the problem! Right there. You make me want to be a better person."
"What's wrong with that?"
"It's not me."
"Well, clearly it is," she argued. "Because you recognize it and it matters to you. If you didn't care anymore, then you wouldn't give a fuck about it. That's how you would say it," she added quickly, before he teased her about swearing.
He teased her anyway. "Did you just swear?"
"It's you; you're a bad influence on me," she sulked.
There was silence; each thinking.
"I fucked it up with Leah," Paul said.
"I know, but you came back all this way and you are trying to fix it. And we all fucked it up. I pushed her into a relationship that she was very clear to say that she didn't want. But she did it for me. Imagine how that makes me feel."
"I just treated her like a wolf. I thought sex would fix it. And I just kept making it worse."
"Sex fixed it temporarily; like a band-aid. But you asked her what she wanted, didn't you?"
"Yeah and she'd say 'hard'; she wouldn't let me be soft with her."
"So she messed up, too. And she can't be herself if she hates her wolf."
"I know that, but I didn't try hard enough to help her, I just took her at her word and ramped it right up. The alley sex? I should have kissed her in the damn grocery store and left it at that. In front of fucking Gemma. Not fucked her so hard in a stinking alley that I even freaked out Quil."
Bella blinked.
"It wasn't that bad," he argued quickly.
"Did she stop you?"
"No."
"Did you know if you'd hurt her?"
"Physically? Of course. I fully intended to be a foot away from her at the first pain spike."
"So what else could you have done?"
"I dunno. She gave me such mixed signals."
"She's not whole."
"Yeah. I suppose. Some days her wolf gets the upper hand."
"Like with you."
"Yeah."
"You haven't seen her since you came back."
"I'm not sure I can. My wolf will claw out my insides if I get close to her."
"Oh, Paul. He misses her, too."
"Yeah." He studied her face.
She stared back at him. "Are you coming to bed? Or are you going to plank there all night?"
"I could, you know."
"I know. But where's the fun in that?"
He laughed. "Aah, Bella. I did miss you."
